Suzanne Robinson (32 page)

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going to do something that requires more courage than anything I’ve ever done. It’s the only way I can prove to you that I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I told you—put that back on!”

Juliana tossed her undertunic aside as Gray leaped to her.

He picked up the garment and threw it at her, all aloofness gone. “Blessed God, you’re cursed bold for a maid.”

Pulling the undertunic from where it landed on her shoulder, Juliana let it fall to the ground. Gray watched it slither down her bare breast, past her hips. His gaze caressed her legs and lingered over the stockings and boots
she still wore. A crimson flush spread up his neck. His breathing grew short and sharp, but he took a step back from her.

“Aye, you’ve the courage to do this, but all it will prove is that I desire you, and that you can’t resist me. This I already know.”

Whirling quickly, he strode toward the mouth of the cave.

Trembling, Juliana raised her voice. “Arrogant man, baring myself isn’t what I meant.”

He looked back at her in surprise, and when she had his attention again, Juliana bent and removed her boots. Her fingers were cold and they shook, but she managed to take off her stockings as well. Throwing them out of the way, she forced herself to rise and stand before him. He was glaring at her this time, but she knew why. It was because he was aroused and didn’t want to be. But what she feared most was that he’d forget desire as soon as she began to walk. Waves of fear broke over her, and her whole body shook.

Do it. Do it before you lose all courage. Do it and end it, now
.

Juliana took a step, and then another. Her body shifted, slightly off balance, her gait uneven. Slowly, she crossed the space between them, giving him time to see what she never allowed anyone to see—her shamefully ungainly, misshapen walk. She kept her gaze fixed on his, certain that his anger would turn to disgust. One last step, and she would be within arm’s reach of him. She took the step, lurched to a halt, and his rage burst upon her. Grabbing her shoulders, he jerked her close.

“By the curse of Satan, you’ll not trick me with my own lust!”

Pushing against his chest with both hands, Juliana winced at his painful grip. “Lust! Did you not see?”

“See what, damn you?” He was shaking her now. “See your body, your pink and white body? See those black curls winding around your breasts? I’m not blind, Juliana, nor am I a eunuch.”

Juliana thought her head would rattle off her body with the force of his shaking. “No, no, no, no.”

The shaking stopped, but his anger didn’t. His hand fastened around her neck, and he yanked her so close he could have kissed her.

His voice rough, his breathing harsh, he whispered to her. “See what then, how I burn and swell the moment your flesh escapes the folds of your gown? By God, I’ll teach you the cost of playing with me.”

His mouth swooped down on hers, violent and ruthless. Juliana tried to speak, but her lips were buried beneath his. She twisted her head, slipped away from that ravaging mouth. At the same time, she drew back her fist and jabbed him in the stomach. He gasped, but didn’t release her.

“Oh, now look what you’ve done,” she cried.

“I!” He pulled her close. One hand slipped down to squeeze her buttocks. “God, you’re begging for chastisement.”

If she didn’t stop him, they’d end up wrestling on the cave floor. Juliana reached up, grabbed handfuls of his hair and wrenched his head up, pulling his lips from her shoulder. Then she shouted, her nose nearly touching his.

“You didn’t pay attention! Didn’t you see me walk? Thunder of God, didn’t you see the way I walk?”

His breath coming fast, still gripping her neck and buttock, Gray said nothing. His brows drew together, then his grip loosened.

“Your walk,” he repeated in a dead tone before he lapsed into silence again.

After a moment, his lips parted, and a faint “Oh” came on a sigh. Then he looked at her. Heavy silver locks swung forward as his head moved. Juliana swallowed and made herself look into his eyes, only to find the sweet warmth of a summer wind as it skims over grass-covered hills. A musing smile parted his lips, and he bent to whisper close to her ear.

“You thought I would turn from you in revulsion, didn’t you, you foolish maid?”

It was her turn to stare with her mouth open. “You didn’t even notice. Why didn’t you notice?”

“Because, my joyance, you limp, slightly. It’s only in your own eyes that you stagger like some misshapen monster. In my eyes, you glide like a falcon soaring on the unseen winds.”

“No I don’t, I hobble, stagger, and—”

“Mother of God,” he said in a wondering voice. “You think yourself so distasteful, and yet you bared yourself to me.”

“I told you I wanted to show you how much I regretted my foul temper. And it was callous and stupid of me not to realize how terrible it would be for you to be stripped.”

A stream of war-camp curses interrupted her. “I’ll beat Imad until he bleeds.”

“That you would never do.”

“I’ll think of some evil punishment.”

Juliana cleared her throat. “I—I give you leave to withdraw from our betrothal.”

She was proud of that dignified statement until he threw back his head and laughed.

“Arrogant Viking.”

“I can’t help it. You’re such a law unto yourself that you imagine that your father would allow such a thing, and that I would let you go.”

“You won’t?” She glanced up at him briefly, but was too cowardly not to drop her gaze.

He lifted her chin so that she was forced to meet his eyes. It was like staring into emeralds set afire.

“My own dear sovereign lady, my joyance, my life. You made me forget vengeance and duty, and then tried to martyr yourself. I might as well have been a lion and you a Christian.”

Say it. Say it now
. “Gray, I love you.”

His head turned to the side and lowered. His eyes closed. “Don’t say that until I’ve told you what it is you love. No, don’t stop me.”

For once Juliana kept her mouth closed and listened. She stood naked in the circle of his arms and listened to that quiet, throaty voice tell a tale of betrayal and shame, listened as the voice broke, strangled on unshed tears. Pain shot through her heart at the telling, but she knew better than to give in to it. She wouldn’t intrude her own sorrow upon his. She contented herself with touching his shoulder where the brand had seared him. And when at last that rough whisper fell silent, she felt the brush of a curtain of silken hair as he turned his face from her.

She stopped him, her fingers touching his jaw, turning it back to her. Then, standing on her toes, she covered his mouth with hers, and said with her body what words seemed too meager to say.

GRAY WOKE TO FIND THAT THE FIRE HAD DIED down. Juliana was sleeping in the curve of his body, the top of her head barely visible beneath the blanket. He was tempted to nuzzle into the depths of her hair and find that sensitive spot on her neck, but he decided not to disturb her. Making love thrice in one night had wearied her.

He was glad there wasn’t anyone to see the bemused smile he wore. Never had anyone valued him so greatly as to risk what she had risked. He would never forget the proud lift of her chin or the love in her eyes as she walked across the clearing to him, naked and certain of her deformity. That slight limp, it only made her more unique to him, more precious. And she had thought he would find her repulsive.

Juliana had offered him her soul, and given him back his own. He was so happy he was certain disaster was about to strike, for such happiness was unnatural. In his experience, life offered more misery than delight. Surely he would have to pay for this felicity. But not tonight.

Rising carefully so that he didn’t disturb Juliana, he searched for his cloak. They had dressed after lovemaking, for the night was cold. Gray fastened the garment and went outside to the pile of wood he’d discarded near the entrance. The moon had vanished, and a breeze sent black tree branches dancing. Limbs creaked and whined as he filled his arms with logs. He got to one knee and
was standing up when something crashed against the back of his head. Pain rammed through his skull just before he collapsed.

His next perception was of being dragged by his legs. His head banged over the ground, his cheek scraping against pebbles. Suddenly he glimpsed firelight, and he was thrown against the rock wall of the cave. Still dazed, he gasped when his head hit stone. He could only see a blur of light and dark for a few moments, while voices around him blared so loud he couldn’t understand them.

He had to regain his senses. If he lay still as if unconscious, his attackers might leave him alone long enough for him to recover. Moments passed in which his vision slowly cleared and his hearing grew more distinct. Finally he was able to see through his lashes.

A cloaked figure stood over Juliana, its back to him. Juliana was sitting by the fire, hands and feet bound. She spoke to the figure, but Gray was distracted by the crunch of a boot on dirt near his feet. He looked down and saw what he would have seen sooner if he hadn’t been so dazed. A sword point rested over his heart. A man-at-arms held the blade, but he was looking at the two by the fire.

Gray thanked the Holy Trinity he hadn’t moved; he would have ended up with the sword in his chest. Biding his time, he turned his attention back to the cloaked figure. A sweet, high voice issued from it, nearly causing Gray to open his eyes in astonishment.

“I’m sick of enduring you and your family,” Yolande said as she brushed back the hood of her cloak. Her voice was whispery and dulcet. “Through with giving place to those beneath me, sharing with you and your sisters, obeying when I should command. And I’m done with loneliness. No more being shut up in towers so no man can reach me, no more longing for a companion who will
treat me as I should be treated. Gray was doing that until you seduced him.”

“You killed Edmund,” Juliana said, her eyes wide.

“Oh, yes, Edmund. Well, I waited for you to do it, but you didn’t.”

Wide-eyed, Juliana said, “Why? Why did you kill him?”

“Oh,” sighed that faint, chimelike voice, “I couldn’t allow him to go unpunished for spurning me before the world. I am Yolande de Say, and no one deals me an insult. I could understand Edmund not wanting to marry you when he could have me, but then he threw me aside for some ugly hag with more castles and lands.”

“But—”

“I didn’t like all the blood, though.” Yolande began to wipe her hands on the front of her gown, rubbing them ceaselessly. “Such a lot of blood, it soiled my gown, and I had to burn it, but at least I assured myself that Edmund paid for what he did to me, just as you will pay for taking the Sieur de Valence from me.”

“I didn’t take him. Neither of us planned what happened between us.”

“You see,” Yolande continued. “I know God has a plan for me. I’m to be a great lady, the greatest in the land. You and your family never understood my rank or what was due me, but now I’m old enough to order matters as I see fit. That’s why you must die. With you gone, I’ll have Gray.”

Juliana shifted her weight so that she was sitting on her heels. “But he loves me.”

“You’ll be dead, and men are fickle. Didn’t Edmund prove that?” Yolande said. “And in any case, if he spurns me again, I’ll kill him and take Arthur, who is his heir.”

Yolande knelt and rummaged among the remains of the meal Juliana had brought with her. She found a bottle
of wine, opened it, and produced a packet from a purse suspended from her girdle. While she busied herself with the wine bottle, Gray stole looks at the man-at-arms. He was a big man, built like an ale vat, with scarred hands and yellow teeth. A man not easily subdued.

Movement by the fire caught his attention again. Yolande was pouring a fine, dark powder from a jar into the wine bottle. Replacing the stopper on the bottle, she shook the contents vigorously.

“I thought I would like killing Edmund with a knife, seeing him gurgle and bleed,” she said as if she were discussing a round dance. “I did like the gurgling, but the mess was disgusting, and I don’t want to ruin any more gowns. So I stole your mother’s key to the herb chamber and read your herb journal.”

Juliana shot a quick glance at him, while she addressed Yolande. “What’s in that powder?”

“It was clever of you to make a list of dangerous plants, and even more clever of you to put those plants aside in a chest. But you never said which of them was the most poisonous, so I used some of each.”

Gray went cold. It was all he could do to keep from lunging at Yolande.

“All?” Juliana said in a faint voice. “You used all of them?”

“All that I could find. You must have used up some, for there were several empty jars. But I did find henbane, larkspur, monkshood. I remember there was black hellebore and nightshade, and cuckoopint. I thought cuckoopint was for swelling and for making the skin white and clear.”