Sun Damage (The Sunshine Series) (33 page)

Mom has her palm to her chest, playing with the necklace hanging there.
“That’s good,” she mutters to herself. “I don’t want to hurt her.”

He smiles
, but it isn’t happy. “You don’t have to stay,” he tells her, taking a step into my room toward the bed. “You won’t remember it anyway.”

Mom nods, a few tears escaping through her eyelashes as she heads down the hall.

Little Me stirs in the bed when Myles sits down. I always was a light sleeper. “Hi,” I say simply, like I was waiting for him the whole time.

“
You should be sleeping,” he gently scolds.

“
You woke me up.”  I rub my eyes with my tiny fists. “I thought you were Daddy.”

Myles takes the bear from the side of the bed.
“Did Daddy give you this?” he asks.

Little
Me nods, proud.

He sets the bear down next to me and I hug it to my chest.
“Then you shouldn’t ever lose it.”

I watch it all happen, and neither of them can see me as I sit down in a rocking chair across the room.

As a spectator to my own memory, I watch as the little girl falls asleep again, I watch as Myles places a hand to her head, whispering into her ear the things she’s supposed to forget.

When it’s over and Little Me is asleep, Myles turns around. He can see me.
“Do you want them back?” he’s asking, holding his hands out to me. They’re glowing with yellow light, illuminating his face before they return to normal.

He comes closer.

“I–” I say. “I don’t know.”

Myles looks up at me as he kneels down.
“They’re still in there, you know,” he says, looking at the side of my head. “You can tap into them without me.”

I stare at the girl sleeping, peaceful for now, unaware of everything ahead of her.

“I just thought you should know that...” he says. “That I didn’t want to do this.”

“
I know,” I whisper.

“
I know what it’s like to not remember where you came from,” he says. “I didn’t want that for you.” He grabs hold of my hand and tiny shocks of electricity tingle through my fingers. “I just wanted you to be okay,” he says. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

I smile, squeezing his hand.
“I’m scared,” I tell him.

“
Me too.”

The bus comes to a halt, slamming us both out of the bunk without any warning. We’re thrust out of the warm dream and onto the cold floor, neither of us saying anything when we land on top of each other. There’s nothing we can say now.

Peebs slides the door open at the same time that Jade’s sliding open his curtain.
“Everyone okay?” he asks.

Myles stands, helping me to my feet.
“Yeah,” I say. “You okay, Jade?”

He inches out of his bunk.
“Yeah. What was that?”

“
We’re here,” Peebs explains. “Had a little trouble squeezing into a parking space.”

“
Oh,” Jade says, following him out of the hall, giving me a smile as he slings his bag over his shoulder again.

“
You alright?” Myles asks, and I know he’s not asking about the jolt out of bed.

My smile is genuine when I answer.
“Yeah.”

He kisses my forehead
and we slowly make our way into the main part of the bus.

“
Okay,” Manny is saying from the table, his laptop in front of us. “It’s nine and we were supposed to be here at eight. So we’re a little late.” He passes a set list to me. “The bus is going to drop our shit at the hotel so we can sound check.

Boo emerges from the back of the bus at the same time I’m looking down at the songs.
“Hope you don’t mind,” he says. “I figured our last night on tour should close with our best song.”

I scan the sheet with the familiar names of songs on it until I’m at the bottom.
“Colorblind” is among them.

I smile up at him.
“Perfect,” I say.

Myles squeezes my hand as everyone files off of the bus and outside, where there’s a small bar waiting for us, the name
“Al’s” painted in red letters above an awning. There’s already a line forming outside and we enter through the back.

Inside it’s dim, even onstage as I leave Myles for sound check.
“You excited to go home?” Boo asks when we’re done, waiting backstage for the house music to die down and someone to announce us.

“
No,” I say. That’s if I make it home. And even if I do, that’s where everything will slow down once again. Where everything will have time to be questioned and talked through.

“
I’m kind of sad too,” Trei admits.

“
But it’ll be nice to sleep in my own bed,” Boo says. “And get back into the routine of playing at the club and everything.”

The crowd erupts in applause then, and the curtain parts. Everything is vivid now, and when I play the first few notes of our opening song, I feel it vibrate through my fingertips, in my wrists, arms, and chest, where it settles, waiting to be expanded and shared when I sing.

When I look out into the crowd, the fifty or so people huddled near the stage, or the twenty something sitting at the bar, each one has a different color. Some are just clouds sitting over peoples’ heads, some fill their entire being. I’m not scared this time. I don’t try to fight the blues, yellows, and pinks away. I become a part of them.

The last song of the night is
“Colorblind” and we get to it too fast. It’s harder that I thought it would be. Most of the tour I was either distracted by my own problems or just didn’t remember shows we played. Now that I’m here, back in my own world, only thinking about the words, only concentrating on moving my hands against the keys, I don’t ever want to leave again. I make every note count.

I want a world of black

And white

A snowflake

Your face

All

Black

And white.

I look to my band mates as I play the intricate notes to bridge the gap between the lyrics. They smile at me, happier than they’ve ever been. If something happens to me, what would happen to them? Would they play by themselves? Would they quit and get real jobs?

I flip sweaty hair out of my face, focusing even more on the keys. This is
my
world. There’s no room for thoughts like that right now.

Can we take a photo?

Can we save this time?

Make it all

Black

And white.

I’m no longer afraid to open myself up and be naked in front of all of these people. This–this and Myles–those are the things that make sense right now. Maybe not everything about Myles, but at least I know how I feel. I can’t change it. I never really even wanted to.

Then that’s it. We’re pushed offstage and into the crowd to make room for Honus too soon. I get a little anxious, looking through all of those people, but I can see my brother sitting at a table and Myles, coming toward me, grasping my hand before hugging me.

“You did great,” he says.

“
Thank you,” I say, heading to the back of the crowd of people patting me on the back and leaving their color trails behind. Boo and Trei stay near the front of the stage when Honus goes on. They start off the show with a fast one, the guitars and drum warring for attention, both sides only giving way when Manny starts to sing about a mermaid-man who lost his tail to a shark attack.

Myles holds on to me, swaying with me to the music. It’s too loud to speak.

Is Jade okay?
I ask.

He brings me in close.
Yes,
he tells me.
We got to talk. I think he’s starting to like me again.

I smile a little, still coming down from my performance high
. Good.

Myles spins me around and I can’t stop laughing, smiling.
So let’s have some fun for a little while, okay?

He brings me back to his chest, where I feel most at home. We spend the entire Honus set that way, no matter if the songs are slow or fast. We don’t even need the music. We have each other.

Not for much longer.

The voice cuts into me so hard that I have to stop and catch my breath. I look around the room, spotting Boo and Trei near th
e stage and notice that Jade has finally joined them.

The crowd roars as Honus’ last song ends and the lights go out onstage.

Myles places a hand on my back, asking, “What is it?” just as the audience starts to chant for one more song.

I look up, directly ahead of me at the bar, where there’s a thin man sitting, nursing a drink. He slowly turns his head to us, sunken in eyes and sharp cheekbones.

I grab onto Myles’ arm.
Are you seeing what I’m seeing?

His smile fades abruptly from his face as he follows my gaze. He doesn
’t say anything when he sees Michael or, hopefully, an empty chair where only
I
can see Michael.

This place is supposed to be protected,
Myles tells me, his hand on mine
. He can’t be here
.

Myles shoots his eyes to the door.
Eric is the protector of this area. He wouldn’t have let him slip through
.
But.
He scans the room.
I can’t find him.

What does that mean?
I’m aware that my thoughts have taken on a tinge of panic, but I don’t care.

I don’t know.

Myles starts ushering me towards the door but I fight him.
What about everyone else?

The crowd is s
till chanting, on and on in time with my heart, pounding hard in my chest.

I’ll have more
protectors station themselves around the club, but we can’t stop moving. If he sees us gathering them together, we don’t have a chance of any of us leaving.

I try twisting away but my feet keep moving in the opposite direction.

Well, where are they–the protectors that are supposed to be so good at keeping him out?
I ask.
How are they getting here and when? I’m not leaving until I know they’re here.

They’ll be outside in ten seconds.
Myles tells me.
I told Evan to call them just now
.

I want to believe that he can reach Evan’s mind all these miles away, but it’s hard when the evil you’ve been running from is right in front of you.

When I turn my head back to the bar, Michael is gone and I can’t see where he went.

Manny finds us then, sweating and out of breath.
“Hey guys,” he says.

“
Not now, Manny,” Myles says, unable to hold it in.

When I stare into Manny’s eyes, there’s a red film clinging to his face, like someone threw paint at him. I try to blink the color away, but it doesn’t
disappear.

Manny t
akes my free hand. “He’s here, isn’t he?”

That makes us stop.

I nod.

“
Come on,” he yells over the chants of the crowd. He yanks my hand in his direction, pulling us both into the empty men’s room.

“
Okay,” he says. “Is there a way out of here that’s
not
through this door?”

“
I’m sorry,” I say. “But do you mind telling me what the hell is going on?”

“
Yeah,” Myles says, not taking his hands off me.

Manny is staring at the door.
“Pretty sure he saw us go in here, so we can’t count on losing him,” he says, placing his hands on the metal. “But I can keep him out long enough so you guys can get away.”

Myles lets go of me, taking one step forward so he’s standing right next to Manny, who seems to be concentrating very hard on the door.
“You can’t protect us,” Myles says, “You’re human.”

Manny snorts.
“You vampires,” he says. “Thinking you’re the only ones that can tap into that side of the brain. Jesus, that’s closed minded.”

At that moment, the air in the room becomes heavy, like we’re
walking through fog. The door illuminates the tiniest bit. Manny doesn’t take his hands away as a loud slamming occurs outside. “I also made it so the crowd can’t see what’s going on,” Manny explains.

I can feel Michael on the other side of the door before he speaks.
“Emmanuel, I am deeply disappointed in you.”

“
I can’t do it!” Manny yells. “I won’t help you.”

I watch as the red film around him contracts, turning darker around his head like it’s about to suffocate him.
I look to Myles, who is looking right back at me.