Surrendering to Us (36 page)

“Why is your fucking house so fucking big?” Ryder said on Sunday when we arrived at my house for dinner.

“Why the fuck do you keep saying fuck?” Sloane said, smacking him on the arm. “This isn’t the kind of fucking house that you can just say fuck in whenever you want.”

“Okay, can we pause the fuck talk for a few hours?” Lucah said. “This isn’t just my boss’ house, it’s my girlfriend’s parents’, so I would like them to not hate me when this is over.” Lucah wasn’t doing well in the stress department, but this time I didn’t think he was out of line for feeling that way. Ryder’s track record wasn’t encouraging.

“You got it,” Ryder said, saluting Lucah. “This is the last time I will say fuck until we get in the car again. There. That was it.”

Lucah glared at him in the rearview mirror.

“We should probably get out and go in now,” I said, opening my door and getting out. The rest followed and I heard Ryder muttering

under his breath. He wouldn’t stop adjusting his jacket, or putting his hands in his pockets, or doing something else to show that he was completely uncomfortable in the clothes Sloane had picked out for him. She said she just happened to have them kicking around, but I knew she was full of shit. She’d gotten them made special just for today. The simple black jacket, striped shirt and skinny tie were formal, but still suited him. He looked like a rock star that had to get dressed up for an event, but still wanted to stay true to his image. Plus, the sleeves covered up the tattoos. I had no idea what my mother’s reaction to those would be and I didn’t want to find out.

“Hello, hello,” Mom said, sweeping into the entryway, her arms outstretched and a bright smile on her face. I almost burst out laughing, but I kept my cool.

“Mom, this is Ryder, Lucah’s younger brother and you already know Sloane.”

“Eva!” Sloane said, giving my mom a huge hug.

“Oh, Sloane darling it’s been forever. I was just thinking of you the other day because I need a dress for an event, and I was hoping maybe I might commission you to make me one. I’m so bored with everything they have in the stores for women my age. I want something a little younger and hipper.” That was the first time in my entire life I’d heard my mom use any variation of the word “hip”.

“I can absolutely hook you up. Have your measurements changed at all? I should probably take them again.” And she pulled a tape measure out of her purse. Good dependable Sloane.

“Oh, how about after dinner? I’d rather not do it in front of everyone here.” Mom giggled and patted Sloane’s shoulder. Sloane laughed and gave my mom another hug.

“And you must be Ryder. It’s such a pleasure to meet you. Welcome to our home. May I get you anything?” Ryder swallowed and it took a second for him to respond. I’d never seen him at a loss for words, so that was a first.

“No, thank you, Mrs. Clarke. You have a lovely home.” Lucah breathed an audible sigh of relief that Ryder had said something normal.

“Well, thank you. Rory, why don’t you show Ryder around? I want to have a little chat with Sloane. It’s been so long since I saw her last.” Mom grabbed onto Sloane’s arm and dragged her off, talking about what kind of dress she wanted.

“Do you really want the tour?” I asked Ryder. He looked around and then up at the ceiling.

“I guess. It’s interesting seeing how the one percent lives.” I knew the one percent comment was a jab at my parents being wealthy, but I ignored it. I might think the same thing if I’d grown up like Lucah and Ryder. I’d probably hate and resent me too.

I made the tour quick, and Ryder made few comments.

“So you grew up here?” he said, fiddling with a lamp in the den, before Lucah gave him a harsh look. I didn’t think he was going to intentionally damage anything. Hell, I’d grown up here and I wasn’t the most graceful of people. I’d broken more things than I could count. My parents never really cared about the stuff as much as I worried they would when I broke it.

“Yeah, I did.”

“Just you? No siblings?”

“Just me.”

“Huh.” He nodded and continued his inspection. Lucah watched him like a hawk, or a mother with a toddler in a museum. I kind of wished he’d say something, but he didn’t.

“And what’s the verdict?” I said as we came back to the main room. Ryder shrugged.

“It’s not as insane as I pictured in my head. It’s comfortable, actually.”

I shared a glance with Lucah. That was pretty much the nicest thing Ryder had ever said to me, so I was going to count it as a victory.

Mom and Sloane were still gabbing away, and I stopped for a minute to watch them. Mom always looked younger when she talked to Sloane. Despite the difference in their ages, they always talked and acted like they were barely a few years apart.

Lucah cleared his throat and they paused, mid-giggle.

“Oh, there you are. Your father is just finishing dinner, so if you all want to sit down.” She motioned toward the chairs, but then guided Sloane so she was sitting next to Mom, and then Ryder next to Sloane, with Lucah and me on the other side. It was a formal setup, with Dad at the head of the table and Mom at the other end.

There was a completely awkward moment when Dad came in with the giant salad bowl. He must have forgotten that Ryder was coming, because he looked up and down the table and then almost dropped the salad bowl, but got it on the table in time.

“You must be Ryder. It’s nice to finally meet another member of Lucah’s family.” He gave him a handshake, and it couldn’t have been my imagination that Dad winced when he shook Ryder’s hand. I’d have to talk to Ryder about that later.

“It’s a honor to meet you, sir. I’ve heard great things.” Lay it on thick, why don’t you? I almost wanted to kick him under the table, but I couldn’t reach.

“Well, I’m sorry I wasn’t out here earlier to welcome you. The dinner was proving to be a little finicky.” Mom got up to help Dad bring the rest of the plates in.

“I thought he’d be taller,” Ryder commented as the rest of us unfolded our napkins and put them in our laps. “I always think people are going to be taller than they turn out to be.” No one commented, but Sloane nudged him to put his napkin in his lap. It was good she sat next to him. I hadn’t even thought about that part of the equation. I’d been too worried about him saying the wrong thing. It was lucky for Ryder that my parents didn’t believe in multiple forks and spoons.

The dinner was laid out and plates and bowls were passed and silverware clinked and Mom, as per usual, kept the conversation light and constant. She talked mostly to Sloane and Ryder, and I had to hand it to him, he held his own, and the word fuck never crossed his lips.

He also seemed to have inherited Lucah’s knack for playing the part a situation would require. Next to me, I felt Lucah relaxing and he started chatting with Dad instead of constantly watching Ryder to make sure he didn’t screw up.

“This is one of the best meals I’ve had in a long time, Sloane’s cooking excluded,” Ryder said as the dessert, little cookie sandwiches with frosting in the middle (very out of character for my parents, but they were probably trying to do something casual to make Ryder feel comfortable) were passed around and coffee was poured.

“Oh, do you have any tea? I’m trying to cut back on my caffeine intake,” I said, and Dad went to put the kettle on.

“Could I have tea as well?” Sloane asked, and then Ryder said he wanted some, too. It was a little bit adorable.

“So, Ryder, how do you like living with your brother again?” Mom said. Uh oh. Potential conversational land mine.

Lucah and I waited for Ryder’s response, hoping that this would continue to go well and not burst into flames.

“Well, at least this time I have my own room. We used to share one, so that’s an improvement.” Ryder seemed to be more open about the specifics of their childhood than Lucah.

“I bet that was fun sometimes, though.” My mother could make a conversation with just about anyone, but I didn’t think she’d ever conversed with anyone like Ryder.

Ryder shrugged.

“It was at least better than that time we lived in the car. Then I didn’t have any room.” What? Lucah had never told me about that. Lucah’s eyes narrowed and I could feel him shooting daggers at Ryder.

Mom seemed taken aback, but recovered quickly. I’d given her a rough outline about Lucah and Ryder’s childhood and that their parents were dead, so she knew not to ask about that.

“But you have a place to stay now, and a brother that cares about you very much. There are some who don’t have anyone.” That was true. I was relieved when Dad brought the tea in and lightened things up.

After that one little hiccup, things went smoothly. We had tea and coffee and then it was time to go. Mom and Sloane hugged with promises of dress fittings, and Dad shook Ryder’s hand and winced again while Ryder said how beautiful the house was and Dad said he was welcome back anytime.

And then we got in the car.

“Why the fuck did you talk about living in a car, Ryder?” Lucah said, the second all the doors closed and everyone’s seatbelt was buckled.

“Oh, are we saying fuck again? Good. That wasn’t easy.” Ryder lay back against the seat and stretched his legs out as much as he could.

“Did you hear what I just said?” Lucah turned in his seat so he could look Ryder full in the face.

“Yes, I heard you. Calm the fuck down. Are you telling me your girlfriend’s parents don’t know about your poorer-than-dirt past?”

“No, I’m just saying that it’s not acceptable dinner conversation and you never should have brought it up.” He turned back around and started the car. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever seen Lucah this angry, and I could understand him being upset, but this kind of anger was something else entirely.

“I didn’t bring it up! Mrs. Clarke did! Why are you freaking out about this?” Lucah just shook his head and his hands gripped the steering wheel so hard I was getting a little scared. Neither Sloane nor I said anything, afraid of making it worse.

“Just watch your mouth.”

Ryder didn’t answer and just stared out the window.

I waited for a few minutes of silence to pass before I gingerly touched Lucah’s arm.

“Are you okay?” I tried to keep my voice down, but of course everyone heard me.

“Fine,” he snapped, and I took my hand back.

“What the fuck? Now you’re mad at her? What did she do?” Ryder couldn’t keep his mouth shut anymore.

“Shhh,” Sloane said in a feeble attempt to calm the situation so it didn’t escalate any more than it already had.

Lucah didn’t answer Ryder and just kept his eyes on the road. I looked out the window, and everyone else did the same.

The ride back was silent and tense. I couldn’t wait to get out of the car. Lucah got up and let Ryder out, and I did the same with Sloane. Ryder stomped off and Sloane followed him, running a little to catch up.

Lucah pushed the driver’s seat back in place and sat back down, so I did the same. I wasn’t going anywhere until he told me what the hell was going on. His jaw was hard and his hands clenched the steering wheel again.

Lucah might have been pissed, but it only took a few moments for him to start thawing. His hands slipped down the steering wheel and his face relaxed. He took one deep breath and then closed his eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?” I said.

“I’m sorry for doing that in front of you. I’m sorry for lashing out at Ryder. I’m sorry for lashing out at you. And I’m sorry for the way you’re looking at me right now.” He leaned forward and rested his head on the steering wheel.

“Why were you so upset that Ryder mentioned living in a car?” He lifted his head and sighed.

“It was a knee-jerk reaction. I don’t know, Rory. Honestly I don’t. I just hate talking about that part of my life and it got me upset seeing Ryder being so cavalier about it. I hope your parents didn’t notice.”

“Oh, I’m sure they didn’t,” I lied. My parents weren’t born yesterday. But I’d let Lucah believe that little white lie.

“That’s sweet, Rory,” Lucah said. “But I’m pretty sure they did.” Lucah wasn’t born yesterday, either.

“I’ll smooth it over. Don’t worry about that. Are you sure you’re doing okay?” I touched his shoulder and he took my hand and kissed it.

“I think so. Shit, now I have to deal with Ryder. Where the hell did they go?” He looked over his shoulder, but Ryder and Sloane were nowhere to be seen.

“Let’s go find them.” Lucah gave my hand back, but as soon as we both got out of the car, he took it again.

I wanted to ask him again if he was okay, but that might be a thing we could talk about tonight when we shared what was bothering us. We’d only been doing it for a short time, but I kind of loved it.

It took walking through a few levels of the garage before we found Sloane and Ryder leaning against one of the walls and looking out over the city.

“Ryder,” Lucah said, and they both turned. Ryder’s face darkened when he saw Lucah. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” Lucah held his arms open, as if he was coming in peace.

Ryder shook his head. “Look, I don’t give a shit about your rich girlfriend or her rich family. But don’t ever talk to me like that again. Ever. I might be your fucked-up little brother, but I’m an adult. Stop talking to me like a child. I’m getting really sick of it, Lucah. Do you know the reason I’m still here? It’s not to piss you off, or to make your life miserable. I realized, when I woke up in that hospital that you, and Tate, you were it. You were the only ones there. Mom and Dad are gone, and I might not like it, but you’re what I’m stuck with.” He shrugged and I could tell it was hard for him to express himself like this. Especially in front of Sloane and me.

I let go of Lucah’s hand and nodded my head at Sloane, and she followed me a little ways away so they could talk together. Brother to brother.

“That was intense,” Sloane said in a low voice so they couldn’t hear us.

“Agreed. I thought they needed a moment alone.” We might have been trying to ignore what they were saying, but that didn’t stop us from watching the interaction. Words were said on both sides, but there was no more yelling. Lucah still used his hands and Ryder made some of the same gestures. Must have been a family trait.