Sun Poisoned (The Sunshine Series) (40 page)

“
Yeah,” and I can tell Jade is trying really hard to keep his tone calm. “I get it. Just do it.”

Myles seems to understand, either from Jade’s tone or what’s going on in his head because he says,
“I’ll be right back.” He turns to me once more. “Then we’ll start. Okay?”

I nod, but Myles is gone before he can see it.

“He should have started a long time ago,” Jade says under his breath.

“
He didn’t want to do anything against my will,” I say, but it comes out broken just like everything else. “It’s my fault, Jade. Not his.”

“
Not this again,” Jade says. “Don’t you dare take the blame.”

I can’t do this right now. One horrible-life-changing-crisis at a time, damn it.

Myles comes back with the same red medical bag from before and my stomach lurches at the thought of what could possibly be inside and why he needs it.

“
What should I do?” Jade asks.

Myles comes closer, setting the bag down and sitting down next to me.

“We can’t do anything until it comes back to the surface,” he answers.

“
What exactly are you going to do?” Jade asks again.

Myles glances at me like he’s not sure he should tell him. I nod. He has a right to know.

He motions for Jade to come to his side of the bed. Then, as he’s walking over, Myles gestures to my shirt. “May I?”

Lift up my shirt? Sure, why not? It’s not like anything can get any more uncomfortable or anything.
I help him pull up the t-shirt so that the lower half of my stomach is showing, where all of the marks are re-appearing.

“
I think this is probably where it’s going to come up again,” Myles says, as both of them study my skin. “When it does, I’m going to cut my wrist, then cut wherever the pain is most on Sophie.”

Myles only pauses long enough to take a breath and I’m too fixated on the brown, red, and purple blooms on my pale skin to look for Jade’s reaction.

“Then,” Myles says. “I’m going to press the two wounds together. The infected blood will flow into me, and if it works, the pain will go away.”

Jade swallows hard. He takes in a deep breath. He stares at me.
“You’re okay with this?”

I nod. I have to be okay with it.

“Alright,” he says. “But if this blood is so powerful and horrible, won’t it hurt you too?” he asks Myles.

Myles shakes his head, and that seems to be enough of an explanation.

As if on cue, my right hip starts to throb, but I manage to hide it well enough. No pain yet, so no need to worry about cutting me open and all that jazz, right?

They don’t seem to be paying attention to me anymore anyway.

Myles is saying something about how Jade should hold me down and stuff when it happens and I really just want to tune that part out anyway, so I’m not sure if I should be grateful that I can see a new bright red, worm-like line work its way from under the waistband of my sweat pants to the middle of my abdomen.

“
Fuck,” I gasp out a minute later, when the pain hits me like a two ton sac of bricks.

That gets their attention, and I don’t have to tell them where it hurts the most, because they can see it spreading along with me. The red line fans out into a firework shape, turning the skin around it an angry pink and the rest of the design dark red and then purple.

And I hear another, more emphatic, “Fuck” come out of my brother’s mouth.

Next, I’m on my back, the sheet is thrown off of my legs, Jade is holding onto my shoulders a little too strongly, making my skin ache, but it’s nothing compared to the scalpel running across my skin.

Of course, that part can’t hold a candle to what goes on when Myles holds his open wrist to it. My body takes over then, no room for any coherent thoughts except curses and run-on gibberish spewing out of my mouth as my legs thrash, my pulse pounds, and my stomach turns.

I can’t keep track of how long I’m in and out. It’s like I’m trying to keep my head above water and keep getting pulled under as soon as I can breathe.

But the pain is gone sometime between floating and breathing, and Myles is slowly pulling his arm away and replacing it with gauze.

“
Are you okay?” Jade asks. He’s still holding onto my shoulders, loosening his grip after a few seconds of calm.

“
Yeah,” I say, and my throat hurts. “I’m okay.”

Myles is taping the gauze down, and I notice that his hands are shaking. He smiles for a second when he sees me staring down at him. He stands, wobbles, then regains his balance.

I’m not aware that Evan is back in the room until he’s standing next to Myles, steadying him.

“
Are you okay?” I finally ask Myles. I wouldn’t be as worried if he wasn’t grabbing onto Evan’s arm like he’s about to fall over.

He seems to take a long time to swall
ow, like he’s in pain, pressing another wad of gauze to his wrist as he tries to lean away from Evan. Then he nods.

“
You should lie down,” Evan says to him, but it sounds like more of a gentle suggestion rather than an order.

Myles’ bright blue eyes are rimmed in red when he opens them, making them appear to pop out. But that must be because of the dark circles he has under his eyes now that weren’t there a few minutes ago.

“We’ll stay with her,” Evan says, and his tone sounds like Myles said something to him that only he could hear.

As if to prove that he’s not going anywhere, Myles takes a step forward and squeezes my hand again, he’s looking everywhere but my face.

“You should go, Myles,” I say to encourage him.

He licks his lips.
“You’re not in pain?” His voice is raw.

I shake my head.

“It’s okay,” Jade interjects, yet I notice that he’s staring at me too. His eyes don’t move away. I feel like a bomb everyone’s waiting to either disengage or detonate.  

Myles sniffs and lets go of my hand. He leans down and I pretend I don’t see the tremor that runs through him when he kneels, like his
legs are going to give out.

He kisses my forehead.
“I won’t be gone long,” he whispers.

When he’s standing again, Evan steadies him and they bo
th walk slowly out of the room. Jade takes the place where Myles was sitting.

“
I hope he’s okay,” I say.

Jade peels off the rubber gloves, throwing them in the trashcan at the end of the bed.
“He’ll be fine.”

My head starts to spin, and along with it, the image of Jade leaning over me as he holds onto my hand.
“How you doing, Sunshine?” he asks half-heartedly.

I swallow. The spinning stops.
“Okay.”

I lightly place a hand on my stomach and it’s a little sore under the bandage, but other than that and the general exhaustion that hasn’t left me for days, I feel alright.

“Did the pain stop?” Jade asks.

“
It did,” I tell him. “I feel a lot better.” I pause a second. “So wait,” I say, trying to sit up, but my arms are shaking too much so giving up. “Is it gone?”

Jade shrugs.
“I think,” he says. “I mean. If you’re feeling okay, I guess. They didn’t really tell me.”

I could worry about it. Sure. But right now, all I’m going to worry about is how much I have to pee and how hungry I am.
“Can you help me to the bathroom?” I ask.

His expression slightly changes.
“Are you going to throw up?”

“
No.” I laugh softly. “I have to pee really bad.”

He smiles a tiny bit.
“Oh.”

Jade comes closer, scooping his arm behind my neck and under my legs. I notice now that while the IV is still taped to my arm, it’s still not connected to anything,
making it easier to leave the bed.

He helps me stand once we’re in the bathroom, and I’m surprised that my shin doesn’t collapse under my weight anymore
. When he turns on the lights, they don’t hurt my eyes as much as they did before. He leaves me alone to do my business, then comes back when I’m done to help me to the bed again.

The short trip took a lot out of me and I didn’t even do much.

“Can I get you anything else?” Jade asks as he replaces the sheet over my legs.

“
You think I can eat something?”

Jade seems really pleased by this, smiling widely.
“Your stomach doesn’t hurt?”

I shake my head.

He heads into the kitchen area, opening cabinets and the fridge.

Jade comes back in with packages of junk under each arm and some kind of sandwich on a paper plate.

“Thanks,” I say when I take it from him. Jade watches me wolf it down, then chug two glasses of water. “God,” I say when I’m done. “I haven’t eaten anything in like, four days.”

“
You must have been hungry,” Jade says, taking the food wrappers and paper plate into the kitchen. He comes back in and sits in the chair near me. “You still feel okay?”

I nod.
“Just tired.”

“
You want to go back to sleep?”

But I’m already almost there.

Jade covers me with the sheet, then the comforter.

“
I love you, Sunshine,” he whispers near my face before kissing my forehead.

“
I love you too.”

***

A few hours later, I’m awake again for a different reason. Jade’s asleep in the chair he was sitting in before, and I really don’t want to wake him, but when I try to get up by myself, I’m still too weak to do it.

“
Hey,” I say through the knot that’s starting to form in my throat. “Jade?” I say it a little louder, but that’s not saying much since my voice is still so soft.

He wakes with a start, flinging his arms and nearly falling out of the chair. He gets up fast, walking quicker than necessary to get to me.
 

“
You okay?” he asks, looking wide awake now.

I swallow, hoping that will move the bile back down into my stomach, but it only makes it worse. I nod.
“Can you help me to the bathroom?”

Relief washes over him; I can tell by the way his muscles relax and he breathes out.

“Sure,” he says, already wrapping his arms around me and pulling the blanket away so he can pick me up. “You have to pee again?”

I shake my head.
“Throw up.”

“
Oh,” he says under his breath, trying to get me out of bed faster. “Maybe we rushed it with the food.”

“
Yeah.”

The light that floods the bathroom nearly blinds me, so I shut my eyes when Jade sets me on my feet. He looks like he doesn’t know how to position me, so he just lets me lean into him without holding on with much force. That works for a whole five point two seconds before I’m on my knees and lurched over the toilet. Thank God I have enough presence of mind to lift the lid.

Jade kneels behind me, rubbing my back up and down.

There’s a lull long enough for Jade to reposition himself to the side of me, and I open my watery eyes for the first time since the whole process began. I’m thankful when I look into the toilet that the vomit actually looks like vomit.

I spit to make sure I’m done. I’m about eighty percent sure of it.

“
I have never been so happy to see previously digested food in my life,” I say to put Jade at ease.

He gives me a short-lived laugh. The hand he has on my right shoulder blade moves to the back of my neck, gently pushing us closer together. It’s a cautious hug, just in case I’m not done yet.

“Okay,” I say.

“
You good?”

I nod.
“Yeah. Can I brush my teeth?”

He laughs again.
“Sure.”

Jade helps me stand again and I’m a lot shakier than I was before, but I guess that’s normal. We shuffle together to the sink while I try not to notice the reflection that stares back at me.

I’m pale, but not the color I usually am. My lips are chapped and both of my eyes look like they’ve been punched in. “Whoa.”

“
They said you might look like a ghost for a little while,” Jade says, obviously relieved enough to joke. “Well, they didn’t say it like that, but. . .”

I nod as I let go of him and turn on the faucet.

“You okay?” Jade asks as I reach with a trembling hand for the purple handle of my toothbrush. It just so happens to be the same time everything turns to crap.

Plan B

Chapter 19

“The last taste of salt in my mouth. My skin breaks with no sound.”—Frightened Rabbit