Sweet but Sexy Boxed Set (20 page)

“
You’re no such thing. I would love to have you come live with me.” That was, if she could get a job and hold on to her apartment.

Her brother shifted his weight in the chair and leaned forward to speak. Her father beat him to it.
“It means a lot to me that you would ask, but it’s a bad idea.”

She swallowed hard.
“Why do you think that?”

“
Because you work very long hours. I would be away from everyone and everything I know. Jake, Kelly and I have talked about Pioneer. I understand.”

“
I’m not so sure they’re right on this one.”

He set his fork next to his plate, and stared at the utensils like they were foreign objects. The emptiness that resided in his eyes the night before returned.
“But, I’ve been lonely. I miss your momma.”

“
We all miss her.”

“
I don’t remember things like I used to. I get confused from time to time.”

“
That’s part of getting older. There has to be things we can do to help you. Maybe we could make lists and post them up on the refrigerator.”

Jake jumped in.
“Really? You think a big to-do list is the answer to his medical illness? If you’re not going to be here to help manage this situation, I need you to step back.”

Hailey tried to ignore her brother
’s words, even though his complaints hurt. She worked to make eye contact with her dad, difficult because he wouldn’t lift his stare from the table. “Why are you afraid to tell him how you feel about the house? Tell Jake what you told me last night, about wanting the farm to stay the same.”

Her father touched his fingers to his temples and closed his eyes, shaking his head.

“Stop this!” Jake said. “Can’t you see you’re upsetting him?”

“
Me?”

Standing, Jake took his father
’s elbow. Despite being visibly unnerved, Jake spoke with a softness reserved for a small child. “Come on, Dad. Let me take you home.”

Hailey leapt to her feet too. Her father turned to her, holding his hand up.
“Stop. Please. Your brother knows how to handle these situations.”

“
What situations? We’re just talking.”

She could see his hands were trembling and his eyes flickered back and forth.
“I’m going with Jake. I want you to do what he asks.”

Before Hailey could respond Jake did with a firm but level voice.
“Let me take him home. Eat your breakfast, get a hold of your emotions, and then come to the house so we can have a rational conversation about this.”

She stepped back, and dropped down to the chair.
Rational conversation
? She’d thought that’s what they were doing, until everything spun three hundred and sixty degrees without warning.

Only when she heard the bell above the door ring out, was she able to unclench her fists and let out the breath that had tightened her chest. She
’d seen Nate lingering around the edge of the counter with her plate of pancakes in hand but didn’t want him to approach her now.

She really didn
’t have it in her to deal with him.

He came forward anyway, and set the plate in front of her. After a hesitation, he asked,
“Can I sit for a minute?”

Her eyes fluttered closed, but she gestured to the chair. She heard it scrape against the old worn tile and could feel him just inches away from her.

“I’m sorry your dad’s health is on the decline. I’ve always really liked him. It stinks, you know.”

She took a deep breath; maybe they could talk as old friends and ignore the complications of the night they
’d spent together. “I don’t think he’s that bad. Jake and Kelly are overreacting.”

He twisted his hands on his lap.
“I can see how you would think that. Some days when I see him, he’s sharp as nails. Others….”

Her phone vibrated against the table. The habit to check the ID won out against the desire to meet Nate
’s stare. An eight-hundred number flashed, twisting Hailey’s stomach into knots. Another bill collector wanting to take the money she was trying to stretch just a little further, hoping to get through a few more weeks. She hit the button to ignore the call.

“
I overheard what you said about your dad wanting the property to stay the same,” Nate said. “I’ll take real good care of the place and won’t change a thing. I love that farm the way it is.”

That brought her attention back.
“What are you talking about?”

“
I’ve been talking to Jake about renting the house.”

She took in his deep brown eyes and almost black hair. It was cropped short like he was trying to beat-the-heat, even if the average temperature this week was somewhere around ten degrees. Much shorter than he wore it in high school. The neatly trimmed beard and mustache were new too.

He looked older. More settled.

How ironic.

They’d both thought this small town would smother them back then.

For a fleeting moment it comforted her to picture Nate cooking in her family
’s kitchen, and then she realized it wouldn’t be her house anymore. She’d be on the outside looking in. “It feels like everything is being taken away from me.”

His body stiffened as he pulled back.
“It’s not like I’m stealing it. I’m going to pay you for it.”

“
This isn’t about money!”

“
Then what is it about?”

She reached for her purse and fumbled for her wallet with trembling hands.
“Everyone seems to think that just because I don’t live here, I don’t have a voice, but you’re all wrong.” She threw a twenty-dollar bill on the table. “I didn’t leave the planet, I moved to New York. I didn’t abandon my family, but it feels like they think so. I’m sick of being treated like an outside in my hometown, in my family home, in my own life.”

She stood and tried to turn, but he grabbed her wrist. Looking back would weaken her resolve—Nate had always had that effect on her—but she did it anyway.

“Please, it would mean a lot to Lori…and me.”

His daughter. The child he
’d had with someone else. She couldn’t stand the thought of the two of them in her living room without her.

Why did it hurt so much?

It wasn’t as if he left her. She’d pursued and claimed the future she’d always wanted.

Hadn
’t she?

If everything she
’d attained had been all she ever wanted, why was it tearing her in two to know Nate had gone on with his life without her? It wasn’t as if she’d expected he wouldn’t. She should be happy he was settled. Instead, it made her long for that place next to him even more.

A lump formed in her throat, making speech impossible. Instead, she headed for the door.

“That’s right, Hailey. Run away. It’s what you do best!”

His words stopped her, and she twisted back.
“I what?”

“
Run. Away. When the pieces of your life don’t come together like a neat little puzzle, you scatter them all around you and stomp out of the room.”

She bristled at the venom in his voice.
“That’s not what happened.”

“
Oh, no. You handled it so well, just breezed out of town with no concern for those you left behind.”

They weren
’t talking about her father or her house anymore. This was about how she’d reacted eight years ago, when the feelings got too real.

Just as they were now.

“I care, dammit!” She let out a long exhale. “I always have.”

Chapter Six

Lori snored lightly against Nate’s chest, signaling that she’d fallen asleep. He closed the book and let it rest on his lap. Taking a moment to collect his thoughts, he leaned back against the headboard.

Like a hundred other times since seeing Hailey in the diner, his mind rolled back to his senior year and how enamored he
’d been with her. How horribly smitten and how completely invisible to her. Until that one wonderful day and incredible night.

It had started with dinner at the pizzeria. Now, he could give his teenaged self a swift kick for not reaching for something more special, but at the time it seemed perfect. And if Hailey thought he
’d gone for cheap, she never let on that night.

Dinner was followed by a movie before they raided the dessert case in the already closed diner. Even later, they parked in his truck down on the deserted beach.

As he lived through that night, he was sure it was the beginning of something special…at least for the few weeks of summer they had left before embarking to separate colleges. There hadn’t been clue one those few hours were to be the beginning, middle and end of them as a couple.

He
’d spent numerous times over the years, looking back, thinking about choices made and roads taken. When times got tough, he wondered if his life would have turned out differently if Hailey hadn’t left town early.

If only she
’d let the rest of the summer play out.

Would he have ended up following her to New York? Would she have given up her full ride to go to college with him? Maybe they
’d have had a good time and gone their separate ways in the fall.

He knew the questions were impossible to answer. Before, he
’d been able to entertain them for a time and then sweep them under a rug.

But not today.

This morning, strong-willed Hailey had met him head on, and when things didn’t fall into their perfect little place for her, she ran. Again.

The last words he
’d said to her slipped past his lips before he could stop them. Part of him felt lighter having confronted her. Even if he’d been a little childish and somewhat passive-aggressive.

Another piece of his heart felt guilty when she froze in her tracks. She
’d turned and argued against his accusations. And then, her final words had hit him in the chest like a knife.

She
’d always cared.
Surely, she meant about her parents, her family, and their farm.

Shaking it all away, he leaned over and kissed his daughter
’s forehead, refusing to curse the missteps of his past. Each one led him to this moment and he was happy with his life. He wouldn’t change a thing if the result meant he didn’t have Lori.

Maybe that confrontation in the diner would give him the strength to close the door to all those questions.

Placing a foot on the floor, Nate slipped off the edge of the twin bed and smoothed the quilt out over his daughter. Making sure he dimmed the light to a low, golden amber, he left her door open just a crack.

After turning on the Christmas tree lights, he settled down in his favorite chair in front of the fireplace. Hoisting his leg up on the footstool, he tried to decide if he
’d be awake long enough to warrant building a fire. His body was exhausted, but his mind was running in circles. He decided against it, even though sleep would probably elude him.

He opened the drawer on the end table next to his chair, pulling out his sketchbook and a piece of charcoal vine. Flipping through the pages of his recent drawings, he longed to see the passion that used to exist in his work. Even the most recent sketches of his daughter had a flat quality about them that he couldn
’t figure out how to remedy.

Turning to a blank page, he leaned back in his chair and studied the tree. He looked at the lines of the branches and the orbs of bulbs and lights, studied the contrast of light and dark. Then, he turned to his book and began putting those lines and shadows on the page.

A career that used his artistic talents was a distant memory, an abandoned road that he didn’t lament. Quite the opposite, he turned to his sketchbooks or canvases to bleed his emotions or dissolve his stress.

Noticing the way he
’d naturally divided the page into halves, both horizontally and vertically, he turned his focus to the upper left, empty quadrant. He touched the end of the charcoal to the paper and closed his eyes waiting for inspiration to strike. His first thought—
Hailey
—flashed through his brain. He tried to push it away. In the same way she’d fought back with him in the diner that morning, her images remained. He opened his eyes and exorcised those demons the only way he knew, by spilling them onto the page.

The curve of her face. The way her hair framed her cheeks and touched her shoulders. Her full lips and round eyes. They all bled from his memory to the page with an ease that was unnerving to him.

When he finished he was amazed by the likeness he’d created, especially since it all came from memory.

A pair of headlights flashed through the west window shaking his attention from the sketch and pulling him back into the real world.

Just as they were sitting down to dinner, Anna had been called back to the stable because a horse had colic. Lori had begged to go help, but he’d denied the request, thinking the horse’s treatment would continue long into the night. He was pleased for his sister and for the horse that he’d been wrong.

If Anna was already home, it couldn
’t have been serious. Knowing she would be hungry, he made his way to the kitchen to warm up the plate he’d set aside for her.

A heavy knock on the front door signaled it was someone else, so he put the plate back in the refrigerator.

In the front entry, he flipped on the porch light and then pulled the worn, lime green curtain aside. Under the soft yellow glow, stood Hailey.

Light fluffy snow blew from the roof, cascading around her. She looked like a delicate flower—one that would whither in the cold—her hands were pushed into the pockets of the same suede coat she
’d worn earlier. The dark brown scarf hung over her shoulders untied. And she was staring up where the Christmas lights hung off the edge of the roof.

Sad didn
’t properly describe the way she looked. It went deeper than that.

Surprising, given how hot she
’d been when she stomped out of the diner. What shocked him more was his first desire: to slide his fingers under her chin, lift her mouth toward him, and kiss her.

Just one more time.

He dug deep for resolve, reminding himself she stood in the way of him taking possession of the farm. She wasn’t here for a walk down memory lane or to rekindle the smoldering embers of his heart.

She was most likely here to state yet again why she didn
’t want to let go of the farm. Why she’d rather see it sit empty then let him and Lori live there.

He readied himself to stand tall against her and then pulled open the door.
“What do you want?”

She shook her head, opened her mouth to speak, and then clamped it shut. The edge of her mouth turned down and she twisted the heel of her boot against the concrete.
“You’re wrong about me.”

The words he understood, but not her tone. She sounded absolutely miserable.
“What are you talking about?”

“
What you said in the diner. About me always running away. That’s not fair.”

He reclaimed the ground between them he
’d relinquished. Pushing open the screen door, he stepped onto the porch. “Do you remember things differently than I do?”

Her chest heaved and she tipped her chin to the right.

A tinge of guilt pinged at Nate when he saw just how his words had penetrated Hailey’s shell.

She
’d ripped his heart out all those years ago, but the idea that he’d hurt her cut at him. It didn’t change the way he felt about their past but the desire to take her in his arms—comfort her—bubbled up again.

“
We were young.” She started down the steps, but paused at the bottom, turning back. “I made some very stupid choices and I’m sorry for that.”

An apology had been the last thing he expected when he
’d seen her standing on the porch and while it probably should have been enough, it wasn’t. Instead, it only opened more questions about the past. “You came all the way over here to tell me that?”

Hailey slid her hand through her hair, pulling it off her face and shaking her head.
“No. But then I saw you and…well…we were both a lot younger then.”

Nate fought the urge to laugh. It wasn
’t funny that she was so conflicted, but ironic that he wasn’t the only one haunted by the past. It seemed it had them both hanging in the wind.

They needed to talk it out if they were to ever move forward. He reached out and took her elbow.
“Come in out of the snow. I’ll make a pot of coffee.”

She accepted the invitation. After slipping off her coat, she handed it to him, before stepping over the threshold and heading for the couch.

Nate ran his fingers over the suede. It was as soft as he’d imagined it would be. He hung it on the coat tree and then peeked around the corner. Hailey had made herself comfortable in the living room, as if she’d been here a thousand times before.

In his dreams, she had.

Just moments ago, angst had her fleeing for her car. Now, her eyes flickered back and forth between the tree and him.

“
How do you like your coffee?”

She tapped the cushion next to her.
“Please. I don’t want you to wait on me. That’s not why I came.”

A piece of him wanted to be compassionate, sit next to her and tell her it was okay, that he was glad she was here. He set that aside; reminded himself not to get mesmerized by her.

He had to stand tall, for Lori. If Hailey didn’t let him move into her father’s house, his daughter wouldn’t get what she needed to improve her speech. “Then why did you come?”

“
To talk.”

“
But not about the past?” Again the words of his heart slipped past his lips before his brain had the chance to censor them. It felt good to unload the burdens he’d been harboring, but when she rebuffed him by turning her head and closing her eyes, regret filled the space vacated in his chest.

“
I didn’t mean to hurt you. Back then, I mean.”

So, they were really going to talk about this. He crossed to his chair and sat down.
“It was a long time ago. A lot has happened… for both of us.”

She gave him a slight nod.
“I really came to talk to you about Dad and the house. I want you to know that I’m not angry at you, just the situation.”

He felt the tension drain from his shoulders. What she was going through had to be hard. No matter how much it hurt to look at her now, he didn
’t get joy from what she’d had to deal with in the last year. “I understand this is hard for you. I can’t imagine being in your shoes and having to come to terms with one of my parents getting too old to care for themselves—”

“
That’s the thing, I don’t believe he is. He might not be as sharp as he was five or six years ago, but—”

“
Were you even in the diner today? Couldn’t you see him slipping away?”

She gripped her chin, shaking her head just a bit.
“I don’t know. I guess. He got a little confused with me too, but I haven’t seen anything with my own to eyes yet that has confirmed for me he can’t take care of himself.”

He could see she was struggling, but just because she hadn
’t seen it, didn’t mean the events hadn’t happened. “Did Jake tell you about him getting disoriented in the diner a few weeks ago?”

She nodded.
“And it’s not that I don’t believe you or Jake. I just have this little voice inside me telling me it’s wrong to put Dad in a nursing home.”

“
I think you would see things differently if you were here every day.”

“
Maybe you’re right. That’s my point. Maybe it’s the lawyer in me, but I want to see it with my own eyes, or have something that convinces me it’s the right step to take. I want to know in my heart he can’t take care of himself, and I haven’t had any of that happen yet.”

“
I think that’s a little naive.”

“
Excuse me?”

“
Unfortunately, life isn’t about a collection of easy choices and flat paved roads. There are ups and downs. We get banged up and scratched. And the right choices are sometimes the most difficult to make.”

“
I’m sorry for what I did back then.”

He hadn
’t been talking about the past, but when she apologized yet again, he realized what he said fit the moment. “You’ve said that. A few times now.”