Surrender Your Heart (14 page)

Slowly, I start
to adjust to living in the outside world again, like everyone else. I have a
purpose though. I wait until there’s no more mention of her anywhere in the
news, until I can’t stand to live with the uncertainty any longer.

One day, I take
the bus and walk up to the building that houses the headquarters of her company,
an impressive giant made from steel and glass. I don’t go in. I doubt she’s
here, and even if she was, I wouldn’t even get to her floor.

I never dream
about the man who held a gun on me or that crazy jump from the balcony. With
the geographic and emotional distance, and the bruises on my knees fading, the
memory becomes sketchy.

Carter invades
my dreams, in detailed and specific ways. I can’t believe this is the end, that
we should never have the chance at a real relationship, without one of us
living behind locked doors.

I’m not sure
what to think about Grady either, why she’d taken those steps, and if I should
be more grateful to her.

I even go to
book club. We are reading a book in this genre that has become so popular these
days—guys sees girl and wants her, doesn’t give up until he has her, on his
terms, of course. An erotic romance. Haley, Lara and the other two girls that
are regulars have already met for
Gone Girl
and
The Handmaid’s Tale
,
but they say we can go back there if I want to. Ryan has made a pitcher of a
tropical cocktail, which inevitably reminds me of my adventure. On the bright
side, being tipsy makes it easier to divert them from any questions, and,
surprisingly, stay focused on the book at hand.

“Men like that
just don’t exist,” Bridget claims. “I’d like one of those, but then I’ll be
forever single.”

“They do exist,
that’s exactly the problem,” I say. “Just to have somebody listen and watch
romantic comedies with you, you’d indulge them in everything? That’s not
right.”

“Oh, come on,”
she says, “it’s not like that kind of relationship doesn’t exist between women.
As long as both are okay with it, why judge?”

Her question
raises more, uncomfortable ones.

I blush at the
memory of some of the games we enjoyed, and Carter had been right, the fantasy
coming true was incredible. I loved everything we did, including playing with
the blindfold and ties, and yes, even the gentle hair pulling. There’s a
difference, right? There was no coercion, no blackmailing me into something,
just soft seduction, persuasion…There must be a difference, or everything I’ve
ever believed is at stake.

“People can do
whatever they want if they’re both okay with it, but she’s just saying that
because she doesn’t want to loose him. He tricks her, isolates her into these
things.”

Haley looks
thoughtful, Lara concerned.

“Isn’t the one
with the money always going to be the one in power?”

“Maybe—but why
does it always have to be the man? That’s gotten old a long time ago.”

—and if it’s a
woman, is it any better? Not in the way the book describes the relationship. I
refuse to believe there’s anything romantic about scaring somebody into
sleeping with them, then using their body against them. It’s not fair, and it’s
the same old women-blaming scheme. It’s not at all what happened.

I want her back,
so much it hurts, but when it’s time, we will have to redefine some of the
terms of our relationship. I still believe that could be possible—if only she’d
come back for me.

As time goes by,
I learn that I won’t be able to completely pick up my studies before next year
which is fine by me. I find another job as a waitress in a café, not as upscale
as the
Vienna
, but it’ll do,
and I’ll be able to save some for when I go back to university. I found a dorm
room I’ll share with a friend of Haley’s who has decided to go back to school.

I know I have to
do these things if everything I told Carter is true, that I don’t want to live
in a world where all responsibility is taken out of my hands forever. Going
back to a daily structure makes me feel better about myself, even if I still
hurt. I don’t even know if she’s still thinking about me the way I do about
her, every day, with an intensity that borders on hallucination.

No, love is not
like it’s described in the novels, but it’s in no way less complicated.

Chapter Fourteen

Carter

“Here I thought there’s
a limit as to what you can do with all that money, and then my boss’ boss tells
me to back off, that the case is closed now. Tell me why.”

I pour two
fingers of the cognac for me and Colette each, and set one of the glasses in
front of her.

“Would it really
give you peace of mind if you knew? Both Hanks and Laydon are behind bars, and
a dozen others if I understood correctly. Your career has gotten a big boost.
You’re still not happy?” My tone is a bit sharp on the last words. I appreciate
Colette cleaning up and ridding the world of men like that, who would and have
sold women to the highest bidder, but she’s not entirely aware of the risk, of
what was at stake when she took Penelope away from me before it was time.

Yes, this is a
feeling I can’t escape. They took her away from me, and given the
circumstances, I can’t even explain to her. Can I? I’m not even sure how
Colette will take the truth, and for sure, it will change some things for
Penelope, no matter how strong and righteous everything else between us was—is.

“I am happy
you’re still talking to me. You know I had to do something. I couldn’t hold
this off any longer after the shooting and Hanks’ statement.”

“Yeah, I know.
About your question—I believe you’re aware that Hanks had contacts in town. You
know how they work, where they go look for their ‘merchandise.’” She looks as
disgusted as I am about this.

“Penny Elliot
doesn’t exactly fit the profile,” she says. “She has a network of supportive
people as you might have noticed, and she’s older than most, though I guess she
looks younger. What are you trying to tell me, you knew what Hanks was
planning?”

“I didn’t know
him under that name, and we didn’t know what he looked like, that was the
problem. He had a new identity, prepared everything carefully, and even made
friends with Marlene’s husband for real. No one suspected anything.”

The anger is not
for her. We should have been more careful, Nick and I. I still can’t believe Hanks
slipped past all that security. I hope that gunshot wound hurt.

“Why go to all
those lengths?” Colette muses. “Why Penny Elliot?”

“Because she
turned down a guy in a bar a few months ago, and he wanted to get back at her.
I don’t think she even remembers him, but he wanted revenge, and his brother
had just the right dirty little business to make that happen.”

Hanks was
supposed to be just a job, like many others before, but one night, something
changed in a heartbeat. We were after one of his contacts. Nick and I went to
the bar he frequented, a couple on a night out, and indeed, he was there. The
young woman waiting on him was one of ours. Not only would she deliver his
drinks, but also a tiny bug she’d place under the table, so we’d be privy to
whatever conversations he’d have that night. Soon after, another, younger man
arrived and slumped into a chair across from him. He turned out to be his
brother, not the man we’d been hoping for.

“I need you to
do something for me,” he said. “Bitch showed me up in front of my friends.”

Fletcher, Hanks’
contact, laughed at the greeting. “What do you think I can do for you?”

“I want to teach
her a lesson. You still hanging out with this guy in…”

“Hey, kid, stop
it right there.” Fletcher grabbed his little brother by his collar. “Not so
loud, you idiot.”

 “She’s pretty,”
Fletcher’s brother said. “She’ll get you a nice cut as well.”

I remember Nick
giving me a look, as if he feared I’d get up and go punch the guy. Both of them
actually. I can wait my turn when it comes to putting misogynist small-minded
men in their place.

“Please, man,”
little brother begged. “My honor’s on the line here.”

“God, I wish I
could have some alone time with the little shit,” I whispered to Nick, and he
smiled grimly.

“You and me
both.”

“Where can I
find her? I’ll go take a look at her, but I can’t promise you anything. These
people are picky, and they are serious. They won’t go after her just because
you couldn’t score with her.”

“They will. I’m
sure.” He took out his phone and showed a picture to his brother. “Penny
Elliot. She lives on
Johnson Street
.”

“Alone?”

“Yeah.”

“All right. I’ll
take care of it. Now get lost.”

With as little
as a nod we divided the tasks at hand between us, and Nick got up to follow
Fletcher’s whiny brother whereas I stayed with Fletcher. A few moments later,
Nick returned with the phone, Penny Elliot’s picture and her address saved in
it. Something attracted me to her from the moment I first saw that picture, the
open genuine smile. Her hair looked soft to the touch.

I already knew
she was smart, because she had turned down a criminal who was currently
conspiring to have her kidnapped and sold. We had protected other women who
were at risk before.

This time,
everything was different. We shadowed Fletcher, and Penelope as well, and with
each moment spent close to her, the realization hit home. Nick was not
surprised when I told him I’d take Penelope to my private vacation home until
the danger was past. By the time we showed up at the Café Vienna, a strategy
was firmly in place, ahead of Fletcher’s plan.

“Unfortunately
that wasn’t all. Laydon, Hanks, Fletcher, they were well enough connected to
find out where we were hiding her. None of them would actually make such an
effort to go after one girl, but that wasn’t what it was all about. Laydon
wanted to get back at me, because he knew we were getting close.”

“Wow.” Colette
takes a sip of her cognac, shakes her head in disbelief. “You have time for all
this while running a business and kicking
Wellington
in the balls? I underestimated you.”

I shrug. “Yeah,
people tend to do that, but since we’re friends, I forgive you.”

“Friends…” she
says, pensive. “As a friend, will you answer me one more question? I swear I’m
not going to tell anyone.”

“You’re not
really diverted by a vacation in an expensive resort and me sharing my most
expensive beverages with you, are you?”

Colette smiles
at that. “Don’t get me wrong, Carter. I know I owe you, and that’s why I tried
to do this while I could still control some of the outcome. Penny adores you.
She won’t press charges even if what you just told me can’t be made public
knowledge.”

My heart skips a
beat. I was not mistaken, then.

“Something still
doesn’t add up. If you and Nick do the occasional favor to the FBI, let’s put
it like that, why not put her in a safe house until the danger is past?
Instead, you keep her in one of your homes, buy her books and clothes.”

I don’t say
anything, so I’m not sure what gave me away. Colette’s jaw drops.

“You might have
had a reason to want her out of harm’s way, but that could have been achieved
so much easier. You saw her, you wanted her and that was the end of the story.
That was not part of the pretense.”

“Why are you
even asking? You already know everything.”

The cool act is
partly a pretense. She is right—and none of it matters at the moment, because I
can’t go near Penelope as long as people are still talking about Hanks, Laydon
and their horrible business, as long as my name pops up along with theirs.

I can’t risk it.

I can’t be
without her either. There’s only one way to solve this dilemma.

Chapter Fifteen

Penny

I spend whatever
time I can to prepare for the semester, continue to do some mandatory reading,
become comfortable in my new workplace. I spend a lot of time deep in thought,
about Carter, my experiences, what they mean besides my infatuation with her.

I can only come
to the same conclusion: I don’t regret telling little white lies, obfuscations
really, to the agents. There were a few reporters interested in my story at the
beginning, but that died down, too, and I’m grateful.

The whole truth,
with every detail of it, serves no one. It’s for me and her to deal with it,
maybe, one day.

I’m not giving
up on that chance yet, but I want to be well prepared.

Since Carter has
been investigated, but not charged with a crime, no one questioned the $1,000
in my bank account. I admit I had the fantasy of buying an expensive dress and shoes,
an outfit for a date that might never happen. Initially, I thought I’d use part
of it for a getaway with the girls. In the end, I divide it between five
organizations serving women, locally and globally. It’s not all that much, but
it feels good to be able to give a little. It was hard to narrow it down to
those five—I wonder if it’s that hard to make these choices for Carter as well,
even if she does it on a much larger scale.

Once that is
done, I believe I am ready. I call Colette Grady and make sure she knows I
won’t take no for an answer.

Why didn’t I do
this earlier?

I needed some
time to orient myself in my life, to understand what that even is, and what is
possible beyond. I needed to come to a point where I realized I didn’t have to
sit around waiting for her. Maybe it’s a mistake, and Carter has long forgotten
about me, but I believed her. I believe she’s like me trying to figure out what
the right moment is, and if it exists at all.

I take a cab to
the Forbes Inc. building and then walk right up to the receptionist’s desk. Her
eyes widen when she sees me, and I wonder if it’s my appearance or if she
actually heard about me in the news.

“I need to see
Ms. Forbes. No, wait,” I say when she reaches for the phone. “It’s supposed to
be a surprise. You can send me through a metal detector or have me frisked if
you must.”

The corners of
her mouth twitch as she tries to suppress the amused smile. “That won’t be
necessary, Ms. Elliot.”

Oh. Okay.

“Take elevator
five to the top floor. A guard will guide you from there.”

Could it really
be that easy? What exactly do the people, who are working here, know about me?

I follow her
instructions, and a female guard leads me to a stunning reception area. Wow. To
think that the house in the
Caribbean
was a vacation home…

The guard knocks
on the door. “Ms. Forbes?”

“Come on in.”

The sound of her
voice not only jolts me into motion, it also sends jolts to familiar places. I
would have found it pathetic if it didn’t feel this good. Right here and now, I
know everything I need to know, the pieces falling into place. God, I only hope
she feels the same.

Carter gets up
when we come inside, her eyes meet mine and she freezes.

Seconds tick by
as we simply take each other in. I wasn’t wrong about her. I can see every
emotion that has kept me awake at night since our separation, reflected in her
gaze. It is true, not just my imagination.

“
Shannon
, you may go,” she says, and the
guard gives her a nod before she leaves us alone.

There were so
many things I wanted to tell her, but now that she’s standing right in front of
me, the words won’t come. I have little regard for the luxurious office or the
breathtaking view from the big windows.

“You came,” she
says, disbelief coloring her voice.

“I hope it’s a
good surprise. You know I only went with Grady because she said she could do
damage control and…I guess it worked. You’re doing okay.”

“Well…no one
arrested me. Thank you for not telling the whole story.”

“You’re
welcome.”

“So, sit for a
moment. Tell me what your plans are.”

This polite,
slightly awkward conversation is sobering. I didn’t have much of a plan. Maybe
I was foolish enough to think we could go have dinner somewhere, just the two
of us, after having sex on her desk. I blush hotly, her knowing smile telling
me she can guess into which direction my thoughts are heading.

“I’m not as good
with plans as you are, but I did what I could to help. I want you to know that.
I—I missed you.”

“You weren’t
worried I could take you to some faraway place and never let you go?”

I can’t help it,
I almost smile because now I know what her M.O. is, taking control in a subtle
way. It’s thrilling and exciting but I also want her to know she doesn’t need
to do it with me. It’s fine for a game. I don’t need that much convincing in
reality.

“I kind of hoped
you’d do that,” I say.

“I haven’t been
okay. Not without you.”

That time is
over now, isn’t it? “Me neither. That’s why I’m here. I want—”

“Please,” she
interrupts me. “Let’s go somewhere else. There is something you should know
before you make up your mind.”

“I already have
made up my mind. I know the way things started out…”

“It’s not about
that. Come. I don’t want to do this here.”

I’m not sure how
I feel about this development, but she’s here with me now, and she missed me
too. I have no further questions, or the need for any explanations.

* * * *

We have been in
the hotel suite for almost an hour, yet we haven’t made it to the bedroom, or
even kissed. I am stunned by the revelations, the consequences of an interaction
I barely remember, some asshole I turned down and who sent his criminal brother
after me, Carter’s efforts to get me out of harm’s way.

Reality is
shifting once more, and it’s a disturbing process, because I can’t be sure what
remains. Okay, that’s a silly thing to think—I obviously have a lot to be
grateful for.

“I don’t
understand,” I finally say. “You must have done things like that before, you
and Nick…protect people. You bought the company whose boss assaulted
employees.”

She shrugs, but
the way she’s clinging to her glass betrays her nonchalance.

“It’s something
we do every once in a while when we have the chance. Nick grew up with an abusive
father. I…I guess I am just pissed enough at the state of the world. We help
cleaning up whenever we can.”

The way I did,
$200 for each organization. With Carter’s money, but still, I get it, it’s
important to do one’s share.

I shake my head.
“All this time…You almost got arrested. You could have told me right away, you
could have told me where we were. I don’t get…all those clothes, and the books.
You didn’t become interested in me that day in the café. At that time, you must
have already done your homework on me.” I must be crazy. There’s no rational
explanation why this sounds like disappointment. She has risked a lot for me.

“I would have
told you the truth once it was safe. In the meantime…you seemed to enjoy part
of it. I wanted to give you everything you deserve. I wasn’t lying about that.”

“Wow.” I take a
deep breath. “So your kidnapping scheme was legit, but we can’t tell anyone
about it. Why did you make me believe there was more to it?”

“Because there
was. Look, I don’t buy a wardrobe or a truckload of books for every witness we
have to hide. I make sure they are safe, have enough clothes and food, and, if
necessary, papers to start over. I knew that at some point, the FBI would get
to Hanks, his deranged family, and Laydon. What I told you was true. I wanted
you all to myself.”

She sounds a tad
frustrated now, and I realize there are probably not many situations for Carter
where she has to explain herself, questions that can’t be settled between
lawyers.

“You were
troubled, but you were also turned on by the idea.”

“I felt safe
with you. Given the circumstances and what I didn’t know at the time, that did
trouble me. I’m sorry. I’m really grateful for what you did for me…and I
enjoyed being with you. I knew you wouldn’t do anything to harm me. Once I
figured that out, I thought there was somewhere we could go from there. If you
still wanted, that is.”

Carter finally
puts her glass aside and comes to stand in front of me. “You don’t mind that
I’m not as crazy as you thought I was—just a little?” The teasing is familiar,
and, now that we have a room to ourselves that is not about to be invaded by
criminals or the police anytime soon—I hope—exciting.

My heart is
beating faster as I pick up my purse and take out the black and silver scarf,
dangling it from my hand. “You can take this any way you want to.”

“I was not
okay,” she whispers, sitting back down in the armchair. “I made plans too, but
we can get to them later. First, I’d like to know what you’re wearing under
that dress.” The invitation couldn’t be any clearer, and so I strip for her,
the dress, the shoes and stockings, and while she watches me, I watch her, the
awe in her expression, the way her fingers tighten around the scarf. I undo the
clasp of my bra and let it fall to the floor. The silk and lace set with the
distinctive brand name is what I was wearing the day Colette Grady made me go
home. I’m not sure Carter recognizes it, but she sure appreciates it on me—and
me, out of it. As I pull down the thong, the brush of fabric against my sensitized
skin is almost unbearable. I’m unable to ignore my arousal, pulsing warm and
liquid between my thighs.

“Come here,”
Carter says, her voice darkened with lust. She is still fully dressed.

Such a silly
idea it was anyway, to kidnap me, because there’s no way I could resist her in
the first place. When I’m close enough, she pulls me down so I’m straddling her
lap. I have no time for feeling self-conscious. Here, close to her, is where I
want to be. Almost nothing else matters, but I don’t have to worry anymore,
because every secret is out.

Carter covers my
eyes with the scarf, ties it carefully in the back. “Perfect.”

Her fingertips
brush over my face, my shoulders, downward. I gasp when her hands cups my
breasts, squeezing gently, my nipples tightening and a jolt of heat rushes to
my core. Another follows when I feel her lips closing around one nipple,
sucking softly. Then she pulls me closer and reaches between my legs, finding
the perfect angle. Two fingers enter me, easily, and I’m grateful for her hold,
because I’m stumbling, falling deep, losing myself. The blindfold is an
additional thrill, an affirmation of trust.

“You’re all mine
now, aren’t you?” she asks, a rhetorical, yet deeply philosophical question. No
person can ever own another—but for this particular moment, it rings true,
because she’s all I can feel, around me, inside me, all
I want
to feel.

“Yes.” The one
word comes out as a moan. I’m close. In the time we spent together, we’ve
become familiar with each other’s bodies. She knows how to manipulate mine into
a state of near oblivion, a high that’s almost too much to bear. I shudder
against her, safely letting go all that I am, or thought I was, trusting I’ll
come out feeling whole like never before. Each push of her fingers enhances the
intensity of the climax until I am completely spent, collapsing in her lap, not
the least bit self-conscious about the fact that there are tears in my eyes.

We stay like
that for what seems a long time, before she carefully removes the blindfold and
tosses it aside.

“Let’s go to
bed,” she says. “You’re going to be cold.”

“I’m okay, but
going to bed sounds good,” I tell her. If I can make the few steps into the
bedroom, to the king-sized bed, I have something for her as well. The thought
is enough to bring my body out of its heavy, relaxed state, make the heat pulse
and spread once more.

I lie down in
the middle of the bed and wait for Carter to undress, which she does in a few
quick impatient moves before she joins me.

For long moment,
I simply enjoy her body on top of mine, the heat of our kisses and the skin to
skin contact—but that’s not all I planned for her.

“Come up here,
please? I want to taste you.”

Carter looks
hesitant, but it doesn’t take more than me licking my lips to convince her.

Trust has to go
both ways.

I caress her
trembling thighs, then cup her ass firmly before I lean in for something more
intimate. Each brush of my tongue has her more helpless, receiving, and
yielding. It’s a heady feeling to know I can do this to her, make her mine just
the same. The reward is incredibly satisfying, if sooner than expected. I’ll
draw it out longer the next time. For the moment, I’m happy to have proof she
missed me just as much.