Suddenly (42 page)
Authors: Barbara Delinsky
“But it’s the right thing to do.”
“Ratting on friends?”
“He’s
not a friend
if he’s letting Dr. Grace take the blame for something he didn’t do.”
Noah’s heart was straining at the seams, torn in two directions at once. He couldn’t have been more unhappy to find Sara in this position—or more proud. Lest he be accused of eavesdropping and thereby make the situation worse, he cleared his throat and came forward. “I thought you’d all be studying. I take it there’s more on your mind than exams.”
All heads flew his way.
“It’s Sara’s fault. She won’t let it go.”
Noah might have identified the voice, but he didn’t bother. He didn’t care who was speaking. What he cared about was the content and the fact that such a large group—he guessed there were twenty-five kids in the lounge—had seen fit to join in.
“Besides, it’s over,” someone else said. “Julie had an abortion.”
Noah had figured she would. “Unfortunately,” he said, “just because the baby’s gone doesn’t mean the case is over. The rape charge against Dr. Grace still stands. As far as the scuttlebutt goes, he’s the one who made her pregnant.” He looked into a sea of stony faces. “We know that she’s been involved with three guys here at school.” He saw two of them in the group. “I have to tell you, it’s a disappointment to me that none of them has come forward. Is each one positive that he didn’t father the child?”
“I didn’t,” Scott Dunby said, looking at his friends defensively. “We went in town together a few times, but we didn’t fool around.”
“It doesn’t matter who did it,” came a disgruntled female voice.
“It sure does,” Noah returned. “Dr. Grace is being raked over the coals. His practice is already suffering.” He saw Paige driving up to the dorm. “In my book, that’s not fair.”
Someone snickered. “He has a lawyer. He’ll survive.”
“Are you going to pay those hefty legal fees for him, Hans?” Noah asked the boy who had snickered. “How would you feel if one of the girls in this room—in front of her parents and me—wrongly accused you of rape?” Hans reddened, looked at his friends, snickered again. “How would you feel,” Noah went on, “if you knew that if you were convicted, you could go to jail for years?”
“That wouldn’t happen. I’m just a kid.”
“Well, Dr. Grace isn’t. So just imagine yourself in his shoes. Imagine that he goes to court and is convicted. Imagine his sitting in a jail cell, with his life spoiled, for something he didn’t do.”
“He could be tried and acquitted.”
“Okay. Imagine that. Imagine he goes to trial, is found not guilty, and then tries to pick up his life. Except that half of his patients have gone to other doctors, and even though he’s been found not guilty, there are still those people who always wonder. And then there’s the matter of the thousands of dollars that he owes his lawyer. All because he was innocent.”
“Maybe he really did it,” someone said, “so he deserves to suffer.”
“Innocent until proven guilty,” Noah advised as Paige came through the door. He felt better when she reached his side. “Besides, it isn’t only Dr. Grace. He shares a practice with three other doctors.”
“It figures you’d stick up for your squeeze,” someone said amid murmurs of assent.
“That has nothing to do with this,” Noah countered. “This has to do with whoever was involved with Julie.”
“You’re making
us
feel like the bad guys.”
“I’m sorry if that’s what I’ve done, but the situation is urgent. You’ll all be leaving for two weeks of vacation soon, and those two weeks are critical. This should be settled before the holidays.”
“Do you want us to lie just to get Dr. Grace off the hook?”
“No. I want the truth. If you don’t know the truth, don’t say anything at all.”
“That’s what we’ve been doing, and you won’t let it go.”
“Because I think some of you know more than you’re letting on.” He pushed at his glasses. “I’ve said this before, but I really do see myself as a teacher of values. That’s what so much of this fall has been about, and it’s why I’m so disappointed now. Those of you who did the Katahdin climb experienced a raw, gut-deep honesty when we crossed Knife Edge. Those of you who’ve done community service have seen the less fortunate firsthand and known the decency of helping. Those of you who’ve worked on the house with me have built something from nothing. There’s no deceit when you’re hammering nails or laying shingles, only hard work and the satisfaction of a job well done.” He paused. “So what’s happening here?” He looked bewilderedly at the faces before him. “Where’s the raw honesty? Where’s the decency? Where’s the satisfaction?”
There was silence.
“You’ve all come so far. Why not come even farther?”
“You’re trying to get someone in trouble.”
“He’s trying to get someone
out
of trouble,” Sara put in.
“By getting one of us
in
trouble.”
“But if Dr. Grace didn’t do it,” she pleaded.
The group dissolved into murmurs. Noah caught fragments, things like “on their side” and “not one of us,” and he burned.
“She very definitely
is
one of you,” he said. “If she wasn’t, she would have already told me everything you all are hiding.”
“I’m going to tell you anyway,” Sara declared, looking more furious than he’d ever seen her. Her eyes were flooded, but the rest of her features were hard as steel. “If they want to say I’m not one of them, that’s fine, because if this is what they think is right, I don’t
want
to be one of them.” She turned to Noah. “It was Ron Jordan.”
There was a rustle of voices, then a random, “How do
you
know?”
Sara turned on the boy who had asked. “I know because I saw. I saw them in the woods one night.”
“Then you broke the rules,” he charged. “You’re not supposed to go into the woods at night.”
“Right,” she said, crinkling up her nose in a taunting way, “but we all do it. It was right after fall break. Julie and Ron were out there, and they weren’t being quiet. And even if I
hadn’t
seen them, I’d have known it was Ron the same way you do. All of you know. Everyone’s been talking about it for days.” Still angry, she turned to Noah. “I’m saying it was Ron. Do you believe me?”
“I do,” he said. Ron Jordan was the one boy on his short list of three who wasn’t there. He was also the one several of the faculty had suspected.
Noah went to her at the same time Paige did, but Sara wasn’t interested in either of them. She was looking at the others, her body trembling with anger. Tears slipped down her cheeks, but still she said, “It was hard for me coming here in September. I didn’t know anyone. Every time I turned around, someone was calling my father names, and I was terrified you’d find out who I was. Then I made friends. And you found out he wasn’t so bad. And you found out who I was and liked me anyway. And then this happened.” She wiped her nose with her hand. “Well, I don’t care if you don’t like me anymore. That’s your loss. My father’s coming here was the best thing that’s ever happened to this school. If you’re all too selfish to see that, fine. I don’t want to be friends with you.”
A voice emerged from the crowd, then a face. It was Meredith. “I’m not too selfish,” she said, and threw her arms around Sara. “It was Ron,” she conceded softly.
Behind her there was a momentary silence. Then Annie Miller and another girl came forward to join them. Timidly Annie said to Noah, “Julie was upset. I don’t think she knew what would happen when she accused Dr. Grace. She wasn’t thinking about that.”
Three more students gathered around Sara, boys this time. One was Derek Wiggins. “At first, people thought it was me. But when I was with Julie, I always used something. Always. I didn’t know who else she’d been with.”
Another twosome came forward. “She couldn’t believe she was pregnant. She didn’t know what to do.”
“I know that,” Noah said kindly. “And I don’t want us standing here criticizing her. She’s gone through a lot. As long as I have the truth, I’ll leave her alone to recover.”
“It was Ron.”
“He wanted to come forward, but she swore him to silence.”
“He’s in big trouble.”
Noah shook his head. His anger had gone the way of false accusations overturned. “Ron made a mistake. He owes Julie a call. He owes apologies to her father and, more important, to Dr. Grace. You can be sure I’ll be talking with him, but the past is done. The baby is gone. The important thing now is to move on.” He felt a hand slip into his, Paige’s hand, warm, confident, and committed. He was stunned by the incredible peace he found on her face.
“Tucker?” she asked softly.
He sought out Sara, who was surrounded by friends and smiling now through her tears. Her eyes met his.
“Tucker?” he mouthed.
She nodded.
He looked at Paige and felt a wash of the very same peace that made her face a joy to behold. “Tucker it is.”
“Dear Mara,” Paige wrote:
Spring has finally come. The sun is appearing earlier, rising higher, staying longer. I saw the first of the snowdrops today, vividly green against the last of the melting snow, topped by little white bells just aching to open. They are sweet things, hopeful things, things of promise, as life is now.
In the six months since you left us, much has changed. The least of that is the practice, which continues to thrive and will do so as long as babies are born, toddlers catch colds, and children shove impossibly small foreign objects into their ears. Cynthia Wales is wonderful—young, full of energy, and dedicated to kids. She isn’t the crusader that you were. Hell, she isn’t you. But then, we knew she wouldn’t be. And it’s all right. Because we’re carrying the ball more now. The three of us. Who survived.
For Angie and Ben, the past few months have been ones of soul-searching and healing. You’d have hated Ben for what he did, but I do believe he hates himself for it, too. Hurtful as it was, his telling Angie about Nora Eaton shocked them both out of complacency. They think about things now that they had taken for granted. They talk more. They do more. Ben has signed on to teach a seminar at Dartmouth next fall, which will give him the intellectual stimulation he needs, and with Doug boarding at Mount Court, he and Angie have more time to devote to themselves. They go off for weekends sometimes, or just for the day—though there are times when I suspect that they are holed up at home not answering the phone. If so, that’s good. Angie needs it. And Ben. Men are needy creatures. You knew that long before we did.
Needy. But neither hopeless nor helpless, as Peter has proven. He was devastated when you died, though it took him a while to admit it. He loved you deeply and profoundly. When he came to realize it, he hit rock bottom. Then the old movie house collapsed, and it was like he rose from the debris, a phoenix from the ashes. He is more at peace with himself now and, in that sense, more self-confident, which isn’t to say that he’ll ever be totally free of the little boy who was the playground pariah, just that he accepts himself more now. He feels better about himself. He takes pride in doing things that are right, things that once upon a time you would have done. He has picked up the banner you left behind and carries it well.
Kate Ann Murther lives with him. You knew she was special, didn’t you? Not me. I was as guilty as the rest of the town in overlooking her. Having come to know her now, I find her loyal and determined. She is probably more active in a wheelchair than she ever was before, though that is in part because of Peter. He takes her out—to dinner, a movie, even on a sled in the snow when he’s in a photographing mood. He has forced the town to take notice of her, and while he doesn’t exactly take her to the Tavern, nor does he go there nightly himself anymore. A few times a week—enough to keep dibs on his booth—that’s all. The rest of the nights he’s with Kate Ann. Trite as it sounds, she has made his house a home.
As for justice, Jamie Cox is cooked. Ben gave Peter the name of an aggressive lawyer from Montpelier, who is in the process of filing a class action suit against him. By the time the courts are done, Jamie will be persona non grata in Tucker. He’ll be powerless. He’ll also be stone broke.
And for me, the only way my life could be richer would be if you were here to share it. I have formally adopted Sami, who is such a joy that I shudder to think of her not being mine. You did that, Mara, forced me to be a mother, and if it had never happened, I would have missed out on a kind of fulfillment that being a pediatrician just can’t match. Now I have Sara, too. And with a little luck, given the way Noah and I spend our nights, I’m bound to have another.
Nonny says I should have six. Don’t ask me why six. But she keeps saying it.
We’ll settle for one or two, Noah and I. I’m not sharing him with six. He’s too special.
We had a Christmas wedding. It was beautiful. You should have been there, damn it.
She paused to wipe her eyes, then looked up at a wavering image of Sara at the bedroom door. It was Noah’s bedroom, in the beautiful brick Tudor at Mount Court that was old but being renovated room by room, and too small but being enlarged that summer. Sara spent as much time here as she did in the dorm. Paige suspected that she would live with them full-time come fall. She was starved for the kind of family life she had never really had.
“What are you writing?” she asked.
Embarrassed, Paige looked at the paper. She thought of fibbing, then thought again. Sara needed the truth. So she sighed and said, “It’s a letter to Mara. I want her to know what’s happened. And thank her.”
When Sara might have said that she was crazy, that Mara was dead and couldn’t read any letter, she didn’t. Rather, she came to Paige’s side, close, and said softly, “You still miss her.”
“Yes. I always will.” Her eyes filled again. She wiped them and sniffed, then took the tissue Sara whipped from the box on the nightstand.
“Want me to send Dad in?”
Paige smiled through her tears. “No. I’m almost done. I’ll be out soon.”
