Sudden Impact (6 page)

Suddenly, I saw something that made me suck in my breath and cover my face with my hands.

We were standing near the glass doors.
Outside, a car skidded to a stop. I knew who was inside. I'd met them before. Jason's father and mother got out and ran past us. I'll never forget the panic in their faces.

Martha understood before I said anything.

“What will happen?” I said. “I feel so helpless.”

Martha put her arm around me and began walking me out the doors of the hospital. “You go home. I'll tell Bennington what you told me about the blood type. When the time is right, he'll talk to Jason's parents about a transplant. That's all we
can
do. Now go home.” She gave me a gentle push.

But I didn't go home right away. I ran again, all the way back to the Ledge. I watched the sun set over the water. It had a sad beautiful quality that made me think of Jason and Kurt and how stupid life was. When it started to get cold I went home, but I got up at dawn and left a note for my mom. Then I ran all the way back to the hospital.

The morning was gray and cold. The sky was full of bad news, and I kept hoping it was all a dream. It wasn't.

I got as far as the waiting room in the Outpatient Clinic before someone came up from behind me and grabbed my arm.

“This way.” The voice was not unfriendly. It was Martha.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“You need a friend, Tina. I'm all you've got. And they were serious about keeping you out. By the way, you look like hell.”

“Thanks for the news,” I said. I let her lead me outside to the ambulance loading bay.

“Get in,” she said when we got to her ambulance.

“Why?”

“Just do it.”

I got inside and she told me to lie down on the gurney. “I'll take you up to see Bennington.”

I lay down and covered myself with a sheet. Martha opened the back door and wheeled me out onto the ramp and back inside the hospital.

“I'm not supposed to be doing this,” she told me. She sounded nervous.

We traveled up in a crowded elevator, and I pretended to be unconscious. When she wheeled me off on the fourth floor, she asked a nurse where Dr. Bennington was.

“He's in his office,” the nurse said, looking through the glass door. “Don't knock. Just go in.”

When we got there, I pulled off the sheet, jumped up and went in through the door, closing it loudly behind me.

Bennington was startled. He looked up from a pile of papers on his desk. “How did you get in here?” he asked, more annoyed than angry.

I shrugged. “How is he?”

“The same,” Bennington said. “We're doing everything we can. You know that.”

“Did you talk to Jason Evans' parents?”

Bennington seemed surprised. He rubbed his hand along the desk. “Yeah, I just talked to them about half an hour ago.” I waited for him to say more, but he sat silently with his fingers locked together in front of him.

“Jason told me his blood is B negative.”

“He wasn't lying. It's a perfect match.”

“Is Jason alive?”

“The family has decided to discontinue the life support.”

I closed my eyes and thought about Jason.

Bennington knew what I wanted to ask next, and he knew it would be hard for me to ask. I didn't have to. “I'm not really supposed to be discussing this with you,” he said.

But I just stood there, staring at him. “Please,” I begged.

He let out a sigh. “They refused,” he said. “It's their right. They've suffered a big blow. That's hard enough and they can't face a decision like this
.
”

“But they can't do that!” I said. “If Jason is going to die and Kurt has a chance to live, then he deserves that chance.”

“That's not for us to decide.”

“Can I talk to them?”

He snapped immediately. “Absolutely not.” He turned cold and professional again. “You leave them alone.”

“Sure.” I was afraid he'd call somebody and have me thrown out. And I didn't want to be thrown out, not while there was still hope.

“We've got calls in to over thirty donor hospitals. Something will come up.”

“Right,” I said. I didn't believe a word of it. Finding a donor with B-negative blood was nearly impossible. Nothing had come up so far. The odds were stacked against it.

“We're doing all we can. You just have to trust us.”

“Sure,” I said again.

“Go home and get some rest. You can call me if you like and I'll have the nurses keep you posted on Kurt's condition. But you know Kurt's parents don't want you here. We've been through all that.”

Bennington picked up the phone. I knew he was calling for security to escort me out.

“I can find my own way,” I said.

I took the stairs down to the third floor. As I passed Kurt's room I looked in. Both of his parents were there. His mother was crying and his father was pacing back and forth. Kurt was unconscious. As I pushed up against the glass of the door to get a better look, I could see his skin was an awful yellowish, greenish color. I knew that was because his liver wasn't working. He was getting worse and time was running out.

I felt frozen, totally helpless. I didn't think I could move away from that spot. But someone was walking at a fast clip toward me. I didn't turn around to look. It was Martha again. She gave me a pat on the shoulder. “I know,” she said. “I know. Now let's move before those goons behind me start hassling you again.”

The “goons” weren't all that scary looking—just two white-coated attendants. But I moved anyway.

We walked toward the elevator and stepped inside. As the door closed Martha waved goodbye to the attendants who had followed us. As we began to go down, she punched the red stop button and we came to a halt between floors.

“What did Jason's parents say?”

“They said no. I have to talk to them,” I told her. “I have to convince them.” Even as I said it, I didn't know if I had the courage to face them. I was scared to death that I wouldn't say the right words, that I would screw it up somehow and it would be all over. “But I don't know if I can do it.”

Martha took my hand and squeezed. She looked me straight in the eye. She punched the second floor button and the elevator started moving

The doors parted. Martha held them open and pointed to the third door down the hall. “They're in there. Wait until there's no doctor or nurse around.”

There was nothing in the world that could have stopped me from trying.

My legs seemed to move on their own. I walked down the hall and knocked gently on the door frame. Then I went in.

Jason's head was almost completely bandaged. There were electronic machines beeping and ticking. Jason's parents appeared to be praying. They looked up when I entered.

I had met Jason's parents only twice before. They were wealthy like Kurt's folks and lived in a big house. They had lots of money, but you could tell by the way they dressed they were old-fashioned. They spoiled Jason by giving him anything he wanted, though. That's why he had the
motorcycle. They were probably blaming themselves for Jason's accident. I don't know if they had ever thought much about me, but they knew I was Kurt's friend. I knew that Kurt's parents had let on how unhappy they were that Kurt was hanging out with me.

“I'm here to talk about Kurt,” I said, looking straight at Jason, not them.

“How dare you!” Jason's father shouted at me.

I pretended I didn't hear. I looked at Jason's mother and spoke in a calm slow voice, hoping the words would do some sort of magic all on their own.

“Jason is probably going to die and it's not going to mean much,” I began. “A stupid accident.”

“You get out of here right this instant!” Jason's father shouted. I didn't listen.

“It's not fair,” I said, “that he has to die
.
I'll miss him very much, although it's nothing like what you will feel, I know.”

Jason's father started for the door. He was going to get someone to throw me out.
I almost panicked and started crying, but Jason's mother pulled him back. “Let's hear what she has to say,” she said in a voice full of sadness.

“Jason and Kurt were friends,” I said.

“They still
are
friends,” Jason's father insisted. “They were always very close. They grew up together.”

I could see then that he must not have known what Jason was like to his “friends.” And I could tell that he wasn't ready to admit that his son was dying.

“We know that Jason isn't going to make it,” Mrs. Evans said. Jason's father just shook his head. He looked angry—like he wanted to hit somebody. He scared me, but I wasn't ready to back off.

“And when he dies,” I told her, “he can save Kurt's life. If you give your permission for the transplant.”

“We already said no to the doctors. It's too much for us to think about. Too much to ask at a time like this!” Mr. Evans shouted. His hands were clenched into fists and he was right over top of me now. I was sure
he was ready to hit me, or hit something, because he was so frustrated and angry that he couldn't do anything for his son.

I held my ground. “It
is
too much to ask,” I told him. “And I'm not supposed to be here asking it. But I'm asking it anyway. Jason's death will be worth something because he'll save another life.”

He was shaking his head no. Mrs. Evans was sobbing, but I could see she was trying to get control of herself. I was shaking too. I was so scared. I almost wished Mr. Evans
would
hit me and get the anger out of him
.
Right then I knew I was losing it, and I wanted to feel the pain that Kurt and Jason must have felt.

“Get out!” he said.

“No,” I answered. “I'm sorry to do this, but I have to. I think I know how you feel. And maybe you've never thought about donating part of your son's body if he dies. But you have to think about it now. Jason was a tough guy and he didn't back down from much. I think he'd be mad at you if you let him back down from this.”

I was shocked that I had come out and said that. I was sure it was the wrong thing to say. But suddenly Jason's mother looked up at me. “You really did know Jason, didn't you?”

“Not all that well,” I admitted.

“He just pretended he was tough,” his mother said. “Underneath, he was just a little boy trying to act tough.”

“I think I knew that.”

“He wanted to be the best at everything he did,” his father said. “Jason pushed himself hard. He always wanted to be the best he could be, and I think he wanted others to follow his lead.”

I nodded in agreement.

He didn't seem so angry now. “I think Jason wanted to be some kind of hero.”

I swallowed hard and went for it. “I think he finally has his chance.”

The door opened and three doctors walked in. “It's time,” one of them said. “You can stay in the room if you like.” They had come to shut off the life-support system.

I turned to leave. It had all been in vain.

“Wait,” Mr. Evans said. I turned around, but he wasn't talking to me. “We want to see Dr. Bennington,” he said.

I didn't cry at Jason's funeral, though I was surrounded by all kinds of people in tears, including Leach and Dorfman.

My parents said they'd take time to come with me, but I convinced them it wasn't necessary. So I went by myself. Jason's mom spotted me after the service. She gripped hard onto my hand and wouldn't let go as all the other adults came by to say how sorry they were. I felt confused, but I stood there
until she was ready to let go. She never said one word to me.

Mr. Richards came up to me afterwards and said, “We'll give you a ride home.” His voice sounded soft and kind.

“Okay.”

In the car, they said they wanted me to visit Kurt. He was recovering, they said, but was acting quite strange. They told me I shouldn't be upset by anything he said.

“The poison is still in his system from when his liver wasn't working right. They say it'll take a while to straighten out.”

The next time I arrived at the hospital, nobody tried to keep me out. I walked with Kurt's parents through the front door and up to that familiar room.

Kurt was propped up in bed and, it was true, he didn't look good. His parents stayed outside and left the door closed.

“You all right?” I asked.

“Do I look all right?” he snapped.

“You look alive,” I said. “That's a start.” But he had already hurt my feelings.

“Are you angry at me?” I asked tentatively.

He clenched a fist. He was angry with someone. “No. I don't mean to be. I'm just having a hard time. I keep seeing images of Jason smashing up his bike. And I keep thinking about what a jerk the guy always was. And now part of him is in me and he … you two saved my life.” Kurt looked like he was about to scream. “And it's all just so confusing. I don't understand it. And I feel like hitting something.”

“I think it's part of the process. I don't know why. You'll feel better eventually.”

“Yeah, so they say.” Kurt tried to replace the anger with something else. He smiled, then looked worried. “What if I'm not the same anymore? Are you still gonna like me?”

“Don't be silly. Of course I'll
like
you.” Leave it to Kurt to use the word
like
at a time like this. It made me feel that he was more back to normal than he thought. “Besides, I don't care if you are different. I think we're all different now.”

“I wish things could go back to the way
they used to be. And I wish Jason was still alive.”