Summer's Desire (28 page)

"You were thrashing like mad,"
he growls, "screaming for help, swallowing water! I thought you'd go under
before I could reach you, drown right before my eyes!"

I snort amid my laughter. "Suuure,
Seth, that would have been one for the record books!... Drowning in water
two
feet deep!
I
should have been the one taking a picture of
your
face when you pulled me back to my feet in the pond and saw that the water only
reached to my waist!"

My entire body is shaking with mirth at
the memory, and Seth's started to chuckle as well—maybe at my enjoyment, or
maybe at the story itself (though he had most definitely
not
been amused
when all of this had happened; in fact, he had been chillingly furious at me
for scaring him like that). Amid my continued laughter, my head falls back on his
chest, and he lowers his head into the crook of my neck.

Suddenly, his lips open on my throat in
a sensual kiss... and tendrils of flame spread all across my skin from the
point of contact. My laughter cuts up abruptly, and I barely suppress a moan.

I've been in constant arousal ever since
Seth and I cuddled together in bed an hour ago, and he surrounded me: all male
heat and power, and pure, delicious scent. Now, with just that little kiss he's
placed on my neck, he's fanned my desire into a raging inferno. I'm ablaze with
lust, my heart fluttering madly in my chest.

He must feel it too, for the next
instant his hand grabs the album off my lap and throws it aside carelessly, then
he's turning me to face him.

As easily as if I was a tiny doll, he lifts
me from between his legs and lays me down on my back, then he settles smoothly
on top of me, bracing himself on his forearms while my legs spread helplessly
to accommodate him. His hips come to rest in the cradle of my thighs, and—
sweet
mercy!
—through the thin layers of our clothing I can feel his arousal high against
my inner thigh. I bite my lip to stifle another moan and barely stop myself
from giving a shimmy to position his hardness a bit further up, in the spot
where I burn the hottest.

I look up into his eyes and find them
incandescent with desire. My corresponding, bone-deep need for him, long
fettered inside me, breaks free with a mighty ripple. It rises to the surface
of my consciousness and suffuses all the cells in my body.

He holds my gaze captive, and I feel as
if he can see straight into my soul, into the furthest reaches of my being, and
read all my secrets. This thought terrifies me, for I have my new secret that I
have to keep from him.

I cannot allow him to find out how much
I want him—especially now, when I know that he, too, desires me. If he discovers
the truth of my feelings, he'll realize the power he holds over my body. He'll
seduce me easily and then he'll tire of me like he has of all his other girls.

And I will lose him forever.

No, I cannot allow that to happen! I
will
not
allow it to happen! He is the one bright light of my existence, and while
I live and breathe I will never stop needing his presence beside me—I know that.
Therefore, we have to stay as we are—best friends only, not lovers, never
lovers!—then I can keep him for a little while longer.

He's still looking down at me piercingly,
and I don't know what he's read in my eyes, in my soul, but his head has
started to lower, and suddenly his lips are far too close to mine. Then closer
still. His blue eyes are like laser fire, singing me. I tingle
everywhere
.

Just before his lips touch mine, I force
myself to turn my head, though oh God, this is one of the hardest things I've
had to do in my life! His kiss lands on my cheek instead of my lips, barely grazing
the corner of my mouth, yet still the contact affects me like a detonating
landmine. I battle desperately to calm my inner conflagration.

The only endgame that matters to me is having
Seth in my life, I remind myself.

For that reason, as much as I want his
lips on mine—heavens, I
burn
to feel them on my mouth, on my neck,
everywhere on my body!—I won't risk our friendship by giving in to my wants. If
I surrendered myself to him, when he lost interest like he always has in the
past, it would destroy me.

So I beseech him, "Don't, Seth!
Please don't!" But my voice sounds hoarse with the desire still throbbing
through me.

He raises his head, but his body stays
braced above me, caging me in its heat, and he meets my vulnerable gaze with
observant eyes.

"Why not? You want me too," he
states the undeniable truth.

Yes, I do. But I can never have you!
"I want us
to stay friends."

"So do I. But I want more besides."

"What do you want?" I whisper,
afraid of his answer.

His face blazes with intensity. "I
want everything! I want all of you!"

"And what happens when you stop
wanting me?"

"That won't happen." His eyes glow
unbearably brighter, and God, he sounds so completely certain! How can he say
that when he's a total player? Why is he doing this to me?

"Seth, I've heard about your
reputation," I choke out and feel my eyes getting wet. "You've never
been with any girl for more than a couple of weeks. And you've been with a lot
of girls."

His expression is a mixture of regret
and frustration, but he wipes away the moisture below my eyes with gentle fingers.
"My past isn't important. You promised you wouldn't hold it against me."

"I don't. But the fact remains that
you've never committed to a single girlfriend. You've never had a relationship.
And I refuse to become just another girl through the revolving door of your sex
life!"

Seth shakes his head, upset. "I've
never had a girlfriend because you weren't here to
be her
. I've never
been in a relationship because I've only ever wanted one with you. It was you,
or no one at all. The other girls were just meaningless hookups."

Heavens, have I heard him right? Did he
really say that?

Yes, he did, he really did!

I'm blown away, left completely
rudderless in shock and in fear to hope. I raise my hands and grab hold of his
biceps, needing the contact of skin to skin; and the feel of his coiled
strength moors me, gives me a safe harbor in the wild sea of my out-of-control emotions.

"Please, Seth, please don't play
games with me! I don't know how they are played."

I know that I am laying my vulnerability
bare, but now I understand instinctively: I can trust Seth not to take
advantage of me. How could I think, even for one moment, that he would seduce
me, careless of my feelings? He's the boy I trust with my life, the boy whom I've
loved my entire life. And he has always loved me too. He's always protected me
from anything that tried to hurt me.

He'll protect me even from himself if he
has to.

His face softens at the uncertainty in
my eyes, at the hope I know I cannot hide. "I would never play games of
the heart with you, Sunny."

"Then you want a real relationship
with me?" I allow myself to hope, hold my breath in wait for his answer.

"Yes." He places a tender kiss
on the tip of my nose. "I told you, Sunny, I want everything with
you."

Can I give in? Can I take the risk? God,
I want him so much!

"If we do this,"—I falter,
inhale deeply for courage—"if we do this, promise I won't lose you?" With
my eyes, I plead for reassurance. "No matter what happens?"

"Sunny, you can't lose me. I'm
yours forever." Finally,
finally
he smiles his beautiful smile at
me, open and unreserved—the smile I've always considered my personal property.

But no, I think—not forever. He can't
promise me forever. Even if he doesn't stop wanting me, he'll still leave for
college at the end of summer.

And I can't go with him.

Future heartbreak is inevitable no
matter what. But is it worth it—the even greater heartbreak I'll feel when I
lose him, if I give in now—the greater heartbreak of losing not only my best
friend but also my love? Is that price worth paying in exchange for the
greater—greatest—happiness that is within my reach... even if that happiness
can only be temporary?

I smile back at Seth, with
all
of
me laid bare. For it
is
worth it.

Then his head lowers to me once more,
and this time I don't turn away. His lips land on mine, softly, caressingly, reigniting
the smoldering embers in my belly. Tentatively, I move my lips against his, and
instantly he's pressing harder into the kiss. He sucks at my lower lip, then
the upper. I go up in flames.

I raise my arms, wrap them around his
neck, draw him into me. Our lips are touching, stroking, molding to each other.
He gently bites my lower lip, pulling slightly, and I moan and crush my lips
against his even as I press my body impossibly closer to him.

When he finally raises his head,
breathing heavily, his blue gaze shines with unbridled passion. My lips feel puffy
and I'm trembling all over. I bury my face in his neck and inhale deeply,
trying to calm my frantic heartbeat.

"That was some first kiss," I
tell him huskily. "So glad I waited."

At this he stiffens, then gently raises
my face from the crook of his neck and—
oh, mercy!
—his eyes burn impossibly
hotter, watching me in a devouring, proprietary way.

"This was you first kiss?" he
asks in a raspy voice.

I nod, smiling happily at him. I really
am glad that I waited for him; I couldn't imagine a more perfect first kiss.
And he was the perfect boy to give it to me.

Emotions flash across his face in quick
succession: surprise, joy, hunger. A note of regret. I don't understand the latter,
until he tells me, "I'm sorry I didn't wait. If I'd thought even for a second
that I could have you back in my life, I would've waited for you.

"But Sunny... although I gave away
my kisses, I swear to you, I never gave my true self—that's always been only
yours. You believe me?"

I'm staggered at what he's revealed;
he's given me more than I have ever hoped—or even dared to hope—for. He's given
me himself.

I vow to myself in this moment to never,
ever
let him regret that he's chosen me. And I believe that I can accomplish
that. I'm just an ordinary girl, but this boy makes me feel as if I'm
extraordinary.

I share with him, in all honesty: "You
alone matter to me. I don't care about the past, only about the future." A
tremor goes through him, and I continue fervently, "I want a future with
you, Seth." And God, how it hurts that I can't have it! There's nothing I
wouldn't do for it. "I love you more than anything, you know? You're my
best friend in the whole wide world." Then, forcing a laugh: "Actually,
you're my only real friend, so I truly can't afford to lose you."

Sobering again, I meet his glowing eyes
to show him the complete truthfulness in mine. "I'll always love you,
Seth, and I'll always need you. Please don't take advantage of me because of
this."

He's holding me so tightly now that I
can barely breathe, and he's looking at me as if I'm something precious...
something that he would die to protect.

"I'll never take advantage of you,"
he tells me fiercely. "I love you, Sunny, more than you could ever
imagine."

His eyes burn with the fires of
uncompromising possession, and I think vaguely that I should maybe be scared;
that this is too much, too deep, too something. Instead, I'm euphoric, happier
than I have ever been in my life.

I know my eyes are glowing with just as
much fervent possessiveness, just as much determination to hold onto him, as
his. I think, less vaguely this time, that maybe I should be afraid of the
strength of
my own
feelings for him. They are certainly too much, too
deep, too something.

But I don't care.

And I don't care about the pain that is
sure to follow. When I'll lose him.

Chapter 21

Ten minutes ago, he woke me up with a
deep, stirring kiss.

Now we're just lying in bed, my body on
top of his, his left arm holding me to him. We're not talking but simply
enjoying our closeness. I'm caressing his chest, loving the feel of his
powerful muscles underneath my fingers. He's playing with the hair at my nape,
and his unremitting touch in that vulnerable area makes me quiver with pleasure.

Still, I try to behave myself, which
means that I confine my stroking hand to his chest area. Eventually though, my sensual
curiosity gets the better of me, and I find my restless fingers travelling
lower on his torso.

Seth now seems to be holding his breath.

After a slow slide... over taut skin and
solid muscles... I reach his belly. His abdominal muscles contract instantly,
turning to granite—above them, my hand freezes in its tracks.

Suddenly, my stomach growls. Seth gives
a gravelly laugh, then lifts me off him and to the side. He rises from the bed
and reaches for my hand, pulling me from the soft bedding and onto my feet.