Sugar Daddies (49 page)

My heart was racing, my stomach all chewed up. My legs were wobbly and my throat was dry, and life felt unsteady and raw.

And all I wanted was him.

The man who laid everything on the line, who walked the road of truth and honour, no matter where that took him.

“Please,” I said. “Kiss me, Carl, right here.”

He turned his head and his lips were so close to mine. “We come together or not at all,” he whispered. “That’s how we are.”

I stroked his face. “But we’re a three now, right?”

“Yes. That’s right.”

“So, things have got to change, no? Move forward? Evolve?”

“What do you mean?”

His breath was hot on my lips, and I breathed him in. “I love you, Carl.”

He stopped breathing, and his eyes turned wide.

“I love you, and I love Rick. I love both of you. I love both
of you together, and both of you as just yourself. Sometimes I’ll want to love Rick, and sometimes I’ll want to love you, and sometimes, most of the time, I’ll want to love you both together.” I let him digest my words. “And sometimes I’ll want you to love each other without me. That’s how three should work, Carl. That’s how I want it to work. Naturally, however it feels right.”

“Katie… I don’t know…”

I put a finger to his lips. “Do you love me, Carl? I know you don’t like to say it, but I’m asking you. And I’ll know you’ll give me the truth because…”

He moved my hand from his mouth, and his lips pressed to mine. He took a breath, took my face in his hands, and he kissed me. He kissed me like he loved me.

And then he said it.

“Yes, I love you, Katie.” He paused. “And so does Rick, and he’s waiting for us at home.”

I pictured Rick, his kind smile, his beautiful body. The way he loved so easily.

I nodded. “Ok,” I said. “Let’s go home.”

His fingers were in my hair before I could move, holding me tight, holding me still. His mouth was urgent this time, his tongue hunting mine, his breath ragged. He let out a low moan, and pulled my body close to his, the warmth of him burning me up.

And then he let me go.

“We’ll talk about this,” he said. “All of us. We’ll make this work as a three, together and separately. It’s time.”

He pulled away from the truck stop.

“It’s real,” I said. “I told my mum about us.”

He raised his eyebrows as he worked up through the gears. “You really did cover a lot of ground this evening. What did she say?”

I laughed a little, remembering the moment. The shock, the surprise, the awkward questions.
Do you… with both of them? At the same time? And do they…? Are they…? How does this work, Katie? How does it ever work?

And what about the future, Katie? What about marriage? What about kids?

And then my shock, my shock at the realisation I wasn’t repulsed, wasn’t armed with my usual
I don’t even want kids
announcement, that I’d been using right through my teens, right off the cuff.

I cut a long story short.

“She said she wants to meet you. Properly.” I smiled. “She wants to meet you both.”

“That’s something,” he said. “At least she didn’t run screaming.” He smirked. “And where does she want this to happen? We could take her out, a nice bite to eat, somewhere tasteful. Impress her with culinary delights.”

“We already decided.” I looked at him. “The Cheltenham Chase. I mean, you are coming right? You are coming to see me and Samson?”

He squeezed my knee. “Of course we’re coming. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

And so it was settled.

Mum would meet my boyfriends at the Cheltenham Chase.

Right after Samson and I had kicked Verity’s nasty little ass to the kerb.

It was that same snooty receptionist at the Stroud office, the same one who’d judged me on interview day and found me severely lacking in my
bite me, baby
t-shirt. She didn’t give me any such look this morning, not in my posh little suit and my posh little heels.

“David Faverley,” I said, and my tone was confident, demanding.

She dialled him without hesitation. “Mr Faverley, your daughter for you.” A pause. “No, sir. Miss Smith…”

She gave me a smile as she disconnected.

“He’ll send someone right down.”

“I’ll find him.”

She didn’t even try to stop me.

I checked out my reflection in the elevator mirrors, so different than the girl who’d stared back at me last time around. Had I really changed so much? Inside as well as out?

I wasn’t sure anymore. Wasn’t sure of anything. I took a breath and willed my heart to calm itself the hell down as the doors pinged open, and I was back on the executive floor, back amongst director’s offices and board level meeting rooms and all that crap.

Another of the neck scarf brigade was heading down the hallway. “Miss Smith, I was just on my way. Your father is right down the hall, on the left. I’ll take you.”

“No need,” I said, and I was off.

I found his office right on the end.
Mr David C. Faverley. CEO.

I knocked once before I opened the door, took one last deep breath before I pushed my way into his office like a bull entering a china shop.

He didn’t even have time to stand. No time to greet me.

“I know,” I said. “I know my mum lied. I know she told you I was… aborted. I know you didn’t know about me.”

His face turned pale, so pale.

Just like I imagined mine had.

Just like my mum’s had.

“Katie… good Lord, I…” He gestured for me to take a seat. Picked up his phone, dialled out with a cough. “Cancel everything for today… yes everything… I don’t care, he’ll have to wait… thank you.” He put the phone down.

I stared out of his window, and the sky was blue. Just a smattering of cloud. Just a nice normal summer’s day.

He coughed again. “Was this… your mother? Did she…”

I shook my head. “Carl.”

He nodded, just a little. “Carl, yes. Of course.”

“Why didn’t
you
tell me?” I asked. “
You
could have told me.”

He held out his hands. “Your mother was worried about the effect it would have on you. She didn’t want to dwell on the past, she was adamant, right from the off. She said we should start afresh, so as not to confuse you any more than absolutely necessary.” He sighed. “I respected that.”

“
Why
did you respect that? She lied to you, for more than a decade.”

“Because I respected your mother, Katie. I respected her judgement. I still do.”

I couldn’t hold back a laugh. “Is that why you fired her? Cast her aside like a stray dog? Was that your
respect
?”

“It was never like that.” He looked right at me. “I made mistakes. I didn’t do right by your mother, Katie. Lord knows I didn’t, and Lord knows I regret it, but with you…” He paused. “I would have been there for her, I would have been there for you.
But it was too late. I’d already done the damage.” He put his head in his hands. “I loved your mother, with God as my witness, I loved your mother dearly, but I’d lost the fight. It was over for her.”

“You didn’t fight very hard,
Dad
. Not for
love
. Not for the baby she was carrying!”

“She told me it was too late.” His eyes were so sad. “Told me she wanted nothing to do with me.”

“And you accepted that?” I tried not to glare at him.

“Things were difficult enough at home. I had the boys and Olivia was carrying Verity. I tried to make the best choices, but everything I did was wrong, Katie. I was wrong to try again with Olivia, I was wrong to cast out your mother, I was wrong to accept her word about the termination, knowing she’d already lied to me once about you.”

I raised my eyebrows.

“She left without telling me she was pregnant. Not a single word on the subject. I found out through a friend of hers.”

“And she told you it was too late?”

“Yes, she told me it was too late. And I believed her.”

I met his eyes, and he was telling the
truth. I could feel my own emotions, bubbling around, but I kept breathing, kept my cool. “Mum loved you.”

“And I loved her.”

“But you were still sleeping with your wife? You must have been.”

He shook his head. “It was once. One last ditch attempt at salvaging something for the boys.”

“Convenient,” I scoffed.

“I don’t expect you to believe me.”

“I don’t know
what
to believe.” I took a steadying breath. “I thought I knew everything, thought I understood everything, but I didn’t. I don’t.”

“I’m sorry.”

I smiled, fought back the tears in my eyes. “Yeah, you and everyone else.”

“I should have told you.”

“Yes, you should. Maybe things could have been different. Maybe we’d have had more of a chance.” I sighed. “I never gave you a chance. I never had
reason
to give you a chance.”

“That’s my own fault,” he said. “I handled it all wrong. I know that now.” He looked straight at me, eyes glassy. “I was just so… overwhelmed. I treated the situation like I treated everything in
life, just dived right in, tried to make the best of it, but it was the wrong call.”

“I didn’t belong there… not with you… not ever…”

“You did, Katie,” he said. “I just handled it so badly you didn’t
feel
like you belonged there.”

“Maybe
you
think so,” I scoffed. “But not Verity! Not Olivia! Not the boys!” I wiped away the threatening tears. “They hated me!”

He held up his hands. “And that was my fault, too. I didn’t prepare them, didn’t warn them, just tried to throw you all together. They were as shocked as you were, as shocked as I was.”

“But I wasn’t mean! I wasn’t spiteful and nasty and cruel.”

“I didn’t know how hard they were making things,” he said
. “Not until it was too late. By then you didn’t want to know them, didn’t want to know me.” He reached out his hands. “I couldn’t reach you, Katie.”

“You didn’t try!”

“You wouldn’t let me.”

And he was right, I wouldn’t let him. It would have been too little, too late.

“This is all fucked up,” I said. “The whole sorry fucking thing.”

He sighed. “No, Katie. It only feels like that. This could be the beginning. The new beginning.” He reached his hands further across the desk. “That’s what I want. More than anything. It’s what I’ve always wanted.”

“We don’t know each other…”

“We can get to know each other. Slowly, this time. Like it should have been, Katie. Just you and me.”

“I don’t know…”

“You’re here aren’t you? That’s a start…”

I shrugged. “So much bad feeling… so much unnecessary bad feeling.”