Stubborn Heart (6 page)

T
REVOR
watched as Mark walked into the conference room. He looked at the two resident physicians who had been talking about the patients on their team, and then he glanced back at the conference room door.

“I want to take out Mr. Robertson’s left chest tube today,” he said as both residents listened and made notes. “Go and get the supplies and meet me back here in five.”

He watched as the two scurried off to gather the necessary supplies, then he quickly made his way over to the conference room. He glanced in and saw Mark sitting, reading a magazine and drinking coffee.

“I need to speak with a nurse,” Trevor said as he leaned against the doorframe of the conference room. It had been four days since they had gone out for dinner, and he was hoping to spend more time with Mark. They saw each other throughout the day at work, but it was very hard to catch Mark alone. There never seemed to be an opportunity for private interaction.

Mark looked up at him and grinned. “I’ll see if I can find one for you.”

Trevor scowled. “I thought you were supposed to be a nurse.”

“Not me.” Mark closed his eyes and shook his head. “I’m just a poor soul who wants to prop his feet up for five minutes before he has to go stand on them for the next eight hours.”

“I could rub them for you,” Trevor said softly.

“As amazing as that sounds, I must decline. If you rub my feet, all the other nurses will expect you to rub theirs as well. You’d never get anything else done today.”

“I can close the door,” Trevor offered.

“Now you’re trying to ruin my reputation.” Mark huffed in mock disgust.

“Or maybe make them all jealous.” Trevor wriggled his eyebrows. “Sexy nurse chasing after a hot young doctor. You’d be the talk of the whole floor.”

Mark’s eyes widened and he sat up in the chair. “If your head gets any bigger, you’re going to fall over,” he said, laughing. “What did you want anyway?”

“I want to take you out to dinner,” Trevor said, his expression becoming serious as he looked into Mark’s eyes.

“After that remark?” Mark guffawed.

“Fine,” Trevor conceded. He slumped his shoulders in defeat. “I’ll close the door and you can tell everyone that I’m chasing after you.”

“There will be no closing the door,” Mark protested as he started to stand.

“Then will you go out with me?”

“No.” Mark shook his head.

“I’m closing the door.” Trevor reached for the handle.

“Stop!” Mark commanded. “This is coercion.” His blue eyes sparkled in spite of his protestations.

Trevor shrugged. “I’m a desperate man.”

Mark laughed, unable to continue. “Yes, I’ll go out with you. When?”

“As soon as possible. When are you free?”

“I have Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off this weekend. I have some errands to run on Friday, but no other plans. Which day works best for you?”

“Friday would be great. I’ll be done at the hospital by five, so I can pick you up at seven o’clock.”

“That sounds great,” Mark replied. He smiled as he saw the way Trevor’s eyes lit up at the acceptance of his offer.

“Well, back to work for me.” Trevor looked over his shoulder. “My residents may have fired me by now. I wasn’t supposed to be gone this long.”

“It would serve you right.” Mark gave a little wave and leaned back in his chair as Trevor beat a hasty retreat.

Mark smiled again, thinking that would be a nice start to his long weekend. It would be good to spend more time with Trevor. He had enjoyed dinner last week. It was so easy to feel comfortable around Trevor. He seemed to be a good sport about Mark’s jokes, and he gave back as good as he took it. And no doubt about it, the man was good-looking. Mark smiled and let his thoughts wander, imagining what it would be like to run his hands over Trevor’s naked chest.
I wonder if the hair is as soft as it looks?
he thought as he imagined raking his fingers through the blanket of hair and over mounds of hard muscle. He felt his body begin to respond. “Silly queen,” he chastised himself out loud. “Get up and go do what they are paying you to do.”

The rest of the day went by in a hurry. Work was busy, which was just the way Mark liked it. At home, he changed into lounging clothes and settled down for a quiet evening. He opened the refrigerator door and peered in, hoping for inspiration on what to make for dinner. The first thing he spotted was the bottle of wine Trevor had brought him the other night. He contemplated having a glass, but decided to save it for a time when he and Trevor could share it. He smiled at the thought of relaxing with Trevor, sipping wine, and enjoying each other’s company. Perhaps Friday night would be just the beginning of something special. Obviously Trevor liked him. This might be the first of many dates. Maybe this time would be different.

Then his stomach seized as if it had been grabbed by claws. Mark suddenly felt flushed and anxious. What if this turned out to be a bad idea? Should he really be going out with someone from work? What if it didn’t work out? What if they slept together? What if this wasn’t any different from the other times? What if it did work out? It would probably be too weird dating someone he worked with so closely. Should he cancel his plans with Trevor? Should he go anyway, but explain that he was not at a place in his life where he could get involved? The more Mark thought about it, the more anxious he became. He paced around the living room, running through various scenarios. Each one ended badly.

Mark continued to debate over what to do. He knew he wasn’t making any sense, but he couldn’t seem to stop his mind from spinning. Every time he thought he had made a decision, he second-guessed himself. His brain was running in circles. Finally, he decided he needed advice. He picked up the telephone and dialed Carla’s number, hoping he didn’t wake her children.

“What is it?” Carla asked after picking up the phone on the second ring.

“Well, hello to you too!” Mark quipped. “Do you always answer your phone like that?”

“Only when I know it’s you,” Carla said. “So, what’s wrong?”

“How do you know something is wrong?”

“Because you called me at home,” Carla explained. “You don’t call me at home unless something is wrong.”

“Am I that predictable?” Mark asked, sounding defeated.

“Yep, so spill.”

Mark told Carla about the plans for Friday night, and his misgivings regarding starting out on the path to who knew what with Trevor. He brought up potential issues and complications. He described scenarios for bad outcomes, each one worse than the one before.

Finally, Carla had heard enough. “Can you just listen to yourself?” She interrupted him in midsentence. “All you can talk about is what will happen when it doesn’t work out. Well, what if it did work out? Did you ever consider that possibility?”

“No, I didn’t. Well, yes, a little,” Mark admitted. “It just seems like a bad idea. I’ve never gone out with someone I worked with. What if it feels weird?”

“Weirder than you are acting now?” Carla’s voice dripped with sarcasm.

“See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. This is too complicated. We aren’t even dating and it’s already making me crazy. I mean, he’s a doctor and I’m a nurse. We have to work together.”

“Stop making excuses.” Carla stifled his complaining. “The reason you are having these doubts is that you’re afraid you’ll get hurt again.”

“That’s not true,” Mark objected feebly. He felt deflated. It was as if Carla had pulled the rug out from beneath him, leaving him flailing on the floor in the middle of all his arguments.

“Yes, it is, and you know it.” Carla refused to back down. “Mark, he’s not David. Give the man a chance. Hell, it may not even go anywhere at all. But you won’t know if you don’t try.”

Mark let out a deep breath. “I am afraid. Is it really so wrong to want to protect myself?”

“No, but hiding in a shell to protect yourself isn’t living either.”

“You’re not helping me,” Mark protested. He even sounded whiny to himself.

“Yes. I am. You need to hear the truth. You don’t need me holding your hand while you carry on.” Carla spoke as if talking to one of her children.

Mark tried to break in. “But—”

“The only one making your drama is you.” Carla ignored him. “The choice is yours. Stay in your shell, or get out and live.”

Mark ended the call. He grabbed a light blanket and walked out onto his balcony. Curling up in a chair, Mark stared out at the lights of the city. He knew Carla was right. It was time to move on. It had been almost eight months since he had ended his relationship with David. But then again, David had been nothing more than a repeat of the one before him.

Mark thought back over the men he had dated. It seemed as though he made the same mistakes time after time. Things always started out good, but the good times never lasted for long. The men he had dated had either wanted to change him, or they cheated on him. Sometimes they did both. What if Trevor turned out to be no different than all the others?

What if Trevor was different? Would it really make a difference? In a few months, his fellowship would be up and Trevor would move on to something else. Trevor had explained how few opportunities there were for people with his particular specialty. He would have to move somewhere else. Mark was at a point in his life where he was settled. He had a career. He had a home. Trevor was just getting started. Could he really invest himself, his feelings, in a relationship that would only be temporary?

That could be the solution
, Mark thought as he pulled the blanket tighter around himself.
Maybe as long as I understand that this is temporary, I won’t get hurt.

Chapter 7

M
ARK
was excited about seeing Trevor again, in spite of his resolve to keep his expectations low and his feelings in check. After several changes of clothes, he’d finally decided on a blue and white pinstripe shirt, jeans, and brown deck shoes. The phone rang as he was returning the last of his wardrobe rejects to the closet. He confirmed with the desk attendant that he was expecting Trevor and waited for him to arrive.

A few moments later, he heard a soft knock at the door. Mark opened the door and was immediately engulfed in a bear hug. Trevor wrapped one hand around Mark’s shoulders and put the other on his lower back. He almost lifted Mark off his feet as he pulled him into the embrace.

“Wow!” Mark exclaimed, laughing as he was released. “That was some greeting.”

“I know,” Trevor said, laughing as well. “I have been looking forward to seeing you all day. I maybe got a little carried away.”

“I don’t think so. That felt really good,” Mark replied, stepping to one side as he waved his hand for Trevor to come inside. Mark gave him the once-over, now that he could actually see Trevor.

Trevor looked incredible. He wore an emerald-green silk shirt with black jeans and boots. He followed Mark into the living room area and then took a seat on the sofa. Mark picked up a bottle of white wine and two glasses and joined him. Mark filled both glasses with wine and handed one to Trevor. He lifted his glass in toast. Trevor raised his glass as well, and they clinked them together briefly.

“Here’s to Friday, the end of the workweek,” Mark said as he took a sip of his wine. “I hope work wasn’t too rough today.”

“Not a bad day at all. No new surgeries, just the post-op patients,” Trevor explained. “I probably could have finished up before I did. By the way, you look really nice today.”

“Nice?” Mark sighed in feigned disappointment. “I was going for ‘hot and sexy’.”

“Now who’s digging for compliments?” Trevor asked with a chuckle. He turned and rested his arm on the back of the sofa so he faced Mark.

“Sometimes a fella just wants to be noticed,” Mark answered matter-of-factly.

“Oh, I noticed. You look amazing. Make that
hot
and amazing.” Trevor smiled as he gazed into Mark’s eyes. Then Trevor became quiet. His face changed and he looked serious. He reached over and took Mark’s glass from his hand, and without breaking eye contact, Trevor placed both glasses on the table. He grasped Mark’s hands, gently lifting them to his lips. Then he kissed the top of each finger.

Mark felt his breath hitch as Trevor kissed the first knuckle. Slowly he moved his lips to the next one, all the while staring into his eyes. Mark sighed as Trevor kissed the last one, and he realized he had forgotten to breathe.

Trevor lowered Mark’s hands and pulled lightly. Mark shifted until he was closer. Trevor released Mark’s hands, reached up, and rested his hands on either side of Mark’s face.

“I want to kiss you,” Trevor said in a low, husky voice.

Mark wasn’t certain if he answered aloud or not. He leaned in to close the distance between them. Trevor’s hands felt like fire against his cheeks, and he felt himself flush from the contact. Mark placed his hands on Trevor’s shoulders for balance as he steadied himself. Trevor moved his hands to the base of Mark’s neck, caressing and pulling him gently toward him. He leaned in and tentatively touched his lips to Mark’s.

Trevor heard Mark’s soft moan of pleasure as he pulled him closer to deepen the kiss. Trevor tilted his head and pressed his lips fully onto Mark’s, feeling electricity as they fully connected. Trevor continued kissing Mark, trying to taste all of him. He nipped and sucked at Mark’s lower lip, tasting, consuming those beautiful lips. Finally he could take no more. He pushed his tongue against Mark’s lips, trying to force his way inside. Mark parted his lips and met Trevor’s tongue with his own. Lips locked, and their tongues dueled and explored each other’s mouths. Mark reached up to place his hands around the back of Trevor’s neck and pulled until their torsos met.