Summer I Found You (3 page)

“So, this is my cousin, Aidan,” Jen says in this weird shaky voice that makes me know I’ve probably just screwed up, and that she might bring up my big Kate-mouth later.

“Nice to meet you.” I reach out to shake his hand, but he doesn’t have a right hand. So I stick out my left hand, and then laugh. This crazed nervous laugh thing. Again, like an idiot. “This has got to get old, huh? Bet no one knows which hand to put out.” I smile and realize I might have again totally stepped over a line here.

“Yeah. I throw everyone off. I really should have asked to lose the other one.” He smirks.

“Inconsiderate jerks,” I say as we shake. But I’m sort of numb from nerves and hardly feel him, his hand, or the fact that we’re done shaking.

His smile lessens a bit. And again, I’m stupid. “Something like that, yeah.”

“So, Jen dragged you to our senior picnic.” I’m flapping my jaws here, and I know when I’m like this I’m bound to say one stupid thing after another, but I can’t help myself. It just comes out. “That sucks for you.”

Jen flashes me a look, but Toby’s appeared from nowhere and wrapped his arms around her from behind. I can’t take my eyes off of Aidan. There’s a lot there, behind his eyes, his face, something. He’s interesting anyway. Well, and hasn’t run screaming from my idiocy yet.

“It’s okay.” He shuffles his feet a few times and his eyes dart around.

“Really? ’Cause I think as soon as I’m done with high school, I’ll never want to go back.”

He starts to walk behind Jen and Toby, and I follow.

“Well, I wasn’t going to come.” He leans in. “But Jen said you’d make it worth my time.”

I freeze, my heart racing. Who is this guy? And I’m going to
kill
her! “She said
what
?”

He chuckles, making these deep dimples in his tanned cheeks. His smiling face is such a contrast to his almost military hair, broad shoulders, and snug T-shirt. Someone as hot as him should be in an Abercrombie catalog or something.

“I’m kidding. She said that you would definitely be not at all interested, and she wanted even numbers.”

“Okay. Good. She told me the same thing. It’s just that I’m dating, or was dating—”

He holds his hand up between us. “None of my business. Doesn’t matter. And she already told me.”

I let out a breath. “Thanks.” A small breeze hits my legs and sends a shiver through me. I’m so stupid for wearing this dumb dress.

We’re all walking toward the boardwalk and the impossible-to-win games, and the same rides that have been here for forever. But it’s supposed to feel different tonight because it’s West Valley’s senior night.

Only it doesn’t feel different, or special, or anything because Shelton and I were looking forward to doing this together. To sneaking down to the lake and making out while our friends pay a fortune to win cheap teddy bears and stuffed pandas.

Our group has expanded to a few more friends, but I continue to walk in silence. I really shouldn’t have come. Jen and Toby are totally absorbed in each other. Aidan is quiet next to me. His hand in his pocket. Weird.
Hand
in his pocket. It’s just bizarre to not use
hands
. Okay, I need to stop thinking about the fact that he only has one arm because it means I’m bound to say something else stupid about it later.

“Wanna do a ride or something?” he asks.

I’d love to. But I glance down at the mini-dress I’m wearing. And even though it’s all soft and T-shirty, it’s not going to cover anything on most of the rides. “I don’t do rides.” I really should have put my foot down and opted for short shorts instead. I’m just not being smart.

I look up, and my heart hits the floor.

Shelton. Still looking like the token black model for J.Crew. Who wears designer jeans, leather shoes, and a T-shirt that matches his button up to a freaking carnival? Oh. Tamara’s behind him, still in her stupid red, black, and white uniform. Who do they even cheer for this time of year,
soccer
? And how is it possible that there was nowhere for her to change. Right. She probably wanted to dance around in her uniform all night.

Gag.

Shelton’s eyes hit mine long enough that I know he saw me, but he doesn’t react. Just then Tamara screams about something and grabs his arm.

Pathetic.

I’m still staring, unable to look somewhere else, and our eyes meet this time. I really shouldn’t have still been watching. His face pulls into something like a smile/frown. I don’t care what I call it. It looks apologetic. Just that simple thing sends a rush of anger through me. But then my eyes float down his arms to his hands, his lean frame. His arms around me. His breath in my hair. The way his lips trailed softly down the side of my neck.

My body relaxes into the memory until I remember how he totally blind-sided me with our breakup.

“Who’s that?” Aidan asks.

“Sorry, what?”

The guy next to me snaps me back to reality.

I’m on the side with no arm. At least it’s distracting.

“Who’s the guy staring at you?”

He’s staring? That’s good. I whip around, just as Shelton turns away. Maybe he was thinking something like I was. How nice we are together. How warm we are together.

Tamara sidles up next to him. He smiles down at her, and the way he’s looking at her is the way he used to look at me. Like I was the only girl in the world. My chest caves, and I’m seriously ready to get out of here.

“Let’s ride the Ferris wheel.” I step around and grab Aidan’s hand, pulling him into line.

“I thought you didn’t do rides.” His voice is so flat that I have no idea what he’s thinking, or if he’s thinking.

“Well, Jennifer demanded I wear this ridiculous dress, so yeah. No rides. This seems harmless enough.”

His eyes flit down my body, and I feel even more naked than before.

“Ah. The dress is for the guy I’m guessing.”

Aidan’s smile is friendly and helps me finally take a deep breath in. I didn’t even know I wasn’t really breathing until I give my body air.

“I don’t know about that guy, Kate,” he teases. “He looks like kind of a wannabe
something
.”

This is exactly what I need right now.

Aidan elbows me once gently, his soft smile turning to a grin. “Like he’s trying
waaay
too hard.”

And I’m still staring at the back of Shelton’s head while Tamara finds any and every excuse to touch him. “He’s neat. I know. But I kind of liked that, you know? And he’s smart. Way smart. He’s off to Princeton.”

“Wow.” Aidan nods. “That’s a college I’ve heard of.”

Of course. “
Everyone
knows Princeton. And…” He has real goals. Good ones. We talked about it. Together. I’m about to get all serious talking to Aidan. And who on earth would want to hear this? “Wait. You don’t go out ’cause of your arm? Aren’t there loads of people out in the world missing arms and legs and using wheelchairs and stuff ?”

“Doesn’t feel like it.”

My chest sinks. Yeah, it doesn’t feel like I’m one of millions with diabetes either. I definitely feel like the only high school girl who carries insulin around in her oversized purse.

Aidan hands over our tickets and reaches his hand out help me on. His hand is rough, strong. Right. Army. And again, hand. Not hands. Hand. It has to be really inconvenient. Actually, the whole thing is probably pretty horrific. No way I’m asking how it happened. I check his profile. Nice nose, the same perpetually tanned skin and dark blond hair as Jen. Soft-looking lips, hint of stubble. Nice. I wonder if he has nightmares about how it happened. Probably shouldn’t ask that either.

I realize now that we’re pressed next to each other in the seat that it’s kind of personal, close. Right now I’m definitely not in love with the people that have turned this into the one fair ride of romance. At least Aidan’s warm. It’s supposed to be nice out, but in a thin, cotton dress that shows way more leg than I’d ever normally show, I’m freezing. At least I’ve left Shelton behind for a few minutes.

“What is it with girls and huge bags?” He points to my purse, crammed between my feet and forcing one of my legs to be pressed into his.

“We just…need our stuff.” Okay. That was totally lame. I should tell him about the pharmacy in my purse. It’s not like it’s that big of a deal. But at the same time, he doesn’t know, and that’s kind of nice because I don’t know anyone who doesn’t know about my health.

“So, what do you do for fun?” His voice sounds forced.

“What do
you
do?”

“Swim.”

Wait a minute. “But you don’t get out much because you’re missing an arm, and you hang at the pool?”

“Sometimes it’s easier to pretend it’s no big deal if there’s no way to hide it.”

Interesting. Still, I’m definitely glad I can hide my diabetes. I don’t have to walk around with a stamp on my forehead or anything.
No, just a drugstore in my purse.

Aidan leans forward on one arm, and then sits back up, like he doesn’t know where to be. Then my eyes catch the back of Shelton’s head until we dip down farther, and I lose him in the crowd.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks. Only he’s caught me at a really bad time because now my brain is bouncing between Shelton, who has a new girl on his arm, and how Aidan does normal, everyday things with only one arm.

“How do you open jars?” I turn to face him.

“Um…you sort of put it all out there, don’t you?” His face is unreadable. Is he annoyed? Does he care?

“Sorry.” I push out air. “But I just say stupid crap. You’ve already probably realized that, though.”

“I put the jar between my legs.”

“Sounds like a pain.” I do loads of things every day that take two arms. How does he stand it?

“It is.”

“I can’t believe I’m even talking about it after saying that stupid thing when I got out of the car.” Jen seriously should have known better than to pair me up with her cousin.

“No. It’s okay. I mean, no one ever asks. It’s like they all try to pretend my arm’s still there and it isn’t. Seems like sort of a silly thing to pretend.” He shrugs again, but this time he only shrugs the shoulder with the arm.

“Does it still hurt?” The words come out before I can think.

He nods once. It looks like resignation. “Like hell.”

His answer is totally unexpected and makes my gut drop. I mean, he’s out and about, hanging with my neurotic self on the Ferris wheel. “Sorry.”

“It is what it is.”

“So, you can ask me something personal and embarrassing if you want. Even us out.”

Aidan doesn’t say anything. Great. I lean forward and try to pick Shelton out of the crowd. My leg still touching Aidan’s. I don’t mind, but it’s weird to be touching another guy’s leg with my leg. But it’s not like we have a whole lot of room on this seat.

I spot Tamara first. Her blond ponytail bouncing because she doesn’t know how to stand still. Shelton gives her another look—the melt-a-girl kind. I mean, I know he’s too far away for me to really know that, but I just do. I know it because we were together for too long for me not to. It’s the look that used to jelly my heart, my knees, because I knew he wanted me next to him. What
happened
?

“You dragged me on this ride to make him jealous, am I right?” Aidan follows my gaze.

I rip my eyes off the Shelton-Tamara disaster. Of course he’d ask that. “And for the view.”

“Why? Why bother? Why do you care?”
It’s just high school
, he’s thinking. It’s practically all over his face.

“
Because
.” Because I deserve more from him. Because last week we were together and this week we’re not and it doesn’t seem fair.

“And the honest girl now feels like she has something to hide.” He leans back, and I swear he looks smug.

Right. I am hiding, because we both know there’s a lot more to my answer than that. “My head kept telling me we were in high school. My heart said that he’s amazing and is going places, and I wanted to be with him. To be a part of that.”

Our eyes catch and hold this time. The light blue is unreal, but behind that he looks broken. It cracks my chest further.

“People’s plans get blown to hell everyday.”

I don’t take my eyes off him, but he turns and stares at the lights below instead of looking at me. My problems suddenly seem pretty petty and stupid.

The rest of the ride is silent. It’s awkward, but not horrible. “I need to find Jen,” I say as soon as we’re let out of our chair. Better get home now before I ruin his night and mine with my mouth.

“I’ll help.”

I feel some warmth of relief that I didn’t totally offend him. “Thanks.”

With Aidan being just a bit taller than me, it only takes a sec to find Jen, and he waves her over.

“What’s up?” Jen’s breathless as she stops in front of us, her blond hair flying around her face.

“Can we go?” I ask.

She looks between Aidan and me a few times. “Everything okay?” she mouths.

“I just want to go home.” Away from Shelton, away from the guy who I’m going to embarrass again with my stupid comments.

“When will your mom let you drive again?” she asks.

I shrug.

“What’d you do? Stay out too late?” Aidan teases.

No way I’m telling him what actually happened. “I dented her car. That’s all.” I glare at Jen so she’ll keep her mouth shut. I hate going through all the stupid questions and dumb crap that come with having diabetes, and carrying my blood sugar tester and

insulin shots, and having paranoid parents.

“Yeah.” Jen smirks. “Kate’s a
terrible
driver.”

I narrow my eyes. Hoping she’ll back off. But she knows me too well to take me seriously.

“Oh.” She glances over my shoulder and frowns. Shelton is probably close again. Do I want to see? Do I not want to see?

“Yeah. Let’s go.” She puts her arm around me and begins to lead me away.

“Wait.” I stop to look over my shoulder at Aidan. “Thanks for hanging with the crazy girl tonight.”

“No problem.” His eyes turn to Jen. “I’ll ride home with your brother once I find him.”

“Thanks,” Jen and I say at the same time.

It was stupid to come here. Stupid to wear this dress, and I’m very sure that when I run over my conversation with Aidan in my head tonight, I’ll really wish I’d stayed home.