Subfrenzy (the Subfrenzied Series) (24 page)

I
hesitated before taking a seat on the single sofa chair. “I'm not interrupting anything, am I?”

“
Not at all. We're just hanging,” she replied.

“
Lane says you've recently found a Dominant, too?” Grant asked.

Surprise
was a shield that held the flash of pain I felt back. Pretending to move pillows out of my way helped hide my smile. I had seen Lane pinch his side.

“
Sorry, Clara,” she glared at him. “I only mentioned it once, but-”

“
Too?” I gently interrupted. “Yes, I have a Dominant. He's the one you saw me submitting to at
Rack's
. … You're Lane's submissive?” 

“
It's not definite yet,” she confirmed what I'd heard. “We've just been experimenting, with me as the Dominant.”

“
Thank you, Mistress,” Grant grinned at her.

“
Congrats, to both of you. That's really cool.”

They
looked good together. Lane seemed relaxed and confident as she usually did, but I could feel her subdued excitement, and the pleasure she felt in hearing her title.

“
You smoke in here?” The question filtered through my subconscious.

“
That cool, Clara?”

“
Huh? Yeah, sure. The ashtray's right there.”

“
No, uh, I mean
smoke
,” Grant said.

“
Smoke what?” I tried not to glare at him warily. 

“
Weed?”

“
Yes, sorry. I like being sure.”

“
You want-?” he offered me a pre-rolled joint.

“
Sure. Thanks.”

The
pot relaxed my mind, but didn't entirely take over. I watched Lane flip through channels, completely happy when she found a two-hour block of cartoon
X-men
episodes. When quiet settled, it was comfortable. Our dork talk made her laugh. That he was a huge fan helped us bond.

Jackie
caught my attention, coming into the living room with a rag bone. She looked at Lane, then at me, whining indecisively. Leaning my head back to break eye-contact made it easier for her to decide. Lane wrestled her for the bone, winning, and then... blinding pain made me gasp.

             
What had hit me?
A plastic hairbrush.
Her
hairbrush. All of the air rushed out of my lungs, but the blinding pain grew worse, continuing to throb deep inside my head.
I subdued the heady rush of aggression, ready to retaliate against whatever had caused me so much pain. When my vision cleared, I glanced up and saw Lane sitting forward, reaching out, yet not actually touching me. Her other hand was covering her mouth and her radiantly purple-blue eyes were wide with horror.

“
The dog's toy-! I was holding both of them, but-- I'm so sorry! Are you okay?”

“
Yeah,” I lied. “It doesn't hurt anymore.”

She
held a hand over her heart. “I'm so fucking sorry. It made such a loud noise... Do you want ice, I don't know, something-?”

“
Nope.” I hadn't heard the noise it made, distracted by overwhelming waves of pain. That explained why I had seen black and white bursts of light behind my eyes. I hid my hands from view, feeling that they were trembling. But self-control was mine again.

“
Can I-?”

“
Yes, of course,” I held back my sigh, moving one of my arms back for her.

She
jumped up and immediately wrapped me in a hug. I laughed through her first three apologies. “I'll be more careful, I swear. I'm so, so sorry-”

“
It's okay. I'm not mad at you. I was frozen because of the, uh, the surprise.”

“
I think you're bruising,” she pointed out timidly.

“
We have weird lighting.” I handed the hairbrush back to her. “New books are calling me. I'm going to go read for a while.”

“
We'll be here if you want to join us again later?”

“
Sure. Call me if you need something.”

Defenses crashed the moment my door closed. I went still, breathing out slowly as I could. That had really
hurt
!  The pain had already sank in. It would linger, throbbing randomly until it faded on its own. Rubbing my cheek would make it hurt more, not less. …
Fuck
!! The last swear echoed down to my pain-threshold, rage driving all the pain away.

The
ache for real pain bored a hole through the middle of my body, allowing darkness to spill outward and start consuming me. It gnashed and roared, leaving me feel more vulnerable than I wanted to accept. The more I wanted it, the more controlled I forced myself to be. Knowing I was capable of being affectionate and warm, trusting, vulnerable around someone, even, was worth whatever happened.
Time would tell whether or not I'd lost him. Until then, my punching bag and some good music would burn the edge away.

* * *

“
C
lara
?”
I
heard a tentative, quick succession of knocks on my door.

“
Yeah? What's up, Lane?”

“
I'm so sorry- I heard you downstairs yesterday, and before, when you got home from work.”

“
I'm
sorry. I didn't freak Grant out, did I?”

“
No, he didn't hear any of that. He's really impressed by your restraint, by the way. Do you have time to talk?”

“
What happened?”

“
I did something stupid,” she said, sitting down on my bed.

“
Oh?”

“
He asked if I could enjoy hurting him a little, physically, I heard myself say yes. I like him a lot and I'm willing to learn how, but...how do you start? What if I do it wrong?”

“
You feel pleasure when you think about inflicting pain for him?”

“
Yes, but we talked about that. I might feel bad, too. He says he'll be there if I feel bad, to make sure it doesn't stick.”

“
That's a really good answer.”

“
I know. He was so sincere! That's when I heard myself say,
'Sure, let's try it.'”

“
What kind of pain does he like?”

“
Being smacked in different areas. He got hard when I asked if he liked being hit with things, you know, not my hand.”

“
That means a lot. ...What other things?”

“
He likes belts, but nothing too hardcore. Nothing that would make him bleed.”

“
Belts can make you bleed,” I warned her. “If his skin gets red, really red, don't hit him in that area anymore. With anything, just to be safe.”

“
Okay. That's easy enough to remember.” She flushed and hugged the pillow on her lap. “I know this is a stupid question, but, um, how do you slap someone across the face?”

“
Avoid anywhere near his eyes, his temples, his nose, definitely. Aside from that, I wouldn't know.
”

“
Hm. I'll have to e-mail some people from
Rack's
about that.
I was reading your blog for information again. I couldn't help noticing you like belts for bondage
and
pain. I found sites online and I've been practicing on- Don't laugh at me, okay?”

“
Why would I do that?”

“
I've used pillows for target practice. I'm pretty good with aiming, but I don't know how much they hurt.”

“
If he likes that kind of pain, you should be fine. Unless you double it... Don't double the belt when you hit him unless he asks for it, okay? If he does ask, go light. Really light.”

“
That hurts a lot?”

I
smiled and felt everything go hazy for a few moments. “Yes, it really, really does.”

“
Can you tell me if I'm good enough to aim the belt at a person?”

“
Sure. Do you have the one you're going to use?”

“
Plain black leather,” Lane nodded. “It's not a fashion belt or anything.”

“
Good? Plain is good.”

“
This is a fashion belt.” She returned, putting a black braided belt on my bed, black tassels falling in a fringe over the actual belt. I made a mental note to buy one. It would hurt and leave marks on my wrists. The one she chose to use was an average brown belt, wide instead of skinny.

I
tried to focus on teaching, rather than how the belt sounded when it hit different parts of the pillow.
Thud, thwack
, the whipping,
hiss
sound of leather slicing through the air--

“
Pace them out. Smoother,” I moved her arm to show her. “If he doesn't have a high tolerance for pain, you'll exhaust him if you hit that fast, so soon.”

“
How's that?”

“
Much better. A lot better, actually.”

“
A pillow isn't a person,” she said. “What if I hit him too hard? Or what if I miss?”

“
If you hit him too hard, stop and rub the pain away. Don't panic if you miss. Try to stay in control. Don't pull the belt straight back.”

“
Yeah, I learned to stop doing that before. Sort-of.”

“
Try missing on purpose, that way you can learn to control your reaction. I won't let the end hit you.”

“
Would it be a
huge
, weird favor to ask. Uh, it'd probably be weird, huh?”

She
made it easy to guess. “Are you asking me to take pain from you?”

“
T
hat's not what I originally-” she stopped and looked toward my left temple. “I'm so, so sorry about yesterday.”

“
It's forgotten, Lane.”

“
Are you in the right mindset to let me?”

I smiled, not needing to answer. “You really
want to do this?”

“
Yes... but what if I hurt you?”

“
I'll curse a little bit. Aim for the middle of my back. If you miss and hit higher or lower, it shouldn't matter.”

What
was happening?
There wasn't enough time to think it over. I didn't want to spend any more time thinking. It was Lane. I couldn't think of anyone safer, other than-

“
You're absolutely sure this won't be weird for you?”

“
So long as it's my back. I'm not bending over anything for you...”

Her
laughter broke the looming tension. “What a friend.”

One
of my bedposts would work, but I wanted to be more stretched out, not hunched in against the post.
Not
the bed. My bureau, I decided. I'd be able to watch her in the mirror. I rolled my t-shirt up, hooking it around my neck so it would help protect my face. Energy didn't become awkward. I fell into instructor-mode, focusing intensely on her and the pain that was about to come.

“
Make sure he's relaxed before you start. If he's tense, warm him up, er, however you do.” I braced on the top, my arms spread wide so my back would be a larger target.

“
Do you need that?”

I
met her gaze in the mirror and smiled. “What do you have in mind, darlin'?”

“
I didn't mean-” She laughed and rolled her eyes at me. “I meant I'd touch your back or something. I don't know if you're relaxed or not.”

“
That's easy to teach. This is me tense.” I stood straighter with my shoulders firm, my back stiff.

“
Okay.”

“
This is me relaxed.” Remembering what it felt like to wait for hard pain, I let my body react for me. My shoulders loosened and I breathed out slowly. Tension in my back was still there, but the muscles were relaxed instead of taut. I let my head hang lower, mostly to protect my face from the belt. “Do you see the difference?”

“
I do, actually. Your voice went softer, too.”

“
Er, start whenever you want?” My mind stayed alert, though my body was ready for pain.

“
Now's good?”

“
Unless you've changed your mind.”

The
first slapped under my left shoulder. Her second and third a few inches down. I didn't feel them at all, I sighed inside, because I couldn't drop my focus on how she swung the belt.