Sweet Jayne (14 page)

Now, I inhale him.

Call it sick.

Call it dirty.

But to me, he smells like comfort.

His fingers brush through my hair as he holds me tight, and I let out a small sigh of contentment. I’m going to miss him when I go to LA. My bottom lip quivers and I bite down on it to keep from crying.

“Thank you for always trying, D,” I choke out.

Those same fingers brushing my hair grip it, and he tilts my head back. His steely grey-blue eyes find mine and he frowns. “Baby, why are you so upset?”

I try to look away but he won’t let me. When Donovan has me on his radar, he sees nothing else. Ever.

“I’m going to miss you,” I half sob, half laugh.

He leans forward and presses a soft kiss to my forehead. “I’m going to miss you, too. So fucking much.”

I’m once again pulled into his warm embrace. Our relationship is weird, I know. Everyone in town questions it. I’ve heard their hushed whispers.

“He’s practically twice her age, the pervert.”

“The pedophile.”

“How can he have eyes for his stepdaughter?”

“What a sick family.”

They can all go fuck off because it isn’t like that.

Donovan is my friend.

I trust him implicitly.

“I want you home for fall break,” he says with an authoritative growl that has me giggling.

“And if I’m not?” I taunt as I pull away.

Despite our friendly banter, neither of us is ready for me to go to college.

His eyes caress the naked flesh of my exposed breasts before his lip quirks up into a smug grin that sends shivers running through me. “Then I’ll have to put you over my knee and give you a good bare-assed spanking for disobeying.”

Words like these…jokes threaded with truth, are the foundation of our friendship.

One of these days, I wonder if he’ll actually make good on his threats.

“Then I better be a good girl,” I tell him with a wink before bouncing back over to my purse. “See you at dinner.”

Our eyes meet once more before I exit his office. Despite our moment of humor, his are haunted and sad. Mine are an exact reflection.

And then I leave.

The ache in my heart is painful. I’d cry if it weren’t for bitchy Darcy eyeballing me as I hurry away. Once I make it into the foyer of the building though, I release the dam and with it a flood of tears.

I don’t want to leave him.

“Why are you crying?” Logan taunts, jerking me from my memories. “I thought you wanted this.”

I hate dragging myself from Donovan’s warm memories and back into the hellish reality that is my life with Logan. With hesitation, I blink my eyes open and try to take stock of my injuries. Everything hurts. My throat especially but also my scalp and my ass. Streaks of fire burn along my spine and I know he’s either cut me or whipped me—it’s too early to tell.

“I love watching you bleed, doll.”
Well, that answers my question
. “So fucking beautiful.” His voice is almost loving and I latch on to it. Staying with Donovan inside my head won’t help the situation. As much as I’d prefer to be in his office hugging him, I know I have my present hell deal with.

Logan.

“I’m so weak,” I whisper. And I am. But I mostly want to draw out his affectionate side. The one that I can pull answers from.

He chuckles, as if I’m cute, and sets to removing the anal hook. Once he’s freed me from the metal and untied the chain from my hair, he begins unlocking the padlock. As soon as he lifts the heavy wood that held me in place, I bite back a sob of relief.

So many times I died a little on the guillotine.

So many times I lost a piece of my soul.

But not this time.

This time, I feel stronger.

Satisfied even.

This time I made it through in one piece.

Focus on the end game, Nadia Jayne.

I
harden my heart and smile sweetly at Logan as he helps me stand on shaky feet.

I
have
to do this.

L
ast night, I didn’t sleep a fucking wink. I lay on my back and stared at the dark ceiling. For hours. My thoughts were on one person.

Her
.

And as much as I craved to find the hate inside and hold on to it, my mind kept replaying our kiss over and over again. Her soft, wet lips. The way she confided in me about Logan hurting her.

All night I tried to summon the anger.

But I couldn’t.

She’s a heavy drug I want to shove into my vein.
Even though I’ll hate myself later for succumbing to using.
To feel the intoxicating bliss as it infiltrates every nerve ending in my entire system. It’s darkness feeding darkness—and she’s oh-so fucking dark. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever know light again. But right now, I’m overwhelmed with the need to conquer her. I wouldn’t hurt her though—not the way Logan does. When I hurt her¸ she’ll beg me for it. The bruises will be nothing more than love bites—evidence of my desire for her.

My dick rises, lifting the sheet with it, and I grunt in frustration. Whacking off will do nothing to satisfy my craving for her. I’m eager to get to their house and start this job just so I can see her again.

Has she really fucking pickled my brain like she does to all the other men who fall into her web?

Fuck her and then fuck with her life.

A growl rumbles through me as I slide out of bed in search of something to wear. Once I locate the pair of jeans I’d discarded on the way to bed last night, I slide them on and then make my way into my office. I flip on a light and sink down into my desk chair. Her file sits open on my desk. Plucking her picture from the paperclip, I stare at her pretty features. The woman was blessed in the looks department. Her brown eyes are mischievous, almost as if she’s got a secret hiding behind them. The smile on her face is broad and infectious. If I hadn’t spent so many years hating her, I’d almost smile back.

But I don’t.

I need to focus and stop letting my dick have a say in any of this.

Yes, she’ll be a great fucking lay.

But she still needs to pay for letting my sister’s kidnapper slip through the cracks.

I want to imagine a scenario where her full lips drop into a pouty frown once she realizes she’s been literally fucked. When her perfect world crumbles around her. It will be a beautiful vindication, and only then can I move the fuck on with my life. I’ll never stop searching for Kasey, but at least I can stop obsessing over Nadia.

My mind flits back to last night.

The bruises and scabs.

Anger rises in my chest causing my fists to involuntarily clench in response. I’m thoroughly confused about how I can go from hating her in one breath, to hating Logan on her behalf in the next. It doesn’t make sense to me, this urge to protect her from him. I know I’m a selfish bastard, but this is more than that. Down in my bones, a part of her seems to have linked itself to me. She, in some ways, almost reminds me of Kasey. Talk about fucked up. No matter how hard I want to claw her from my soul, she imbeds herself there.

And as a form of cruel punishment to myself, I like her there.

I like the warmth she brings that bubbles just below the surface, such a dim light flickering in my darkness.

What are you doing to my head, Nadia Jayne?

“Morning,” Logan grunts in greeting and waves me inside his fucking lavish estate.

I shoulder past him, toolbox in hand, and make my way over to the biggest hole in the wall. “You going to the station?” I question and eye up his uniform. It’s Saturday and he doesn’t normally work weekends.

“Yeah, I have some shit to deal with,” he grumbles insolently. “I shouldn’t be gone long.” The warning in his voice is loud and clear.

“Do you have coffee brewing?” I set the toolbox down and saunter into the kitchen. I’d hoped to see Nadia standing there in a rumpled nightgown with mussed hair and sleepy eyes, fresh out of bed. Instead, I find nothing but a vacant kitchen filled with the aroma of coffee.

Logan follows me and locates a mug for me. I pour a cup and take my time stirring it up.

“Your woman still sleeping? I doubt she’ll sleep through my demoing that wall,” I tell him and sip the hot liquid. My intention is to casually feel out where she is. Part of me wants to shove him out the front door so I can hunt her down and find out why she screamed last night. I want to know if he hurt her again.

“I wore her out,” he tells me simply with a shrug. “Girl likes to fuck. She’ll sleep through it.”

I grip the handle on my mug and try not to say anything stupid. He eyes me up for several more minutes before he starts gathering his keys and wallet on the bar. “You do realize Nadia was the only witness to your sister’s abduction. She sat in my office and told me nothing. Absolutely nothing, Kasper. I know you have eyes for her,” he says with a growl. “I’m not fucking stupid. But remember what she
didn’t
do for you. I know you obsess over that case. How could you not?”

I glare at him, my jaw clenching, furious he so easily read me. And here I thought I was a pro at keeping my emotions guarded.

“I fuck her every night. I make love to her, Ghost. And I’ve tried to get information out of her. She knows nothing. If you think getting close to her will help get you clues, you’re mistaken.” He smiles at me then and it makes me want to punch him in his goddamned throat. “Plus, I’ve knocked her around one too many times. Poor girl is practically retarded. All she’s good for is to take a nice ass fucking and to cook my meals. You’re barking up the wrong tree, Kasper.”

Who is this asshole?

He certainly isn’t the same Chief that everyone gravitates to when he saunters into the station each morning wearing a cheery, easy grin. In his own home, he clearly feels comfortable enough to let his true colors show.