Sweet Nothings (26 page)

“Will you lie down with me, Nick?” Exhausted eyes steadily watched him. “Just to talk,” she added. “And maybe… to hold me.”

Oh God, yes. That was all he had to offer anyway, and he was more than glad to give it. He had his work boots off in record time and was slipping between the sheets before she could change her mind.

Once comfortable, he wrapped her in his arms and held on. He breathed in her scent, noting the same peach smell he’d picked up on when he’d seen her the day before. It matched the mixture of pinks and oranges in her hair.

Joanie lay there in the growing darkness for several minutes, both of them listening to nothing but the other breathe, before she shifted to look at him. Her face was a mix of sadness and something else he couldn’t quite name. But when she spoke, he recognized it for what it was.

“Did I tell you GiGi begged me to bring her home? She didn’t want to die there.”

It was guilt. He ached for her.

“I failed her, Nick. I failed and she died hating me.”

“Shhh,” he soothed. He stroked his palm over her silky hair. “She did not hate you, baby. No way anyone has ever hated you.”

“My mom hated me.” The words pierced him.

“No,” he said. He made sure she was looking at him when he spoke. “Your mother had other issues. I’ve no idea what they were. Who knows if anyone does, but her leaving had nothing to do with you.”

“How could you know that? You weren’t even here.”

He didn’t. But there was no way the selfish woman’s actions were because of a teenage Joanie. “Because you’re what makes people want to get up in the morning, babe. Someone like that could never be the cause of another person leaving.”

Did she realize what he’d just admitted? She was his world.

He was in trouble.

“But I did let GiGi down.” She pulled her chin from his hand and focused on his chest. “She wanted to come home. She wanted to never go there in the first place.”

That one stung. But he had one, too. He found he wanted to share it with her. Not only because it might make her feel better, but he had the thought that telling her just might make him feel better, too. He hadn’t shared it with anybody.

“We all make mistakes, sweetness. You put her in a place where she could get the care she needed. You were working hard to sell the house you love just so you could provide for her.”

“I never said I love the house.”

“But you do.” He put a finger over her mouth when she started to argue. “I see it every time you walk in the front door. It’s your home, baby. It’s where your memories are. Your hopes and dreams that once got crushed… they’re still in that house, waiting for you. You were doing all of this for GiGi because you wanted to give her as much as you could, even though selling the house was going to hurt.”

“I could have brought her home and moved in with her when she first asked me.”

He took a deep breath. “Or you could have walked out when you turned eighteen and did everything you could to forget about her.”

Gray eyes peeked up at him. “Is that what you did? Did you leave home at eighteen?”

He nodded. “And I didn’t go back until after she died.”

“You hadn’t seen her in fourteen years?”

He shook his head. He hadn’t meant for this to become about him, but if it helped her to see she could have done so much worse, he’d gladly share it. “I was so lonely with her—no siblings, no other family, feeling like the only reason for my existence was to take care of her. So I left. I was determined to find more.”

Her eyes questioned him as to whether he’d found that “more” he was looking for and he gave a quick negative shake. He’d found guilt, several relationships that went nowhere. But he hadn’t found more. Unless he could convince Joanie she was his more.

“I did check in on her a few times a year. I called her occasionally. Called the neighbors to see if she was causing them trouble, mostly.”

The words paused, but he knew he had to go on. Joanie was watching him, her own grief forgotten for the moment.

“She had my number in her phone. Five days after she died, the landlord found her and called me.”

Joanie sucked in a breath. “No one knew until then?”

He shook his head. “I’d been so desperate to not be like her. To get away from her and find whatever I thought was missing from my life. In the end I’d put her in a position where she lay dead, alone for days, before she was found.”

“Nick.” Joanie pressed a cool hand to his cheek. “I’m so sorry.” She wrapped both arms tight around him and held on, burying her face in his neck. “We’re a couple of really terrific kids, aren’t we? What a pair.”

Yeah, what a pair. And he could see himself with her forever.

Damn
.

If only she wanted him the same way.

He pushed the thought from his mind. He wanted her, yes. But he was not going to beg. He would, however, be pathetic and take whatever she offered for as long as she offered it. Then he would deal with what came next.

When she started to lean back, he cupped her head and kept her against his neck. He liked the feel of her breath against his skin.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Nick.” Joanie escaped his hold and propped herself up to peer down at him. He was glad to see that her eyes were dry. “You were trying to protect yourself from the pain of growing up with her. Lee Ann told me all about it when you first came to town. Your childhood
stunk
. You couldn’t help what it did to you. She should have done better. Should have taken care of
you
instead of the other way around. She should have made sure you didn’t feel so alone all those years.”

He shook his head. He needed to get this conversation off of him, but turning it back around on her wasn’t a good plan either.

“That’s why I brought you Bob,” he said. Middle ground. Talk about the cat.

Confusion crossed her face. “Why?”

He rubbed a thumb over her check and admitted that it was one hundred percent love he felt for her. If she would have him, he’d spend the rest of his life showing her how much.

“I didn’t want you to feel as alone as I once did,” he answered. “Cat showed up in my life and it lit something in me. He might wander off occasionally, but he always comes back. He comes back for me.” He chuckled. “Maybe it’s just because I’ll feed him, but it feels like more. I wanted you to have that, too. I wanted to make sure you were never alone.”

Her solemn expression twisted his gut and he had to wonder if he’d just admitted too much. Was she not ready to face facts and see she was just as lonely as him?

After what seemed an eternity, she finally nodded and gave him a tiny smile. “He’s already done that.”

Joanie woke sometime after midnight and stretched, her body coming into contact with Nick’s. She opened her eyes and looked around. She didn’t remember going to the house. And she never stayed all night.

But it wasn’t GiGi’s house she was at tonight. Then she remembered everything that had happened that afternoon. The way she’d fallen apart
over a woman she would have recently sworn she didn’t even love. The way Nick had come to her rescue and had hustled her home

He’d been the kind of rock she often wished she had in her life. The kind she could consistently rely upon.

She rolled to her side in the iron-railed, full-size bed she’d grown up in and watched him as he slept. He looked so peaceful with his too-long hair swooped down over one eye. And sexy. And so incredibly sweet.

He moaned and shifted an arm, flinging it above his head, and she wanted to snuggle in close and bury her face into his warm skin.

She wanted to be by his side every night.

The thought terrified her, causing her to catch her breath. But then she peered closer and wondered if she could see herself by his side forever.

She rolled to her back and stared up at the dark ceiling, wishing she were different. But she couldn’t fight the hand that fate had dealt.

Could she?

She reached across Nick to get the glass she saw there, hoping it contained water, and knowing Nick, she assumed it did. He always thought of everything. She brushed his chest with her forearm when she set the glass back down, and his eyelashes flickered in the darkened room. Leaning over him, she stared down, realizing that it really was more than lust that she felt. He meant something to her. A lot.

When she’d been able to think of nothing but how bad her pain was over the loss of her grandmother, this man had shared a part of himself that she’d known had hurt him to voice. She wanted to share something in return.

Slipping a leg over his torso, she rose up, silent, pulling off her shirt as she did. Next was her bra. She tossed it over her shoulder and watched his gaze come out of slumber and focus on her. She met his hands half way, cupping them and guiding him to her. Then she closed her eyes in pleasure as he slowly explored her.

It wasn’t as if he hadn’t touched her before. But those times had been more about fun. They’d usually come together with the lights on, sometimes seeing who could one-up the other. But tonight wasn’t about who
had more tricks up their sleeve. It was about her making sure he understood she felt more than she would ever admit out loud.

She leaned down and put her mouth to his and kissed him as if she needed his touch to breathe. Tonight she had the thought she just might.

“Jo?” He asked when she pulled away, clearly sensing a change in her.

She held his face in her hands, hoping he could understand what she couldn’t say. “Make love to me, Nick,” she whispered. “Show me.”

She wanted his hands on her body. She wanted to forget she’d sent her grandmother to a lonely death, and she wanted to never have known that her mother and grandfather had left her.

It would be so nice to not be scared for once. To be free to love Nick.

Yet the thought froze her cold.

Nick rose up, wrapping his arms around her and gently rolling them both until he was on top. Then he took off his clothes and peeled off her panties, and touched her deeper than she’d ever been touched in her life.

When they finished, she cried for the second time that day.

Sunlight hit Joanie when she rolled over, and she shoved the pillow over her face. It felt as if she’d stayed up way too late and drank way too much. She paused. Or maybe it felt as if she’d had really good sex in the middle of the night. With a really hot guy.

Yeah. She stretched, wearing a smile. That was it.

She was purposefully ignoring the puffy feeling around her eyes and the fact that it reminded her of all the crying she’d done, as well. She would focus on the sex. If she wanted to be honest, she’d focus on the lovemaking. Because that was definitely what had happened in her room the night before.

Nick had been so gentle and loving, worshipping her in a way she had never felt before, and as soon as they’d finished, she’d wanted to beg him to do it again. She’d been terrified it would be the only time in her life she would feel that special to another human being.

She became aware of a warm sensation settling against her side and opened her eyes, expecting to find Nick. Instead, it was a little black ball of fur. Bob was curled next to her and her heart fluttered at the sight. She loved that he seemed to like sleeping beside her. But how had he gotten there?

Her sense of smell was the next thing to come to life and she discovered there was a giant insulated mug of coffee sitting where she’d found the glass of water the night before. She reached for it, being careful not to disturb Bob, and almost ran him off with her moan. She wasn’t sure where Nick had picked up the coffee, but she was certain it was the best thing she’d ever tasted.

When Bob wiggled around at her side, she took the opportunity to roll over to face him. That way she could drink without risking pouring it all over herself, while at the same time looking a bit more presentable if Nick was still in the house. She hoped he was.

The silence implied that might not be the case, though, so she focused on pouring life back into her veins and petting the soft fur on the bed in front of her. He really was a good cat. She’d hate to take him away from Caterpillar at this point since the two of them seemed to have bonded, but she found she was growing fond of the idea of keeping him around.