Summer's Desire (19 page)

But I
can't
! God, I can't fight
her, or she'll go straight to Louise, to Greg even, and I'll be out of the
house and out of this town by the end of the week! My fists clench tighter,
trembling with the force of my contained rage and frustration.

Jessica has lost her smile and her eyes
shine with an unnatural light. "You're the one who's a dirty bitch, trying
to steal my man. Acting all pathetic and downtrodden to get him to notice you.
Who do you think you're fooling with your innocent act, you filthy whore? First
chance you got, you spread your legs for him! You think I don't know who you
were with last night?

"But it didn't do you much good,
did it?" Her voice sounds calmer now, filled with satisfaction. "Like
today showed, Seth doesn't even know you exist."

She must have watched him like a hawk
all day. It galls me that she knows that Seth is done with me. But she's not
finished with me yet.

"Freak, you're so far off Seth's radar,
you may as well live in a different galaxy. Which is just right. So know your
place and stay out of my way, or swear on my life, I'll break you!"

Then she smiles brightly again—
holy
crap, she's schizo!
"So it was nice chatting to you and all, but I've
got to go now; can't keep Seth waiting."

"Where's the party?" I ask her
hoarsely. Somehow, I have to warn Seth of what she's planning.

"And wouldn't you like to know
that? Right!" She laughs and turns for the door.

Before she exits the room, she throws
her parting shot in a sugary sweet voice: "Dream sweet dreams, Sunny!
Don't wait up for me tonight!"

The door closes behind her as I fall to
my knees, struck to the heart.

* * *

An eternity passes, or maybe hours, or
maybe just minutes. I'm still on my knees in my room, and my legs feel numb. I
feel numb everywhere.

There's only one person in the world who
has ever called me
Sunny
.

And now Jessica.

Could Seth have talked about me, to
her
?
Even the thought of such a betrayal is like a fiery poker plunged into my chest.
Seth and I used to always keep each other's secrets. No, no, I refuse to
consider this! Seth couldn't have betrayed me this way!

Could she, then, have heard him call me
this name? No, that can't be it, either. He only ever calls me Sunny when we're
alone.

There's one other possibility. I hug
myself, shaking all over. Oh God, there's one other possibility. The letters—the
letters I wrote to Seth. I always signed them:

Your Sunny
.

I dash to the bathroom, barely making it
to the toilet bowl before I lose the contents of my stomach. After I'm
finished, I flush the toilet and sit down on the tiled floor, leaning against
the cool marble wall. I close my eyes, wrapping my arms around me again. I feel
like if I don't hold my body tight, together, it'll shatter into a million shards.

I send my mind back in time, reliving memories.

It's really you. It's really my Sunny.
Seth's voice, so
tender when he saw me on my first day at Rockford High. Before his expression
closed off for some reason I couldn't understand.

What an adaptive memory you have, to so
easily forget the past. And your promises!
Seth, angry and cutting.

There are some things that life should
not be let in between. And promises always matter!
His voice, full
of conviction.

Then, incredulous:
You broke your
promise because it wasn't convenient anymore?

And hurt! Oh God, my Seth sounding hurt.
You wanted to forget me?

You're not who I thought you were.

Everything he told me I interpreted
based on my knowledge of the past. Based on my assumption that, in our
friendship gone adrift,
he
was the betrayer.

But what if he wasn't the betrayer? What
if he was the betrayed?

I stagger, wobbly, to my feet and start
brushing my teeth mechanically.

One other time, when I first arrived
here, I considered the horrifying idea that Seth never received my letters. I
dismissed that idea immediately, though, after Greg assured me that Seth had lived
in this house at least during the year when I wrote to him.

But what did Greg actually say?

I think back. He told me that he bought
the house from Seth's Mom. And yes, that he did this
four
years ago, in
the spring... But he also told me that he was very bad with dates. Could it be,
then, that he bought the house not four, but
five
years ago? Would
Janice have sold her parents' house so soon after Grandma's funeral?

I blink. Yes, she would have.

I rinse my mouth and close the water
faucets, then walk outside my room. In the hallway, I stop to listen. I hear
Greg and Louise's voices downstairs, in the living room. Good.

I enter Jessica's bedroom, close the
door behind me, and start searching methodically. Fifteen minutes later, I'm
kneeling in front of her open closet, holding a bundle of letters addressed to
Seth Lewis by me. Numb, I start counting the letters.

There's 365 of them.

Chapter 14

I'm huddling against the wall in the darkened
hallway before unit 23A in Seth's apartment building. He's not at home.

It's after midnight, and I shiver with
fear and cold.

The fear is because this really is a bad
neighborhood, which I vaguely suspected but didn't completely grasp when I came
here before with Seth. Whenever I'm with him, he has my complete focus and the
outside world just... falls away. I never consciously think of it, but I
know
bone-deep that I can allow myself to be all wrapped up in him, for even if I ignore
the rest of the world, he remains watchful—and he would never let any danger
reach me.

But now, without Seth's insulating
presence, I'm ultra-aware of everything around me, and this neighborhood is
definitely not a good place where to be alone at night. I've seen some shady
characters eyeing me from afar, but luckily no one's approached me. Not yet, at
least.

On the way here, I walked fast and it
was raining, so there weren't a lot of people around. After I arrived here...
Well, what's saved me from any unpleasant experience is, I suspect, mainly the
fact that I'm waiting before Seth's door. I think that nobody's willing to risk
messing with me in case I turn out to be his girl.

Heavens, I'm scared to think how Seth
acquired the sort of reputation that keeps even shady characters on their toes...
But right now, I'm also really grateful for it.

Another thing I am is awfully cold. I'm
soaked to the skin, and the temperature is much too low for anything nearing
comfort.

Earlier tonight, I waited until Greg and
Louise went to bed, then I snuck out and started toward Seth's apartment. It's
a long distance to go on foot but taxis are a luxury I most definitely cannot
afford, so I had no other choice but to walk. Then, when I was about midway to
my destination, it began to rain heavily. Seeing how I didn't have an umbrella
and couldn't exactly stop to look for shelter at night, on the streets, I was drenched
within less than five minutes.

I realize how very stupid it was: coming
here like this, alone and unannounced, especially at this late hour. Even if
the town does have an okay reputation, a girl should never put herself to the
kind of risk that I took tonight. I'm thankful that I've made it safely to the
apartment and that, once here, Seth's apparent "tough guy" status has
managed to protect me even in his absence.

But no matter what, I cannot regret
being here; after my earlier discovery, there was absolutely no way that I wouldn't
come immediately. Had it been Seth in my shoes, I would have hated for him to
delay telling me the truth even for one night.

Still, I've been waiting here for almost
an hour, it's very late, and I have to consider something that I've tried to
ignore until now.
What if Seth isn't coming back tonight? What if Jessica managed
to get her clutches in him?

I shudder, and not because of the cold.

It doesn't matter... It doesn't matter!
I chant to
myself. If Seth changes his mind about us after I show him the letters, if I
can somehow have him back in my life—then I can deal with anything else that
may be.

The sound of an arriving car reaches me through
the hallway's open window, yanking me from my thoughts. I strain my ears for
the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs and don't hear anything. But then
only moments later,
he
appears out of the shadows.

Seth.

I rise to my feet, supporting myself against
the wall, and in the weak light provided by the single light bulb, he notices
me at once. He's dressed all in black: black boots, black jeans molding his
powerful legs, black sweater under the black leather jacket, with his inky
black hair falling in sexy disarray over his forehead.
My gorgeous prince of
darkness!
I think fancifully.

He stares at me in surprise, then in the
blink of an eye he's right beside me, looking down on me in anger.

"What the hell, Sunny? What are you
doing here alone, in the middle of the night? You have any idea how dangerous this
is?" His hands curl around my trembling arms. "And you're wet and
freezing! Again, what the hell?!"

He's upset and shouting at me, but I'm
so happy to see him, so happy he's here, that I barely stop myself from jumping
him. He's perfectly sober—I smell no alcohol on his breath—and Jessica's plan
seems to have failed.
Thank you, God!
I mean, if she had managed to drug
him, the drug would surely have taken longer to work itself out of his system,
right?

"Sunny?" His voice reminds me
that he's still waiting for an explanation for my midnight visit.

"I had to see you, Seth. I needed
to talk to you."

His eyes are focused with laser-like
intensity on my face. "Why? What's left to say?" His words seem
dismissive, yet his grip on me hasn't loosened at all. And my heart leaps with
happiness because—even with the horrible way that things were left between us—he
still can't let go of me, either!

"Please, Seth. I need you to hear
me out."

His body feels taut with strain, and his
eyes keep searching into mine, seeking out my secrets—reaching for my soul. Finally
he rasps out, "Come on, let's go inside. You have to get out of those wet
clothes before you catch your death."

He releases my right arm only, still
holding onto my other one, and when he reaches to unlock the door behind me,
our bodies come into contact. I jolt, electrified, and a tremor seems to pass
through him as well.

But he doesn't step away from me.

He opens the door with a jerky motion
and pushes me lightly into his apartment. Once inside, he seizes my hand and pulls
me quickly through his living area and into the bathroom. There, he opens a small
closet and starts searching for something.

He still hasn't let go of my hand.

I look at him, drinking him in, my
beautiful Seth. It's so good to be close to him again, and after what happened
this morning, I was afraid I would never have this again. I shiver with the
chill of remembrance.

He extracts a white towel out of the
closet and gives it to me. "You can use this after you take your shower.
I'll go find you something to change into." He looks at our still-joined
hands with an unreadable expression, then slowly releases his grip. The next
instant he's gone, closing the door behind him.

I look down at myself. My clothes are
plastered to my body, and it takes a brief struggle to ply my hoodie off of me;
incidentally, it's the same hoodie that Seth loaned me this morning. Seeing its
drenched state, I feel a twinge of guilt for my carelessness with it.

Then I release the elastic belt around
my middle and catch the plastic bag I'd hidden underneath my clothes. I open it
and exhale in relief when I find it dry on the inside. Thank heaven for big
mercies! I place the precious bag on the washing machine by the door.

After a bit of squirming I manage to also
take off my long-sleeved T-shirt and tank top. And my necklace, which I hide
behind the soap on the sink. When I reach for my pants, I hear a knock on the
door. Right, Seth said he'd bring me a change of clothes. I quickly open the
towel and hold it to my chest. Then I open the door.

Wordlessly, Seth hands me a small bundle;
as I stretch for it, my towel slips a little, revealing the upper curve of my
bra. Instantly, Seth's gaze on me turns burning, and the air around us starts crackling
with heat.

Seeming conflicted yet still somehow
helpless to resist, he raises his hand to my right cheek, gently tipping up my
head, and for an endless moment we stare deep into each other's eyes. That same
nameless longing that is tugging at me—I think I can see it in him as well. And
I cannot look away.