Surrender to Fate (Fate's Path Part One: A New Adult Romance Series) (21 page)

Sarah immediately felt a wave of nausea smack her in the face. She knew what he was talking about, and the last thing she wanted to think about was Will, while she was in Adley’s arms. She searched his eyes, and searched for something to say, but all she could do was open her mouth, and then close it again.

He dropped his hands from her waist and let her go. “I’ll take that as a ‘yes’, since you clearly didn’t say ‘no’.”

“Adley, please don’t be like that!”

“Like what, Sarah? Be like the man who is crazy about you? Be like the man who thinks about you night and day?” He paused, looking exasperated. “Damn it, Sarah. In case you couldn’t tell, I want you, I want everything about you. I want to be the man that gets to be inside of you for the first time. But, I’m not willing to share, Sarah. I won’t settle for getting to have your body, while another man gets to have your heart.”

Sarah’s eyes were brimming with tears. She couldn’t believe how a perfect afternoon of what she and Adley had just shared, had become this. She wanted to tell him that he was wrong, that he was the only one, but she knew that she couldn’t lie to him.

“Adley, Will is…still in my heart, yes…but, that doesn’t mean that you aren’t. It’s just different how I think of you both. You are my now, Adley. My now.”

“Don’t say his name to me again. After all this time, after everything that we have done, you can stand there and tell me that there is still someone else? I thought we were…more.” He shook his head at her and looked down.

“Here’s the deal, Sarah. Until you can say to me that there is no one else that you are thinking about, no one else in your heart, but me, I can’t do this anymore. I can feel that you are still holding back. Using me to meet your needs, and I don’t mean that selfishly, Sarah. I know you feel something for me. But, I…I want all of you, Sarah. I’ve tried to get past this. But I won’t settle for anything less than all of you.”

“Adley, please don’t do this.” Sarah couldn’t stand the thought of going back to not seeing him, or speaking to him, especially now.

“I’m not doing this, you are, or he is, or something. All I know is I won’t share you. You let me know what you decide, if and when you ever do. Because honestly, I can’t believe that you haven’t, after all this time. I’m sorry, I can’t. I won’t be with you knowing that I’m not enough.”

He walked over and opened the door and stood aside for Sarah to walk out. She stepped out onto the porch and turned to look at him. The pain on his face was clear, but Sarah didn’t know if it was the pain of knowing Will was still in her heart, or the pain of pushing her out of his life, again. All she knew was that those reasons were the exact same ones that were causing her heart to ache, as well.

He looked at her and said, “You understand why I have to do this, don’t you, Sarah?”

She swallowed the lump in her throat, and although she didn’t want to admit it, she answered, “Yes, Adley…yes.”

William fell backward into the couch and slumped back.

Catherine smiled at her son, “Oh sweetie, you’re exhausted, aren’t you? I can’t believe that you two got the entire corral fixed today. It didn’t have to all get done today, you know. Your father is flat exhausted, he’s already in bed snoring.”

William swung his feet around to hang over one of the arms of the couch and propped a pillow behind his head. He turned to face his mother who was sitting in front of the fire, working on her latest embroidery piece. “Yeah, I know, Mom,” he squeezed his eyes shut and yawned, “but, I wanted to get it done since I probably won’t get the chance to work on it during the week. Vernon said there’s going to be some overtime coming up and I told him I would take it.”

Catherine pressed her lips together and shook her head, “Really son, are you going to be able to keep this pace? I worry about you working so much. You tell Vernon you don’t need the overtime, you have done more than enough to help this family. We don’t need the extra money that badly.”

“Don’t worry, I’m fine. I’ve gotten used to the hours. I just want to make sure I keep up with chores here at home, and Margaret’s been wanting me to spend time with her on the weekends, so, I just have to plan and get things done when I can.”

Catherine rocked in her chair and pulled a few more stitches through her fabric. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with her, I’ve noticed. Things must be starting to, get serious?”

William stared into the fire, thinking if that really were the case. “Well, I guess so. I mean, we seem to get along pretty good.”

Catherine slowly nodded, but didn’t say anything. William knew what she was thinking. She had always loved Sarah, and would’ve liked nothing more than to have her as a daughter-in-law.

“Well, I don’t know much, sweetie, but there’s a lot more to loving someone than ‘getting along pretty good.’ I just think that some things, or some people, never really leave your heart, and you shouldn’t try to force them to.”

William stopped her before she could continue, “Yeah, mom. I know. I appreciate your advice, but just let me worry about it, okay?” The fact was, he just didn’t have the energy to go into the full explanation of why Sarah wouldn’t be her daughter-in-law, and how it was just too heart wrenching to keep pretending that someday that could be a possibility.

She looked back to her stitching, clearly hurt at William’s snippety response to her. Trying to put his mother’s mind on something else, he changed the subject to something else he knew that she would happily talk about. Her favorite cow, Molasses, was going to have her first calf any time now. Catherine had always had a soft spot for their animals, and insisted on naming every single one of them. “I think Molasses is going to go tonight.”

Catherine stopped stitching and looked up, “Really? Do you think?”

“Yea, I’m pretty sure. I put her in the stall in the barn with some fresh straw. With the nights getting so cold, I didn’t want to take the chance of her giving birth outside. I’ll go out and check on her in a bit.”

“Oh, that was a good idea, son. I just hope she doesn’t have too hard of a time with this calf. With it being her first, you just never know how it’ll go.”

William yawned and pulled the blanket that was draped over the couch over his shoulders. “I know, Mom, she’ll be okay.” He couldn’t fight the urge any longer and closed his eyes. Catherine smiled lovingly at him. She got up and fully covered him with the blanket, and went back to her embroidery.

He had been asleep for about an hour when he suddenly jerked awake and sat up. Catherine was still in her chair, but had set down her needlepoint for a book instead. He blinked, and tried to focus his eyes. “I’ve got to go check on Molasses.”

Catherine set her book down and walked over to him. “You just lay back down and sleep, sweetie. You haven’t been getting enough as it is. I’ll go out and check her, and if it looks like she’s started her labor, I’ll wake you up.”

William laid back down, closed his eyes, and just as he fell back asleep, he felt his mother spread the blanket over him and kiss his forehead.

Catherine walked over to the hooks by the door and pulled on William’s warm boots and wrapped one of Henry’s long coats around her. She was already in her nightgown, but she knew that it wouldn’t take her long to walk out and check on Molasses and get back in before she got too cold. She took the kerosene lamp from the kitchen table and turned the knob until the flame grew tall and bright. She closed the door gently behind her and headed for the barn.

She slid the large door open just enough to walk in and listened. The barn was quiet, and she concluded that the baby wasn’t coming yet, or she certainly would’ve heard Molasses. She held the lantern high and walked past the tractor toward the back stall. She had to smile at her husband, insisting that the tractor be stored in the barn. She had tried to convince him on many occasions that it was a tractor after all, made of metal, and could withstand the elements. But, she knew it was a lost cause. Of course she didn’t really mind, and she loved that her husband couldn’t be happier with his new tractor.

She got to the stall where Molasses was laying down, chewing her cud. Catherine watched her for a few minutes until she kicked her leg out a few times and stood up. As she stood, Catherine could see that her labor had started, as she noticed the bloody mucous starting to show. Molasses circled the pen a few times, clearly agitated and uncomfortable.

“I know girl, I know. This is going to hurt a bit, I wish it didn’t…but you’ll be okay.” Catherine watched her lay back down and try to find a position that seemed to be more comfortable than the last. Molasses let out a bawl and kicked her leg again, and stood back up to rub herself against the wall of the barn.

“No, no, Molasses. Don’t do that. That’s not going to help.” Catherine began to worry that this was indeed going to be a hard labor for such a young cow, and decided she better go get William to help her.

She turned and quickly shuffled her feet back toward the barn door, holding the lantern high to light the way. Excited, and worried at the same time for the new baby, she ran and focused ahead to the door. But as she passed the tractor, a piece of rope that was hidden under the straw that covered the floor, unknowingly caught around her boot and cinched tight just as she raised her foot in taking her next step. Her foot was caught, tripping her in the blink of an eye. Catherine’s arms came straight up as instinct told her to try and brace her fall. The lantern flew through the air and landed with the crash of breaking glass. But before Catherine could catch herself, she fell forward, her head coming down on the cold steel of the plow hitched to the back of the tractor.

William lazily fluttered his eyes open and blinked a few times. He wondered how long he had been asleep on the couch. He looked over at his mother’s chair, but just saw her book turned over on the seat holding her place. He closed his eyes again, but only for a second when he realized there was an odd smell in the air. He stared into the room, trying to place the smell. He looked over to the fireplace, wondering if a log had slipped out to the hearth. There was a definite strong smell of smoke, and he sat up to take a deep breath. But as he sat up, his eyes widened in terror as he saw a bright glow coming from beyond the window outside. He threw the blanket off of him and ran through the front door. He only took a few steps into the night when he stopped in complete horror.

Where the barn stood, there was now a raging ball of flames. The entire barn was completely engulfed. The fire roared and crackled as William ran toward the barn, screaming for help. His heart dropped to the bottom of his stomach when he suddenly remembered his mother. She had covered him up, and said she would go to the barn to check Molasses.

William screamed at the top of lungs, as he was filled with the worst fear of his life. “Mom! Mom!” But the flames were so loud, that his screams could barely be heard, even by his own ears.

He ran as close as he could to the barn, but the heat that was blazing off it was so intense, that he couldn’t even get within fifty feet of it without it starting to burn his face. The flames were on every side of the barn, with violent daggers of flames stabbing through the roof. He screamed again and again for help, until he was silenced by the roof of the barn crashing down in a blaze of sparks and flames. He dropped to his knees screaming, “No! Oh my God, no!”

Both Henry and Tommy heard the screaming and came running outside, their eyes filled with horror as the fire reflected its hatred in them. Henry gasped and ran toward William, whose head was buried in his hands as he rocked back and forth. “Oh my God! Oh my God! Catherine? William! Where’s your mother? William! Answer me!”

William looked up at his father, streaks of pain cutting across his face, just as an enormous explosion of gas and metal erupted from the barn. All three of them were knocked back and fell to the ground, covering their faces.

Henry slowly stood up, and shielding his face with his forearm ran toward the barn, although he could barely keep a straight path, after the force of the blast left them all dazed. “Catherine! Catherine! Oh my God, no…please no! Catherine!” But he too, was stopped short from getting any closer. The barn had become a blazing inferno from side to side, top to bottom. Henry dropped to his knees, sobbing and begging God, to please not let this be happening. He fell to the ground clutching his chest and screaming for his Catherine. The fire that had taken her, had just as ruthlessly turned his heart into ash that disintegrated onto the frozen ground.

Catherine’s services were a blur of faces that passed through William’s line of sight. He and Tommy had sat in the front pew on either side of their father, but he hadn’t heard a word of the sermon. William focused his eyes straight ahead to her casket draped with a small floral spray of pink roses. The vision of the fire, the force of the explosion, and the searing heat were all still very real in him. It didn’t matter if he closed his eyes, or was wide awake. It was all a nightmare that replayed in his mind on a constant loop. The echo of the explosion was still deafening, and he could not stop thinking of everything he should have, or could have done, to save his mother. It didn’t matter that he knew there was nothing that anyone could’ve done, by the time that any help had arrived, there was nothing left that resembled a barn. The charred remains of Henry’s tractor, and a scattering of tools were the only blatant and cruel reminders of what just a few days earlier signified importance and value in their lives.

Henry had stopped eating and became an empty shell of a man, sobbing all through the night, and staring into nothingness during the day. A steady stream of people from the community would stop by, bringing casseroles and loaves of baked bread, and sharing kind words expressing how much they had loved Catherine, but nobody could come even close to comprehending the excruciating amount of pain that was coursing through that house.

But what haunted William more than the vision of the fire that would forever be singed in his brain, were the last words that he and his mother had spoken to each other. He played it over and over, how he had cut her off and spoke to her in such a hurtful tone, while she had just been trying to help him navigate through the various paths his life could take. Her only motive in life was to be the loving and devoted mother that she had always been to him, and he was certain that his harsh response to her advice had hurt her. He knew that for as long as he lived, he would never forgive himself for how he acted. He replayed their conversation over and over. What he wouldn’t give to go back in time, and hug her as she rocked in the chair. If only he could, he would make sure she knew how much he appreciated her caring so much about him, instead of the reality that he acted like a complete ass to her. He remembered feeling her soft kiss on his forehead, and how he let her go to the barn, instead of getting up and going himself.

It had been almost two weeks since he’d been to work at the lumberyard. He had seen Margaret a handful of times as she stopped by his house, but he had always asked her to go, even though she tried to convince him to let her stay. He had decided that going back to work was a necessity. And it didn’t matter where he was, his heart would be broken one way or the other. William knew too, that there were bills to pay, and there was no way he was going to let their farm get taken away. Losing Catherine, and losing their home, he knew would be more than the fragility of his father could stand. William swore to God and to himself that he would do whatever he could to take care of Tommy and his father. It was the very least he could do, knowing that what had happened to his mother, was his fault.

Two weeks had passed before Henry could bring himself to go near the barn. William had found him, staring blankly into the charred black wood and the ash that would take flight when the wind whispered through, punctuating the agonizing silence.

William walked to his side, and put his arms around the slumped shoulders of a broken man, who not long ago, seemed to have the world by a string. William stared at what the selfish fire had decided to spare, knowing that it hadn’t chosen to spare the only thing that truly mattered. The tractor stood like a statue, black and lifeless. Its bright orange grandeur was long gone and hardly recognizable as the fire and the explosion of the gas tank showed no mercy.

“Why did this happen, son?” Henry eyes were focused ahead, but looking at nothing.

“I don’t know, Dad.”

“I just wish…I knew. I wish I knew what happened.” Henry’s chin began to quiver and William wrapped his arm tighter around him.

He looked down to the ground, “It’s my fault, Dad.”

Henry broke his trance and looked at William. “What? What are you talking about?”

“I should’ve been the one to go to the barn. She did it for me. If I had just…,” William could no longer continue without the tears streaming down his cheeks. “If I had just gotten off of the couch, this wouldn’t have happened.”

Henry turned and put his hands on William’s shoulders. “This isn’t your fault, William. I don’t want to hear you say that ever again. Fault lies within intention. You did nothing. And your mother would be heartbroken if she thought that you blamed yourself. This was an…accident, son, a terrible accident.” They wrapped their arms around each other, and held on for a long, long time.