Suite 269 (18 page)

He rattled the brand names off—each one a punch to the gut.

“Your mother must me so disappointed in us,” he mumbled painfully. Disappointed? In us? She was dead. When was he going to get that through his skull? She couldn’t be disappointed or angry or happy or sad.

“Dad, stop,” I said, but he spoke over me, louder and harsher.

“I promised her I’d keep it up. That was her dying wish and I couldn’t even keep my end of the bargain. I just…” he went on and on, making me hold the phone away from my ear so I didn’t have to hear any of it.

“Dad, listen…”

But he didn’t. He wouldn’t. He just barked orders at me then hung up. Same thing he did every time.

I slumped into the lounge chair in the living area and hung my head in my hands. A lot of people were going to lose their jobs.

“Hey,” Lexa’s soft voice called out to me. I turned my gaze on her. She leaned on the doorway of the bedroom with our sheets clutched to her chest, barely covering her.

“Is everything okay?” she asked.

I nodded and pointed to the phone. “The numbers came in and my father’s upset. Five advertisers just pulled their ads because of sales.”

“Hasn’t he opened any of my emails? I think I can help,” she said.

“You can’t. I’m sorry. I wish you could, but no one is going to give a fact checker the time of day. The magazine needs someone who could carry it. Who people want to see.”

“You don’t think I could write well enough to keep people entertained?” she asked slowly.

“I’m not saying that. I’m just saying that even though I’m sure you’re terrific, you’re not what people want. We can’t settle. We just can’t settle for you.”

I
’m not even
sure he was talking about the magazine anymore. I wanted to ask him if this had anything to do with us.
Was I someone people settled for? No, I wasn’t. I would never want to be
. It’s the reason why I wouldn’t go back to Kevin.

I spent the last two days of our make-believe honeymoon trying to keep my distance from him—from us. It was like trying to put a Band-Aid on a cut before it ever happened. It was impossible. And the more I tried to get away, the more he was near me, next to me, deep inside me.

Secretly, I loved it—every minute of his attention. But the thought of him taking it away had me locking myself in the bathroom, rocking in the corner.

We couldn’t even board the plane without him pulling me, laughing, into its poor excuse for a bathroom.

Tugging the hem of my shirt with one hand, he pulled open the bathroom door with the other. “Go in first and face the back wall,” he spoke quietly against my ear. He slid in behind me, causing me to shove in all the way up against the toilet seat. His hands gripped mine and placed them over the handrails on either side of the walls. Beads of sweat and heat coursed over my skin. The room was too small to even turn around to face him. His hands dropped to my waist and slid my shirt up in a rush, just as the plane started bouncing toward the runway.

His hands cupped my breasts and his fingers deftly flicked over my nipples. The sensation fluttered straight to my groin and I leaned over more to press my ass against him.

But that only made me get a face full of airplane toilet. “James. My face is in the toilet. This is gross.”

He leaned into my back, laughing. “And that’s not sexy to you?”

I burst out in a fit of giggles, trying not to breathe in too much. The smell of being in an airplane toilet was finally getting through. I slammed my hand up against my nose to stop the horrible scent from making me sick. “Ugh. The smell!”

He leaned against the door, laughing loudly. “How the hell do people do this?”

I tried to turn my body to face him. But the plane bounced and I bumped my elbow into the counter of the small sink and stubbed my knee into the wall.

“Mr. Moneybags, next time your family goes to buy a private plane, you should get bigger bathrooms,” I teased when I finally managed to face him.

“I’ll definitely let my father know they are unsuitable for sexual encounters.” We laughed together, but only for a few moments, until we gradually stopped and the rush of the air through the vents was the only sound besides our breathing. Neither of us moved—we just stood in the small space saying so many things to each other with our eyes. A small bell dinged over our heads and the fasten seatbelt sign lit up. His eyes darted up and he smiled, then cupped my face with his hands and kissed me. I just wished it didn’t feel like it was a goodbye.

“Come on,” he said, “this wasn’t even a fantasy on your list.” He held my hand and led me back to our seats. I quickly buckled myself in as the pilot peeked his head out and blushed. “We’ll be taking off in a few minutes. I’m just waiting on clearance. Please stay in your seats, sir.”

James laughed loudly. “Sure thing, Marco.”

As soon as we were alone again, he leaned over the seats closer to me. “This was the best honeymoon I’ve ever been on,” he said low, combing his hands through my hair. “Thank you for letting me make some of your fantasies come true.”

“Some?”

“Yeah, well I couldn’t do number ten, right?”

“Right. Number ten.”
Yeah. But number ten? That was the most important one for me, though he’ll never know
.

He looked down at his watch and smiled. “We land in about three and a half hours. Any last fantasies before we go on with our separate lives? Is there anything else I could give you? Anything you want?”

Flashes of heat raced along my face and down my neck.
Yes. Fall for me. Fight for us. Want me. Don’t let me go. Please don’t let me go
. My hands became sweaty and I wiped them down the front of my pants. “Um…” I tried to find the words. A dozen of them swam in my brain—all the right words to let him know how I felt—but none of them would ever make a difference to him. I didn’t want him to throw me away like all the other men in my life did. I needed to walk away first, before he could say anything that could hurt me. Before he could make me feel even more unwanted. “How about letting me do the job you want Alex Kavon to do?”

The corners of his mouth pulled down as if I said something wrong. “I wish I could, Lex. You’re not the one my father wants.”

“I could help the magazine, Jameson, I think I really could. If everyone would just listen to—”

“Lex, stop. I know your heart is in the right place, but there’s nothing you could do to help us.” He leaned his head away from me and gazed out the small window. “Not unless you could get me Alex Kavon’s direct number.”

A hard lump formed at the back of my throat, burning my chest and making it hard to breathe. “I’m sure if I had the chance to—”

“Lex,” he interrupted me, again, leveling his eyes on me, “do you
know
how to get in contact with him?” The words were mocking—taunting me—like he had no confidence in me telling him the truth or didn’t believe I’d be able to have information worth his time.

“Maybe I do,” I said, pressing my lips together and grinding my teeth.

“Lex, if that’s true then please get me his private number. Or even his personal assistant’s number. Anything. You owe me that much.”

I jerked my head back as if he’d hit me. The skin along my collarbone tingled with what felt like fire and my heart raced. I owe him? “I
owe
you?”

“Shit. Lex, I didn’t mean it like that,” he said as his gaze wandered back over to the window. He poked his finger at something near the window, as if the object was more important than fixing the stupid crap that just spewed out of his mouth.

He
didn’t mean it
like
that
. No, of course not. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. I tried not to burst into tears. “But, you’re right. I do owe you, don’t I? You did me a huge favor by sleeping with me so...
thoroughly
. So I will definitely try to set up the appointment for you.”

“It doesn’t have anything to do with what we did. It wasn’t a favor. We had fun, right? Don’t take it personally. I didn’t mean it like it sounded. I’m just a little frustrated.”

Sure. Whatever you say,
boss
.

A
s soon as
the landing gear touched the ground, I turned on my phone. At least a hundred emails, missed calls, and texts poured through. Lexa scowled at my phone like it committed some heinous crime against all of humanity. I ignored the glare. She sat through the whole flight stiff and distant. There was a ton of reasons why she would be acting that way. It could have been the things I said that I explicitly explained weren’t meant as they sounded. Or, the sudden flat look and catty behavior could be her way of getting back to our normal, nonsexual relationship back home. It could maybe even be her resenting me for not letting her try to write for the magazine. I’m sure she’s got a little talent, but if I had a dime for every writer who had ever told me they could bring my magazine from death’s door—I’d be one hell of a rich man. We needed Alex Kavon’s following, not a new writer. We needed readers. Kavon was a last ditch effort. My father already had me heading up the other offices in his mind. Shit, all I had to do was move my stuff. That was his new plan—just scrap InTrend and focus on the media that made him the most money.

I listened to my voice messages first. They were all from Sophia. Each one telling me about how she scored an interview for my father and Alex Kavon in five days. “Sophia just got Kavon to agree to an interview with us,” I said, tapping Lexa on the shoulder.

I figured she’d be happy that maybe she wouldn’t lose her job, but her face paled and her eyes widened in confusion. “
What?
How?”

I shrugged and stood up, stretching. “I guess she wasn’t lying. She’s been in contact with him.”

“Wow,” she smiled, tightly. “I can’t wait to see what he looks like.”

We both walked out of the plane deep in our own thoughts. “Hey,” I said when I noticed her walking in the opposite direction of where we were supposed to be going to meet my driver. “I have a driver picking us up in the—”

She waved a hand at me limply. “That’s okay; I have my own way of getting back. Thanks for everything, Mr. Holt.”

Mr. Holt?

Shock punched through my chest.
What the hell just happened?
“Lexa, let me just drop you off.”

She was still walking away with her small purple suitcase rolling behind her. She looked over her shoulder at me and smiled sadly. “I have someone waiting for me. Thanks anyway. I’ll see you around work.”

I
should be
happy Sophia came through for me. I should be on top of the world that the magazine had hope. But there’s nothing.

There’s nothing because I know damn well my words hurt Lexa. She thought I did this thing as a favor. How do I tell her I’ve never wanted to be as close to a woman as I wanted to be with her? How it’s been so easy, too damned easy, to not think about anyone else? How? Two days had passed since I’d seen her. I hadn’t seen her at work despite my efforts to visit her office. She wouldn’t answer my texts. Everyone at the magazine was panicked about the chance of losing their jobs if Kavon didn’t help us. And all I could focus on was how much I missed being in the villa. No, I had to be honest with myself; it wasn’t the villa. It was all Lexa. I missed her.

I grabbed my phone from off my nightstand and pulled up our video.

My grip on my cell tightened when I heard her low, breathy moans and the vision of us appeared on my screen. Christ, she was the sexiest woman I’d ever seen. The flex of her calves, the curve of her spine, the open-mouth way she kissed me. Damn, that woman kissed me with her whole body. I was instantly hard.

I watched as my hands pressed into her skin, clinging onto her—mesmerized by the size of my own cock taking her and the way she moved around me. The screen showed me a clear view of me sliding in and out of her. She was so wet.

I slid my hand under my shorts as I watched the way I stretched her open. The dirty words coming out of her mouth telling me what she wanted made me feel feverish—filthy things falling from her beautiful, plump lips. Remembering the way it felt to be inside her was killing me as I continued to watch. She looked like she really wanted me, as if she was really being pleased by me. How hard did I make her come?

I was stroking myself watching us, and I couldn’t finish because I could have the real thing and I let it walk away. Watching the way her body wrapped around my cock and how when I pushed in hard she moaned and raked her nails down my back. The hard thrusts she’d taken from me were relentless and the way she played with herself and made herself come from the vibrator while I was inside her was the hottest thing I’d ever seen. Fuck me—we were the sexiest couple alive.

Would she watch this video? Fuck, would she watch it with me? Would she let me slip inside her again? How could she not be affected by watching it? I was delirious with lust from seeing us.

I wanted her again.
I needed her
.

S
hould I write it
? What the hell would she think? I didn’t want her to hate me for missing her—missing us.

S
he ignored my flirt
. Shit, she didn’t feel the same way, did she?

I needed to see her. I needed to talk to her. I didn’t know what I was going to say, but the thought of not being near her was driving me crazy.

I didn’t care how late it was.

I banged on her apartment door and she answered immediately. She was alone inside, thank God, but her eyes were wide. “I know. I’m sorry to surprise you like this, I just needed…” What
did
I need? I felt like I was fourteen again, standing in front of my high school crush.

She wet her lips with her tongue and darted her eyes behind me. She looked rushed and I hadn’t a clue as to why she didn’t want to see me—why she wasn’t happy. She started pacing in front of me and watching the door. “I’m kind of busy right now, James.”

A few boxes were lined up along the front wall by the door, as if she was packing to leave. Suddenly, I was even more tongue-tied and scared. Scared she’d say no. I didn’t want to be without her. I didn’t want to be with anyone else but her. I flinched back as the realization slammed into me freight train fast.

This is what it feels like?

“I needed to see you again,” the words tumbled out of my mouth.

She nodded—any words she wanted to say seemed to die at her lips. Why wouldn’t she just tell me what she needed—what she wanted? Didn’t we get over this?

I scanned the boxes and glanced back at her. “Are those coming or going?”

She stared at me blankly, hesitating, still holding her words back like she was scared of me. This is what I did by making her feel like what we did was a favor to her. I was an asshole.

“Does it matter?” she asked.

I had no clue how to respond to that. The whole situation suddenly turned sour. It was awkward and pathetic because we were both holding back all the things we wanted from one another, because we both lacked faith in each other. “It was never a favor to you, Lex.”

She made no reply.

“I wanted you,” I said hoarsely. I still did.

“Well, you certainly had me.”

Before I could argue her doorbell rang, and the look on her face was terrifying. Without an explanation, she opened the door and Trager stepped in. My heart sank as he wrapped his arms around her, laid his stupid face in her neck, and breathed her in.

“Holt,” Trager grunted when he noticed me. His hands gripped Lexa’s hips. My hips. The ones my mouth had been on for the last three weeks.

I nodded at him. Words wouldn’t come out.

“Mr. Holt,” she said.
What the…? She was calling me Mr. Holt again?
“I have an early start tomorrow and it’s late. Was there anything else you needed?”

“Can I speak with you privately, Miss Novak?” I asked low.

She blinked her eyes slowly, as if to find some inner strength, and blew out a quick puff of breath. “I have something to deal with right now, Mr. Holt. I’ll see you at the meeting tomorrow morning.”

“That’s it? That’s what you want?”

“Right now I just need some space. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Then I found myself in her hallway, outside her apartment door. I raced toward home and cursed the entire way. How could she go back to him? After everything we did? As soon as I made it to the first red light, I pulled over and called her.

“Hello?”

“There is no way I’m letting you go back to him,” I snapped into the phone.

“Him who?” she asked.

“Trager,” I replied.

“Why the hell would I do that?” she asked.

“Why was he there?” I demanded.

“He was picking up the rest of his stuff,” she answered stiffly.

“Oh, I thought…” I began.

“Well, you’re an ass,” she cut in and sighed deeply. “He wants to get back together but I said no. Again. He’s already gone.”

I pounded my fist triumphantly on the steering wheel. “Okay. Okay, good. Sophia is supposedly bringing Alex Kavon in for the meeting tomorrow at ten. Will you be there?” I asked.

“Of course. Can’t wait to meet the guy everyone is putting the future of the magazine on,” she said dryly.

“Lex…Lex…If we get Kavon, I’ll take a look at your work, but I can’t promise you anything, okay?”

“Good night, Mr. Holt.”

Then she hung up on me.