Susan Spencer Paul - [Enchanter 01] (30 page)

It was a good night for sleeping, Niclas thought as yet another flash of lightning lit the sky. Cold, stormy nights always made a bed seem warmer, and a pillow softer. He glanced at the large, comfortable bed in the chamber. Abercraf had pulled the covers back and made it ready in case Niclas wished to lie down and rest. It was a game they played out every night, a way to maintain a semblance of normalcy. There had been a time when Niclas had thought it a good idea, a hope for the day when it would no longer be a farce. Now he could only view it with despair.

Sighing, he turned his gaze back out the open window.

It was going to be a long night, but at least he had the storm for company.

Julia shivered as she made her way down the dark hallway, the flame of her candle flickering in the chilly breeze that whistled its way in through the little cracks in the castle walls. The fire in her room had managed to keep her warm even after the storm began and the air grew colder, but the castle halls felt like the inside of a cave. The discomfort would be short-lived, though, once she found Niclas’s chamber.

She thought, when she first pushed the heavy door open, that she had made a mistake. Loris must have been confused when she’d told her Niclas was using this room, for it was as cold as the hallway and completely dark. Julia very nearly went back out at once, pulling the door to shut it, but the sound of the rain and wind blowing through the chamber’s open window made her stop.

She stepped back in and stood quietly, waiting. A flash of light from the storm revealed Niclas’s tall form, and she shut the door behind her, then turned to throw the bolt.

He said nothing as she came near, clutching the shawl she’d thrown over her gown tightly about her neck and lifting the candle a bit higher to find her way.

“You shouldn’t be here,” he said softly, his face only partly illumined by the flickering candlelight.

“Why don’t you have a fire?” she asked. “It’s freezing in here. You’ll catch a chill.”

He made a movement toward her, saying, stiffly, “Let me take you back to your room,” but she stepped back.

“No, Niclas. I’ve come to speak with you, . . . and and I don’t plan to leave, even after that.” She swallowed against the nervousness that trembled in her voice.

He stood where he was, silent. The fitful wind gusted, making the open window rattle and droplets of rain splatter on to the floor and walls—and on Niclas, as well. Julia shivered, and as her eyes grew used to the darkness, she could see that he wasn’t wearing a jacket. Worse, the buttons of his shirt were undone, revealing the skin beneath.

“What are you doing?” she asked, feeling slightly aggravated. “You can’t possibly be comfortable.”

He shrugged. “I find it refreshing. What did you come to speak with me about so late at night? I imagined you long asleep by now.”

“I was, for an hour or so,” she confessed. “But then something woke me.”

He looked at her curiously. “What?”

“A question,” she said. “Or perhaps a realization. I should have known after you explained everything to me this afternoon, but my mind has been occupied with other matters. Niclas—” She moved closer, and the wind blew out her candle. “Please tell me. Has a curse been laid on you? A blood curse?”

She could scarcely make out his features without the help of the candle, but she both felt and heard the quiet sigh he gave.

“Stay here,” he murmured, and took the candlestick out of her hand. He walked away and she heard a great deal of cloth rustling from the direction of the enormous bed that sat in the middle of the room. When he returned he enfolded Julia in a soft, heavy blanket, then drew her into his arms and settled again in front of the open window.

“Look,” he said, cradling her so that her head rested upon his chest. “You can see the lights of Glen Aur from here, even in the storm.”

Her shivering began to lessen in the blanket’s comforting warmth. She could feel the strength of the arms lashed about her, and the gentleness, as well.

Cold air stung her cheeks as she looked to where he pointed. In the valley below the lights of Glen Aur twinkled invitingly, and she thought of her aunt there, safe and sleeping.

“It’s beautiful,” she whispered. “My aunt has asked me to stay with her through the rest of the Season. And the summer, as well.”

“Has she?” he asked, a touch of surprise in his tone. “Perhaps that would be best.”

She swallowed again, harder this time. “Do you think so, Niclas?”

“Yes,” he said, his voice low. “I do. I would far rather leave you with Lady Alice, where I know you will be in pleasant company, than take you back to London and put you beneath Lady Eunice’s hand again. I want you to be happy, Julia.”

Rain blew in through the window again, and Julia closed her eyes and lifted her face to feel the cold drops on her skin.

“I am under a blood curse,” he said softly, his arms tightening. “I came to Wales, brought you here, in the hope of lifting it by preventing my uncle from forcing himself upon your aunt. But as I’m sure you’ve discovered without my having to say it, there was nothing to be stopped. No unpleasant deed to be performed. Ffinian speaks of marrying your aunt, but Lady Alice clearly has
him well in hand.” He spoke tonelessly, without emotion, and Julia felt her heart breaking. “We came for nothing, Julia. You suffered this journey, and Cadmaran’s spell, and were nearly lost to the spirit realm for nothing. Instead of performing a good deed for the Linleys, I’ve only added insult to injury. Except in this instance, if any lasting harm had come to you, I wouldn’t have needed a curse to teach me sorrow.”

She turned in his arms to look up at him, gazing into the light eyes, dimmed by the darkness.

“I don’t understand,” she said. “How could doing something for my family help to lift a curse? You’ve done nothing to us.”

He lifted a hand and, with gentle fingertips, wiped the moisture from her face. Then he stroked the edges of her hair back upon her forehead, lightly, carefully.

“I caused the death of the man who for many years was my dearest friend. He was also a distant cousin of yours.”

“Do you mean Andrew Payne?” she asked. When he nodded, she said, “But he was a very distant relation. I hardly even knew him. And you couldn’t have had anything to do with his death, because he committed suicide over his wife’s infidelities. He left a letter explaining everything.”

“Everything except how he discovered that his wife was being unfaithful. They were both mere mortals, you know. I was able to read her feelings.”

Shock stole Julia’s voice, momentarily. Reaching up through the blanket, she gripped a handful of Niclas’s shirt.

“You told him?”

He covered her hand with his own, squeezing hard.

“He loved Lucilla desperately, and he knew something was wrong. I thought I was being a friend by helping him, and assumed that he would simply put a stop to her affairs. The trouble was that I didn’t bother to read his emotions before I told him. I could control the gift in those days. Far worse, I failed to tell him everything that I had felt from Lucilla, for fear that he would wonder how I knew.”

“He didn’t know about your gift?”

“I never revealed it to him, not even when we were at school together. As I said, it was easier to control my gifts in those days. But I wish I had taken the risk of his discovery, for if I’d only told him how deeply and truly Lucilla loved him, despite the other men, perhaps he never would have fallen into such despair.”

“And perhaps he would,” she said. “I didn’t know Andrew Payne well, but I cannot believe that the guardians found you to blame for what was, in the end, his decision.”

A particularly loud clap of thunder punctuated the words, and Julia turned to shout out the window, “No, I can’t!”

She felt his hands, warm and gentle on her face, turning her back to him.

“I love you,” he said, and kissed her until every ounce of indignation had disappeared. Lifting his head, he murmured, “I was afraid you would hate me. Andrew may have been a distant relative, but he was your cousin, all the same. I wouldn’t have blamed you. God knows how I’ve hated and blamed myself. I don’t think the guardians were wrong to punish me.”

“What is the curse?” she asked. “Are you in pain? Is that why you always seem to be so weary?”

“I’m not in physical pain,” he said, “but mental. I can no longer sleep as mortals must do, to rest my mind completely. My body rests and renews itself, but not my mind.”

It took Julia several moments to comprehend what he’d said, and several more to consider just how great a punishment had been laid upon him.

“And this has been since Andrew died?” she asked. “You’ve not had a proper sleep for over
three years
?”

Through the darkness, she saw his nod.

“But how can that be? You would have gone mad by now. Any man would.”

“Other men don’t have Earl Graymar for a cousin,” he said simply. “And, despite what he’s been able to do for me, I am inexorably sliding toward madness. Magic can but slow the process, not stop it. Already I’ve lost the ability to control my gifts, so that when I’m with mere mortals I feel all their emotions without relief. In time I’ll cease to be rational, and God alone knows where it will end.”

“That is why you cannot marry,” she said, touching his cheek. “I felt something inside of you, because of the Tarian, and accepted that we could never be together. Now I know what it is.”

He kissed her again, then held her tightly as the wind gusted all about them. “I let myself hope, as we journeyed, when I knew I loved you, that by the time we returned to London the curse would be gone, that I could ask you to be my wife. But it became clear from the first day at Tylluan that there was nothing I could do to repay the debt I owe.”

“Must it be repaid to my family? Or only to someone related to Andrew?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “No one ever knows precisely how the curse can be lifted, or what duty must be performed. The cursed one can only try, and keep trying, everything possible, to repay the blood they are guilty of.”

“It was
not
your fault,” she repeated emphatically. “Lucilla’s foolish behavior had far more to do with it than you did, and Andrew’s weakness in controlling her was even more to blame.”

He shook his head. “I used magic to find out and tell him what I had no right to divulge. And Andrew would still be alive if I’d simply stayed out of the matter entirely. It was very wrong of me, Julia, and I accept that completely.”

“Then let me help you to find the way to lift the curse,” she said eagerly, pushing away enough to look up at him. The wind gusted in a curtain of rain, spotting them both with droplets, but she paid it no mind. “I know everything that’s happening among all of the families Andrew was related to, and I can discover who all of Lucilla’s relatives are, as well. Together we can take every opportunity to be of help or service, and in time surely we’ll come across the right fix. Don’t say no until you’ve had a chance to think upon it,” she said when he began to shake his head.

“Darling, I love you far too much to take such a chance. Do you think I would bind you to me, only to watch as I descend into madness? To live with me night after night as I wander and roam until you begin to feel crazed, as well? And what if I should get you with child? Would you let our son or daughter grow up in a living nightmare? No, love. I know you would not, and I wouldn’t ask you to make such a choice. Don’t weep, Julia. Please.”

“It’s only the rain,” she lied.

He bent and kissed both cheeks, several times, taking the moisture away.

“I’ll take you to Glen Aur in the morning,” he said, “and then Abercraf and I will depart.”

“Will you go back to London?”

“I don’t know,” he murmured. “Perhaps I will. Malachi would come after me if I didn’t. And there are matters that I must attend to in town. But regardless of what happens to me, Julia, you must promise that you’ll live as fully and happily as you possibly can. Don’t go back to Linley House to live with Lady Eunice, for, much as I respect her, I cannot believe you wish to remain with her for the rest of your life.”

“I don’t want to live alone, either,” she whispered. “I hope you aren’t going to say anything about my forgetting you and finding another man, because if you do, I’ll strike you. And though you’re much bigger and stronger, I shall do my best to make it hurt.”

And then, embarrassingly, her trembling voice gave way and tears flowed. Niclas quickly gathered her close and murmured soothingly.

“I don’t expect you to forget me,” he said. “Just as I know I’ll never be able to put you from my thoughts. But I don’t want you to suffer or be alone. If you don’t have sufficient funds of your own to set up your own house in London, I’ll provide them. Jane can go with you, and I’m sure Lady Alice would far rather stay with you when she visits town than with her sister. You can go to parties and balls and dinners and the theater. You can live, Julia. That’s what I want for you. To live and be as happy and content as you possibly can. Promise me, please, that you’ll try.”

She sniffled, sounding embarrassingly like a child to
her own ears, then wiped her face and looked up at him.

“I’ll make you my promise, but only in exchange for something from you, first.”

“I’ll give you anything that I can so long as it brings you no harm,” he said.

Julia’s heart began to beat loudly in her ears, and she suddenly found that she wasn’t drawing in enough breath. The storm outside had begun to lessen, and thunder rumbled in the distance.

“I want to know, just . . . once” she began, thankful that it was too dark for him to see how hot her cheeks had become. “I—I want to stay here with you tonight, . . . and”

A hand rose to cradle her face again. “I might get you with child, love.”

“That would only ensure my happiness,” she whispered. “I would never regret such a gift.”

“You would not, I know, but the child would suffer. Society isn’t kind to such children or their mothers, and I’ll not leave either of you to such a fate. But there is another way for us to be as one, Julia.” He kissed her, gently. “Come and lie with me.”