Sweet Alibi (32 page)

“I…You don’t want to marry me, Kyle. I fucked up. Tristan and I… something happened. We
―
” No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t force the words from my lips.

“I know. I could see it on your face. I know you fucked him on the Fourth of July.”

“What? But you–”

“You’re no good at hiding things, Georgia. Not from me.” He lifted a hand to my cheek and caressed the skin.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Our gazes locked as every interaction I’d had with Kyle over the summer replayed in my mind. Every phone call, every text
―
when he’d proposed, he’d known.

“Because it doesn’t change how I feel. I knew once you got back to D.C., we could start the life we’ve dreamed of. That guy may be fun to fuck around with, but he's not serious. He doesn't take relationships seriously; it's written all over his face. I know his type, he doesn't take
life
seriously. What you had with him was the summer, but you and I are forever. It’s always been forever with us.” He wrapped me in his arms and I sobbed into his chest. “Just give it some time, okay? Just some time. No rash decisions right now. This summer has been hell for both of us, so let’s let our lives settle back to normal.” He rubbed my back as he held me in his arms. Kyle had been holding me like this for years, and it always helped to calm me, until now. Tristan's beautiful, green eyes flashed through my mind. The way he'd wrapped his arms around me at the vineyard and held my face in both hands when he pressed his lips to mine. His sexy, lopsided grin when I'd caught him sweaty and half-naked that morning he'd been running. The measured tone of his voice as he read
Tristan and Isolde
on the beach. The warmth and concern that radiated in his eyes when he was worried about me.

“I can’t.” I shut my eyes, tears trailing down my cheeks.

“You can, Georgia. I promise.”

I wanted to pull away, to run, to be back at my beach house alone. Just the ocean and the waves and the endless sky stretched before me.

“I'm not selling the beach house. I love it there.”

“I know, I know. I told you, no rash decisions from either of us. We'll be okay once things get back to normal. This was just a bump in the road. We’ve had bumps before Georgia, but we always make it. Next summer we'll go down together before the season starts, I'll help you spruce up the place and then we can rent it. We can get married, we'll be wedding planning
―
”

“Kyle, no, I need time.”

“So we'll take time.” He continued to rock me. “Will you at least put the ring back on?” 

“Kyle, I'm not ready
―
”

“It would mean a lot to me, Georgia,” he said, and I could feel my resolve crumbling. Kyle knew how to get to me; he’d done it when he’d first put the ring on my finger and he was doing it now.

“I… I'm going to take a shower.” I jumped off the couch. I needed space, time to think, time to breathe. I scooped my toiletry bag out of my suitcase and headed for the seldom-used guest bathroom. I flicked on the light and stepped over a pile of Kyle’s dirty clothes.

“Clean up your shit, Kyle,” I hollered and threw the clothing full force into the hallway.

“Sorry, babe.” Kyle appeared and scooped the pile of clothing in his arms. I rolled my eyes before I noticed a strip of lipstick red lace amongst all of his clothes. A strip of lace that did not belong to me. My lips dried and I swallowed the lump in my throat. I gritted my teeth in anger as I stared at the delicate fabric among the dark denim of his jeans.

“Again, Kyle?” I whispered as my heart hammered in my ears.

“What?” He looked in my eyes and then down to the pile of clothing in his arms. He spotted the lacy fabric instantly and shuffled to hide it from me.

“You’re doing it again?” The pain was evident in my voice as my heart thundered in my chest. “Who is it this time?”

“Georgia, it’s not what you’re thinking
―
”

“It’s not? So that isn’t some girl’s underwear in my bathroom? Who is it this time? Who is it?” I screamed as tears filled my eyes.

“She didn’t mean anything, it was just one night.”

“Who is it, Kyle?” I seethed, willing myself to stay strong, to not let the pain take over.

“It was just an intern, we were working late, we went for a few drinks, she was too drunk to go home
―
”

“So you let her stay here? In my bed? You brought her to my home?”

“Spare me the dramatics, Georgia, you haven’t even been here.” I could see the anger flashing in his eyes.

“Don’t do that
―
don’t blame me, Kyle. Christ. It’s not like this is the first fucking time you’ve fucked around on me. Was it always my fault? Was it my fault when you fucked Mindy in the backseat of your Camaro in the school parking lot? My fault when you fucked that PA in college? Or the girl in the library when you were studying late? And now an intern? It’s my fucking fault that you can’t keep your dick in your pants?”

“You know they didn’t mean anything, baby. Not a single one. You’re the only one that’s ever meant anything to me. I love you. We’re going to get married, buy a house, have babies. You and me, it has always been you and me.” He took a step toward me, eyes pleading. “This doesn’t make a difference. We’re still us and nothing can touch us, Georgia. That’s why when you had that thing with that guy this summer, I knew it was just a fling. I knew it wouldn’t last and it wouldn’t matter; only you and I matter. Come on, baby.” He dropped the pile of clothes on the floor and brought his hand up to cup my chin. “This doesn’t have to destroy us; we got through it before, we’ll get through it again,” he whispered as he stroked my cheek.

I shut my eyes tightly and dipped my head. I felt so defeated. I always felt so defeated when he did this. He always promised it would be the last time, and I always wanted desperately to believe him. This was my Kyle. The man who took care of me, stood by me through everything. I knew I wasn’t easy to be with. The darkness grew so oppressive at times, I knew it was hard for him, so how could I blame him when he sought attention elsewhere? It’d always just been a brief affair, usually a one-night stand, and then he was good for a while. I leaned on Silas and Drew in the dark times; they knew Kyle hadn’t always been faithful, but they weren’t in this relationship with him, I was. Kyle and I had our problems, but we always got through them. The only thing that was different this go ’round was that I’d fucked around too. I’d cheated on Kyle for the first time ever, and the shame was eating away at me.

I sniffed and wiped my eyes as Kyle rubbed my back. “I need a shower.” I stepped away from him.

“Are we going to be okay? This doesn’t change anything for me, Georgia. What I did, what you did. I still want to marry you, buy a house, all of it.” He held my chin in his hand, a silent plea in his eyes.

I only nodded before I shuffled him out and locked the door behind him. I stripped and stood under the scalding hot water, willing it to wash away the guilt and pain threatening to consume me.

Thirty

Georgia

TIME WENT BY and I walked around like a shell of the person I was. Kyle ran into my old boss at the hotel and told him I was back in town and would love to have my job back. I knew what Kyle was doing. He was trying to lock me in here. He was trying to get us back to us.

When my boss called, I kindly informed him I wasn't interested.

Kyle was trying though. He was working fewer hours. He tried his best to keep Sundays open, and we went to museums and out to romantic dinners. All the things we’d done before, all the things I’d wanted him to do these past few years, and I tried to enjoy our newfound time together. But every day that passed I became more sure that we were too late to be saved. And then it occurred to me we’d probably never had a chance since that first time he’d screwed around on me. I just hadn’t been strong enough to walk away, I hadn’t been willing to lose someone else I loved.

When Silas came home from North Carolina, he’d stopped at the beach house and gathered the rest of my things. I didn’t have the heart to go back; I couldn’t face the memories of the summer that waited for me there.

Silas had also come home with a boyfriend. Justin and he were officially an item
―
“exclusive” as Silas called it
―
and cuter than ever. He was the happiest I’d ever seen him.

I thought about Tristan often, though I tried not to. He'd tried to call me the first few weeks after I'd been home, but I hadn’t answered. I knew if I picked up the phone, my life would never get back to normal. My only hope was to pretend he hadn't happened, but with every passing day it was becoming nearly impossible. I thought about him more as I pulled away from Kyle. Silas and I camped out a lot of nights on the couch in front of action movies
―
Silas hated them, and truth be told, so did I
―
but I couldn’t stand to sit through the romances we usually indulged in.

I spoke to Drew often. I think she knew something was wrong because she called more than she had previously, but I refused to tell her of Kyle’s latest indiscretion, and each time she brought up Tristan’s name I stopped her. I could hardly keep it together when the beautiful word came out of her mouth; hearing anything about his life now would break me. She begged me to let her talk about him, told me that I couldn't run away from my feelings, that I was being unfair to all of us
―
Kyle, Tristan, and even myself. But I was stubborn, and I wasn't willing to gamble the future I'd dreamed of on a beautiful, golden-haired guy I'd had a fling with over the summer who had a history of sleeping around.

And every night when I closed my eyes, my heart ached as my mind replayed the memories of every stroke, every touch, every kiss, every whisper. And every night I wept, buried deep into the down of my pillow, fighting for my life and my future to return.

* * *

FINALLY I BROKE. On a Sunday morning in November, my world fell apart. It had been nearly three months since I'd left the beach house, nearly three months since I'd been trying to get my life back, the life I'd thought I wanted since the time I was fifteen. Suddenly it all shattered at my feet on the kitchen floor.

I woke up with a splitting headache and shuffled to the medicine cabinet to find the Advil bottle completely empty. I rolled my eyes
―
only a man would leave an empty bottle in the cupboard. I searched my brain for any other hidden stashes of pain relievers before remembering that I had some in the purse I'd used all summer. The oversized bag sat on the floor in my closet, items still spilling out of it. I sat on my knees and opened it. The first thing that caught my eye was the book.

Tristan and Isolde.

The story Tristan and I had read on the beach together. We hadn’t finished it. I found the spare Tylenol in my purse and slugged water from the bathroom and sat on the floor against the wall. I opened
Tristan and Isolde
to where we'd left off and I read.

I read about love and pain and virtue. Tristan and Isolde had spent their lives trying to live without each other, trying to do what they thought was right by denying their love and walking the path expected of them. They’d each chosen to be with the wrong person and lived their lives filled with pain and agony, all self-inflicted in the name of honor, and they’d both died with a broken heart.

My breathing came in quick pants and my heart roared in my ears. It suddenly felt like
Tristan and Isolde
was my story. The last lines repeated in my mind as fresh tears rolled down my cheeks. Tristan had stopped calling. He'd undoubtedly moved on, but I couldn’t. Maybe I wasn't it for him, I didn't even know if he was it for me, but I knew that Kyle wasn’t. I knew that without a doubt. I sat on the floor as my mind raced. A life with Kyle wasn’t for me, wasn’t the life I wanted. Even if I lived the rest of my life alone, I had to take the chance. I wished all the happiness in the world for Kyle, and I hoped one day he would find the person he was looking for, and I hoped he would treat them right, maybe he would love them enough to be faithful, because despite what Kyle said, he didn’t love me like he thought he did.

Tristan and Isolde had loved completely, tried to deny themselves that love and it had destroyed them. I couldn’t choose the same path. All summer I had been waiting. At some point I’d made the choice not to choose, hoping everything would fall into place
―
that everything would be resolved as it was meant to be, because that’s what I’d always done
―
I’d always let Kyle steer the course, choose the path for us. But at some point I’d lost myself among it all.

I stood on shaky legs and began tossing everything I owned into suitcases. I knew I was making what seemed like a rash decision, but it wasn’t, not really. It'd been a long time coming, and I knew that now.

I'd held pain and denial locked inside my heart for so long it had eaten away at me. Destroyed me from the inside.

I finished packing my essentials and stepped into the living area. Kyle sat at the dining room table, law books and his laptop spread before him.

“Hey, babe,” he mumbled without looking up. I walked over to him, my suitcases trailing behind me. “What's going on?” He finally noticed the luggage and his eyes drifted up to mine.