Survivor: 1 (21 page)

Become new people, with new identities. They could
do it.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk to me?" Brad
asked, scooting closer to her on the sofa. His features
were soft and open. "You look like you have a lot on your
mind you want to talk about."_

She looked up at him and forced a smile. "I'm fine ...
really, I'm fine. It's just..-."

"It's still on your mind? Isn't it?"

Lisa nodded, mouth set in a bloodless grimace. Her
stomach rolled in her belly and the nausea returned.
Morning sickness, she thought, as the next wave hit her
deep, making her cringe. It's just morning sickness that's
making me feel so bad, that's all, just-

If it was morning sickness, she had been having it
since the day Brad picked her up at USC Medical Center.
If it was morning sickness, it hit her strongest whenever
she thought about what she had done to save herself and
their unborn baby.

The guilt was weighing down heavily on her more and
more as the days went by.

And with it came the pain in her abdomen.

The only reason she was alive today was that her abductors had found another to take her place. To spare
her life, and the life of the unborn baby growing in her
womb, she had offered Alicia and her baby girl Mandy as
ritual sacrifices. The image that stayed in her mind the
most was the look on Alicia's face when Lisa had surprised her near the entrance of the same restaurant she
and Brad had met her. That look of surprise as Alicia recognized her, the look of hope flooding her features as
she swallowed the story Animal told her-that he was a
friend of Lisa and Brad's, and that the three of them had
done some thinking and decided to put Alicia and her
baby up in a motel until she could get on her feet. All she
needed to do was follow them this way-Brad was waiting in the car-and then the look of utter surprise as they
got to the van and Tim popped out from behind the door
as Animal ushered Alicia inside, clamping the
chloroform-drenched rag over her mouth and nose,
pushing her inside the van, Lisa grabbing the handle of
the baby's car seat before it could crash to the ground.
For a brief instant, she glimpsed the expression on Alicia's face and her eyes seemed to light on Lisa's, terrorstricken and asking Why?

It was that look she had to ignore as she'd fought Animal for her life outside the van.

That look on Alicia's face was on Lisa's mind constantly now. It chased her into the night, keeping her
from sleep.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about anything?"
Brad asked again.

Lisa shook her head, fighting back the tears. She wanted so much to tell him everything, but she was
afraid.

If you tell anybody-and / mean anybody-/ will fucking find you, and you and your family are going to wind up
as playthings for Animal in a film. You got that?

1 just wanted to save my baby...

Lisa felt the tears coming. "No . . " she said, her voice
trembling. "No .. "

The look in Alicia's eyes before the chloroform rendered her unconscious. Why?

The screaming of Alicia's infant daughter, Mandy,
growing dim as Lisa ran away from the van ... the
thought of that baby crying as Tim drove away, the sound
of that baby's cries still lingering in her haunted mind.

Lisa began to cry, deep sobs that burst from her gut.
She doubled over from the force of them. She had only
wanted to save her own baby. She had only wanted to
save the wonderful life she was building with Brad. She
had only wanted to give her own unborn baby-tea baby
she and Brad had sacrificed so much for and had gone
through hell to conceive-a chance at life. 'chinking
about this, thinking about the fact that she had so easily
turned Tim and his murderous group onto an innocent
woman and her infant daughter, all to appease the faceless group of perverts who paid big money to satisfy their
sadistic urges, was more devastating to her than she had
ever expected.

"Lisa" Brad's voice was filled with concern. He knelt
down beside her, touching her knee gently. "Hey, it's
okay, honey. You're safe now. Everything's going to be all
right!

Lisa shook her head, the tears flowing more freely
now. The sobs were coming from deep within her, pouring from the depths of her soul. "No, it's not." She felt an other sudden pain in her abdomen, this one more penetrating, and she began to cry harder. It was a cry of loss.
"No, it's not going to be all right. It's never going to be all
right"

Lisa Miller was beginning to bleed.

After they returned home from the hospital to deal with
the miscarriage shortly after midnight, Lisa Miller told
her husband what really happened.

Everything.

"Please don't say anything!" Lisa was crying. She had
been crying for the past thirty minutes as she spun the
narrative out.

Brad hadn't been able to sit still through Lisa's sudden
confession. He had paced the floor of the master bedroom where Lisa was lying in bed, feeling his shock, fear,
and anger grow as the story went from its harrowing beginnings to its desperate conclusion.

"Please don't hate me!" Lisa cried. She buried her face
in her hands, bawling.

"Honey," Brad said. He went to her bedside and tried
to take her in his arms as she sat hunched over. "I could
never hate you."

"I killed them!" she cried.

"Lisa," Brad began. He didn't know what to say. He was
at a loss for words.

killed them!" Lisa said. She pounded the mattress with her fist over and over. "I killed them and our child is
dead and it's my fault!"

"It is not your fault!" Feeling a sudden burst of anger at
the man who had been responsible for the near murder
of his wife, Brad gripped Lisa's shoulders. "Look at me!"

Lisa raised her tear-streaked face to his. She had been
crying for days, and her face was red and damp. Brad
looked into her eyes, gripping her upper arms firmly.
"You did not kill them. They killed them, not you. You
tried to save Alicia and Mandy. Okay?"

"But I failed!" She broke down sobbing. She collapsed
into his arms. "I failed and they died because of me, and
I still couldn't ... still couldn't save our baby!"

"I know," Brad said, holding her, just wanting to protect
her and love her. "I know, honey. But the important thing
is that you saved yourself. You got yourself out of there.
That's all that matters now."

They remained that way for a while. Lisa sobbed and
Brad held her, stroking her hair. He told her he loved her.
He told her he was glad that she was safe and sound and
in his arms.

In time, Lisa's sobs trickled down. She wiped her upper
lip with the back of her hand. Despite the long day, Brad
didn't feel the least bit tired. Their day had started at seven
A.M., and it was now well past two A.M. He had taken Lisa
to the hospital shortly after three P.M. and she had been
discharged at eleven-thirty. The doctor had instructed
them that Lisa needed three days of bed rest, and had prescribed a mild sedative to help her sleep. Lisa had taken
one but had been unable to sleep. All she had been able
to do was cry.

"I feel so bad," Lisa said. She looked up at Brad. Her
eyes were red. "Do you understand how I feel? I feel
so ... so violated."

Brad nodded. "I understand."

Lisa leaned into his embrace again. "I feel worse than a
rape victim," she said, her voice muffled slightly through
his shirt. "Even though they didn't ... didn't do anything
to me..."

"I know," Brad said, holding her.

And I'm so scared," Lisa said. "And I feel so guilty.
'chat's ... that's one of the reasons why 1 had to tell you. It
was just ... just eating me up inside."

Brad held her, just listening. As much as he wanted to
help her, he knew that what she was feeling would have
to be sorted out by her.

"I just don't want you to hate me for what I did " she
said, her voice a low whisper. "Please don't hate me."

"1 don't hate you," Brad said. He kissed the top of her
head. "I would have done the same thing.'

"You would've?" A sharp intake of breath, as if she were
surprised.

"Yes." A sharp pang of guilt and shame stabbed him in
the gut; would he have done the same thing? Nbuld he
have done something so ... so harsh? So cruel?

She sniffled. "So you don't think I'm a monster?"

"No. If anybody's a monster, it's those men.* Brad felt
his anger return. And with it came fear.

"I had to get it off my chest," she said. "But I also don't
want you to ... to say anything. I don't want them to
come after us."

*They won't"

"Please don't say anything," Lisa said. She looked up at
him again, her face pleading.

"Everything will be okay." Brad kissed her. "You need to
get some sleep" He glanced at the dock. It had been
more than four hours since she had taken a sedative, so it
would be safe for her to have another. In fact, she could
take two of them, the doctor had said. "Why don't I get
you your pills and some water so you can sleep."
"

Lisa leaned back against the pillows. For the first time
since they arrived home from the hospital, she looked
tired. "I could use maybe one pill. All of a sudden, I feel
so tired."

"Talking probably helped," he said. He caressed her
hand. "I'll be right back."

He went into the master bathroom and drew a cup of
water for her and got her a pill. He returned and handed
the pill to her. She drank it down with a swallow of water.
He replaced the glass on the bureau. He drew the covers
up over her and turned off the bedside lamp. "Try to get
some sleep," he said. "I'll be in a little later."

"You don't hate me?"

"I don't hate you."

Lisa let out another small cry. "I'm so sorry."

Brad kissed her and held her close. "It's okay," he
whispered.

Lisa cried for a little bit, then quieted down. The last
thing she said before she drifted off to sleep was "Please
don't say anything. Please don't. . "

Brad knelt beside her and held her hand, watching as
she descended into a deep sleep. When he was sure she
was sleeping soundly, he exited the master bedroom and
went into the living room to call William Grecko.

William Grecko answered the phone on the third ring.
"'Lo." His voice was groggy.

"Billy, it's Brad."

. "Brad" William's voice perked up. "What's up? Christ,
it's ... it's after two in the morning. Is everything okay?"

"I need to talk," Brad said, resisting the urge to blurt
everything out to Bill now "Can you come over?"

"I ... yeah, I guess I can. What ... what's going on?"

"Please, just come over. I need to talk, Billy, I really
need help. You're the only person I can trust."

"Is it Lisa? Is she all right?"

"We lost the baby"

There was silence for a brief moment. "Oh, Brad."
Billy's tone was sad. "I'm so sorry." -

"Ibere's more to it than that. I can't talk about it on the
phone because I think I'm going to lose my mind if I do.
Please come over."

"I'll be there in thirty minutes"

When he hung up, Brad went into the kitchen and
found a bottle of Jim Beam and two glasses. He poured
the whiskey into both glasses, then brought them to the
living room. He turned a lamp on in the living room and
sat down to wait for William Grecko to arrive.

And while he waited, he drank.

And thought.

William Grecko arrived thirty minutes later, right on
schedule.

Brad ushered him inside. "Want a drink?"

William had thrown on a pair of blue jeans and a white
polo shirt. His hair was uncombed. His eyes were red, his
features still puffy from being woken out of a sound
sleep. "Um, yeah," he said, licking his lips. "1 guess I could.
Urn, you know I'm trying to quit, Brad..."

"Have a drink," Brad said, handing Billy the glass he
had poured for the lawyer.

Billy took the glass. He looked nervous. "Really, Brad,
um ... I know I'm a fuckup, but I really am trying to quit.
I'm an alcoholic, for God's sakes"

"We both know that six months from now you'll be back
to drinking again," Brad said, pouring himself another
glass. "One drink isn't going to hurt you. Besides, you're going to need it after hearing what I have to tell you'

William hesitated, then took the glass.

"I have something to tell you," Brad said, walking into the living room. He sat down in his favorite easy chair
and motioned for William to sit down. "It's something Lisa
told me this evening, when we got home from the hospital. It ... it has something to do with some of the ... inconsistencies of her story"

"Yes?" William leaned forward, looking both curious
and afraid of the look on Brad's face. A week ago, the
detectives handling the case had mentioned to Brad
that there were some inconsistencies in Lisa's story that
had them concerned. Brad had responded angrily,
telling the cops that Lisa had been fucking kidnapped
goddamnit! She was the fucking victim! Billy had been
present during the brief meeting and had calmed Brad
down. Later, the lawyer had met with the detectives and
told Brad what had them concerned. "They think her
story doesn't add up," he'd told Brad. "They say it's
highly unlikely that they would have let her live. That
they would have killed her."

Brad had responded angrily and the detective on the
case, a guy named Paul Orr, had backed off, saying he'd be
in contact again the following week. Now that Brad had
had time to think about Lisa's story and what she'd told the
police originally, he could see the holes in her official statement on the crime. "Lisa told me everything," he began.
"It ... it's very similar to what she told the original officers,
but..."

He told William. And as Brad spun the story out he
could see the color drain from Bill's face. The lawyer set
the glass down, his mouth agape as Brad told him what
her original kidnapper's purpose was. "Oh my God," he
said.