Survival (Twisted Book 1) (16 page)

And I was there. I loved him like no one else ever would and no one would ever love me like he did.

He didn’t know how to react; we had all pulled together to celebrate his birthday and I could see he was overwhelmed by the attention. When it came to business, he could command a room full of people with no qualms of self-doubt. Personally, he was like a tiger. A big, tough and almost-always horny tiger; one with a wild side and a side tamed only for me. I stepped forward, wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly; I had been waiting all day for his reaction and it didn’t disappoint.

“Happy birthday.”

He squeezed me to him and I giggled as he lifted me off my feet.

“Thank you.”

I kissed him like I always did before I told him I loved him and he winked with a silent “I love you, too”. I let him go and allowed his family and friends to swarm him and I spent the evening with the girls, watching the love of my life enjoy his birthday.

“Did you have fun?” I asked as we tried to tidy the house. We’d had enough to drink for the room to spin, but I couldn’t go to bed until it was tidy.

“It was more than I’d ever ask for. Seriously, you did all that?”

“I did. I wanted you to have something special.”

“I’ve got you.”

“And someone else.”

He shot up from kneeling on the floor and looked around.

“Who?”

“Hold on. Wait there and don’t move.”

I ran upstairs to the spare room to get his birthday present and my phone, and skipped down the stairs in excitement. I poked my head around the door to see him tidying up.

“Hey. I told you not to move.”

“Sorry, boss,” he wiggled his eyebrows, but carried on cleaning.

“Come on, this is hurting my back.”

“Now who’s getting old?” I gasped, but he laughed. “Just come here.”

“Not until you stand up and close your eyes.”

He made his way towards me and juggled the gift under one arm so I could use the other to keep him back.

“You’re going to ruin it.”

He stopped and sighed, but gave in and closed his eyes.

“Open,” I said once I was standing in front of him.

Thomas’ eyes widened in shock when they opened; it was the last thing he expected a clean freak to buy him.

“Shit.”

“It will,” I grinned. “And I am
not
picking it up.”

“Does it have a name?”

“Buster. I adopted him from the home.”

I went to the dog’s home with Jenifer the week before and couldn’t leave without adopting the Rottweiler puppy. He was the last of his litter and was sleeping in his basket with a little blue blanket when I saw him.

“Hey, Buster,” Thomas tickled him between the ears. He took him off me and I snapped a picture as Buster licked his face. “Skye, you bought me a dog.”

“I bought
us
a dog. And he’s a puppy. I’ll learn to deal with the mess, I just thought it would be nice to add to the family.”

Thomas’ eyes flew to mine. My eyes flew to his. I hadn’t meant to say that. I prayed we wouldn’t have to have that conversation. Thomas closed his eyes for a second and they focussed on Buster when he opened them again.

“He’s the perfect addition to our family.”

He didn’t want to talk about it, either. I thought about it as he set the dog down and rubbed his belly. Thomas had never tried to talk about it. Hadn’t most couples at least broached the subject after six years together? Maybe he didn’t want children either. I didn’t believe that. I’d seen him with Tommy and Jake.

Maybe he thought I’d be like my mother. That was a tough pill to swallow. Telling him about my past
had
changed things. He didn’t trust me to be the mother of his children. My mind suddenly filled with visions of a little toddler with hazel brown eyes and dark hair chasing Buster around the garden.

Yeah, my system had just been well and truly shocked.

What the hell was happening to me?

October 10
th
, 2010.

Buster tugged on his lead, panting wildly with excitement. We were taking a walk through the forest not far from home. Buster needed the exercise, Thomas enjoyed anything that got his heart pumping and I had to get out of the house.

Since the night of the party, I’d been suffocating in self-doubt and confusion caused by two things: the idea that, in fact, maybe I did like the idea of carrying and raising a child created by our love and the beauty and magic of science that meant we could create life…and the realisation that Thomas had written me off as a mother. Did he judge it based on how I was with Tommy and Jake? I thought I did well, considering I’d never had any interaction with small children. I loved those boys.

Maybe he judged my parenting skills based on the example set by my own parents. If that was it, I’d never change his mind. Another aspect of my life Pamela and Phillip had ruined. Thomas would forever judge me because my parents didn’t stick around. I had spent the last two weeks counting down the days until my period. I even stood in the mirror a few times and imagined my belly swollen with life. I was confused. I thought I didn’t want children but it was all I could think about. A pair of little shoes on the rack next to ours, a rain jacket hanging between ours, waiting for a rainy day; a Winnie the Pooh umbrella in the stand, ready to be used when we jumped in muddy puddles. Everywhere I looked, I saw proof of a life I would never have.

“You okay?”

I looked up and realised I’d stopped walking. I was standing at a pile of dry leaves, imagining running through them with a little hand held tightly in mine.

“Fine,” I lied and painted on a smile. I took his hand and we walked further into the woodland.

“Shall I make us some coffee?
” Thomas asked when we got in. He let Buster off his lead and he ran straight to his water bowl.

“Sure. There’s some hazelnut powder in the cupboard.”

“Shall we go for dinner?” He called after me as I hung my coat up and headed up the stairs.

“Sure.”

Buster hopped onto the bed and watched me as I stood side on in the mirror and pushed my belly out.

“Your usual table?” The waitress asked, licking her lips like she always did when she caught sight of the man with his hand at the bottom of my back.

She led us to our candlelit table in the corner and handed us menus.

“I’ll be back with your wine and water.”

I watched her disappear to the back of the restaurant and wondered if her parents loved her.

“What’s wrong?” Thomas held my hand across the table and I looked up at him.

“Nothing.”

“Tired?”

He stroked little circles on my palm; I tried to deny the effect it had on me, but it was impossible.

“I guess.”

“Shall we take a holiday?”

“We can't. We’re too busy.”

He sighed, “I’ll drop everything and take you anywhere if it takes away that look in your eyes.”

I should have known he’d read me, figure me out. It had always been that way with us.

“How about Jersey?”

“That’s not the five star resort on a tropical island I was thinking of. Why Jersey?”

“We could stay with Ava and Kevin. It would be nice to relax somewhere
cozy.”

He frowned in suspicion.

“Are you ready to order?” The waitress returned before Thomas could question me.

“Do you really want to go to Jersey?” Thomas asked when we got home.

Dinner was nice; filled with comfortable silence and conversation. My mind had been in a constant spin for weeks and I didn’t know if I was up or down, but it didn’t change the way I felt about him. It only cemented the fact that I didn’t deserve him. Deep down, I had always known I didn’t.

“Yeah, I do. Ava and I can have some girl time, you can play golf with Kevin and we can spend some time with the boys.”

Thomas pulled back the duvet as we got undressed for bed.

“I’ll call Ava tomorrow and arrange a date. You’re right…I think it’s just what we need.”

The best thing about being with Thomas? He knew me. He knew us. He knew just what we needed to fall in love all over again.

October 15
th
, 2010.

Thomas dropped our bags to the floor as we stepped into the room. I headed straight for the Juliet balcony and inhaled the salty breeze as I watched the little amber lights flicker in the distance.

“Beautiful,” I turned when Thomas spoke and found him looking at me. “You’re beautiful.”

I smiled in gratitude. It was becoming easier to accept compliments; I believed he meant them when he gave them to me.

He tapped the sideboard next to the door and I kept my eyes on him, watching him slip off his jacket and loosen his tie as I mo
ved across the room to sit on the cabinet. He meant what he said in the restaurant the week before; he dropped everything, left the magazine in Joel’s hands and booked our ferry tickets. Nina resisted until I told her I planned to have ‘the talk’ with Thomas and after making me promise to appoint her godmother, she gave in. I didn’t confess that I had no intention of having the talk, but it worked. I met Thomas at Waterloo Station after work and we jumped on the train to Poole.

He slid his tie out from under his collar, the silk making a harsh sound as it resisted its departure from the cotton, and he dropped it to the floor.

“You know I love you, don’t you?”

He settled between my legs and placed his hands on my waist. They were the hands of a mentally and physically strong man, but also of the sweet, tender and vulnerable man only I knew.

“Yes,” I answered honestly, “and I love you.”

“I’m glad we’ve come away. It’s so easy to fall into a lull at home. It’s easy to lose sight of what’s important.”

His lips found my neck and he peppered me with kisses before he stood back and looked at me as he continued.

“You know I’d give you everything, right?”

“I do.”

I reached out to unbutton his shirt, parting the cotton and pressing my hand to his heart. He wasn’t talking about money or cars or holidays. He was talking about himself. I had all of him, everything he was, and it was the greatest gift I’d ever been given.

“I’d give up everything in a flash,” he rested his hand over mine, “and never look back if it meant not losing you. You are all that matters. Being with you is all that matters.”

I nodded. I understood, “You’ll never have to do that. You’re all that matters to me, too.”

He dropped his gaze to where our bodies almost met and drew tiny circles on my stomach with his thumbs.

“For a long time, I thought I was disposable.”

“You’ve never been disposable,” I combed my hands through his hair until he looked at me again. “It will always be you. From the moment you pulled a rose out from behind my ear, it’s been you. Maybe it always was.”

“That’s all I needed to know.”

In a split second, all traces of vulnerability left him; he slid me off the counter, carried me across the room and placed me on the bed. I watched as he began undressing. I could have watched him forever. There was always something to marvel at; a muscle or expression that fascinated me. He cocked a brow as he slid his hands into the side of his boxers at the same time my eyes fell on the undeniable rigidity in them that made my toes curl. I sat up and quickly removed my dress. There was that look in his eyes; the one that made me want to lay beneath him and allow him to consume me, to possess me as he drank me in; every line, every curve, like he could look at me forever, too.

When I was left in nothing but the black silk ensemble he had bought me, I shimmied back on the bed, crooked my finger and beckoned Thomas to come closer.

That was the day. We were always hiding from that moment on…

July 26
th
, 1995.

“Skye, Skye! Can I ride your new bike?”

I nodded. I wasn’t really listening. I was looking around the garden for Oliver. Our friends were running around on the grass; my friends were all in pink – Oliver said pink made you look like a marshmallow.

Oliver’s friends were playing football, but he wasn’t there. Where was he?

I spotted him at the back of the house and wondered if he was hiding. I thought I’d sneak up on him and make him jump – I thought it would teach him for running off. We were a team. He was the one who made the
team, he couldn't run off without me.

I didn’t even know half of the kids at the party; Mum invited them because she wanted to make new friends. We hadn’t lived in the big house long. Dad got a new job so we moved, and now we all had our own room. Beth had the attic to do her studying and have sleepovers with her friends and Oliver and I swapped rooms so I could have the one at the front with the big window and the blossom tree.