Sunk (9 page)

Chapter Sixteen

RAINE

I drop to my knees and wrap my arms around his body, engulfing him with mine. I can’t help the tears that fall from my own cheeks. This man has loved and lost. Everything makes sense. This is why he’s always kept people at arm’s length.

Patiently, I sit with him until he composes himself. “That rocking chair was given to me from my grams. She had it when my mom was born. It was handed down to me. And it’s just there.”

He presses his forehead to mine and silence embraces us. In this moment, I love this man with every fiber of my being. Nothing has ever come close to this. Nothing.

“Now you see why I freaked. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want anything to happen to you or the baby. I can’t possibly take another loss,” he says as the tears continue to brush his cheeks. “Carter James. That would have been his name. My baby boy,” he cries, as he holds onto me tightly.

“Shhh,” I try to console him as we remain on the floor, huddled closely together.

“I don’t know if the little bean is going to be a girl or a boy, but I’m sure we can make any changes you want.”

“It’s perfect, Sly. I’m so sorry for your loss.” My voice cracks.

He unfolds himself from me and swipes his cheeks. “I haven’t been in here since the day he was supposed to be born, supposed to come home. There has to be some greater purpose here, and I think I’m staring at it. You are my greater purpose, Raine. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and this little bean.” He rubs my belly.

“I want the same. I just want to be with you.”

His lips brush against mine. “God, I love you so much.”

“I love you too, so much. Can we keep this our little secret until at least Christmas? I know you’re close to your family, and it’s taken me time to get used to that. I just want to enjoy this for a little bit.”

“Of course. I kind of feel the same. But we both know I’m kind of greedy, anyway.” He chuckles.

I laugh. Turning my body so it’s flush against his chest, he wraps his arms around me. We sit in silence, taking everything in—the crib, the changing table, the dresser, and the rocking chair. It’s a lot to process. He kisses my hair.

“When did it happen?” I ask.

“I’m twenty-nine, so about five years ago. It’s the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I never thought I’d find love again, let alone have another child. But then you happened.”

I swallow hard. “I recall you being quite persistent,” I tell him as a matter of fact.

“Yes, I was. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

I turn my head to the side to kiss him. “It’s her birthday today,” I say. “Ava would have been nine.”

“How long has it been since you visited her grave?” Sly asks.

“Too long, I suppose. Want to go?”

“Now?”

“Yes, now.”

“Okay.” Sly uncrosses his legs and stands, helping me up by offering his hand. “Like I said, if you want to change anything in here, feel free.”

“I love it the way it is. Maybe I can bring some of Ava’s things to incorporate in the room.”

“I think that is a wonderful idea.”

He grips my hand in his and closes the door as we exit. I look up at him. “I want to get flowers on the way.”

***

Sly follows me through the cemetery as I make my way to Ava. She has an angel headstone. The closer I get, the closer my heart constricts. Arriving at her stone, I bend down to lay the flowers and run my hand over it.

“Happy birthday, baby,” I whisper.

I stand up and Sly reaches for my hand, clasping his over mine. He lightly brushes his thumb on mine, calming me. I feel a tear trickle down my cheek.

“You’re going to be a big sister, Ava. I bet you would have been such a good big sister,” Sly says, squeezing my hand.

A sense of peace washes over me. I don’t know how to describe it. It’s like she’s here, telling me it’s okay to move on, and that it’s okay to be happy. I swallow a hard lump.

I bend back down. “Mama loves you so much.” I kiss my fingers and then press them on the cold stone.

Standing back up, I nod to Sly, letting him know I’m ready to go.

“Are you okay?” he asks as we walk back to the car.

“Oddly, I am. I feel like the pain has eased. It’s hard to explain.”

“All right, while we’re here, let me show you my son.” His voice cracks a little at the mention of his son.

With his hand clutching mine, we walk a short distance in between the head stones until Sly stops at one in particular. He bends down on one knee and clears off the debris that is casting over the stone. The pain tugs at my heart. The loss of a child is inexplicable. We stand there in silence, and I try to give him the space he needs, but he continues to hold my hand. Maybe it’s comforting to him. Sly stands and wipes a tear from his eye.

He greets me with a weak smile, attempting to hide his tears. He’s a man, and most men try to hide their emotions, so I don’t say anything as we turn to walk away.

After a few moments, I finally speak. “Thank you.”

He blinks back the tears. “For what?”

“For bringing me here. I needed this.”

At the car, he opens the door for me. “You are the strongest woman I know.”

I smile and slide into the passenger seat as he shuts the door behind me. “Ready?”

“Yep.”

He continues to hold my hand as he drives. It’s our thing now. His touch warms me. When Sly passes the exit to go to the house, I give him a confused look.

“Just a little pit stop.” He smirks, adding a wink.

I watch the outside pass in bright colored flashes. People around us are probably shopping for Christmas. We try to get by, to get through the day without succumbing to the pain that hovers over us. Since Sly came into my life, he makes my days and nights bearable. Then something shifted when I visited Ava. My chest no longer feels like it has a weight on it, taking the breath from my lungs.

I lean my head back in the seat and look over to Sly, my hand resting in his. Sly pulls off the highway and heads down a city street, and I know exactly where we are headed—to the bakery his grandmother runs.

He parks in front of the bakery and we walk inside.

“To what do I owe this pleasant surprise?” his gram asks.

“I wanted to grab us some of your famous hot cocoa and two of the chocolate éclairs to go.”

“Coming right up.” She busies herself getting the order to go. “And how are you, dear Raine?” she asks.

“Oh, I’m fine, thank you,” I respond, cheery.

She hands Sly the cocoas and places the bag of éclairs on the counter as she comes over to me, embracing me in her arms. I lean down and hug her, and she whispers in my ear.

“You are practically glowing. Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.” She smiles sweetly at the two of us.

She then waves us off as I follow Sly out the door. Out in the brisk air, he gives me a sheepish grin.

“You knew she was going to do that, didn’t you? How does she know?” I ask, taking a sip of the hot cocoa.

“I did. I don’t know how she does it, she just knows. She’s done it to a few family members. I just wanted to test her. Don’t worry, she won’t say anything. Want to walk for a bit?”

“Sure. I can’t believe you, Sly.” I smile at him.

“I didn’t want to say anything beforehand. I just wanted to see what she would do.”

“It’s fine. I adore her, though,” I say.

We walk past some shops and then find a bench to sit down on. Sly digs in the bag for our éclairs and passes me one.

“You know how my family is close. Well, it’s all because of what I went through, losing a newborn and then having his mother leave me. I don’t know where I would be without them and their support. They were patient when I was grieving, and pretty much fed me.”

“I get it now. I wish I would have had that kind of support system. I only had my sister and my friend from work. You give me hope that time does heal all wounds.”

He leans over and kisses the side of my head. “Should we head back?”

“Sure.”

We walk back to the car, hand in hand with our cocoas in the other hand. I still can’t get over his grandmother knowing I’m pregnant. It’s crazy she can sense that. We dump our empty cups and bag into the trash and then head back to Sly’s place.

“I have no clothes at your place,” I admit.

“You don’t really need clothes, but we’ll stop and get your stuff.”

I shake my head at him. Typical man.

***

We are back at Sly’s place; he has my bag in his hand, refusing to let me carry it.

“I’ll take this upstairs. Do you mind if I do some work, so I can catch up from earlier today?”

“No, go ahead. I’ll get settled and then I might play the piano for a bit.”

“Sounds good. I’ll try to just be an hour or so.” He leans down and kisses me. I follow Sly upstairs and unpack my bag once again, placing everything where it is supposed to be. Instead of heading downstairs, he comes over to me. He pulls me into his lap on the chair.

“Why don’t you just move in? I love you and want you here with me all the time.”

“I hope you’re not just saying that because I’m carrying your baby.”

“I’m not. I was going to ask you at Christmas, anyway. I love you, Raine. Can’t you see that? The baby is just the icing on the cake. Please say yes.”

“You’re a piece of work, Mr. Wilkes. Okay, fine, I’ll move in. But I won’t be rushing the process. You have to give me time to sort things out, and it might take a little bit.”

The truth is I don’t want to think about packing up Ava’s room. Granted, I do feel relieved of the pain I once felt, but it’ll hurt to pack up her things.

“Oh, you just made me the happiest man alive. I’m a fairly patient man, so you can take your time. I understand. But I want you fully moved in by the time the baby graces us with his or her presence.”

“So bossy, Mr. Wilkes. But that sounds fair enough. I can compromise.”

“Great. I would have hated to hold you here captive,” he teases, scooting me off him, and I smack his butt on his way out of the room.

“Love you,” he turns and says before heading to his office.

“Love you too.”

Smiling, I finish unpacking my things, take a shower, and head down to the piano. Some days it calls to me, more than running does. Lately, I’ve been writing my own music and practicing the lyrics with the piano. Playing is therapeutic for me, and Sly seems to enjoy it. So far, I have about three songs I’ve written and played. Sly thinks I should put on a concert, but I don’t know. It’s scary, putting myself out there like that.

Chapter Seventeen

RAINE

In the room I’ve named the music room, I have a pencil in my mouth and the lyrics in front of me as I play and make adjustments. Once I have the song completely worked out, I play it all the way through and it is simply beautiful.

Playing music is a dream come true. It’s a dream I abandoned when Beau and I got serious and started planning our future. But now I get to play it whenever I want. I let my fingers graze along the keys and start to play the song again. I’m so happy with it.

I hear clapping to my right.

“Another new one?” Sly asks.

“It is. Sometimes I get lost in the zone and I don’t even notice anything else.” I stand and wrap my arms around Sly’s waist.

“How’s our little bean?” he asks.

“Hungry and tired.” I smile up at him.

He smiles brightly. “I still can’t believe we are having a baby.”

“We are, so you better get used to it,” I tell him sternly as we walk to the kitchen. “So I was thinking, maybe we could have my sister and Charles over for dinner on Christmas Eve. I feel like I hardly see her, and it would be nice to have them over.”

“Sure, whatever you want. I don’t want you overworking yourself, so if we can get a caterer to come in or get takeout that would work.”

“Great, I’m going to go call her while you make me a sandwich.”

“Slave driver,” he retorts.

I laugh.

***

“Are you feeling well enough to entertain guests?” Sly asks on Christmas Eve, wrapping his strong arms around me from behind.

“It was just a little morning sickness. I’m okay.” I lean into the mirror as I coat my lashes with mascara.

“Are you sure?” He looks at me in the mirror.

I twist in his arms and look up at him. “I promise, I’m fine. Don’t be such a worry wart. I’d tell you if I wasn’t feeling well. The crackers and the nap helped. Now go get ready, the caterers will be here soon.”

I know Sly is worried about me, especially after he’s been through such a loss. I know he is just trying to be protective. Sometimes I find it overbearing, so I have to constantly reassure him I’m okay. I can’t blame him, though. Finishing my makeup, I pull my hair back into a ponytail and slip into a wrap dress. Gazing in the mirror, I try to see if my bump is showing. I can’t tell.

“What are you doing?” Sly chuckles.

“I’m trying to see if my sister will notice. Do I look pregnant?” I ask with a serious tone.

Sly chuckles loudly.

“What’s so damn funny?”

“Sweetheart, she won’t be able to tell. You aren’t showing yet. I promise. It’ll still remain our little secret. Before they get here, I have a little gift for you.” He smirks as he pulls out a box from his dresser drawer

“Sly, I thought we discussed no gifts, besides what we get your family and mine. I already have everything I want and need.”

He hands me the box. “Just allow this one little thing.”

I can’t help but smile at him, because he seems so happy to be giving me this. Taking the box, I open it and see there is a beautiful silver bracelet inside. It has various charms on it.

“Each charm represents us. The shoe for your love of running, the bell to represent us meeting at your sister’s wedding, a house for moving in, and lastly, a horse for Ava. And later we can add something for the baby. And we can just keep adding to it.”

I swipe the tears from my cheek, because he put so much thought into this gift. I can’t be mad at him for it. He clips it onto my wrist. “Sly, it’s so beautiful. Thank you.” I reach my arms up around his neck to hug him and then kiss him.

I smooth over my dress and slip on my black ballet flats, then greet the caterers as they arrive. Sly shows them the kitchen and where they can work. Keeping the pregnancy to myself will be hard, but I don’t want to jinx anything. The doorbell rings and Sly and I immediately answer it.

“Hi,” Summer says excitedly as she hugs me tight. “Oh wow, Sly, your home is beautiful.” Her eyes are bright as she looks around.

“Thank you,” Sly responds.

Charles hands Sly a bottle of wine, and I need to think of something so I don’t have to drink it.

Summer embraces Sly, while Charles hugs me.

“Why don’t we pop this baby open?” Sly mentions of the wine and gives me a knowing look.

“You know, I think I’ll just have some water right now,” I say.

“Oh, are you feeling okay, Sis?” Summer asks.

“I’m fine, just not in the wine mood, I guess. I’ve been trying to eat better and adopt a healthier lifestyle.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” Summer says.

I change the subject quickly. “Well, dinner should be ready in about twenty minutes. You want to sit in the living room while we wait?”

“Sure,” Charles says, while Sly passes a glass of wine to both my sister and Charles, and one for himself.

Summer and I sit on the love seat, while the two men sit on the couch.

“Did Raine tell you she’s moving in?” Sly asks with a wide grin.

Summer gives me a look of confusion. I know what she’s going to say.

“No, she didn’t.” She gives me the stink eye. “I’m surprised she agreed, especially with her situation.” She turns to me. Are you sure you want to do that?”

“I am. It’s going to be a slow process, so we aren’t in any rush. I want to take my time. We went to visit Ava’s grave recently. I think I’m more at peace with everything now. Every day I get stronger, and Sly and I are growing closer. It seems right.”

“Well, you have my support.” She pats my knee then takes a drink of her wine. “It’s a little surprising, is all. I’m just looking out for you.”

“I know. We are practically inseparable, anyway.” I smirk.

“I know, you have this glow about you lately.” She smiles. “I’m happy for you two.”

Sly and Charles are having a conversation about sports, or some other manly topic. It’s nice having some sister time. Even though I can’t share the news with her yet, I will soon. Dinner is announced, and the four of us congregate in the dining room. The caterers place the food in front of us, and we all fall back into conversation.

“Before I forget, I wanted to see if you two have plans for New Year’s,” I ask my sister and Charles.

She looks to Charles and they both shake their heads. “We don’t.”

“Well, I was thinking of hosting a little party here New Year’s Eve. You can meet Sly’s family too. Interested?”

“Of course, we’ll be here. Great, just text me the time and info when the time comes. Are you spending Christmas with his family?”

“We are. It’s supposed to be the whole gang. Oh, you should meet his brother, Ash. He is a trip. And quite flirtatious.” I laugh.

“If he’s anything like his brother, I can only imagine,” she says, her eyes darting to Sly. “This meal is so good. Thanks for having us over.”

“Thanks for coming. We haven’t spent a lot of time together lately, and I wanted to do something nice for you both.” I look at Summer, and then to Charles. “You two have helped me through some of my darkest days, and I could never thank you guys for feeding me and making sure I was alive. Though it was such a tragic event, I think it brought us closer, and I’m very thankful for that.”

“Cheers to that.” Charles holds his glass up and we all clink our glasses, even though I’m drinking water. Summer’s eyes mist as she stands to come over to me. She hugs me tight then goes back to her seat.

I could never repay my sister and Charles for everything they have done for me, which is more than most would do for their family. There were days when getting out of bed was impossible, and my sister would come over and basically throw me in the shower, put me in clean clothes, then back to bed. She would even do laundry and cook me meals.

“Your sister is one remarkable woman,” Sly tells Summer.

“Duh. Tell me something I don’t know.” Summer grins.

After dinner, dessert is served and the conversation turns to a lighter topic. I can’t believe how lucky I am to have these three people in my life. Pushing my seat back, I stand to grab our gift for Summer and Charles. Picking up the gift bag from under the tree, I make my way back to the table.

“Sly and I got you two a little something.” I hand the bag to Summer and watch for her reaction as she digs into the bag. Sly reaches over and places his hand over mine. She pulls out a bottle of wine, and then a gift card to The Waldron.

“This is the most expensive restaurant in town,” she says, in shock at the sizeable amount. “And this bottle doesn’t look cheap either.” She smiles brightly.

“I know you’ve wanted to try that restaurant, and the wine is very good. It’s a favorite of ours,” I tell her.

“Thank you guys so much.” She turns to me. Summer hugs both me and Sly. Charles shakes Sly’s hand and comes over to hug me.

“You’re welcome. Enjoy it,” I tell her as I rest my chin over my hands.

“Well, we better get going. Let you two love birds get some rest,” Summer says.

We all stand and say our goodbyes as we walk them to the door. The caterers are almost done cleaning up, so Sly and I enjoy a quiet moment to ourselves.

“It was nice having them over,” he finally says.

“It was. You know how hard it is to keep this secret? I didn’t expect it to be this hard. I’m glad we’ll be telling them soon.”