Sweet Karoline (23 page)

Chapter
22

My hallway leads along the kitchen to a wing at the side of the house where my suite takes up most of the space. That night, the little courtyard outside my windows is black, hidden from the moon and stars by a wall on one side and a fence on the other.

I
flick on the light, check the sliding glass doors, and pull the heavy drapes across the windows. On the other side of the bed I check the locks on all the windows and the door.

In
the yard I can see the fierce tree line. Every bump in the bark looks like a totem face. Every branch is a skeletal arm pointing my way, pencil thin against the vast black sky. There is no light, no moon or stars this night. I cover everything with the curtains.

I
check the bathroom. It's empty. I gaze inside the closet, with its sliding door into a hidden shelving unit. I am reassured that no one is concealed in the blank recess, although they'd have to be very tiny to be able to do so. I wonder what on earth they used it for. To hide bottles of scotch?

Under
the duvet, I shiver for a long while, both from the cool of the sheets and the depths of my imagination. I wish for that first night again, before the house crept into me. When I felt safe and warm in this lovely bed. When I didn't know this place—or had forgotten its menace.

The
wind has returned with unusual fury, blowing in a cold that feels damp and distressed. I listen to it rattle at the frames, tug on the shingles, skirt around the fence. I haven't paid any attention to the weather, only subliminally aware that the day was hot and humid. Now I wonder about tornadoes. Do they have a lot of those here? Is this like mid-west US, with its tantrum-prone climate?

I
toss, turn, wiggle, and punch the pillow into submissiveness. I read the book that Miriam has lent me. I stare at the line of the curtain where the night peers in at me. At last I am on the edge of sleep when I hear the noise. It's at the end of my hallway, past the long country kitchen, past the stiff parlor with its biblical secrets. That same door yawns out into the cool dark night, gateway for hellish things to come in after us.

Ice
Queen Anne calls me a fool and forces me to put my toes on the drafty floor. The wind has pushed the door open again, idiot, she says. The damn retard probably left it ajar. Don't call him that, I say, but I shove my feet into slippers. Once again, my little flashlight illuminates the long hallway a foot or two in front of me.

The
air shoves its way down the corridor seeking more space. Tinged with rain, it dampens my face with wet fingers. I am astonished at its strength and have to push myself forward. I hope two things: that Rolly is still wrapped safely in Dembi's arms and that this is not a tornado. With my shoulder against the wood, I am able to brace my legs and push the door shut. The big lock slides into place and it's quiet in the hall once again. I tiptoe across the wet floor. Flashlight helps me find the pantry. All I can hear now is the swish of the mop head on the linoleum as I force it to slurp water.

A
slight dizziness floods through my eyes. He is there behind me, his breath foul and hot on my neck. His hands are huge as they encircle my waist.

"
Come here, cutie-pie, and sit on yer old Uncle's lap." His voice is grizzly, loud in my ear.

I
straighten up, whirl around with the mop as a weapon, but there is no one here. Only the wind as it searches each room. Seeps back outside under the doorways with a moan or a whistle.

Trembling
from inside to out, I replace the mop. Quietly I slide up the hallway toward the back of the house. Past the pantry and the parlor, along the other wing, up to Miriam's door. It slides open without a whisper of sound. Perhaps she is nervous too, for Miriam is asleep with a small bedside lamp still on. It casts a soft light over her milk chocolate skin, her long lashes closed gently against her cheeks. One arm is tucked under her head. The other is flung out beside her as though she clutches an invisible lover. I want to wake her, climb in beside her, but I don't. She doesn't deserve to be dragged into my nightmare.

Across
the hall is Memé's room. I haven't been inside since I hissed my vitriol in her ear. If she sees me, will she scream? Or are her nighttime drugs enough to keep her silent? Once the door is open I am suddenly aware of an odd sound emanating from the room. I slowly advance toward her, holding my breath. My heart flutters. Memé thrashes on the bed.

When
I am beside her, I realize that the oxygen tent has been pulled away. It no longer covers her shoulders nor her head. In fact, the apparatus, with its normally vociferous tubes and machine, is silent. I am unsure how to fix it, but I quickly follow the lines, discover the on switch, and have everything going in a few seconds. The struggle occurs when I try to reassemble the tent over her. She gags for air. Her body twists with the effort of trying to breathe. Once it's in place, Memé gulps and gasps until the oxygen fills her lungs once more.

I
sit on the edge of the bed. Hold her thin cold hand as she settles. It might have been kinder to let her go, Ice Queen Anne says, but I'm not sure if she's being sarcastic or serious. At that moment, Memé's eyes open and she stares at me.

I
am terrified that she will scream again. That her horror will spill over once more when she sees the one she calls Diable. The child Memé gave away after raising her for four years. How much hatred must such an act contain?

She
doesn't scream, though. She blinks at me. Somehow she knows that I just saved her. I can see the gratitude from inside her as her breath slowly becomes steady. I begin to rise, but Memé clutches my hand. Shakes her head very slightly. Don't go.

I
stand anyway, but signal that I am going to the other side of the bed that's clear of the accouterments of dying. Some instinct leads me to lie down beside her. I draw up a spare blanket and cuddle along her emaciated body. Feel my warmth flow to her ice-cold skin.

Memé
sighs, a long shudder. The expelling of air sounds like relief. Feels like acceptance. Her hand flaps in the air, seeking me, so I wrap myself around her.

Her
lips move and my name whistles from her mouth. The withered brown teeth allow her tongue to lash her chin.

"
Anne," she says, the word drawn from some tortured area of her mind. Not Diable, not the devil, this Anne is different.

"
I'm so sorry," I whisper. "I shouldn't have been nasty to you. I hated you for giving me away."

A
single tear drifts down her sunken cheek. "Baby." She draws out the word, an endearment, and pats my hand.

I
remember Miriam and Dee's descriptions of Memé. A woman destined to always be a little girl, innocent and sunny. A beautiful simplicity taken and used. They twisted her innate search for love into selfish grunts of physical pleasure. When superstition, cruelty and fear drove her inside herself, how could I blame her for sending me away? Maybe she thought her sister would be kind and loving. Perhaps, in her own way or in the beginning, Vera did have the best intentions. Perhaps my own little fearful self pushed her away instead of the reverse.

I
squirm a little closer. Listen to the rhythm of my mother's breath. Wonder how the oxygen turned off. Imagine Memé's terror as the life-saving tent became a death trap.

I
think of the brief memories that have floated up in the last day or two. The man, my 'old Uncle'. Was I about to take my mother's path when Memé lifted me out of danger? Had she sent Miriam away for the same reason? We were baby girls. Perhaps Dembi was safe because of his gender. Maybe the question is why she waited so long to give me away.

Suddenly
I feel a shudder worm its way through my body. It's a frisson of understanding. I consider how earthquakes change the landscape. How Los Angeles could, at any moment, become sea where land and concrete stood before. I listen to my mother's sighs, the puff of her breath as she exhales, and I am transformed.

Her
thin cool fingers are soft on mine. A rush of memory soars through my body as I recognize this hand. Reach for it in laughter or tears. Feel its strong comfort on my cheek. I see my mother's face, her eyes guileless and joyful, grinning down at me. She laughs as we play. Whirls me around until I am dizzy.

Mama,
I say, and she picks me up in her arms.

Mama,
I cry, wet and confused with fever, and her hand cools my forehead.

Mama,
I'm afraid, and her arms encircle me with safety.

I
open a gift of warmth and surprise and Ice Queen melts. My mother loved me. She loves me. I was, I am, lovable.

I
fall into a deep, reassured sleep, exhausted by the storm of emotions, curled at my mother's side.

First
I hear the drumming then I feel a heavy hand on my shoulder. I twitch and raise my head too rapidly for my eyes to catch up. The figure dances across my vision. Her face is round, her eyes soft. A slight smile on her thick lips.

"
Dee," I finally manage.

I
am sweaty and crunchy. My bones creak as I untangle myself from Memé's side. My mother continues to breathe in sleep, her eyes shut in the dimness of the room.

I
recognize the drumming at last. Rain pounds on the roof, shatters against the windows. Thunder booms above the rafters. Once in a while a flash lights up the grey air.

Melody
helps me sit up. I swing my legs to awaken them.

"
What are you doing in here?" Curiosity tinges her question.

"
The oxygen shut down last night. I heard Memé thrashing around. I reattached everything and then…I just stayed."

The
woman thunders to the other side of the bed. "That's impossible." She fiddles with some of the gadgets, rearranges unnecessarily.

"
Well obviously it's not impossible," I say, more than a little irritated.

I
feel as though I have slept for a week. Or been on a huge bender. If I didn't know better I'd think I was still drunk.

Unsteadily
I walk over to Dee's side. She fusses with Memé's blanket. That's when I notice that Memé has opened her eyes.

"
Good morning," the caregiver says cheerfully to her patient. "I hear you had an adventure last night. I'll call the home oxygen company and find out what on earth could have caused a shut down."

Memé
looks up and gives a crooked smile that makes her face look twisted. But her eyes are lit up.

"
She's so much better," Dee says to me. "I can't believe it's the same woman."

I
sit down beside Memé and give her a brief hug.

"
Anne," she sighs.

"
You are amazing, Dee. You've made such a difference in Memé in only a week. You don't know what a gift you've given me. I don't care how long or short it lasts. I just…thank you."

As
I stand, Dee wraps me in a bear hug. "I'm very happy for you. I think this reconciliation has done her more good than I have. Now, out you get while I change Memé and get her freshened up for some breakfast. Miriam and Dembi are in the kitchen."

Their
twin heads look up at me as I stumble to a chair. They both grin and Miriam hands me a coffee. I feel a stream of love in my chest, nourishing me. I smile back.

"
Triplet Anne is up early," Dembi comments.

Miriam
and I laugh.

"
I am up early. Memé's oxygen shut down last night. Fortunately I couldn't sleep, so I heard her."

Once
again, Miriam takes the responsibility. "Oh, shit, I didn't even hear her! We need an alarm or something."

"
You swore, Miriam," Dembi says.

"
An alarm is a good idea," I say.

"
You swore, Miriam. Say sorry."

"
Sorry," Miriam responds, distracted and worried.

"
Dee is going to investigate with the home oxygen company and find out how the machines could have shut down. She's less than impressed." I sip the hot, rich coffee.

"
How was Memé with…?"

I
know what she means and this time, tears that fill my eyes unprompted accompany my smile.

"
I think she knew I saved her. I slept beside her all night."

Miriam
immediately connects. She is instantly a part of the longing, the answer to a primal question. I realize that of course she has been through this, too. Her reunion was, presumably, not quite the rocky path that mine has been, but no less difficult. Her hand on my arm transmits joy, understanding and excitement.

"
I remember some things, too," I tell her, placing my hand on hers. "I still haven't worked out everything, but Dee told me a lot. Maybe visiting Mary Lou West unlocked some stuff."