Stuck in the Middle (29 page)

Allie rubbed at her tearstained cheeks. “We do.”

Unable to speak, Joan nodded. She allowed Ken to guide her through the double doors and down a long hallway, past several empty hospital beds with curtain partitions. Two were closed, presumably with people inside. Ken led them to the last bed and pulled back the curtain. Inside, Mom sat in a hard plastic chair beside the bed. She rose when she caught sight of them, and Allie rushed into her open arms. Joan stood, frozen, staring at the bed.

Gram looked small and vulnerable lying there. An IV needle was inserted in the back of her hand, attaching her by way of a clear tube to a plastic bagful of liquid. The bag hung from a pole fixed to the head of the bed. Her blue eyes seemed abnormally big, her face pale. She was strapped to a yellow plastic stretcher that lay on the hospital bed, her right leg immobilized. She still wore her own clothes, though the way her long-sleeved blouse had twisted around her waist looked uncomfortable. Why didn’t someone straighten it? When Gram’s eyes closed against a sudden pain, Joan realized they probably didn’t want to move her any more than they had to.

She shook off her shock and stepped to the opposite side of the bed from Mom’s chair. A faint smile lifted the corners of Gram’s lips as she raised her hand for Joan to take.

“Are you okay?” Joan kept her voice at a whisper. Whispers hid emotion, helped her maintain control.

“I’m fine.” Her voice shook with something . . . fatigue? Pain? “But you know what? They say they’re going to have to cut my slacks off. These are my favorite slacks. I’ve had them for more than twenty years.”

Allie stepped up to the opposite side of the bed, teasing laughter in her puffy eyes. “Then it’s high time you got some new ones.”

“You’re both here.” Gram’s head turned as she smiled at Allie. She sounded woozy. They had probably given her something for pain. “Is Tori coming too?”

“She’ll be here as soon as she can.” Allie smoothed the hair from Gram’s forehead. “She has to drive from Lexington, you know.”

Gram sighed. “The whole family here, and I don’t have a thing to serve you.”

Even Joan joined in the laughter. How like Gram.

A man in scrubs wheeled a big machine into view. A flash of surprise crossed his face when he caught sight of all the people stuffed inside the curtained area.

Ken stepped up to the bed. “They’re here to do the Xrays. I’m afraid you’ll have to wait outside.”

Joan squeezed Gram’s hand and laid it gently down on the sheet. “We’ll be right outside if you need us.”

When they moved away from the bed, the man wheeled the machine in and closed the curtain behind him. Allie and Eric headed toward the waiting room, but Mom hesitated.

Ken touched her on the arm. “You can stay. She might feel more comfortable with you there.”

Before she could disappear through the curtain, Joan stepped in front of Mom. She looked up into her face, her jaw quivering. “This is all my fault.” Her voice cracked with a sob. “I should have stopped her.”

Mom’s arms went around Joan. The gesture seemed to break down a barrier, and Joan felt tears gush into her eyes. She returned the hug, wetting Mom’s shirt, aware that Ken stepped discreetly away.

“That’s silly, honey,” Mom whispered. “You weren’t even there. She fell, that’s all. There was nothing you could do to prevent it.”

Joan shook her head. “You don’t understand. I caught her on a chair the other day. I told her not to do it again, but I didn’t make her promise.” She buried her face in Mom’s shoulder. “I should have told you. I was being selfish, afraid you’d send her away if you knew she was doing something dangerous. And now look what’s happened. I’m so sorry, Mom.”

Her breath came in shuddering heaves while Mom patted her back. After a few moments, Mom took her shoulders and pushed her gently to arm’s length. “Listen to me, Joan. Mother is not your responsibility. This is not your fault. It’s no one’s fault. It was an accident, that’s all.” She ducked her head, forcing Joan to look her in the eye. “Do you understand?”

Still miserable, Joan nodded.

Mom pulled her close for another hug. “She’s going to be fine. Don’t worry about her.” She chuckled. “And I can pretty much guarantee she won’t be climbing on any more chairs.”

Joan couldn’t help laughing. She backed up to give Mom a trembling smile. “You’d better get in there before that man tries to cut her clothes off. He might need someone to defend him.”

Mom’s gaze softened. “I love you, honey.”

New tears sprang to Joan’s eyes. How many times had Mom said those words? At least a million. But never before had they fallen like absolution on Joan’s aching heart.

“I love you too, Mom.”

~ 20 ~

The pounding of Eric’s hammer rang through the house. Joan watched as he placed another board across the broken door and nailed it into place. Outside the window, deep darkness covered the backyard.

“There.” He stepped back to eye his work. “Nobody’s coming through that. You’ll be safe and secure until the new door is installed next week.”

“Thank you, Eric.” Mom stood behind him, a mug of tea in her hand. “I’m so glad we have you to help us with things like this.”

“Me too.” Tori, curled up on the love seat, called from the other room. Exhaustion made her voice faint.

She arrived at the hospital in time to hear the news from the orthopedic surgeon. Gram had fractured her right femur just below the hip joint. It was a bad break, not easy to repair. She was scheduled for surgery at 6:00 in the morning to have a rod and pins inserted to secure the bone while it healed. Given Gram’s age, the surgeon said the hardware would probably never be removed. A hip replacement would have been far easier to recover from. At this point he wasn’t sure Gram would ever walk without a walker.

Even while she recognized the serious nature of Gram’s injury, Joan felt nothing but relief. She was alive. She would recover. That’s all that mattered.

Allie heaved herself out of the recliner. “Can we go home now? I’m so tired I can hardly move.”

She looked it. Her eyelids, no longer puffy from crying, now drooped as she gave an open-mouthed yawn. Her feet had swollen from hours pacing the hard hospital floors, and she’d slipped her shoes off. Joan decided they looked slightly less bloated after elevating them in the recliner the past hour, but not enough to get her shoes back on.

“Come on, girls.” Eric threw an arm around the small of her back for support as he helped her toward the door. He placed a hand over her belly like he was palming a basketball. “Daddy will take you home and put you to bed.”

Mom set down her mug and followed them to the door. “You don’t need to come to the hospital in the morning. I’ll call you when she comes out of surgery.”

Allie raised her chin. “Just try and keep me away.”

Eric gave her a stern look. “If you can’t get your shoes on, you’re staying home.” He forestalled her argument with a kiss on her bangs. “I watch out for my girls even when they’re too stubborn for their own good.”

Allie must have been tired. She didn’t even argue as he guided her out of the house.

Mom shut and locked the door behind them, and then returned to the living room. She picked up her tea and sat beside Joan on the sofa, heaving a sigh. “What a day.”

“I’ll say.” Tori’s eyes didn’t open. “And tomorrow’s going to be another long one.”

“Why don’t you go to bed, honey? I’ll wake you in the morning.”

“Good idea.” She sat up, swung her feet to the floor, and stood, wobbling slightly. “G’night, Mom. G’night, Joan.” She stumbled down the hallway toward the spare bedroom.

Mom watched her go, then turned to look at Joan. “You’re quiet tonight.”

Joan mustered the energy to smile. “I’m always quiet.” “True, but you’re extra quiet tonight. Are you alright?” Joan stared at her feet, which were propped up on the coffee table. Gram would have a fit if she were here. “Yeah, I think so. I was really scared, though.”

“You know what?” Mom held the mug with both hands and stared down into it. “I was too. For a few minutes, before I knew what was wrong, I thought,
I can’t handle
this. I’ve lost too many already
.”

Joan felt her eyes going wide. “I felt the same way.”

Mom placed a hand over hers. “She’s eighty-three. I know it’s going to happen some day. But I’m sure glad it wasn’t today.”

Joan closed her eyes, enjoying the comfort of her mother’s touch. For the first time, talking to Mom felt easy. She wasn’t struggling to come up with words that wouldn’t give away what she really felt. Maybe because, for the first time, Joan felt no hint of the hidden resentment she’d held for so many years.

“Mom, can I tell you something?”

“Of course.”

Joan looked down at the warm hand on top of hers. “I blamed you for Daddy. All these years, I blamed you for making him leave. I think that’s why I’ve been so angry over Gram. I felt like you were trying to take somebody else away from me.”

Mom’s hand curled around hers. Joan looked up to see her sad smile. “I know, honey. It’s okay.”

“No, it isn’t. I never realized what you went through. I want you to know I think . . .” She swallowed and turned her hand over to squeeze Mom’s. “I think you were right. To send him away, I mean. I just don’t understand why you didn’t tell us, make sure we knew your reasons.”

“You and Allie have been talking?”

Joan nodded.

Mom released Joan’s hand and blew out a deep breath. “I know how important it is for a girl to have the love of her father. A lot of her developing self-esteem is based on that relationship. I figured if you blamed me, you wouldn’t feel like he deserted you.”

Tenderness for this woman, who had given so much for her, welled up and threatened to clog Joan’s throat. She scooted across the cushion that separated them to lean her head on her mother’s shoulder. “Moms are important too.”

Mom’s hand came up to caress her cheek. “You’ve always had the love of your mother.”

Joan closed her eyes. “I know.”

At 9:30 Joan took her cell phone to a quiet corner of the hallway outside Gram’s hospital room and dialed Brittany’s phone number.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Joan.”

“Hey! I’m just getting ready to leave for church.”

“I hoped I’d catch you.” Joan shoved the slip of paper with the phone number on it into her jeans pocket. “I wanted to let you know I won’t be there this morning.”

She brought Brittany up-to-date on Gram’s accident.

“Oh, the poor thing! Is she going to be okay? Do y’all need anything?”

“She’ll be fine.” A real smile lightened Joan’s tone. “She’s still in recovery, but the doctor said her surgery went better than he could have hoped. She should be back to her room any minute.”

“You know what I’m going to do?” Brittany giggled. “I’m going to make brownies for when she comes home.”

Joan laughed. “She’ll love that. Listen, at Sunday school could you ask if we can meet at someone else’s house this Thursday? I don’t know if she’ll be released by then, but if she is, she’ll need to stay quiet. And I know Gram. She won’t be able to do that if there are people in her house.”

“Do you want to postpone the playground project? You’re going to have so much on your mind this week.”

“No way.” Joan leaned against a window, watching a man in a hospital gown shuffle down the hallway, pulling his IV pole beside him. “If we wait too much longer, the weather will turn cold and the kids won’t have enough time to enjoy their new playground. No, this Saturday is the perfect day.”

“Okay, if you’re sure.”

The elevator door at the other end of the hallway opened, and an orderly wheeled a hospital bed out.

“I’m sure. You guys just pick another place to meet this week.”

“What about Cracker Barrel? We could have dinner together while we work out all the plans.”

Joan grinned. This singles class was fast becoming a real social group. Maybe she wasn’t the only one who needed something to get involved in. “Sounds great.”

The hospital bed rolled slowly down the hallway, stopping in front of Gram’s room. That was no orderly. Joan pushed off the wall to stand up straight. “Ken just brought Gram back from recovery, Brittany. I need to go.”

“Okay. We’re going to pray for your granny this morning. And you call me if there’s anything we can do, you hear?”

Touched, Joan smiled. “Thank you. Tell everyone I’ll see them Thursday.”

She pressed the End button and joined her family in the hallway as they filed out of the small private room to make way for Ken to roll the bed in. Gram’s eyes were closed. A surgical cap still covered her head, and a white blanket had been tucked up around her neck. Only her left hand, the one with the IV tube, lay outside the cover.

A nurse came out from behind the nurses’ station and followed them into the room. Ken handed her a chart and then leaned over the bed. “Grace, you’re back in your room. And you have some visitors.”

Her eyelids fluttered open. Joan joined Allie, Tori, and Mom in rushing forward to her side as the nurse transferred the IV bag to a machine with a digital display. Ken stepped back to stand beside Eric in the doorway.