Sweet Cheeks (23 page)

I make my way back to the living room.  Bailey isn't there. I take my seat, and fidget while Travis continues to scroll through his messages. He looks up with surprise, as if he's just realized I've come back into the room.

He gives me a small smile. I don't smile back. I'm not ready for that yet. Pleasantries are off the table tonight. I really don't know him. He's like a complete stranger, who looks familiar some how.

He puts his cell away in his shirt pocket. “I've just listened to the recording of your meeting with Jason. That was pretty clever to call Bailey and have her listen in. I'm glad you weren't going into that situation without some sort of protection plan. It was risky though, you're lucky he didn't find your phone, that could have been ...” He swallows. “...dangerous.”

At the time, I didn't realize just how dangerous, or I might have had second thoughts about that plan.

“He didn't give me much choice. I didn't intend to get out of the car, but he wasn't having that, so I had to do something.”

“Yeah. He's a cunning bastard.”

I give a small nod in agreement. Though I'd say, nasty sadistic bastard.

“So, what now?” I hazard to ask. Though I've had more than enough for one day.

“The first thing you have to do, is stay here tonight, where you'll be safe. Bailey's already agreed, and gone to get you guys some dinner. You need to rest and we'll talk more in the morning. Jason said he'd contact you tomorrow, so we'll see what his next move is, then we can decide the best course of action.”

“What about Tanning? What do I tell him?”

Travis leans forward. “What he's most likely to believe?”

By saying that, I'm guessing Travis has Tanning pegged as someone who can't be easily fooled. I wonder how he knows that. Then again, he tapped my phone, so he's probably heard all our conversations. Ew! That makes me feel all kinds of icky.

I shrug. “I could say Bailey needs me to stay with her, but he'd find that a bit odd. We're not exactly besties or anything. I was lucky to get away with meeting Jason, using Bailey as my excuse.”

Travis twists his lips and nods. “What about me?”

“Huh?”

“What if you told him, I contacted you, and you were meeting me?”

I scrunch up my face. That would probably take Tanning off guard, he certainly wouldn't expect that, but he also wouldn't expect me to lie about it. And if this needed to be a long term thing ... oh god that thought makes me want to retch. I force myself to face the possibility I might just lose Tanning over this. I suck in a big breath and stop the tears stinging my eyes.

“Well?” Travis pushes, interrupting my morbid thoughts.

I cross my arms over my chest, and hold on tight. “I guess, that might work.”

Travis shuffles forward on his seat and gives me another of those intense stares. This time his eyes have more warmth, but that unsettles me. I think I'd rather see the icy coldness. I'm more familiar with that.

“Look, Jen. I know we have a lot to sort out. Stuff that has nothing to do with the case ...” He flicks his gaze to my stomach and I swallow the lump in my throat. “But, I think for now, we need to sort out the police business and then we can settle our personal business. Is that okay with you?”

I nod slowly.

Travis continues to look at me, and I squirm in my seat. Then his cell buzzes and he's distracted by an incoming text. Phew. Saved by the ringtone. Thank God.

He reads the text then puts his cell on the table. He glances at me again, but the intensity is gone. “So, Tanning. You better ring him, and tell him you won't be back tonight. Then we'll both go and see him tomorrow. I think it'll be easier if I go with ...”

“No! I really don't think you should be there,” I cut in, and Travis arches a brow.

“Let me deal with Tanning. I can do it. I promise.” I sound slightly desperate, but I'm hoping Travis lets me have this.

Travis wrinkles his brow. “How about a compromise.”

“A compromise? Not sure I like the sound of that. “

Travis shrugs. “Hey, I'm trying to be nice here. I never compromise.”

“Is that right? Not that I'd have a clue. Although, the Travis I know is an ass to everyone, so it's obviously not a hard act for you.”

Travis blinks, then lets out a half assed laugh. “You could be right about that. But you're not right about it being a hard act.” He grimaces. “Acting like that
ass
, especially with you, was the hardest undercover work I've ever done.”

Oh shit.
That kind of makes me feel bad. Ugh, this is all so confusing. Travis being any kind of nice, still doesn't equate in my mind. I really don't know this guy. The more we talk, the more I'm realising that.

“Okay so compromise,” I say.

Travis shakes his head a little. “Let me come with you, tomorrow ...” I go to protest when he holds up his hand. “But I'll just wait in the car. You can go in and talk to Tanning by yourself. And then, if you need me, you can come and get me.”

I clench my hands in my lap, I don't expect I'll get much better than that. Well, not from a hard assed cop like Travis. He's obviously good at his job to have earned a detective badge, and to be doing undercover work.

I'll take it for now.

I nod and Travis gives me a small smile.

First battle over, my mind turns to calling Tanning. I quickly decide this first battle has nothing on the second one I'm about to face.

God, give me strength.

“Hey, Tanning,” I say softly.

Those words were tough enough. Now I'm not really sure how to continue with what I have to say.

“Hey, Sweet Cheeks, where are you?”

I bite my lip. It's only been a few hours, but god I've missed his voice. I've missed him. I sit on the edge of Bailey's bed. I'm in her bedroom, away from everyone. Travis even promised not to listen in. Not that I'm totally convinced he won't.

“I ah ... I'm at Bailey's still.”

“Is she okay?”

“Yeah. She's fine.”

“Right, so I'll see you soon then?” There's a sudden brightness in his voice, and it nearly kills me.

I close my eyes. This is so hard. “Um ... no. I um... won't be home tonight.”

“Oh. Okay.” The brightness has definitely gone now. He knows something's up.

“Look, Tanning, I don't want to explain right now. I need some time ...”

“Time? Time for what? What's going on?” he cuts in, his voice rising with panic.

“Nothing. It's okay. I just ... I well. I met up with Travis today...”

“Travis? Jesus Jen, what bullshit did he feed you? Did he ask for more money?”

“No. The opposite actually. He called and said he wanted to give my money back, and then he turned up at Bailey's and we got talking...”

“Uh huh.”

I bite the inside of my cheek. He sounds hurt.  “He wants us to sort things out. You know, to be there for Treasure Pot.”

Lies, lies and more lies, but I know this is a sore point with Tanning, and probably the only way I can convince him to leave me alone.

“Right. So he wants to be back in your life, and you're just going to let him. No questions asked.” 

Now he sounds pissed. It really hurts to hear that tone in his voice, but I quickly decide to play that angle to my advantage.

“He is the father of the baby, Tanning. I can't ignore that fact. I have to at least hear him out.”

“Yeah. Right. Because he's been a great support so far.”

This is stabbing right at my heart. Tanning's the one who's been there for me and Treasure Pot and I'm about to throw all that right back in his face, just like his cousin said I would. I guess she'll be high fiving herself.

“He wants to try. I have to give him that chance ...” I nearly choke on those words.

“And ...” I hear him clear his throat. “What about us?”

I wipe at the tears streaming down my face, but I use all my strength to keep my voice even.

“I don't know.”

He scoffs, and doesn't say anything, leaving an awkward pause between us.

“I'm really sorry, Tanning,” I breathe out, and wipe more tears.

“Yeah. I just bet you are. Can't say I'm surprised ... should have listened ... okay, I gotta go...”

“Tanning, wait!” I scream. Then realize what I'm doing. I'm trying to cling on, when I should be letting go.

“For gods sake, Jen. What do you want me to say?”

“Um ... nothing. I'm so sorry. I'm so very sorry. But I have to give him this chance. For the baby. Please forgive me.”

I need him to forgive me. I can't stand the thought of him hating me again.

I hear him blow out a huge breath. “Yeah. Sure Jen. I can do that. Not like I ever really gave us much of a chance anyway. Forgiving you won't be hard.”

Oh god, that hurts. I was all in. He obviously wasn't in the same place I was. He doesn't feel for me what I feel for him. My heart just broke a little bit more, I'm not really sure how many pieces I have left to break now. The tears are flowing freely, and I don't think I can speak to him much longer without completely losing it.

I clear my throat. “I'll come and get my things in the morning. Bailey said I could stay here for a while. I think that might be best. I hope that doesn't ruin things for you, you know with the house...”

“Don't worry about it. I'll leave the door open. I won't be here.”

In other words, he doesn't want to see me.

I suck down another sob. “Okay ... and thanks Tanning. Thanks for everything ...”

No response, only the dial tone. He's hung up. I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth several times. I keep telling myself I had to do it. I had no choice.

Betraying and lying to Tanning, is by far the worst and meanest thing I've ever done.

Only this time, I'm the one who's hurting.

And it's hurting like a goddamn bitch.

TWeNTY-SiX

_______________________________

My eyes are red raw, it feels like razor blades every time I swallow, and my stomach is clenched so tight, I'm not sure Treasure Pot has any room to move right now. Last night was possibly the worst night of my life. I haven't slept. I haven't eaten, and I feel the sickest I've felt this whole pregnancy. But I'm pretty sure it's not Treasure Pot's fault. It's all mine.

Travis is driving and I'm in the passenger seat, clinging onto my seatbelt like it's my only life line. The closer we get to Tanning's house, the harder and faster my heart beats. I know he won't be there. He said he wouldn't. But I have a small speck of hope he might be. I'm not really sure if I want to see him. If that will make this easier or harder. I don't think there's a measure of that right now. It's all hard. Off the scale, difficult.

Travis turns down Tanning's street and pulls up to the curb, two houses from his. It's early morning. I insisted on coming before Tanning gets up. You know, just in case he's here and hasn't had chance to escape, or he's still sleeping and I won't disturb him.

I'm not really sure which right now.

I dressed in black leggings, a pink smock top and black jacket, and I'm wearing my tennis shoes. All good creep wear. Because I'm not going to make any noise. I'll be stealth, in and out, without Tanning knowing I've been. Well, except for the wad of big notes I intend leaving him. The money I got back from Travis. And the letter. Travis doesn't know I wrote it, and I don't want him to find out. I have to explain, or at least try. I can't have Tanning mad at me. I have to think that maybe we might still have a chance when this is all done. I close my eyes and wish with everything I've got, that someday we could try again.

Travis switches off the engine and looks across to me. “You okay?”

There is a very obvious answer to that, but I'm not in the mood to play the sarcasm game.

“Yep. Just Peachy.”

On second thoughts, maybe I am.

Travis sighs and looks across to Tanning's house. “Jen, I'm really sorry. I know you like this guy, but it has to be this way. For now at least.”

I clench my jaw and turn to open the car door, when Travis grabs my arm. “Remember, you just have to page me, and I'll be there. Okay.”

I pat the little receiver attached to the top of my pants and give a slight nod, then step out of the car and turn towards Tanning's house. The morning sun is shining on the dewy front grass, and I remember the first time I saw this house. The fantasy I created in my head about living here with Tanning and Treasure Pot. Now I know how much is fantasy and how much is reality, the pain stabs at me again, and I clutch my chest for a moment. I promised myself no more tears. So I suck in a huge breath and make my way to the house, almost running by the time I reach the drive.

Then I stop dead in my tracks. Donna's car is parked in the driveway.
Oh, shit
. She is one person I do not want to see right now. I'm praying to the god of mercy, she's not a morning person. Tanning must have called her last night. Sweet Jesus, I never pictured that. If I run into her, this could be ten times harder than it needs to be.

I pull my key from my jacket pocket and quickly turn it in the lock and slowly open the door. I make my way past the living room, and notice several beer bottles and pizza boxes spread over the tables. Looks like Tanning had a small party. Or was alone and over indulged. That makes me doubly sad. He never usually eats junk food or gets drunk.