Summer I Found You (11 page)

“You know what I mean.” She adjusts herself so the side of her face is resting on the back of the seat next to me. Staring at me with her deep, brown eyes.

“Uh…no. I don’t know what you mean.”

“Just that, we hang out. You know?”

“Yeah. I know. I’m there, when we
hang out
,” I tease.

“Never mind.” She puts her hand on my chest and stares at it for a moment, before resting it on my neck, pulling us together. “Kiss me again.”

“No.” I turn my head, teasing. “I want to know what you mean first.”

“Just that you’re you, and all moody, and nothing like the kind of guy I thought I’d be with, but I want this. You. I mean, I want to be here.” Her fingers tracing my neck and shoulder are killing me in such a good way. It’s crazy what this girl is doing to me, especially since I was really trying to not feel what I’m feeling right now.

Moody. Yeah, I guess. “You thought you’d end up with someone like Shelton.”

“Yeah.” She kisses the corner of my mouth. “But this is better.”

“How much better?” My lips touch hers as I speak.

“Better enough that I want your hand on me.”

I don’t even have to look to know her cheeks are turning red, and that she probably just said something she didn’t mean to. This is when her bursts of honesty are really going to help. She leans forward until the top of her head is pressed into my chest, hiding. Her arms wrap around my sides, keeping us together.

“I can’t believe you just said that.” I kiss her softly on the temple, and run my hand slowly up and down her arm.

“Me either.”

I touch her chin until she lifts her head from my chest and looks back up at me. It’s stupid, but I want her to kiss me first this time. Like I want to make sure she really does want this as much as I do.

But now I wonder—what will she actually think about me only having one arm? What will happen when she accidentally runs her hand over where my arm should be? Will it matter? Will she care?

I’m actually relieved that my shoulder stump is against the seat. Out of reach.

She leans forward and our lips come together in a small soft kiss, before pulling away. I kiss her back, but this time our kiss is deep enough that the electricity flies through my body sending tingles to my toes, fingertips, every piece, every part. All of it. And I should probably be thinking more, but it feels so good to not think, to just feel. I slide my arm around her waist, frustrated I don’t have more power to keep her close, and kiss her again.

I
NEVER THOUGHT I COULD WAKE
up the morning after kissing a boy, and still feel it. But wow,
two days later
and I still feel it. I feel it while I’m getting ready for school, and as I rest my chin on my hands in class. Each time a finger taps my lips, I close my eyes and remember Aidan’s fingers touching my lips just before his mouth did.

I’m smart enough to know this isn’t a safe thing to think about at school, especially with my lack of speaking filter or whatever, but I can’t take my mind off him. His mouth. His body. His cocky smile—the one that doesn’t come out as often as I want it to.

And even with my practical (and really embarrassing) invitation to put his hand all over me. He didn’t. Okay, he kind of did. But not really, not even as much as I wanted him to. And that’s a first.

He’s the perfect distraction from everything that’s wrong in my life right now, which I love almost as much as the kissing.

“What’s with you?” Jennifer asks as we step out of English.

“What do you mean?”

“Uh…the obvious fact that you haven’t mentioned Shelton or stared at him all day and that you’re staring into space, and that we were talking Faulkner in AP English and you didn’t offer
anything
.”

This is sort of big here. Because Jen set us up, but I don’t think she believed it would actually go anywhere, and that changes things a bit. But if
he
tells her, and I don’t say anything, she’ll be mad. I mean, she should be mad because I’m her best friend and I didn’t say, “I kissed your cousin.” Crap. There it is. My honest mouth.

“What?” She grabs my arm, her eyes wide. I don’t know this face. This face is a new one. Is it good? Bad? Does the know? Crappity, crap, crap.

“We, um, kissed. Saturday night. At the party. Well, actually in his car in the driveway at the…party…” I’m staring, concentrating, hoping to decipher the look on her face.

“Okay. I thought this would be cool. But this is weird. I mean, you guys aren’t really suited for each other, you know?” She lets my arm go and grabs her books with two hands.

I open my mouth to protest, but I really can’t. She’s right. We’re not. Not in a conventional way. “I know.”

“Do you like him?”

I squeeze and push, and try to keep my smile from spreading, but I can’t.

“You really like him.” Her eyes are wide, and there’s a slight smile, but she still looks confused.

“It’s different. Like he’s older, and he gets me, and doesn’t care that I say stupid things, at bad times. And…”

“Okay, well. Cool, I guess.”

“I mean, I don’t even know what we are right now, but it’s good.” I’m holding my breath waiting for her response.

“Honestly. It’s weird, but okay.”

“Okay.” I lean against my locker feeling a little light-headed.

“I’m off.” She makes a face. “Mr. A’s a real prick when we’re late.”

“See ya.” Only as the hallways continue to empty out, I’m still leaning against my locker waiting for my body to stop feeling like I’m on a boat instead of solid ground. This is stupid. I need to get to class.

The hallways are empty, and my eyesight is a little blurry as I walk to class suddenly feeling way on edge. My heart is racing, and frustration courses through me. Did I do my shot at lunch? Spots. Spots. My bag’s in my locker. An apple. A piece of ham. I
should
be okay, but when was my last shot? Oh. I stole some of Jen’s roll. That could be it. Mom’ll be pissed. I wonder how high my levels are. I’m going to get another lecture about how I should count and shoot up before I eat instead of after.

No-no-no-no-no.

I’ve been doing so well after my doctor’s appointment. This is not good. I lean against the doorway of my classroom but don’t go in. I blink a few more times and turn back to my locker.

“Kate?” Shelton’s voice calls out behind me. “You need help?”

He’s even better than Mom at recognizing the signs of my highs and lows.

“I’m good.” I wave him off. And he’s sort of the last place I want help from anyway. “And I definitely don’t need help from
you
.”

He jogs up and rests his hand on my arm, but I don’t slow. “Don’t be like that, Kate. We should be friends.”

I’m so stupid. I’m supposed to be managing better. Dad’s going to be so upset.

His hands feel so familiar. His dark skin against mine. “You forgot to do your shot, didn’t you?”

I let out a huff. I’m just so irritated. Why does he have to know me so well?

“You always get all agitated when your level gets high.” His voice is so annoying, normal and calm.

“I don’t get agitated unless someone’s agitating me.” I stop at my locker and start working the combination only my fingers feel funny and the numbers aren’t coming to me.

“Kate?” He tries to catch my eyes by leaning down.

I stop working, and look at him.

“Let’s get you to the nurse.”

My frustration dissolves just that fast.

He knows what I need. Shelton was there the day I passed out. He was there when we went through all the testing. We hadn’t even been going out all that long, and he was there. He stayed with me through all of that, and now that I’ve been at my new normal for a while, that’s when he decided to bail? And why would I care when I’ve been thinking about Aidan and his lips all day?

Shelton’s familiar arm is around me, and I lean into him. Not as much because I like him, but because my world’s swimming right now, and I need to remember what I ate, and know what my blood sugar is so I know how much insulin to take.

Why didn’t I do this right at lunch when I’m supposed to? It would have been so much easier. Now there’s another thing Shelton can add to the list he probably keeps of why Kate is crazy.

“You should have done this during lunch hour, Kate.”

I really hate it when people point out the obvious—especially when I’ve already figured it out.

“Okay, almost there. You’re quiet, which kind of scares me.” His voice is the same warm, soft voice that used to tell me he loved me. Talked to me until I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Read my homework to me while I spent a few days in the hospital getting adjusted to my new life.

“I’m okay. Sorry, and thank you.” Because at least I’m smart enough to know that being as petty as I’d like to be right now won’t earn me anything.

He keeps his arm firmly on my side and pulls open the nurse’s door, leading me to one of the horrible vinyl beds.

“So you mind?” He goes to the high cupboard that’s supposed to be locked, but never is. My stuff’s in there. Shelton knows this. He knows so much.
Did
we turn into friends?

Guess it doesn’t matter because we’re not together, and he did not handle our breakup well. Okay, so neither did I. But still.

Neither did he.

Shelton pulls a hard, plastic chair up to the bed.

I sit back and lean against the cool wall.

He hands me my small tester. I stick my finger in and wait for the prick.

“Kate!” Shelley rushes to my side. And yes, I’m on a first name basis with the school nurse. Just another perk.

“She’ll be okay.” Shelton chuckles. “I’ve seen her a lot worse. She’s only a little high.” He checks my reader. “Or
way
high. You’re above three hundred, Kate.”

I cringe. Mom’s going to be pissed. My lows come on a lot faster and feel a lot worse, but I guess it’s the highs that do real damage. I don’t like to think about that much, so I don’t.

Shelley clutches her hands together, and looks at me with her teeny little frowny face.

“Want me to do your shot?” Shelton asks.

I’m an idiot. I nod. I hate doing it, and Shelton was always the best. Better than Mom, better than Dad. It’s like he could take me out of the equation.

“Thank you.” I lie down. My ex-boyfriend is about to pull a pinch of fat from my stomach to give me my shot. This is just… well there aren’t words.

“Let’s find the fattiest part of Kate,” he teases.

His fingers slide a few inches to the right of my belly button, he pulls on my skin, pinching as big an area as he can. And yes, having a guy know how to pinch my fat is definitely humiliating, but we’ve done it for so long…

“Ow.” I scrunch my eyebrows down as I feel the prick. Anyway, he’s better at it than I am—probably ’cause it’s not his own skin he’s pushing into.

“Oh, whatever.” He chuckles as he pulls my shirt down. “You know I did better than you would’ve.”

“Thanks.” It’s so weird being this close to him again. Part of me feels like we were never apart. But we were apart.
Are
apart.

Then Tamara’s face appears in my mind, grasping his arm, and grinning up at him like a love-struck freshman.

“What’s that face?” he asks.

“Tamara.”

He sighs. “I really don’t want to have this conversation.”

“It’s fine. Thanks for helping me out.” Even though I hate asking for help, and hate getting it. Mostly, I hate needing it.

“Kate.” He takes my hand and I close my eyes. Determined not to look at him. “I don’t want you to think that I don’t care about you, but it changed. More like friends. And I want that, okay? Us to be friends. We were close for a long time, and it would be a waste to lose that.”

He has such a condescending
adult
voice. “Whatever, Shelton. You’d better get to class.” He pushes out a sigh. Like my dad. A breath out—the exasperated kind.

He stands up and leaves.

Fine. Whatever.

“Your mom’s on her way, sweetie,” Shelley says.

“
What?
” I sit up.

“I said your mom’s on her way.”

“Great,” I mumble. Fabulous. Perfect. Mom will be here, giving me the angry-parent look. The one that makes me worry she’ll keep me home because any day I might drop dead from diabetes.

Or worse. She’ll cry.

“I swear, Kate. You’re going to be grounded forever after this!” Jen crosses her legs on the floor. I’m still amazed Mom let her inside after the lecture I got in the car. Deena’s staring at the TV, her eyes glazed over from being so sick.

“It’s not my fault I’m diabetic.”

“It
is
your fault that you’re not keeping on top of it.” She leans forward. “It’s kind of a big deal.”

“Thank you,
Mom
. I got the rant on the way home, okay?” I lean my back against the bottom of the couch. “I got the teeniest bit off, that’s all. It’s not my fault my stupid body wants to lie down every time I miscalculate or forget something.”

“I’m sorry. And I know it’s a big deal. But it’s also not a big deal. I want you to be able to come out with us.” Jen frowns.

“At least you’re not heaving your guts out every few hours.” Deena’s eyes close again.

“At least your condition is temporary,” I say. Maybe not the most sympathetic thing for me to bring up, but she knows it won’t last forever.

“Yeah, well, Lane’s not happy about the baby, okay? He said timing’s off.” The words come out in a mumble, and I’m almost not sure I heard her right.

Jen and I stare at each other, eyes wide.

“Sorry.” Now I’m worried about why she’s here, and how long she’ll be staying if she and Lane aren’t getting along. Which, yes, makes me a horrible sister.

I
’M FLIPPING DIALS IN
my new car while sitting in the driveway. Only took me three days to sell my Chevelle, and now I’m in a small two-door Volvo after driving a kickass car since I was sixteen. But the car’s fast, and handles good.

The phone rings in my pocket, and I jerk it out to see a number I don’t recognize. The letdown washes through me, and I’m in trouble because I wanted it to be Kate. She’s a nice distraction. Okay, so I know it’s more than that, but I’m trying to convince myself that’s all there is.