Sun Damage (The Sunshine Series) (6 page)

He
’s lying on the couch, a lime green pillow clutched to his chest. When he sees me, he sits up slowly, looking like I actually did just wake him up.

“
How’s the band?” he asks.

“
Okay,” I say. “We’re going on tour, apparently.”

Jade nods like
he has to take that in and tries to fix his messy hair with a hand. I sit down at the kitchen counter with my hands holding up my head.

“
You have a shit-ton of mail,” he says, sitting next to me. “It was all near the door when I came in. Must have been piling up through the mail slot since you left.”

I glance to my right to the aforementioned pile. I decide to go thr
ough it just so my hands and mind have something to do.

“
You want coffee?” Jade asks, already standing again. Maybe he needs something to do too.

“
Yes,” I say without having to think.

I think about telling him how I saw Stevie. How he pushed me through the door and made me come back. But I can
’t do that right now. I just came back quite literally from the dead. He’s adjusting to enough already and I can’t pile more onto him right now.

We occupy the same space silently for a while. The only sounds breaking through the quiet are me tearing envelopes open, crumpling junk ma
il and throwing it in the trash and the coffee maker. Jade hums softly to himself once in a while. The song is disjointed so he must be finishing it in his head. Maybe he’s not even aware that he’s humming out loud at all. But I recognize the song: “No Surprises.”

That
’s when I start to concentrate more on opening mail, being extra careful in tearing open the envelopes and slipping the letters back inside before throwing out over half of them.

About mid
way through the pile, I get to a letter that makes me stop. It has an address that looks familiar, from the same town as mine in New Jersey.

I thought the handwriting reminded me of someone’s I knew before I opened it, but once the actual letter is set free, I wish I hadn’t noticed anything.

I glance up for a split second before deciding if I should really read it or just throw the letter out. Jade has begun cleaning the dishes in my sink, something else he’s using to occupy himself. That’s what this whole mail-opening thing was supposed to be. But here are the thoughts, running over the paper in the familiar scrawl of someone I wanted to forget. Here are the memories, sitting and waiting to be dug up from the words on the page.

I
’m reading it before I can stop myself:

Sophie,

I
’m sorry I scared you the other night. I didn’t mean to. I know you probably don’t want to talk to me but it’s important that you know some things. I don’t want to do it over phone or letters because someone could find out the information I need to tell you. We need to meet in person in order to do this and I know that’s probably the last thing you want because of what I did and I can’t blame you. But I need to try to set things straight. I’ll be in the Caffiend at five o’clock every day for a week. It’s right near the club you play at, and it’s a really public place and it’s protected...I know what protected means. Trust me; I wouldn’t go anywhere unless it was. So if you get this, just show up. I’ll be there.

-J

Jack. He sent me a godd
amn letter. After the whole incident between him and Myles, I thought I would never have to see him again, but here he is, staring me in the face.

“
You okay?” Jade asks.

It takes me too long to realize that my hands are crumpling the paper between my fingers. I glance up at him and then throw the letter in the trash.

I have to take a moment to steady myself before I speak. “You’d think after disappearing for more than a few weeks, I’d have more mail than just ads and shit.”

Jade
sets my coffee down next to me and I abandon the rest of the mail, figuring one letter is enough to read and I don’t want to have to worry about finding yet another from “J” among the pile, seeing how long ago the first one was dated. Guess I’ll have to change my address or something now.

Jade sits down next to me.
“People don’t even send mail anymore,” he’s saying. “It’s all email and Facebook and junk.” He takes a sip of his coffee, which I can smell, strong and bitter as if it were in front of my own nose. “I wouldn’t get too beat up about it.”

“
Yeah,” I say, but I can hear how empty it sounds.

“
So,” Jade says, either not noticing or not wanting to acknowledge it. “Are you sure you feel up for a tour?” He takes another sip from his cup and I do the same, the caffeine causing these odd pins and needles in my mouth and throat before I taste the coffee. “Like Myles was saying,” Jade says, “being around humans might be hard. And shows have a lot of humans.”

“
You’re
human,” I say. “And being around you isn’t bothering me.”

I hear Jade take in a deep breath.
“This is so fucked up,” he whispers after a minute.

“
Yeah.” I take another sip of my coffee. More tingling then nothing. “Why not tour?” This time, my voice comes out sarcastic and I’m glad. “Because that’s what I should be doing right now,” I finish, wrapping my hands around the mug.

When I stare down, I can see each one of my knuckles popping out, even whiter than the pale skin encasing them. The veins in my hands are a dark blue, but when I blink, all of those details are gone and I see my hands the way I
’ve always seen them, with human eyes. “It’s not like I should be trying to figure this whole thing out,” I say, twisting my palms slowly around the warm ceramic. “Not like I need to figure my whole relationship out.”

“
Sophie?” I hear Jade say it, but only barely.

There
’s a loud thumping filling my ears but I hear the mug shatter, feel the burning liquid on my hands as it drips off of the counter but I can’t care about it. That sound. That bump. Bump. Bump.

Jade
’s hands are on my arms now and he’s shaking me slightly. “Sophie?” He isn’t screaming, but his voice is strained, as if at any moment he’ll start. “Sophie, look at me.” The words are muffled.

“
You can’t hear that?” I practically yell before staring at my hands, which are now red and irritated from the hot coffee.

“
Hear what?” I barely hear Jade. “Tell me what you’re hearing. Maybe I can help.”

The backs of my eyes burn.
I’m on the verge of crying again; I won’t let that happen. Instead, I start describing every detail to him. The bumping and thumping. How loud it is. How I can’t hear anything else.

“
Maybe we should get Myles?” Jade suggests, and I can hear the doubt in his voice. He doesn’t want him here.

I shake my head. I can
’t handle that right now either. “I’ll be fine,” I say, finally looking up at him as if to prove it. I take in a deep breath and grab a hold of his hand, squeezing gently.

“
Do you remember when we were kids,” Jade says, focusing all of his attention on me. “And I had that pet snake?” I notice that he’s talking a little bit louder for me and the pounding has slowed down a tiny bit, although it’s still just as loud.

I laugh a little but I can
’t hear it. I nod. “Sir Pent”

“
Right.” Jade tucks some loose hair behind my ear. “Remember how big that thing got?”

“
Yeah.” I take a deep breath and push it out. “Huge.”

“
And that one day.” The sound isn’t as loud as it was before. I think this is working. “He pushed the lid to his tank open and got out, remember?”

I laugh a little bit more this time.
“Mom freaked.”

“
Yeah.” Jade scrunches up his nose and tries to do his best Mom impression.”‘I can’t believe there’s actual vermin in this house.’“ He pauses for a second, making sure I’m okay so he can go on. “’A fucking snake isn’t a pet. Normal kids want dogs.’”

I can barely hear the bump-thumping anymore. Now there
’s mostly our quiet laughter.
“Didn’t he come back?” I ask.

“
He did!” Jade says as if suddenly remembering. “Like, a year later I found him in the backyard, just hanging out.” He laughs almost naturally. “He was so fat.”

Now the sound is completely gone. I can
’t hear it at all. “I’m okay,” I say after a few minutes. “I’m okay now.”

Jade doesn
’t give me any warning and snatches me up in a hug so tight that it’s hard to break free.

Not that I want to. Not that I ever want to.
“You scared me,” he says into my hair. “You sure you’re okay?”

I nod against his chest, which I now realize is where the bumping was coming from, only now it
’s a soft, normal sound. Human.

I break free of his embrace and straighten myself out. I take some paper towels and start sopping up the remnants of my coffee and coffee mug. Jade sits back in his stool. I know he
’s uneasy, but he’s good at pretending he’s fine. He even continues to drink his coffee.

“
I have to go to the club,” I announce after a while. “I have to fill out paperwork if I’m going to even attempt going on tour.” I don’t even know if it’s going to be safe or dangerous. Dangerous because of Michael, dangerous because of me.

Instead of questioning it, Jade says,
“Then I’ll come with you.” I can’t find it in me to argue and I’m not so sure I want to either. I want him with me. I want someone who knows me–the me I was before all of this happened. Maybe that’ll make it easier once I become someone completely different. Maybe he’ll still recognize me once I’ve started doing vampire things.

“
Okay.”

***

“I want you to come on tour with us.” I say when we’re almost to the club. We both decided it was best that Jade drive, not knowing how I’d be on crowded streets so soon. I can’t get over how clean his new car smells. How much smaller it is that his truck that was totaled in the accident. A sharp pang hits me in the ribs if I think about it too long. I also feel guilty for asking him to come on tour. His fiancé
is dead. His sister died and came back. He probably hasn’t even been home in the past few weeks. Yet here I am, clinging to him.

“
Sure,” he says simply, like there’s no other answer to give.

“
I’m sorry.” I feel like I should keep apologizing until there is nothing left of me. “I’m sorry you have to go through this too. You don’t have to come.”

Jade wraps his arm around me.
“Of course I’m coming,” he says. “There’s no way I’m staying in Jersey when you’re doing all of these great things.”

The rest of his reasoning hangs between us for the rest of the car ride:
In case something bad happens.
When we get to the club, Jade holds the door open for me and I push myself inside before I can worry about how many people are there or if the sound of their hearts beating will bother me. It’s dim and it smells like paint and dust, and something else I can’t quite place. Some musty odor that’s so old I’m sure I’m one of the only ones who can smell it.

There are only two people walking around, testing out lights and sweeping up some kind of confetti and glitter mix that must have been thrown during last night’s performance. One of the guys keeps disappearing from onstage to backstage, but the other, the sweeping guy, has this light blue cloud around him. At first, I just think it
’s my eyes adjusting from being outside and then inside a dimmer room but when I take off my shades, the color around his head only brightens. I blink a few times and it’s gone.

“
You okay?” Jade asks before the door has even shut behind us.

“
Just getting used to my new eyes,” I try to joke.

He
nods, his arm still around me. “Where do you have to fill out this paperwork?”

I shrug.
“I’m guessing Jamie has it.”

“
Where would we find him?”

“
His office is a good place to start.”

I steer my brother behind the backstage area where the offices are located. I don’t look at the end of the hall, where Evan’s office door is closed. I knock twice on Jamie’s door and it opens quickly, like he
was waiting for someone anyway.

“
Oh,” he says, pushing up his fake, thick-rimmed glasses. “It’s you.”

I ignore his attitude.
“I need to fill out paperwork for the Honus tour,” I say.

He motions for us to come inside the cramped room, where there are cardboard boxes piled on top of each other everywhere except his small desk and two chairs. He opens a dr
awer without glancing up at us.

“
So all you have to do is fill this stuff out,” he says, handing me a packet of paperwork. “Stuff like emergency contact info, insurance things, blah, blah, blah.” He’s not even looking at me, just pointing to various lines where I need to sign my name.