Summer Burns (8 page)

"
Guess so.
"
It was a cheesy kid movie, but he
'
d gotten a kick out of the little girl
'
s enthusiasm over every little nuance--which she was happy to explain to him in every scene.

Silence spread between them. He wasn
'
t sure what to say on a social call. One of the things he
'
d found hardest about being back in the civilized world was making small talk.

It had never been hard before, but now, it felt like the words lodged in his throat and he couldn
'
t get them to come out.

He
'
d have thoughts--ideas about things to say.

But he couldn
'
t put them into words and actually say them.

She cleared her throat.
"
Okay, so that
'
s what I was calling about. I guess I
'
ll see you around, then?
"

"
Yeah.
"
He didn
'
t want to let go of her yet, though. Her voice soothed him.
"
Um. How was your day?
"
he asked. That
'
s a proper thing to ask, right?

"
Super busy at the salon. But Fridays always are. Lots of little old ladies getting their hair done for the weekend
'
s festivities.
"

"
Weekend festivities?
"

"
Church, family dinners, all those things. They all like to look pretty for their appointments.
"

He thought of the lady he
'
d opened the door for on Wednesday and wondered how those elderly ladies had bigger social lives than he did.
"
They must stay busy.
"

"
Some of them do, that
'
s for sure. I hope I
'
m half as active as some of those ladies are when I
'
m their age.
"

"
We can all hope. But at least it
'
s the weekend, right?
"
That
'
s what the rookie said to him tonight, trying to get him to come out for a beer. Sounded good for this situation, anyway.

"
For most people. I work on Saturdays. Usually all day long. It
'
s one of the busiest days for a hair stylist.
"
She coughed a little as she finished.

"
You okay? Coming down with something?
"

"
Work. Lots of hairspray in the air doesn
'
t make my asthma very happy.
"

"
I didn
'
t know you had asthma.
"

"
All my life. It
'
s not a big deal.
"

"
I wouldn
'
t say that,
"
he replied. Asthma was a big deal--breathing was rather elemental in survival.

"
Well, it
'
s something that I have learned to live with. I think it
'
s scarier for my mom than it is for me.
"

"
What about Emma? Does she have it?
"

"
She might, eventually, but so far, she hasn
'
t shown any of the signs, thank goodness. Hopefully she got her father
'
s lungs and not mine.
"

"
Well, she sure looks like him.
"

"
I think so too. A lot of people say she looks like me, then they see a picture of Jake, and they see her resemblance to him.
"
There was a pause, and this time, it sounded like she sniffed or something.

Great. He made her cry.

Good going, asshole
...

He opened his mouth to say something--apologize maybe, but she started talking again.

"
So what are you doing tonight?
"

"
Nothing. A beer after work, and then some
Netflix
.
"

"
Oh yeah? What are you watching?
"

"
Several things. I
'
m trying to catch up on the stuff I never got to watch.
"
They started chatting about different shows, and he was surprised to learn that she liked to watch dramas and action movies when Emma was in bed.

"
I would have thought you
'
d like those girly shows.
"

"
Like what girly shows?
"

"
Oh, romantic comedies and stuff.
"

She laughed.
"
I do. I just don
'
t watch them much anymore.
"

"
Why not?
"

She sighed.
"
They make me sad.
"

And it dawned on him what she meant.
"
I
'
m sorry.
"
Of course they would, she
'
s lost her husband.

And she sniffed again.

Ugh. He wanted to kick his own ass. How many times was he going to make her cry? Maybe he shouldn
'
t have given her his number. Just walked away and been done. Yet it had seemed the right thing to do at the time.

"
It
'
s okay.
"
She jarred him from his thoughts.
"
I like action movies better anyway. Even before, I
'
d cry over romantic comedies. Jake used to make so much fun of me over it.
"

What was the proper response here?
"
Um, I
'
m sorry.
"

"
Don
'
t worry about it. You
'
d probably make fun of me too.
"

"
No I wouldn
'
t.
"

This did make her laugh.
"
You haven
'
t seen me all blubbery over a commercial. Jake said it was hilarious how I would cry over anything. Commercials. Sappy movies. Hell, I cried when I saw the reboots of
Star Trek
.
"

"
Nothing wrong with connecting.
"
At least she connected with something. He wasn
'
t sure he knew how anymore. He could do the right thing, knew the morally correct response to circumstances, what was expected, but his emotions, those were something he
'
d left behind a long time ago.

Emotional investment was something a soldier couldn
'
t afford.

Made for shitty decisions.

"
What do you connect with, Matthew?
"

"
I don
'
t know.
"

"
I see.
"

"
No, you really don
'
t.
"

"
You might be surprised.
"

Another silence spread between them.

Had he done something wrong? He wasn
'
t sure.

"
Well, Mom is waving papers at me, so I probably should let you go,
"
Summer said.

"
Waving papers?
"

"
We
'
re going over the stuff for the fundraiser next week at Emma
'
s school.
"

"
Isn
'
t school out for the summer?
"
Had they converted to a year-round schedule here?

She laughed. Man, that was a cool sound.

"
It is. We
'
re doing a fund raiser because of the state wide education cutbacks, in hopes to raise some funds and supplies for the teachers and needy students. We
'
re doing a haircut booth next week where people can donate money or school supplies for haircuts. We did one last year, and it did pretty good. We managed to raise about five hundred dollars and a bunch of extra supplies. We
'
re hoping this year we can raise seven hundred fifty to help out.
"

"
Is it just haircutting?
"

"
Yep. Our salon is partnering with O
'
Toole
'
s Barber Shop to do it. In fact, I need to call Steven, and check on a few things.
"
It sounded like she was writing something down.
"
I probably should let you go.
"

"
Sure. Work is important.
"

"
Yeah, if you need a haircut next week, you should stop by. It
'
ll cost you a box of crayons and dry erase markers, but I
'
m sure someone could hook you up.
"

"
I probably am ready for a haircut.
"
He ran his hand over his hair--it felt long and shabby. For so long he
'
d worn it shaved, now that it
'
s grown out, it felt entirely too long.

They said their good byes and he disconnected the call.

And he started wondering if he knew anyone else who needed a haircut. Like that annoying rookie at work.

Chapter Seven

Saturday Evening

I bundled my hair into a bun in the car before I climbed out to get Emma. I was so hot, I couldn
'
t get cooled down fast enough. It didn
'
t help that my air conditioner was on the fritz again--or it could be the one-hundred-degree weather.

Ugh. Summer. My namesake, and the bane of my existence. I would much rather be cold than hot any day.

I grabbed my purse and headed to the door of Jake
'
s mother
'
s house--Paula Bettes.

I appreciated all the help from Grandma Bettes with caring for Emma, we had to be careful. She tended to overly-spoil Emma. I don
'
t say anything, because Emma was all she had left of her son.

I empathized with her--it still hurt, three years later, that Jake was gone, and he was my husband. I couldn
'
t imagine what the pain must be like to lose a child.

I prayed that I never did.

So, Paula spoils Emma. I live with it.

She
'
d never done anything to undermine my parenting, but occasionally she took it a little bit too far.

Case in point--my child as she bolted out of the front door.

She wore a blonde Elsa wig and blue dress, screaming
"
Let it go Mommy!
"
and waving her arms around like she was casting spells.

I couldn
'
t help smiling. Of course Paula would buy her dress up clothes and wigs. An expense I just couldn
'
t justify, when I was trying to save for a house. While there was no rush, according to my mother, I was still over thirty, and living with my mother.

It was a pride thing.

Yet seeing Emma so giddy made me feel rather crappy that I wouldn
'
t buy her dress-up clothes. Maybe I needed to loosen the purse strings.

I rubbed my arms, and pantomimed throwing away what I was wearing.

She giggled as Paula came to the door. Emma continued singing, but paused long enough to twirl in front of me.

"
I bet Mister Maffew will love this!
"
she said as she ran back into the house.