Surviving Passion (20 page)

Blaire dropped what she was doing and the two of them set out to find him immediately. When they reached Bear, he was covered in mud, and several of the pigs were back in their enclosure. He saw the two of them marching over and halted his work. Selena couldn’t look him in the eye as Blaire faithfully repeated her story. Bear listened silently with a deep frown. He looked unmoved, and Selena worried that he might not help her.

“This is all true?” he asked her when Blaire had finished.

All she could manage was a nod. For several long moments, he offered no reply whatsoever and only stood there thinking.

“I don’t want everyone to know about this, if that’s possible,” Selena requested weakly.

After what felt like forever, he answered, “I believe you. So would everyone else. There are only two choices. Get everyone together and if they think he’s guilty, we’ll have to kill him. We can’t let him go or he’ll go straight to Jake. The other option is that Blaire and I go threaten him. We give him a warning that we’re watchin’ his every move. We tell him the first second he steps out of line, or you so much as look unhappy, we’re gonna blow this whole thing wide open on him.”

Selena glanced between the two of them, hoping they wouldn’t choose the first option, but they seemed to be waiting for her.

“It’s up to you,” Blaire said quietly.

“I think … the second choice.”

Selena wasn’t completely settled about this. There was still the haunting possibility that Clint would find a way to hurt her, no matter how much they threatened him. She was not ready to discuss her plight with everyone in the community, however, especially at such a sensitive time with Dan.

Bear nodded and turned to address Blaire. “Alright. I’ll be right back. Why don’t you meet me in front of the kitchen in a few minutes? I need to grab a couple of things.” He turned to Selena adding, “This will be just Blaire and I. You don’t need to be around for it. Probably best if you get on with your day.”

Selena was relieved and accompanied Blaire only as far as the kitchen. The other woman grumbled all the while about what a nasty person Clint had turned out to be and how everyone should have guessed he was no good.

Selena listened silently, feeling worried. She was sure that even now, no one knew how truly depraved the man was. The others hadn’t seen the furious hate that had been directed at her, or his violent attitude towards Dan. It was strange that he would say these things in private but hide his animosity the rest of the time. Briefly, Selena wondered what had happened to make him that way. Forcing such questions from her mind, she hoped that their plan would work, or at least buy her time. She dreaded the thought of telling everyone the truth if he ignored their warnings and the harassment continued.

While they waited in front of the kitchen, Blaire reassured her in low tones that they would put enough fear in Clint to keep him at bay. When Bear appeared with his axe slung over his shoulder, Selena believed her. The man was incredibly intimidating. Selena was glad he had decided to help her. He was probably the only person in the camp that could match Clint pound for pound.

“Lucky thing everyone’s busy cleaning up their own places,” Blaire mused. “They probably won’t even notice.”

Selena nodded as the pair of them set off for Clint’s cabin. When they drew out of sight, she suddenly felt exposed standing outside in the evening shadows alone. Folding her arms protectively around her, she hurried to Blaire’s to wait for their return and to change into dry clothes.

When she was inside, Selena felt a good deal better. She resolved not to be at dinner that evening. There was too much on her mind. She sat on the bed and mulled things over. Dan relentlessly emerged in her mind over and over. She clasped her hands against her temples, trying to force him out of her head. It didn’t work. She knew what the problem was. He was
born
to sort out problems like these. If she could have brought herself to ask for his protection, he would know exactly what to do about Clint. But she couldn’t speak to him about
anything
now, much less her fears.

“This is so hard,” she groaned quietly.

Just now, Dan’s actions were every bit as overwhelming as Clint’s. Admitting to him that she needed his help was an act of surrender. She had to wonder if such a thing could make her feel any more helpless and vulnerable than she did already. The truth was that those feelings might already be at their peak, but there was something comforting about the fact that only she knew it.
This was the right choice
, she affirmed finally.

Blaire’s return came a little later than she’d expected. “What a bastard,” Blaire told her with obvious contempt. “He tried to weasel out of it, he did. All this bullshit about him just bein’ friendly and you taking things the wrong way. Don’t worry, we didn’t buy a word of it, and told him so. We told him we’d call a meeting the minute something even smells off. He didn’t like that one bit.”

“Thanks, Blaire,” Selena told her humbly. “I’m really lucky to have you around. I don’t know what I would have done ….”

“Aww, knock it off,” she said brusquely with a half-smile. “You’d do the same for me. Now I’ve gotta go finish with dinner. You comin’?”

“I’m going to hide out in here for a while.”

“Alrighty. You take all the time you need. I’ll bring you some leftovers.”

When the door closed behind Blaire, Selena lit the bedside lantern and lay down, feeling her fears ease. But while she may not have to worry about Clint for the moment, she knew that she couldn’t escape Dan. Because she lacked the courage to speak to him, she would have to face him at a time of his choosing. She knew it was cowardly of her to keep slinking away like this, but she couldn’t look him in the eye. He was far too much for her, what had happened was even more so, and she was afraid she would crumble in front of him.

            Selena reached up to touch her lips, remembering vividly the feeling of his mouth against hers and his hands on her body. Every second of contact was a deluge of shocking intensity. She knew that he had let his calculating and rational restraint go completely. What truly amazed her was that even though he allowed the blazing passion of his emotions to guide him, he had taken her masterfully. In fact, he’d done it so well, it was as though he’d been trained to do it. As though sex was simply a different kind of combat. As with all his quarry, he was utterly relentless—and thorough. He made her resistance look as pitiful as the men he fought. Whatever he did, he did completely.

She let out a long breath in an attempt to free herself from the memories that overwhelmed her now. A low groan escaped her, but Selena didn’t try to stifle it.

“He’s not
human
,” she muttered aloud.

A soft thud brought her eyes to the lantern where a moth climbed along the outside of the glass. It fluttered toward the flame again and again before finally finding a way to crawl past the glass. Selena sat up and before she could blow the lantern out, watched as the insect was unable to fight the irresistible lure of the flame and scorched its wings. Quickly Selena blew it out before lying down to a sleepless night in the dark.

Thirteen

As the next few days passed, it became evident that Bear and Blaire kept their word. The others were never alerted to the situation with Clint. He seemed a little too happy laying low for Selena’s taste. She had a feeling in her gut that he was going to do some kind of damage sooner or later. It looked like he was biding his time. The situation stunk, but she was so relieved that he hadn’t bothered her since the confrontation she tried to get on with life as normal. In the days following, she hadn’t seen Clint once.

Throughout this period, Selena artfully avoided Dan. She knew it would only make things more difficult for both of them, but at this point, it was all she knew how to do. It wasn’t hard. She was still staying with Blaire and it was easy enough keeping near other people. Still, it was only a matter of time until he became impatient, and so her apprehension grew. The more Selena delayed the inevitable, the more she worried about what would happen when the time came. Sometimes she felt like she was being a child, but even that knowledge didn’t make her want to face him alone.

One night Blaire asked Selena to bring the pelts from Shane’s latest hunt to the storeroom. She went about it quietly as it was one of the few times she had gone anywhere by herself in a while. Unfortunately, a lantern was necessary in the pitch black of the storeroom. Selena had only just begun hanging the pelts when she thought she felt a tiny prickle of her skin. She rubbed at the back of her neck in annoyance, wondering if her little alarm system was broken. Just to be safe, she turned to glance at the door. With a gasp, she took a small jump back. Dan’s tall frame filled the doorway, illuminated only slightly by the little lantern flame. Selena kicked herself inwardly for not trusting her instincts, and wondered why she had been surprised. She had known that he would be there.
He’s just so imposing
, Selena tried to justify her skittish reaction.

As he stepped into the room, a frown crossed his features and he halted his approach. Selena realized that she had unconsciously backed a step away from him at the same time. She dropped her gaze to the ground in shame and held her arms around her stomach, trying to ignore the way her heart raced.

“Selena.”

She lifted her eyes reluctantly to find a new expression. Was it concern or guilt? Both? He took another step toward her, this time looking more resolute.

Selena began to tremble, and she wasn’t even sure why. It seemed a more extreme reaction than the situation warranted. She wondered if her ability to compose herself had simply shattered under all the recent pressure. While she fought to keep still, it occurred to her that he had halted his approach a second time.

“Are you afraid?” he asked, as though it were a new discovery.

When no reply issued from her, Dan looked at the ground and sighed, resting his hands on his hips.

“Why don’t
you
come
here
,” he suggested quietly, but it still sounded like a command to her.

She stepped slowly around the waist-high stack of pelts that stood in front of her, and stopped before him. He was only a step away now. Her eyes flicked up nervously. His expression softened and he reached a hand to her face. Selena fought the urge to lean away and allowed his fingertips to brush her cheek. Her skin felt like fire where he touched it.

“I’m sorry,” he told her. His hand dropped back to his side. “It was too fast. I lost control.”

Selena hadn’t expected an apology. It sounded strange coming from him. She still didn’t think of him as someone who made mistakes. Had she sampled what really lay beneath the typically ironclad discipline of his exterior?

“You’ve been avoiding me,” he continued when his words had time to sink in. “Why?”

“Why are you asking me that?” she forced herself to say.

“To avoid misunderstandings. I need to hear it from you.”

Selena closed her eyes and drew a steady breath. It was so hard to voice these things, but yet again, she didn’t feel as though she had a choice.

“Because every time I look at you, I feel helpless and naked,” she finally blurted, looking everywhere but at him.

“That doesn’t sound so bad.”

She looked up to glare at him, but found a rare half-smile on his face. It caught her off guard. Was that a devious twinkle in his eyes?

“You hardly laugh about anything. What’s so funny about this?” she asked him, feeling incredulous.

“I didn’t laugh,” he answered evasively, his face not entirely straight.

“I don’t think
you’d
like feeling this way,” she told him sullenly.

Dan folded his arms, maintaining his expression of bemusement. “I don’t mind going without clothes. As for helplessness …” he trailed off.

“You don’t know the meaning of the word,” Selena finished for him.

“Fair enough,” he admitted, the little smile returning. “At least not for a long time.” He soon grew serious again and a few moments of quiet passed.

“You didn’t say no,” he said, breaking the silence and studying her face more carefully than ever. “I would have stopped, just like I said I would.” He swallowed and added, “With difficulty.”

Now that he was talking about what happened, it was easier for her to do the same.

“How can you say that?” she stammered. “You knew exactly what you were doing and exactly how to do it. You played me like …” she gestured widely, casting about for a proper analogy, “… like a world-class musician!”

“You didn’t enjoy it?” he asked her with a measured stare.

Selena’s face burned and she ground her teeth. He knew the answer full well. When she could pry them apart again she continued, “It wasn’t fair.”

“Not fair,” he repeated with a low chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck and wagging his head at the ground.

Selena knew she had reached the end of her emotional rope. The conversation had officially become too much for her, so she abruptly tried to head for the door. He hadn’t expected it, but he caught hold of her hand when she tried to squeeze past him.

“Wait,” he insisted.

She rounded on him. “Did you or did you not know that I—that I hadn’t … I’d never ….”

She tried to tug her hand away but he gently kept his hold. Standing this close, she could feel his warmth. She had to fight to hold her ground as she craned her neck to glare up at him.

“I did,” he admitted, saving her the struggle of verbalizing her virginity. To his credit, he looked apologetic once again. “I told you. I’m sorry. The things you do,” he sighed. “The way you are. You’re all instinct, Selena. It … triggers something. It’s made things very hard. That’s not an excuse. It’s an explanation.”

What he revealed was no surprise. It seemed like everything she did managed to set him off in some way.

“Was this all my fault then?” Selena asked with a tired sigh, trying not to be distracted by the charged sensation of his hand clasped to hers.