Sugar Dust (13 page)

“Well done, Sherlock. Bright spark, aren’t you?”

“Okay, wait a second.” Dan raised his hands, palm out. “I love my Slave Library, I thought you did too. It’s a fantasy come to life, I don’t want to give it up.”

“Fuck you, then. Selfish bastard.”

He ducked beneath her flailing arm, hissing when her nails scraped his cheek. “Karen! Christ, what’s wrong with you?” His mouth dried as fear clutched his heart. Never before had she struck out at him. Not like this. “Will you listen for a second?”

“I’m done listening.”

“Really? Because it doesn’t seem like you’ve started. You don’t get it.”

“You want to pick from a bunch of beautiful women to fuck whenever you want. What’s to get?”

Dan’s cheek stung as a bead of sweat rolled off his forehead and into the scratches. His tingling skin itched and heat flushed his face and neck. He opened and closed his fingers over his palms, utterly blindsided. “Is that really what you think?”

“It’s the truth.”

“No, I want a bunch of women to pick from so I can have fun with them
with you
.”

“Lucky me, I—”

“Kaz! Shut up and listen to the words I’m saying instead of the ones you
think
you hear.” Frustration made his voice harsh. Loud. He found himself slipping towards that headspace he visited every time they played. But he didn’t fight it. He knew she responded to that. “What happened on Monday?”

“Hannah and Rebecca came over and you screwed the living hell out of us.”

“Did I?”

“Yes.” Her eyes flashed, but her voice levelled off. As he hoped, the change in his voice and stance brought out the same in hers. Karen teetered on the edge of her vanilla self and the submissive who longed to receive and accept orders. “Becky sucked you off. Hannah sat on my face, then you bent me over the sofa and fucked me senseless.”

“Exactly.
You.
Not Hannah. Not Rebecca. I’ve never slept with them.”

“They give you blowjobs all the time.”

“But have I ever stuck my cock in their cunts before?”

The vulgar language seemed to penetrate where rational words couldn’t.

Karen paused. “No.” Wonder filled the single syllable.

“Right.” Heartened by the break in her attack, Dan plowed on. “I like them, I won’t deny it. Three beautiful women willing to let me do anything I want to them; why the hell wouldn’t I like it? It’s a straight man’s dream. But I fuck their mouths if I fuck them at all. Only you get the real deal. Understand?” The word came out almost as a demand, but a beseeching undercurrent ran beneath it.

“When I’m done, or bored, I close my Library, send them home, and spend the rest of my time with the only slave I actually give a damn about.”

The bunched fists at Karen’s sides loosened. He watched her face, waiting for the next explosion. It never came.

“God, you’re right. You’ve never had proper sex with them. Not once.”

Dan risked stepping away from the door. He lowered his voice, only aware he had been shouting because of the depth of the silence he now broke. “You’re not fussy about playmates. I am. Having men in my Slave Library would kill it—sorry, I just don’t swing that way, but women means that I can enjoy them
with you
. Then they go away and we have each other. That’s always what it was.”

“I thought...” Karen deflated like a pricked balloon. She stepped away from the door and sat on the end of the bed. “Shit.”

“Is that what this is about? The whole time? How long have you been thinking this?”

“I don’t know.” A weary note crept into her voice. It startled Dan more than the anger or exasperation because it belonged to neither vanilla-Karen nor submissive-Karen. This was wholly new. This was
timid
-Karen. He opened his mouth, but the words stuck. How was he supposed to treat this unknown version of his girlfriend?

“Fuck,” she murmured.

“I don’t know how to fix problems if you don’t tell me about them. Why didn’t you say something sooner? We need to talk about this—we have to—” he broke off, raking a hand through his hair. Relief that Beth wasn’t the problem faded as the depth of the real issue started to sink in.

“The Library has been running for weeks. You sat with me when I met Hannah, you said you liked her. And Rebecca, you leapt on her as soon as I let you. Was it all a lie?”

“No.”

“Then why? I don’t understand.”

“Normally I don’t think about it. But then your mum showed up—you ran away and abandoned me—and she was so awful. But you wouldn’t say anything. You
never
say anything to her. I panicked.”

“Why?” He tilted his head to catch a glimpse of her eyes, but she refused to look his way. Blind without her expression as a guide, Dan forced himself to wait.

Karen bit her lip. “Because I don’t know what you want.” The words burst from her lips. “I say ‘I love you’ and you just stare like I’ve punched you. You’ve never told me you love me. Not once. But you let me meet your parents and your friends and I know that must mean something. You told me you never mix kink with family so I know it’s a big deal. I visit you and stay for weeks, we pick out furniture together, but if anyone mentions marriage you close up like a clam. You tell people marriage is only for morons who want expensive parties and big dresses.”

“Do you want to get married?”

“Fuck, no,” she said, unknowingly aping his response to the same question. “But what are we doing? Where are we going?”

Dan rubbed his face with both hands. Only then did he realize they were shaking. He made tight fists and held them until the tremors subsided. “We’re a couple. You’re my girlfriend, my slave. My submissive. Isn’t that what you want?”

“Yes, but I need more.” Finally she looked up. Tears rolled down her face. Words caught in his throat. Never before had he seen Karen cry. His legs jerked as if to run, a classic example of the fight or flight response guiding his body, every muscle ready to move at the smallest provocation.

“Kaz...”

“I’m sorry.” As if sensing the effect of her tears she rubbed the heels of her palms across her face. “I know you have commitment issues, but you asked. And you’re right, you have to know how I feel. This is what I want from you. This is what I
need
.”

He grasped for a sensible reply. “I don’t have commitment issues.”

She gave him a dry look, one eyebrow quirked up towards her hairline. Clearly it was not the right response.

“We’ve been together eighteen months,” he said. “That’s ages.”

“Dan...”

He stared at her. Tracing the lines of her beautiful face and moving his gaze down, drinking in her curvy frame encased in shiny, clinging latex. Once again the contrast stuck him dumb, white against the rich, chocolate brown of her smooth, soft skin. He remembered telling Pete that he didn’t want to lose her but only in that moment did he really understand why. It wasn’t just her beauty or her submission. Those things certainly helped, but as Dan gazed at Karen’s tear streaked face he realized that it was the whole bloody package.

From her moisturizers and hair products claiming all the space in his bathroom, to the honesty she brandished like a blade every time they spoke. The exciting and sometimes ridiculous dinners cobbled together from the food at the back of the fridge. The passion and enthusiasm she brought to her PhD. The surprise gifts of DVDs and chocolate bars after a hard day. The willingness to try new things. The way her soft hands played with the curls of hair on his chest as she drifted to sleep after an intense play session. All of it.

“Wait there,” he whispered.

He opened one of the bags and riffled through the contents. Several coils of rope, soft and coarse, slithered to the ground. Slender lengths of chain went with them, followed by two spreader bars, a ball gag, two vibrators and a fake foxtail attached to a butt plug. Right at the bottom he found what he wanted.

Deep breath. “I know what you want me to say. I know and I’m sorry. Those words are so heavy and the last time I said them it was a complete fuck up.” Dan shoved aside the mental image of glossy green hair and long, pointed fingernails. “I don’t want to do that with you. You’re different to anyone I’ve ever been with. Anyone I’ve known.”

“I don’t know what to say to that, Dan.”

Say you understand, he wanted to scream. Instead he held out a square, purple box tied with silver ribbon.

“Then take this.”

She stared at it.

He shook it. “Please.”

She did, holding the box in both hands. An age passed before she tugged on the ribbon, unfurling the extravagant bow. Resting inside, scrunched up tissue paper, again in purple, hid the treasures beneath. Her fingers pulled them free, a piece at a time. Dan watched her, swallowing to douse the taste of bile clawing up his throat. He longed to sit down, but worry that any movement would distract her kept him firmly in place. A little smile touched her mouth. She liked it already. One by one she spread the tissue paper sheets flat over her palm and stacked them on a low dresser. The ribbon she curled on top.

“Karen, you’re killing me here.”

“I like presents,” she whispered.

“I know, but open it already.”

She did and gazed inside, and gasped. “Oh, Dan.”

A little of the weight on his shoulders began to lift. “You’ll need help putting it on. Can I?”

She nodded. He closed the distance between them and pulled three silver rings out of the box. With them came a complex arrangement of thin chains studded with glistening white gems.

“Give me your wrist.” He fastened the thickest chain around her left wrist and stretched the last three along the back of her hand. He then pushed the rings attached to each on to her middle fingers. It looked beautiful there, catching the light and sparkling. It dazzled like her smile and in that moment Dan knew he’d done the right thing.

“I found it at the Karnival of Carnal Kink. I can’t just say...
those words...
but I can give you that.”

Karen stroked the intricate piece of jewelry. Her eyes glistened with fresh tears, but these came with a dazzling smile. “It’s beautiful.”

Seeing the slave band on her wrist almost took his breath away. What he didn’t add was that he’d found it at the Karnival four months ago and hidden it while gathering the nerve to give it to her. Collaring was no small matter and he wanted to be sure before offering it. He silently scolded himself for waiting so long. The bracelet looked so right against her skin, a physical mark of his ownership of her. His commitment to protect her. And her promise to serve him.

“You know what it is?” he whispered. “What it means?”

She nodded.

“Do you want it?”

Karen gazed up at his face. The tears coursed down her beautiful cheeks and dripped off the end of her chin. “Yes, I accept. And I love you too.”

Chapter Eleven

“He did what?”

Karen held the phone away from her ear until sure Cindy’s last shrieks had faded. “Collared me.”

“That’s a big deal. Isn’t it?”

“Yes.” Karen gazed at her bracelet and paused to let her grin subside. When it didn’t, she kept talking anyway. “A very big deal.”

“What’s it look like? Is there a big loop at the front so he can drag you around? Does it have studs? Sparkly bits? Spikes?”

“No, you mad woman, it’s not an actual collar. That’s just the term. He bought me a slave band.”

“A what?”

“A bracelet attached to rings on chains.”

“Oh.” Cindy voice fell. “I have four of those. I didn’t know they were slave bands.”

Karen put the phone on speaker so she could fix her hair. She dragged a comb through it while sneaking gleeful glances at the bracelet. “It isn’t, that’s just what we call them.”

“I don’t get it. No collar?”

“Collaring isn’t about a literal collar, it’s about the commitment. Like saying ‘I’m yours and your mine.’ It formalizes it.”

“That’s so...cute.” The hitch in Cindy’s voice hinted at laughter, quickly suppressed.

Karen ignored it, too high on glee to care much about teasing. “Dan has a thing for chains, we use them all the time. I saw a bracelet like it in the market last year with a bunch of other fetish jewelry and when I showed him that’s just what he called it. The name stuck.”

“You two must live and breathe kink. So do you feel better now?”

The loaded question forced Karen to stop playing with her hair. She stared at her reflection, taking in the sparkling eyes, easy smile and furrow free forehead. “I feel amazing.”

“And you’re going to celebrate by...?”

“Visiting the dungeons.” Another grin captured her lips. She gave a small squeak of excitement.

“Oooooo.” Cindy whistled. “Because you’re a naughty girl?”

“No. I asked to. Later!” Before Cindy could question her further, Karen blew a huge raspberry and disconnected the call.

Karen adjusted her new skirt to sit low on her hips. The soft, purple leather stopped at mid-thigh with a daring slit up either side revealing bare leg and a flash of ass as she moved. She gave it one last tug then pulled off her bra, which she left beside the small basket filled with condoms and miniature tubes of lube. After a few nervous seconds of assessing her bare breasts, she left the bathroom. She found Dan sitting on the end of the bed. Beside him lay a pair of wrist and ankle cuffs, both in leather. Her favorite collar, again leather, but purple rather than black, with an enormous bell dangling from a loop at the front. He held a simple black headband with a pair of large, furry ears attached.

“Tonight you’re my little kitten,” he said.

She nodded. “Tail?”

“No. You might need to sit. Maybe later. But ears and bell for sure.” He stroked up beneath her skirt. “Just checking you hadn’t sneaked them back on.”

“I know better.” She spread her legs just enough to allow his fingers to creep up and brush her naked slit.

He grinned, pride and pleasure shining in his eyes. “Good. Let’s get you dressed.”

While it might not have the same significance for other couples, Karen loved the intimacy of “getting dressed.” Dan added each piece of clothing himself, careful to stroke, prod, and caress on the way. With the click of every clasp, the tightening of every buckle, Karen felt closer to him and more owned by him.