SWAY (Part 1) (17 page)

I loved being that close to him. All of the emotions and physical sensations made me feel as if I was being turned inside out. It was a lot to process. There was so much happening. I tried to pay attention to ev
erything because I wanted to remember it all, keep as much of it locked up tight in my memory as I could.

I hadn’t expected it to feel the way it did, because of what Lin
dsay had told me about her first time, which she had plenty of complaints about, but I didn’t have any. Everything was right.

I looked at Ryan, and it seemed hard to believe, but I felt I
loved him even more now than I did before. I didn’t know where I would put it all. I felt it was overflowing before, but now...

“I’m so glad I waited for you,” I whispered. “Thank you for b
eing so good to me.”

Ryan stroked my hair as he spoke. “I promised you I would be.” The look in his eyes made my heart beat faster. “I love you,” I told him. His hand slid from my hair, over my cheek, down my neck, then back up to my mouth. He traced my lips with the tips of his fingers, creating a dizzying sensation in them. I closed my eyes and he kissed me, sweetly, lovingly.

We spent the rest of that night tangled up in each other’s arms, absolutely, blissfully in love.

23

Graduation didn’t start until eight, which forced anyone with a social life to go to dinner beforehand and get the family thing out of the way before the parties started.

I drove myself to the auditorium because I didn’t want to be a
nywhere near Ryan’s mother, and Justin’s family was having dinner with Eve’s family. Justin said I could come, but I didn’t want to based on the slight chance that Eve might try to stab me with something.

I was waiting outside the auditorium where the impen
ding graduates were being alphabetically placed in line by a few teachers, hoping to see Ryan before he went in.

The past couple weeks for us, since the signing ceremony, had been amazing. I loved him so much that I thought I would burst, and at times, felt I was in actual pain because of it.

Lindsay appeared beside me and I almost didn’t recognize her. She’d been spending so much time with Shawn that I hadn’t seen her in weeks. Her hair was brown, her natural color and she was wearing very little makeup.

“You look great!” I was almost laughing, wide eyed.

“Thanks,” she mumbled, while manipulating a death grip around my wrist. We’re going to the ladies room,” she told Shawn.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” I asked her. She looked scared to death, which frightened me. As long as I’d known Lindsay, she’d ne
ver been afraid of anything.

“There’s nothing wrong
with
me
,” she said.

“Then what’s going on?”

“Hold on,” she instructed. There was a line out the door for the bathroom so she dragged me past, still squeezing my wrist, until we were away from everyone else.

“I don’t want to upset you, especially after what’s happened with you and Ryan recently, but I have to tell you som
ething.”

I’d called her, as promised, to tell her about Ryan and me, but she already knew. She answered the phone, “you and Ryan did it. I know. Ryan told Shawn about the room while we were dan
cing on the table.”

I was a little disappointed, but we had a nice conversation. I’d expected her to ask me a million dirty minded questions, but she only asked me two, very sweet questions.
Was he good to you, and, how did you feel after
? Which surprised me.

“Okay, so what do you have to tell me?” I asked.

She continued, although visibly flustered. “There were a couple guys at Shawn’s last night...”

“What happened?”

“The guys—they said something. Normally I wouldn’t have cared about their blabbering, but,” Lindsay looked at me carefully, “one of them said that Ryan slept with Katie Hardwick prom night.”

My brain instantly went into protective mode, somehow sealing off my emotions, keeping me calm. I
felt like I’d been dropped into a vat of lidocaine I was so numb.

“Who was it? Who said that?” The words sounded much calmer than I imagined they would.

She shook her head. “I don’t know, Ricky something, plays baseball with Ryan. His girlfriend goes to the same snooty school as Katie. He talked like they’d all been together that night.”

“Thank you for telling me,” I said simply. This too, soun
ded much calmer than it should have.

Lindsay stared at me for a moment. “Shouldn’t you be freaking out or crying or punching something?”

“Not yet.” I slightly shook my head, turned, and walked back to the front of the building feeling hazy, still numb, and eerily calm. Ryan was in line now and John and Valerie were standing with him, but I didn’t care. I was asking him anyway.

Ryan lit up when he saw me, smiling brilliantly. His smile
slowly vanished as he took in my expressionless face.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Did you sleep with Katie Hardwick prom night?” I asked evenly, but with a twinge of disbelief in my voice.

I noticed John trying to nudge Valerie away from us, but she wouldn’t budge. I felt her enjoyment as she stared at me with a smile on her face, awaiting the answer to my question with possibly greater anti
cipation than I had.

Ryan’s face fell. “Why would you think that?”

“Please just answer the question, Ryan.” I asked, managing to restrain my fear. His eyes settled on mine, his expression pained. I knew the answer. I broke our gaze. My brain lifted the shield. No longer under its protection, tears filled my eyes. I silently turned away from him.

“Annie, please wait,” Ryan said, winding his fingers around my arm.

“Ryan. Get back in line. Now!” Valerie demanded. I wiggled away from him, blended myself in with the crowd, and made my way to the parking lot.

I had to pull over twice because I couldn’t see to drive for the tears. Imagining Ryan with someone else was agonizing, esp
ecially after everything that had just happened between us. I didn’t want to think of him with Katie the way he’d been with me. 

I let myself in when I got to Justin’s house. At Pam’s insis
tence, I’d had a key since I was twelve. The house was so quiet. I hadn’t ever been there when it was empty before. I didn’t like being there alone. Maybe because it was the one place I could go so that I never felt alone.

I knew it would be a while before Pam and Larry made it home, and I figured Justin wouldn’t be home at all, so I went to his room and did my usual digging around for a shirt of his to put on and then climbed into his bed, hugging his pillow tight, crying u
ntil I fell asleep
.

24

I thought I heard something, but was still too out of it to determine the sound. My eyes cracked open; I didn’t give them a fair chance to see anything, though. They’d closed as quickly as they’d opened.

A few seconds later, I heard groaning. I batted my eyelids a co
uple times, trying to wake up as I felt hands traveling up my back. One of them went into my hair and then I felt a peck on my forehead. And that’s when I heard a high pitched scream.

“Justin!”

My eyes didn’t have any problems staying open then. I rose up realizing Justin was in bed with me, and that I had been wrapped around him like a blanket. My head had been on his chest, my arm curved around his waist. My leg was over one of his as if I had tried to roll over and he’d gotten in my way.

“What are you doing with her like this?” Eve squealed.

“Eve,” Justin breathed, dazed. He glanced at me, and then back to her. “This is not what it looks like,” he said, way too casually, a hint of laughter in his tone.

I jumped in to help explain. “I didn’t even know he was here. I didn’t think he was coming home last night. I’m so sorry. Justin’s right, it really isn’t what it looks like.” The panic I felt, caused the words to quickly spill from my lips.

Eve’s mouth mashed shut, puckered tightly in anger. Her hands were folded into dainty fists and her normally pale skin was glowing devil red.

“Really, nothing happened between us,” I said, and slowly b
egan to roll off the bed.

“No, you stay, I’m leaving,” she shouted.
“You—you
Harlot
!” My mouth fell open. I looked at Justin. “Sorry,” he said, grinning, almost as if he was enjoying this. “I’ll go talk to her,” he told me calmly as he got up. He put his shirt on then went after her.

I put my clothes from the night before back on and went to the kitchen, making sure to leave Justin’s shirt
behind.

Larry was reading the paper, well more like pretending to read the paper. He always seemed to be oblivious to what was g
oing on, but didn’t miss a thing. He was highly perceptive, with the skills of Jason Bourne, minus the wicked car chases and killings. Sometimes it made me wonder if the insurance company he owned was a front and he really was a spy.

“What’s all that about?” Pam asked me as she sat down next to Larry with a cup of steaming coffee. They were both way too relaxed. I knew they had to have heard Eve squawking.

“I don’t know. I don’t think she liked me much before. She’s probably never going to want him to see me again after that.”

“What exactly was
that
?” Pam asked smiling, seemingly anticipating a scandal. I exhaled dramatically. “There was this thing with me and Ryan last night and I didn’t think Justin was coming home, so I came here to sleep in his bed.”

“And when you woke up this morning he was in bed with you?” Pam filled in the blank, a wicked twinge to her tone.

“Yeah,” I mumbled, not nearly as amused as she was.

“Go on,” she provoked, sipping her coffee, anxious to hear the rest of the story.

“Justin and I weren’t exactly on opposite ends of the bed when Eve came in.” I lowered my voice to a whisper, “I was about two inches from being completely on top of him.”

Larry chuckled.

“Nothing happened,” I announced quickly, for his benefit. “We just got tangled up in our sleep.” Larry full on laughed, which made me smile. He lowered his paper in time to peek at me, catching it before I made it disappear from my lips. He winked to let me know he was a witness.

It did sound like a weak excuse, but it was true.
Nothing indecent had happened between.

Justin walked back in without Eve.

“How mad is she?” I scrunched up my face prepared for the worst. 

“1 to 10, she’s a 25.”

“I really am sorry, Justin. I didn’t mean to lay on you like that,” I whined. Larry snickered. Pam smacked the back of his newspaper as warning for him to stop.

“I could have slept on the couch.” Justin shrugged. “I knew you were in my bed before I got in it.”

“I really didn’t think you were coming home,” I offered again.

“It’s okay. Eve just needs time to cool off.” Justin chuckled and then full on laughed.

“What’s funny?”

“Nothing,
really
.”

“Liar,” I gasped. “What is it?”

“Eve saw your panties,” he grinned. Pam hit Larry’s paper again as a warning not to laugh out loud. That was the problem with having parents you could say anything in front of, and Justin didn’t edit purely because he didn’t have to.

I groaned, rubbing my forehead.

“I didn’t get to see them, but she said they were black…and tiny.” Justin’s face morphed into an absurdly big smile.

“Seriously Justin!”
I yanked my hands up, sticking them on my hips.

“What?” he laughed. “I didn’t say it. Eve did. I told her I had no idea you weren’t wearing anything under your shirt.”

“It was your shirt,” I mumbled, swinging my head from side to side not believing the trouble I’d caused him.

“Yeah, she said that, too.” Justin grinned again. “She also didn’t appreciate me feeling you up,” he laughed. My hands rushed to cover my face. I groaned remembering the feel of his hands on me and... “You kissed me,” my eyes widened as I r
emembered.

“I was asleep,” he protested weakly.

“Kissed you
how
?” Pam asked, anxious to develop the scandal she was cultivating in her mind.

“A peck!
A peck on the forehead.” I held my hands out as if signifying there was no way it could have been any other kind of kiss. Everyone chuckled at my flustered expression.

“Calm down, Reynolds. It’s not a big deal.”

“I know that! I also understand why she’s angry. I just don’t want her to keep you from me because of this. I hardly ever see you now,” I complained.

“Don’t worry. Eve will be fine.”

“So, she
doesn’t
want you to ever see me again,” I stated dramatically. 

He shrugged. “She told me to choose.”

“No she didn’t,” I gasped. I saw Pam’s mouth fall open in my peripheral vision.

“Yeah, she did.”

“What’d you say?”

“I told her I wouldn’t. That she would have to choose, b
ecause you are always going to be part of my life. It’s up to her whether she wants to be or not.”

“Justin,” I moaned, “I can’t believe you said that. It’s why she left, isn’t it?”

“Yep.” Justin accentuated the p sound, sending it echoing through the room.

“She’s really going to despise me now,” I whined.

“Sorry, Reynolds, but I wasn’t going to lie to her. It would have only made things worse. She knew the day we met that my best friend’s a girl.”

I took a second to love that he’d told Eve about me the day they met, then said, “Yeah, but I doubt she anticipated finding us wrapped up in bed together.
And you have to admit you wouldn’t like it if you found her in bed with another guy. Even if all they were doing was sleeping.”

“She’s right,” Pam chimed in.

“What she saw didn’t look entirely innocent,” I told him.

“But it was and she should trust that I’m telling her the truth.”

I shrugged. “I guess, but she’s still probably going to have doubts,” I confessed. “I would.”

“I guess when you put it like that I understand her feelings a li
ttle better, but—” “You should call her,” I interrupted. 

“I’m going to let her calm down first. She was pretty
pissed.”

It seemed the seriousness of what had just happened was settling into Justin’s brain and his expression reflected that. He r
ealized he could lose her.

“She’ll be back.” I gazed at him. “She would be an idiot not to come back to you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbled. “Let’s talk about what led to you winding up in my bed last night. What did you and Ryan get into it about?”

I didn’t want to tell him, especially in front of Pam and Larry. I didn’t even want to think about it. Justin grinned, reali
zing my hesitancy to tell him. “Must be pretty bad,” he announced, pouring coffee.

“I’m not sure. We haven’t really talked about it yet.”

“Wow, you fought without talking, that’s amazing,” Justin smirked, passed me the cup, and then poured his own.

“I never said we had a fight. I said we had a thing.
”.

Justin rolled his eyes. “So what was
the thing
?”

“I’m only going to say this once, so keep up.” He smiled and nodded as if it wouldn’t be a problem.

“Last night Lindsay told me something she’d overheard Ricky say to Shawn about Ryan. I asked him about it. He didn’t answer me, but I could tell it was true by the look on his face, so I left and came here.”

“What’d he do?”

“I don’t want to tell you.”

“Because I was right, right?”
Justin said smugly.

“No, because I don’t want to.”

“Because I was right,” he gloated. “Who is she?”

“Was,” I corrected, rolling my eyes.

“Okay, so who
was
she?”

I took in a deep breath and released it with the words, “his prom date.”

Justin’s features rearranged in confusion. “I didn’t see that coming.”

“What does that mean?”

“I saw him prom night and he seemed completely uninterested in the girl he was with.”

“You saw them?” I nearly came out of my skin. I don’t know why I found that so surprising. They were at the same place.

“Yeah, I saw them. They didn’t seem like they were together at all. He talked to his friends and pretty much ignored her. She was mostly with a girl I’d never seen before.” 

“Ricky’s date, I bet. They go to the same school.”

“You should probably talk to him about it. Maybe Ricky was wrong or Lindsay misheard.”

“Maybe.”
I was grasping at any possibility that could make this untrue, and was surprised that Justin suggested Ryan could be innocent, instead of blasting I-told-you-so’s at me for not heeding his warning.

“You should ask him what happened directly. Look what
happened with us this morning. Maybe it was the same kind of situation and Ricky just jumped to conclusions.” Justin snickered. “Because we definitely didn’t
you know what
.”

I laughed at the evil twinkle in his eye. “Maybe they didn’t e
ither.” I desperately hoped not. “Okay. I’ll talk to Ryan. You go see Eve and try to fix things. We’ll work on getting her to stop hating me later.”

***

When Ryan opened the door, he looked just as miserable as I did. “Annie,” he breathed and snatched me to him, hugging me tight. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

Being in his arms, smelling his skin, hearing his heart beat madly in his chest for me made my emotions fanatical. I loved him, I was angry with him, I felt betrayed and jealous. My brain was so confused—feeling so much that I just started to cry.

I didn’t want him to let me go. I knew as soon as he did we would have to have the dreaded conversation. Part of me didn’t want to know the truth, part of me didn’t care, and the rest of me needed to know so I could set fire to it in my mind and move on. I knew that even if it were true it wouldn’t change the way I felt about him.

When we finally released one another, Ryan took my hand and led me to the couch. We sat anxiously looking at each other.

“Is it true?”

“Yes,” he said quietly. I never imagined that such a small word could carry so much power. That it could break me. I felt my
fingers form tight fists at my sides. The pain of hearing him confirm what I’d hoped wasn’t true consumed me. The calmness I’d felt while in his arms vanished. My heart filled with rage. It ached at the thought of him touching her. My tears returned.

“It was a mistake, Annie. A huge mistake and I regret it more than you can imagine.” Ryan reached for me. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t touch me,” I threatened, my tone low and even. “It makes me sick to think of you being with another girl.” The broken words exited furiously from my lips.

“I know. It never should have happened.”

“Then why did it?”

“I don’t have a good reason. There’s nothing I can say that will make it excusable.”

“You were drunk. Is that what you’re trying to say?”

“Ricky snuck in a bottle of vodka and between the four of us, we finished it. I couldn’t drive and he and Amanda, his date, had a suite at the hotel. I went up there to pass out on the couch…” he trailed off, loo
king regretfully at me. “I woke up with her the next morning. I don’t remember how it happened.”