Suffocate (11 page)

Chapter 25

Stuart

Surrounded by the family in the NICU, I rest my head against my palm as Erin sits crossed legged in front of me disbelief still on her face.

“But I don’t understand,” she insists. “What kind of woman does that?”

“A twisted one,” C.J. replies quickly. I shoot him a look to show some respect and he adds, “May God have mercy on her soul.”

“She’s gonna need it,” the Kid mumbles from beside his mother who elbows him.

“So what’s gonna happen next?” Kellar questions leaning forward on his legs. “I mean, her parents were called, but what about your contract? Custody?”

“Well,” C.J. sighs crossing his leg. “Stuart is the father so he has all his rights. Taking into consideration the pro-father state the county his son was born in, chances of a judge ruling him an unfit parent at this point are slimmer than my girlfriend’s waist. As far as her contract, the proof she was going to use for blackmail was destroyed in the accident. Computer included. Police report said not much was salvageable from the contents inside.”

“Didn’t she email the photos to her lawyer?” I rub the stubble on my chin I didn’t realize was coming in.

“Weirdest thing happened.” C.J. tries not to smirk. “He went to verify the file and it was gone. Completely gone from his computer like it was never there.”

Our eyes drift to Tony, our computer savvy family member. Innocently he shrugs, “What?”

“Nothing.” C.J. raises his hands. “Nothing at all.”

Tony nods slowly. “Good.” C.J. goes to remove his phone from his pocket at the same time Tony shoots me a wink.

I simply nod in his direction for thanks.

Not legal, but what the lawyer doesn’t know won’t kill him. Besides, do you really want my son raised by someone whose family is filled with as much hate as she was?

“Fuck,” I mumble in sheer exhaustion.

In a yawn the Kid points, “Mouth.”

“Shouldn’t you be in school?” Tony questions.

“With my entire family and baby cousin in the hospital? No. I can skip school.”

“I don’t know, maybe with your latest grades I don’t know that you should,” Tony counters.

“Did you tell everyone?” the Kid snaps at Maxx. “Everyone had to know about the one bad grade I made?”

“One?” Kellar steps into the conversation. “No. Your grades are slipping all around. And even if she did tell your Uncle Tony, so the fuck what? We’re family. We all care about you. We have all banned together to help raise you. So show some goddamn respect to him, me, and the woman who helps raise your mouthy ass every day. And you can stomp and groan and be pissed off all you want about what I just said, but you
will
change your attitude towards your mother of all people. After everything she’s sacrificed to be there for you, it’s the least you can do.”

The rest of us give him a long hard stare until he submits with a strong nod.

In a shaky voice he says, “I’m sorry mom.”

“That’s a fucking start,” Kellar mumbles leaning backwards yawning himself.

The Kid leans over to give her an awkward hug mumbling something in her ear before planting a kiss on her cheek.

“What’s the problem?” Maxx questions.

“With my grades?” the Kid looks innocent.

“With your attitude,” Kellar corrects.

“It’s just...” his eyes wander around all of us. “It’s hard being in this family. I don’t wanna disappoint anyone and the second I feel like I am, it makes me scared.”

“Scared of what?” Erin inserts.

“That...that you’re gonna give me back if I’m not perfect. That you’re not gonna want me any more if you find out that I’m...that I’m....”

“Human?” Tony adds. “Cause that’s what you are Kid. None of us here is perfect.”

“And there’s not a chance in fucking hell I’d ever give you up Kid,” Kellar says sternly to his son. “You can mess up. You can make mistakes. But you’ll always be my Kid. And you have an entire family here that supports you when you need it, not because you’re perfect but because we fucking love you. And that’s what families do. Got it?”

“Got it,” he croaks out.

Why can’t all families be this easy?

Luke comes from around the corner with coffees, handing them out, to everyone who praises his name in thanks. “Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.” Relieved to have him back, he comes and sits down beside me, asking, “You doing okay?”

Looking around at the given situation, I can honestly say I feel a little better. I take my cup from him, “My parents are on their way.”

“Mr. and Mrs. Ducane,” C.J. states in prestigious tone.

“Do you have shitty parents too?” Erin questions blowing on her latte.

“Mouth,” the Kid yawns.

“I wanna tape yours.” She points at him.

We snicker and C.J. responds, “He does, but unlike mine they aren’t likely to come around.” After a pause he gives me a deep look. “About anything.”

“Fuck ‘em,” Erin replies. “If they don’t want you, oh well. We do. And we love you just as you are.”

“Thanks,” I softly sigh as Luke wraps an arm around my shoulder.

“No...thank you for yanking my prudish brother out of his dry spell,” her joke causes Luke to choke on his coffee.

“No ma’am,” he fusses at his sister.

This is family. Loving. Playful. Here for each other.
This
is where I want my son raised. If he lives. God I hope he lives. And if he does live, where the hell are we gonna live?

“Hey.” Luke lightly rubs my shoulder. “Where’d you go?”

Realizing I was quieter for longer than I thought I was, I whisper, “I was just thinking. The baby and I don’t have anywhere to live.” His eyebrows dart down. “I mean, I sold my apartment already.”

“You two can move in with me and Erin,” Luke offers.

“Just you big brother,” she squeaks.

Confused his head snaps at her, “What do you mean just me?”

“C.J. and I bought a house together,” she spews in one long drawn out sentence.

“What?!” His voice booms.

“Yeah,” she answers in a guilty voice. “After a lot of talk—”

“A lot of arguing,” C.J. corrects her.

“You wanna move in by yourself?” she threatens and he shuts his mouth. “After a lot of debate, we decided it was time. Hell we practically were already living together. I didn’t wanna move into his tiny ass apartment. I mean I like space. And he didn’t like the idea of moving into the house with you—”

“No offense.” C.J. offers.

“So....we signed the papers for a house earlier this week.”

Luke’s body stiffens next to me. I drop a supportive hand on his thigh and he glances at me, gray eyes filled with enough anxiety to break my heart all over again.

At least this time it’s not my fault right?

“This is a good thing,” Erin hums. “Now Stuart and the baby can live with you. And I don’t feel like the shitty sister I have convinced myself I’m being.”

Luke asks, “Is that what’s had you in knots? Moving out?”

Immediately she nods. “I hated the idea of leaving you alone. Leaving you to just...be by yourself, but now you don’t have to.”

“I’m not a puppy Erin. I can live by myself. I’m an adult.”

“Don’t be an asshat. I know you are. But you’re happiest when you’re sounded by family. And now...you still can be. You can live together...like a family.”

“Like a family,” Luke repeats her words now looking into my eyes. “Are you ready for that?”

I softly question, “To be a family?”

“To share your burdens?” the response has a sob piercing my vocal cords up. Before I cave into it I nod and he leans over planting a soft kiss on my lips.

“See. Moving in together is best for everyone,” C.J. adds and Erin kicks him with the point of her high heel. “Ouch!”

“Well deserved,” she declares.

The group starts laughing until a nurse appears, “Mr. Ducane?”

“Yes?” I sit up straight.

“You can visit your son now,” she offers.

“Am I the only one?” I ask immediately.

She folds her hands in front of her, looking around at the group. “At this time just his parents are allowed in to visit him.”

They nod in understanding and I stand. Looking down at Luke I wait for him to join me. Sensing the bafflement, I shake my head. “She said parents. Aren’t you coming?”

Breathlessly he says, “You want me to...to be his...”

“If you want to be. No pressure.” His eyes that are full of hope search mine and I playfully clarify, “That is what you meant by family isn’t it?”

Hearing the group giggle rushes Luke to put his cup down and take my hand walking out of the room with me to the scrubbing station. The two of us scrub up before walking over to where our son is awake. To my surprise his eyes are wide open and he’s actively wiggling.

The nurse says, “He’s doing really well. I don’t think he’ll have to be here as long as we were originally thinking. The changes from last night to this morning are miraculous. He is definitely a fighter. He won’t have to be in here too much longer. You may hold him if you like.”

“Yes please,” I answer as she carefully picks him up and places him in my arms for the first time.

He’s lighter than expected but is staring up at me like he knows exactly who I am. His bright blue eyes are beaming at me like I’m everything he’s hoping I am. Like he loves me. Like he needs me. Like he accepts me just the way I am.

Sure he’s a newborn, but the look reminds me of the man I love’s gaze. Funny how they don’t share blood but I already feel like he belongs to him.

“Hey little guy,” Luke softly says over my shoulder, one arm wrapped around my lower back. “You are our little miracle, you know that?” The baby coos a sound like he understands and wiggles in my grasp. “Support his head.” Nervous I fidget and Luke helps me hold him the right way. “Better. You’ll get used to it.”

“You already are.”

With a smile he says, “When I first became a nurse, at the end of my shift I used to come up and look in the nursery window. When you’re in the ER you see a lot of death, so seeing life becomes an important balance.”

I smile back and offer, “Wanna hold him?”

“Should I?” he worries. “Shouldn’t he bond with you first?”

“Why? He’s both ours right?”

Luke smiles widely and nods taking him into his arms. Immediately the baby gets comfortable staring up at Luke with the same happy gaze I received.

That’s a good sign right? Babies know. They do. They really do!

“We can’t just keep calling him the baby.” Luke declares making cooing noises at him. “What do you wanna name him?”

Knowing Sara had a name picked out that she refused to share with me, I realize I never thought of one. Curious I ask, “What would you name him?”

Luke shrugs. “I don’t know. I never thought I’d have a kid someday. I mean I wanted one, but...ya know.” He smiles down at our son and says, “Why not something meaningful? Like Alexander?”

“What does it mean?”

“Defender. Protector.”

“So just like his father.” I plant a kiss on Luke’s cheek.

“Fathers,” he corrects me. “You did what you thought you needed to protect him. To stay in his life. I won’t hold that against you, but don’t ever keep shit from me again. Ever. Nothing big. Nothing small. No more secrets. Got it?”

“Got it.”

Luke smiles and looks down at the baby. “How does Alexander sound to you? You wanna be baby Alex?”

He squeaks out a sound and I sigh, “I think he loves it.” Sweetly Luke coos at him again before I say, “And I think I love you.”

Sarcastically he gives me a look, “You think?”

Seeing the flustered look on his face that I adore I chuckle, “It’s worth it every time Nurse Man.”

“Ugh,” Luke grunts returning to looking at Alex. “Your other daddy is a pain. Can you say pain? Just prepare yourself for it. Kind of like your Uncle Kellar. He’s a pain too...”

I listen to Luke continue talking to Alex about our family that’s in the waiting room, occasionally chiming in when I see fit. It doesn’t take long before the nurse instructs it’s time for him to get more rest, but he will be ready to be fed in a couple hours and we can come back then. The two of us thank her and walk out of the area together.

I’ve got to be the luckiest guy in the world. I don’t deserve either of them and I have them both. I won’t screw this up. I mean, I’m sure I’ll fuck up, but I won’t ever let them down again. That’s a promise.

Chapter 26

Luke

“Those curtains don’t match,” I fuss at the disaster covering our bedroom windows.

We’re moving into the master bedroom and giving Alex my old room. Believe it or not Stuart is having a harder time with leaving baby Alex in a different room than me. Sometimes I think it’s the guilt of knowing our son doesn’t have his birth mother and never will, that keeps him needing him to be so close at night.

“They’re just curtains,” he replies as Alex squeaks. “See. Even your son agrees.”

“Don’t drag him into this.” I wag a finger at him.

“Curtain talk again?” Maxx appears in the door way.

“It’s the 10th time since we’ve been home.” Stuart insists walking towards her.

Maxx looks down at baby Alex. “Your daddy is a perfectionist. Can you say perfectionist?”

Why do people talk to babies like that? Hell even I do it.

“Don’t try to corrupt my young one.”

“Ignore him,” Stuart mumbles following Maxx out of the room, me behind him. “He’s just crabby because the painters for Alex’s room are late.”

“Why aren’t you just painting it yourself?” Kellar asks from the couch.

“He doesn’t like to get dirty outside of the ER you know that,” Maxx reminds him.

“Why are you two here?” I plant my hands on my hips.

“We were heading to pick up the Kid from school and thought we’d swing by and check on y’all. He looks great to be a month already,” Maxx comments from the kitchen grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.

Proudly I say, “All his visits have been going great. He’s even putting on a little weight.”

“He eats like I did when I was a baby.” Stuart bounces him around in his grip. “At least according to my mom.”

“It’s kinda cool she didn’t completely disown you like your father,” Maxx says as Kellar joins her in the kitchen.

“Yeah, what a dick,” Kellar adds.

“Being disowned and expelled from his life was expected.” Stuart kisses Alex on the cheek. “But at least my mom sneaks in calls and messages when she can. Apparently even if she hates that her son is gay, she hates the idea of not knowing her grandson more. Who knew?”

I stroll over and wrap my arms around Stuart from behind sensing his need for reassurance in his choice to stay here with us.

Having him stand up to his family for me, for us, was amazing. And slightly unexpected from someone who had been in the closet with them for so long. But Stuart told me that we were his priorities and hasn’t wasted a day proving it yet.

Maxx lets out an unexpected groan and a crash is followed with it.

Immediately I break away from Stuart and rush towards her. “You okay?”

“I think so,” she sighs before pointing at the ground. “But your mug isn’t.”

“My doctors mug?” I whimper.

“It’s fine,” Stuart assures her. “He doesn’t need it any more. He hearts photographers. Isn’t that right Alex?”

Rolling my eyes I go to snap at him when Maxx groans again, this time for longer with a shocking result to go with it.

“Did you just pee on Luke’s floor?” Kellar questions. “That’s not gonna make the mug situation any better.”

“Her water just broke,” I explain calmly as Maxx utters sounds in pain again.

“What does that mean? Does that mean the baby’s coming? Like right now? Does that mean we need to call 911? Call 911!” Logan shouts to Stuart who shakes his head chuckling.

“Have you paid attention at all?” I wave a hand in the air while using the other to help Maxx out of the mess. “I thought you read books. Watched shows.”

“It’s so much information,” he tries to defend himself. “And now it’s happening. Really happening...and what am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do!”

“Calm down,” I say softly to him. “It’s important to keep Maxx calm too.”

Maxx groans, “It’s important to get this thing the hell out of me!”

“Come on,” I continue her journey towards the front door. “Let’s get you to the hospital.” Looking over my shoulder, knowing he had a shoot to be at, I ask, “Can you handle watching Alex alone for a bit?”

“Go.” He tosses me a nod. “I’ll call C.J. or Tony to pick up the Kid from school and meet you there.”

“Thank you,” I answer as Kellar finally jumps on the ball and starts helping Maxx towards his car relieving me of that duty. Turning to look at him before I go I question, “You sure? I know you had a shoot and—”

“Go.” Stuart bounces Alex in his arm who’s getting a little fussy. “It’s fine. Family first. Always.”

“Always...” I sweetly say back to him before rushing out the door as Maxx groans loudly about murdering Kellar if he repeats himself again.

I couldn’t agree more. I’ll always put them first even as our family grows bigger and bigger. We all make choices and have things to bear, but what makes us family is the fact we don’t have to do it alone. We’re in this together. Always.