Suspicions (11 page)
Authors: Sasha Campbell
“Because he's away at school, but I already told him he better have his behind home next weekend. I'm hoping we can work out some kind of arrangement between us.”
She grinned. “Hey, we'll take whatever help we can get. Pampers are expensive.” Goodness, she was homely with a big-ass forehead! I guess Sierra got her looks from my side of the family.
“Yes, they are expensive.” I smiled, feeling like we were finally getting somewhere. I glanced over at the car, then back at her. “Is your daughter here?”
“No, she's at school,” she stated with a frown. “Even though she dropped out of school when she found out she was pregnant with my grandson, I made her go back to get her GED.”
Did she just say her daughter hadn't graduated from high school? Goodness. Wait until I . . . hold up a moment. “A son? She had a girl.”
“I think I would know what my daughter had,” she said, rolling her neck. She then turned and moved inside the house, leaving me standing there.
Okay, something felt seriously wrong about all this. And it only got worse when she came back out onto the porch holding a baby in her arms.
“This is my
grandson
. If I need to take off his diaper so you can see what he's working with, I will.”
grandson
. If I need to take off his diaper so you can see what he's working with, I will.”
I shook my head. “That won't be necessary.” Anyone could look at that boy and tell he was related to her.
She sucked her teeth. “What's your son's name again?”
“Scott Gordon.”
“Gordon? This boy's a Miller. Anyone can look at his big bunion head and tell who his daddy is.” With that she stepped inside and slammed the door in my face.
I left her place relieved, but no closer to finding Sierra's mother. Scott said Aisha's baby wasn't his. I should have believed him. He also said he didn't get anyone pregnant. I was starting to wonder if I should believe that as well. Once again I was wondering which of the men in my life was Sierra's father. I shook my head trying to get rid of that thought. Grant wouldn't do something like that to me. Or would he?
11
Tiffany
Ever since I refused to give Kimbel a blow job, things had been tense between us. I had even stayed two nights with Mama, hoping he would call and ask where the hell I was, only he didn't even seem to notice that I wasn't there lying in the bed beside him. Unfortunately, Mama was suspicious and wanted to know why I was back at home. No matter what I said, she swore up and down the reason I was home was because I had given him my virginity.
“You should have kept your legs closed!” she screamed while holding a bible over my head. After the second night, I couldn't take it anymore and returned to Kimbel's house. He had been in Tennessee the last two days trying to recruit a senior to come and play basketball for Northwestern. His plane was scheduled to land at six thirty. I left the salon determined to make things right with my man. As soon as I stepped into the house, I reached for my cell phone and sent a text message.
Meet me at home. I got a surprise for you.
I hit Send, then rushed into the shower. I was shaking and excited at the same time. I couldn't believe what I was about to do, but if I wanted to save my relationship, I didn't have a choice. I climbed out, dried off, and went into my room to put on the outfit I had bought yesterday at Frederick's of Hollywood. Kimbel would be arriving shortly and I didn't want him to get home before I was ready. Hopefully he was coming straight home, but after our last night together, I wasn't sure about anything anymore.
Monday night I decided not to stay at Mama's and had come home, but I might as well have not been there because Kimbel moved to his side of the bed and acted like I wasn't there. When I rolled over and started kissing on him, he told me to quit trying to start something that I couldn't finish.
Well, tonight things were going to be different.
I rubbed mango-scented lotion and bath splash all over my body, then reached inside the bag and removed a short white silk gown. The only things holding it together were two ties on each side. Quickly, I slipped it over my head and pulled it down my curves. The sales clerk had suggested I buy it a size smaller for a perfect fit. I slipped into a pair of white high-heel slippers with the fur, then moved over to the full-length mirror and stared at the woman in front of me. Sexy. I not only looked naughty, but I felt that way as well. I couldn't believe it. I liked it. I would never be considered skinny. Not with my thick hips and thighs, but my beautiful C-cups and small waist made me the perfect package. I strutted around the room pretending I was on the runway shaking my butt and popping my hips as I moved. I was looking too damn cute. “Baby, it's on. You hear me. It's on.”
Riiiinnng! Riiinnng!
The phone scared me to death. I leaned across the bed and reached for the cordless phone. I assumed it was Kimbel calling to let me know he was on his way. I almost choked when I heard my mother's voice.
“Why are you out of breath?”
“No reason, Mama.”
“No reason? You better not be over there doing the nasty,” she hissed. “I already told you that man will have more respect for you if you make him wait.”
I looked down at the negligee I was wearing and suddenly felt so dirty. “I know, Mama.”
“Are you coming home tonight?”
“I . . . I decided to stay.”
“Why? I thought he was angry at you because you wouldn't have sex with him?”
I don't know why I even told Mama except that I had been so hurt by his behavior that I needed someone to talk to me who would understand. I should have known she would throw it back in my face.
“He's my fiancé, Mama, and I came back where I belong.”
“That man isn't going to be happy until he gets what he wants.”
“Mamaâ”
“What did I tell you about giving the milk away for free?”
I closed my eyes. Mama was right. I needed to hold on to my precious gift just a little longer. What in the world was I thinking? I slipped my feet out the heels and was about to take the sleazy costume off when I spotted a picture of Kimbel and me on the nightstand. We had taken it when we flew to Las Vegas for Valentine's Day. It was the same night he had proposed.
“You need to come home. I told you moving in with that man was going to be a big mistake.”
Moving in with him was the first time in my life I had felt free from her controlling claws. It was also the only time I stood up to her. Kimbel had given me an ultimatum: either move in with him or it was over. I couldn't blame him. He was tired of my eleven-o'clock curfew and having to live by Ruby Dee's rules. I waited until Mama was at work and I had taken all the things I needed, then left her a note that I had moved out. She didn't speak to me for almost a month.
“Mama, I got to go.”
“Are you coming home tonight?”
I heard the garage door opening. Kimbel was home! My heart was pounding loudly in my ears. I was so excited.
“Tiffany, you hear me talking to you? Are you coming home tonight or not?”
“No . . . Mama, I'm not. I'm sorry.”
There was a pause. “I knew you were going to turn out to be a slut just like your sister Melanie.”
I fought back tears at hearing my mother call me a slut. I wanted so badly to tell her the real reason why my sister had left home. It wasn't because Melanie wanted to live with her boyfriend. It was because she couldn't stand living in Mama's house another day. But I didn't say anything. I never do. Instead, I listened as my mother belittled my big sister.
I missed Melanie. She had a strength I never had. And no matter how often Mother beat her with an extension cord, she stayed true to herself and didn't change who she was. Me, on the other hand, I did whatever it took to make Mama happy. Melanie wanted to join the military and see the world. The day she graduated she joined the Air Force and never looked back. Last time we spoke, she had made Sergeant. So often she tried to get me to leave and come live with her. But I couldn't. I was too scared of what my mother would say and what she would do. Melanie wasn't allowed to call or write our house. The last time I mentioned Melanie's name, Mother punched me dead in the mouth. As far as she was concerned, her oldest daughter was dead to her. I eventually lost contact with Melanie altogether. I missed her so much. Often I wondered where she was and what she was doing with her life.
“I expect you to act like a lady and have your butt back in this house tonight,” she demanded.
“Mama, I love you, but I've got to live my own life.” She was going off when I hung up the phone. There would be hell to pay, but I would have to deal with that later. Mama had temporarily killed the mood, but I wasn't going to let that woman stand in the way of my happiness. The last thing I wanted was to die a bitter old woman like her. I lit the scented candle on the dresser, then turned on Anthony Hamilton's new CD. I needed him right now.
I heard Kimbel calling my name. “Tif, where you at?”
“Up here!”
I slipped my slippers back on my feet, then moved into the bathroom and waited until I heard him enter the bedroom before I sashayed into the room. I wanted to make an entrance. “Hey.”
Kimbel stopped midstride and stared over at me. I watched his eyes travel from my breasts to my toes. “Hey,” he murmured. He didn't know what to say, which was good because neither did I.
“How was your day?” The question was stupid and not at all what I wanted to say, but right now I was at a loss.
“Pretty good. You said you had a surprise for me?” he clearly looked amused.
I nodded. “Yes, I do.”
I moved over to him. My legs were shaking but I didn't want him to know how nervous I was. “I don't want to wait any longer.” I wrapped my arms around his neck. “I want you to make love to me.” I tried to kiss him, but he pulled back and stared at me. I watched his Adam's apple bobbing at his throat.
“I thought you wanted to wait until after we were married ?”
“I did at first, but why wait? We're engaged . . . you love me . . . and that's . . . all . . . that . . . matters,” I said between kisses.
Kimbel pulled me close to him, wrapping his arms around me, and deepened the kiss. My body started to relax and I tried to forget about Mother and what she had beaten into my thick skull all those years.
“You're so sexy,” he said as he reached for the ties, loosened the negligee, and pulled it over my head. I stood there wearing nothing but the high-heeled slippers while his eyes perused my length.
“And so are you.” I reached for his tie and loosened it, then started on the buttons of his shirt. My hands were shaking so hard, but I had to do this no matter how much it was against my values.
Kimbel carried me over to the bed and lay me gently at the center; then he reached for his belt buckle and removed his pants. The entire time he shed his clothes, his eyes never left me. As I watched him pull his belt from the loops, I thought about Mother taking the belt to my butt that time she had walked into my room and found me fondling myself. She beat me that night until I was raw because I had been curious about how it felt to be touched down there.
Kimbel lay on the bed beside me and pulled me in his arms, raining kisses across my face and neck. I closed my eyes and for once allowed myself to enjoy him. His lips traveled down to my breasts, where he captured my nipple in his mouth and sucked and teased until I was squirming on the bed. “Just relax, baby. Daddy's going to make you feel good.”
He traveled even lower and touched me just the way he had two weeks ago. His tongue darting in and out that he next replaced with a finger, first one, then two.
“Tif, I'm going to take my time, baby, because I want your first time to be perfect.”
I pushed back a sob. My man was so sweet and thoughtful to think about how I was feeling. He positioned himself between my thighs and the second I felt him push, I flinched.
“Sweetheart, I'm going to take it slow, but I'm not going to lie. It's going to hurt a little.”
I drew in a shaky breath and nodded. “I know that, Kimbel. I trust you.”
He lowered his lips to mine and pushed his tongue inside my mouth. I met his strokes and tried to forget about what he was doing. “Wrap your legs around me.” I did and he kissed me as he pushed hard inside my body. A scream tore from my throat and he stopped. “Are you okay?”
I nodded.
He kissed me. “We can stop.”
“No . . . don't stop. Please finish.” And to make sure he knew I meant it, I pushed his butt so he slipped farther inside. I grit my teeth and bit back the pain.
“Oooh . . . baby, you're so tight.” He started to move, rocking back and forth until he pushed all the way through. It hurt like hell, but I held on. Forget the hype. I was hurting so bad it took everything I had not to cry. Kimbel kept kissing me and moving slowly at first, then his breathing got heavy and he started moving faster. “Baby, I'm sorry. It just feels too good. I can't wait any longer.” He started pumping like a wild man. “Uuuughhh!” he cried; then he exploded. I opened my eyes in time to see his eyes close and the smile on his lips. He was happy, and that's all that really mattered, right?
Kimbel collapsed on top of me and I lay there glad it was over. “Baby, I'm sorry. Next time will be better for you. I promise.” He pulled me into his arms and showered me with kisses. I waited until he had drifted off to sleep before I started crying my ass off. Mother was right. I should have waited. I had saved my relationship, but now I lost the one thing I had managed to hold on to for twenty-seven years. Now that my virginity was gone, I felt so empty inside.
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