Summer on Lovers' Island (31 page)

Charlie's hand rubbed in circles on her belly and she shifted a little, getting comfortable. “You don't want your old job back, then.”

“Not there. Part of the reason the stress got to me is because I felt like I had to live up to my dad's reputation. I put a lot of extra pressure on myself. His daughter wouldn't make careless mistakes, you know? And I felt like I'd let him down, and a lot of other people down, too, who'd believed in me. Add that into seeing the family grieve and I lost my edge.”

“I knew your dad. He would have been proud of you no matter what. Liz, you put so much pressure on yourself to be everything. No one can live up to that.”

“I know. I think I have to take a step back and make my own way. As Lizzie Howard and not Russ Howard's daughter. I don't know where I'm going to end up, but that's how I want to move forward.”

“There's no hope for you and Josh?”

“I don't know. He says he's over his ex, but he has issues he hasn't resolved yet. We started something up thinking it would be fun. A fling. But Josh isn't a fling type and I don't think he's ready for something serious. His mind is closed where I'm concerned.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Me, too, actually. I mean, the idea of a real relationship has me scared to death. But it hurts to let him go, Charlie.”

Tears were threatening again. “Oh, for Pete's sake, what's wrong with me?”

Charlie reached over and patted her hand. “You let someone in, sweetie. And then they shut you out. It hurts.”

“Damn right it does,” she agreed.

They sat for a few more minutes.

“I really got used to having you around more. I'm going to miss you if you leave.”

“Josh said he'd find someone to take over the rest of your leave. No worries there.”

“Maybe you can find something closer.”

“Maybe.” Liz's heart was heavy as she added, “I have my mom to think about, too. I need to be close to wherever she is. I'm the only family she has now. I don't really know where to begin, you know?”

“Of course I do.” Charlie's eyes were dark with concern. “Are you sure you can't talk to Josh? Work things out?”

“He has to be willing to listen,” Lizzie said. “I'm not blameless. I sent him mixed signals all summer. I got scared after we slept together and came up with those stupid rules and basically told him it was a friends with benefits thing.”

“Josh isn't an FWB type.”

“Exactly. And I told him I didn't have anything more to offer. I still thought I'd be leaving to go back to Springfield. God, what a mess I am.”

“Then take time and figure it out. Find your joy, Liz. You've gone cliff diving and bungee jumping and zip lining and Lord knows what else. Be just as fearless with your life. Take a chance. Find what you want to do and step off the edge into the unknown. Go after what makes you happy and the rest will fall into place.”

“That's good advice.” She smiled at Charlie. “You know you're my sister from another mother, right?”

“Of course I am. Which is why this baby here is going to call you ‘Auntie Liz.'”

“I can't wait to meet him or her.”

“Her,” Charlie whispered. “I wasn't supposed to know, but I saw the sonogram results. We're having a girl.”

It was so damned perfect that Lizzie nearly started crying again.

Charlie's eyes misted over, too. “Do you want to stay over, Liz? You can have the spare room. We can stay up and drink hot cocoa and talk, like we used to do.”

She nodded. “I'd like that a lot.”

The evening was cooling, so they got up and went inside where it was warm. Dave had washed the dishes and hung the tea towel on the oven door handle. He was sitting in front of the television, watching a baseball game and putting together what looked to be a mobile for the baby's room.

“You're sure I'm not intruding?”

“Don't be silly. Of course not.”

Charlie gave Lizzie something to sleep in and before long they were ensconced in Lizzie's room with mugs of hot chocolate and a plate of cookies and a stern admonishment from Charlie to not worry about crumbs. They talked and laughed and Lizzie felt the baby move and they cried a little for things they'd lost and those they'd gained, too. And when the moon rose, Charlie fell asleep instead of going to her own bed with her husband and Lizzie crawled beneath the covers and watched her best friend, her heart mostly full.

But there was still one empty space. And Lizzie suspected it was Josh-sized. She wasn't sure what to do with it. The only thing she knew for sure was that she had to keep moving forward.

 

C
HAPTER
21

The storm had been named Nancy and by Friday afternoon Florida and the Carolinas were starting to feel the effects.

In Jewell Cove, the day was sunny and warm, slightly muggier than usual thanks to the tropical air pushing north. At first glance it seemed ridiculous that a huge weather event was on its way. But the sea was already sending a warning, rougher than normal, and boats were being either taken out of the water or secured as much as possible. The public beach was closed and hurricane warning flags whipped in the breeze. Not a sharp, stormy wind, but an ominous hush of chaos to come.

Lizzie had experienced big storms before, but never right on the coast. Even with the wind and waves, she stood on her back deck on Friday afternoon and got the strange sensation that the atmosphere was holding its breath. Nancy was a Category 2 storm but expected to be downgraded to a Cat 1 by the time it reached landfall in Maine, then onward to a direct hit on the Fundy coast in New Brunswick and Nova Scotia. Everyone said it was going to get wild.

They'd closed the clinic to walk-in hours for the afternoon, and Lizzie had gone home to look after storm prep. The deck looked bare with the two small planters she'd bought and the small table and chairs set sitting in the living room. The barbecue she'd moved to a sheltered corner and secured to the deck railing with bungee cords pulled tight.

She didn't have a generator, though Tom had offered to bring a small one by so she could run lights and water. She'd told him to keep it in case someone needed it in an emergency. Instead she checked the batteries in her flashlights, charged her phone, had a bath, and then filled the tub again with water.

At eleven thirty she closed her book and gave the forecast one last check and unease settled in her stomach. She'd thought she'd be okay, but now the idea of waiting out the storm all by herself made her nervous. She thought about calling Charlie and seeing if she could stay there, but it was so late she was sure Charlie and Dave were asleep. She'd just wait to see what morning held. If it wasn't too bad, maybe she'd lock up the cottage and head over.

Light rain started around four. Lizzie heard it and tried to go back to sleep, but it was no use. By six the wind picked up and Lizzie got out of bed and stood at the patio doors, watching the water. It was gray and harsh with angry whitecaps. The leaves on the trees tossed and snapped, but Lizzie knew that this was only the beginning. It would get much worse before it finally pushed through.

She made a cup of coffee and cooked eggs and toast while she still had power. And it was a good thing, because she'd just run the water in the sink to clean up her mess when there was a flicker, then a second flicker, and then nothing.

She sighed, washed her plate and pan, and went to the bedroom to get dressed.

She was just coming out when there was a pounding on the front door. It took her all of five seconds to get there and open it, but in that short amount of time Josh was soaked. He wore a slicker and boots and she stepped aside, letting him in out of the weather. “It's seven o'clock, you lunatic!”

It was a silly thing to say, but the truth was she was so glad to see him it was ridiculous. They'd barely spoken since that night in his driveway.

“Hello to you, too. Your power out?”

She nodded. “Yeah, about fifteen minutes ago. What are you doing out here?”

His gaze locked with hers. “I suppose I'm an idiot. But I was worried about you out here alone. Wanted to make sure you'd battened down the hatches and had everything you need. Wasn't sure you'd been through one of these before.”

She was touched. She didn't want to be, but she was, particularly after the way they'd left things. “I'm fine, Josh, but I appreciate you coming by. I even had coffee before the power went out.” She smiled at him. Despite all the hard feelings and yes, even the heartache, she didn't want things to be nasty between them. She cared about him, probably too much. Enough that it made her heart hurt to see him. Lizzie, who always kept perspective when it came to relationships and matters of the heart, had broken the number-one rule: the opt-out. She couldn't opt out now. It wasn't a matter of being together or not. He'd found a place in her heart and he was there to stay.

Damn.

“Did Tom bring by a generator?”

“Hmmm? Oh no. I told him to save it. If the storm is as bad as they say, there could be others who need it a lot worse than me, you know?”

“That's good of you.”

“I've occasionally rethought that position. Particularly when the wind started to come up.”

As if to answer her comment, a gust rattled the house, making her jump.

His jacket dripped onto the floor. “You want to come in for a bit?” she asked. “Not like there's anything to do, but I can offer you some still-warm coffee. The pot's probably still hot.”

“I'll take it.”

“Hang your jacket up to dry, then.”

She poured them each a cup as he took off his jacket, and they went into the cramped living room. The storm raged outside the windows as they each sat on an end of the sofa and sipped. “You did some prep. Good thing. Your patio stuff would have been in the bay later today if you hadn't.”

“The barbecue's lashed to the railings and the tub's full of water. I figure I can live on protein bars for a while if I have to.”

“It seems kind of isolated out here, though, doesn't it?”

“Yeah. I didn't count on that.” She took another drink; the coffee was cooling rapidly. “Did you really come out here to check up on me?”

He nodded. “I've got a couple of jugs of water and some oil lamps out in the truck. If the power stays off a long time, it's good to have some light.” He shrugged. “At least it's not a winter nor'easter, where you have to worry about heat and pipes freezing and getting snowed in.”

She wasn't so sure. Being snowed in … particularly with Josh … held a certain allure. He'd shut her down the other night. But her feelings hadn't been shut off so easily.

“It was nice of you, Josh, considering. I know you're not happy with me right now.”

He was quiet for a few moments. “It's not you I'm not happy with. It's me. I like to pretend that everything is in the past and it doesn't affect me anymore, but clearly it does.”

“It's understandable,” she replied.

“No, it's not. I snapped at you and then I went out and made an ass of myself. Some pillar of the community, huh?”

She straightened her spine. “So what? You're human.” She shrugged. “Know what, Josh? It can be hard living up to such a stellar example. Believe me, I know. Sometimes it's nice to know that ‘perfect' people mess up once in a while. I don't think one transgression will tarnish your reputation too badly.”

She took a sip of coffee and sent him a wry look. “Besides, all you have to do is pop one of those dimples at the little old ladies and you're back in their good graces. Mention that your bender was over a woman and you'll get all the ‘poor Joshes' you can handle.”

“Don't even,” he remarked. A little of the tension between them eased, but not all. The last words they'd really spoken—other than necessary updates at work, which they tried to avoid—had been filled with anger and resentment.

“Lizzie,” he said quietly, so quietly she wasn't sure he'd spoken at all. The storm was spooling up now, the trees bending in the wind and spray from the cove misting the windows. It was funny how she'd never noticed the everyday hum of electricity before, but in the absence of it the air felt empty and expectant, punctuated by gusts that made the little house tremble.

She looked over at him.

“Liz, the other night … I was angry. And maybe a little scared. I think you came to explain and I didn't give you a chance. All I could see was the past repeating itself. You told me the score from the beginning. I was the one who tried to change the rules.”

Oh God.
He really had no idea how she felt. “Oh, Josh,” she said as a strange relief filled her. “I guess it's not surprising that you feel that way. I did a good job fooling both of us with those damned rules.”

“Both of us?”

She put her mug down on the coffee table, turned on the sofa, and tucked her leg beneath her. “Yes, both of us. I was scared, too. I'm still scared. Those rules, they were my way of trying to protect myself.”

“From getting hurt.”

“In a way, yes. That night at your house, I came to tell you that I'd seen Ian. I wanted you to hear it from me and not anyone else. But then Sarah saw us—she's the one who told you, right?”

“It wasn't her fault. She just worries about me. Obsessively.” He rolled his eyes. “I know she just doesn't want to see me hurt again. She was there when I was at my worst after Erin died. She saw it all. I understand it, even if her meddling drives me crazy.”

“And she told you I'd had breakfast with Ian.”

“And that you looked cozy. And that you'd made a point of saying he'd stayed at the inn.”

“He did stay at the inn.” She held Josh's gaze steadily. “He came to see me, acted as if the last four months hadn't happened. I couldn't believe it. The gall, you know? He offered me my job back. And the girlfriend position, too, which is quite hysterical when I think about it. As if. So I told him I needed to think and I sent him to the inn and we made plans to meet for breakfast. I don't want Ian. I haven't for some time and I was never in love with him. He just … checked what I thought were the right boxes. And so did my job. They—both of them—were what I thought I was supposed to do. Mostly to live up to my dad's legacy. When Ian left the caf
é
that day, I'd turned down both positions. That's what I was coming to tell you.”