Strum Your Heart Out (21 page)

"I can remind you of my bad traits."

"What bad traits?"

"I let my best friend drive me crazy instead of demanding he put up or shut up."

"That so?"

"Oh, it's so." I slide my fingertips over his forearms. "I have a weakness for guitarists with tattoos."

"And great bodies?"

"Well, obviously." I take a deep breath. "I hide my feelings from everyone and I never let anyone help me."

"I noticed." His voice is soft, giving. "I didn't get back in touch with you so I could fuck you."

"I hope not. You'd have some really terrible game to take this long."

He laughs. "I was desperate to talk to someone who would treat me like a person."

"As opposed to?"

"Some kind of rock idol." He leans closer. "Vivian and I broke up and then I went through some bad shit. When I bounced back, I tried hard to remember the last time I really cared about someone. And that was you."

"So I'm your rebound best friend?"

"Yeah. But you're more than that." He kisses my ear. "You're everything."

He makes this so fucking difficult.

I take a deep breath. "Why don't you tell me about that?"

He moves closer. " It doesn't paint me in a good light."

"I want to know the ugly parts of you too."

Drew's voice gets heavy. "My relationship with Vivian was a train wreck. It was the first time I had a girlfriend beyond that high school ‘date for a month, make out at lunch because you have nothing in common but popularity’ shit."

I cringe, trying not to remember seeing Drew with other girls in high school.

"It was casual until the first Sinful tour. She made this big deal about keeping in touch. It was nice, at first, having someone back home to talk to. Went bad so fast. She manipulated me to get my attention. I was an asshole. When we broke up, I swore I'd never be that jealous again."

I scoff. "This is you trying not to be jealous?"

"I'm trying to give you a meaningful speech here. Don't sass me."

"Then don't say stupid things."

He bites my neck. "You keep using that mouth and I'm going to get distracted."

Sharp inhale. Slow exhale. Not getting distracted. Not at all. "What was so train wreck about it?"

"We'd fight one day. She'd say whatever she could to hurt me as much as she could. Then, the next day we'd make up and she'd cry and say whatever she could to win me over. I don't blame her. I was just as awful. I told her I loved her, but I didn't feel it. I thought it would be better telling her what she wanted to hear, but deep down, she saw through it. It made everything worse."

"You knew you didn’t love her?"

He nods. “Deep down, I knew that love felt different. Stronger. But I wanted to make her happier.” His voice softens. “The words felt like a lie. They were hollow. Something to recite at the end of a phone call. Ruined any chance we had. I couldn’t take it back. I couldn’t look at her the same way. She became the girl I was supposed to love but didn’t.”

“You never fell in love with her?”

"Never. By that point, I didn’t even like her. Ask me now, and I can't tell you a single thing I ever liked about her. But I had to win. I had to prove I was right, that I wouldn't be the one to give up on our relationship."

That certainly sounds like Drew.

"I didn't want to see her after the tour. We'd sit there, watching a movie, not talking, not fucking because we didn't care about each other enough to bother. Certainly didn't trust each other enough to go bareback."

"You are aware of condoms."

"Yes, Kendrick, I am aware of condoms. But asking your girl if you should wear one out of nowhere is accusing her of cheating."

"Was she cheating?"

"Hardly matters at this point. I wasn't invested anymore. Our second tour, shit got really bad. We’d fight, ignore each other, make apologies we didn’t mean. One night, I was too fucking tired to do it anymore. She was crying and threatening to end things if I didn't skip the show to talk to her. Aidan was screaming at me to get on stage. So I dared her to end things and that was it."

"You must have learned something."

"Yeah," he says. "I learned I drive girls crazy. I swore off relationships. But touring is hard. You're away from home, you're stuck with loud, opinionated guys for sixteen hours straight. By the end of the night, I needed something that would make me feel alive. Something besides my guitar. I thought it would be okay if I was clear it was just sex, but it never worked out that way."

My head flashes with images of Drew fucking away his pain.

"I don't want that to happen to you," he says. "You mean more to me than anyone ever has."

"Even your ex?"

"That was an immature infatuation."

My heart thuds against my chest. "So what is this?"

"More than that." He takes my hand. "I'm not gonna say it, Kara—not until I'm sure—but my feelings for you are a whole lot more than like."

So I'm mad for a guy who can't say the word love. There are worse things in life.

In theory.

I take a deep breath. "What does that mean?"

"I need you to help me figure out this relationship thing. Tell me what you need and I'll tell you what I need."

"I like that idea."

"Good." He runs his fingers through my hair. "So tell me why you were upset this afternoon."

"What if I don't want to talk about it?"

He rubs his cheek against mine. "I want to hear about it."

I lean in to his touch.

"I need to hear about it." He lowers his voice. "I need to know every thought inside your brain."

"Those don't sound like very healthy boundaries."

"How about we compromise at ninety-nine percent of your thoughts?"

"Your definition of the word compromise is different than mine."

"Yeah, I figured," he says. "So, a flat ninety percent sounds good?"

"Drew."

He runs his fingertips over my outer ear. "I want to help you with this."

The stars are bright and brilliant. It's quiet. Calm. Like there's nothing in the world except for me and Drew.

He plays with my hair. "You don't have to do this alone, you know. Whenever you need me, I'm there."

"It was my mom. Arranging spring break. She's so excited for me to shadow her, and I have to tell her that I'm not coming home. That she's going to be all alone again."

"I'll come with you. We can drive up together. Explore the city while your mom's at work."

"I don't know if that's a good idea."

"Give me one reason why it's not."

Besides my inability to think anything but
need Drew now
when I'm around him? I turn around so we're eye to eye. Drew's hands go to my hips. In one smooth motion, he lies back on the grass and pulls me onto his lap.

I plant my hands on his chest. "You're distracting."

His hands slide up my sides, all the way to my shoulders. He pulls my body into his, so we're only six inches apart. "I'll keep you focused."

"I would be more inclined to believe you if we weren't in the perfect position to fuck."

Drew shakes his head with mock outrage. "Your mind is always in the gutter."

He pulls me into a slow, sweet kiss. There's so much affection in it. Just like in the alley, everything inside him is pouring into me. I can feel him in my bones. I can feel how much he cares about me. Even if it's only care.

The kiss breaks. I stare into his eyes. Those brown eyes are deep and they're filled with tenderness.

The words form in my throat, but I swallow to push them back down. I'm not ready to say it either.

He brushes a stray hair behind my ear. "Hey."

I shift closer. "Hey."

"I want to be there to hold your hand."

A warmth spreads through my belly. It's not lust. Same ballpark, just as demanding, but softer and sweeter.

"Okay," I say. "But just to hold my hand. I'm the one in charge."

His lips spread into a smile. His hands go to my back. He shifts, wrestling me to the ground so he's the one of top of me, straddling me.

The weight of his body sinks into mine. I'm overwhelmed with the feeling of safety. It's like nothing in the world can hurt me.

My body is betraying me again. There's never been anything more dangerous than falling in love with Drew.

My head has no say here. It's been beaten and brutalized by my body and my heart. No sense in resisting how much I want to feel that affection again.

I close my eyes and press my lips into his. He tastes so good. My tongue slides into his mouth, exploring it like this is the first time I've ever kissed him properly.

It's like he can read my mind. His hand rakes over my legs, settling on my inner thighs. He traces the outline of my scars like they're fascinating.

He kisses his way to my ear. "You want to do this here or in the car?"

It is freezing out here, even with all the warmth of his body. "The car."

In one smooth motion, Drew rises to his feet. He takes my hand and pulls me up. His fingers intertwine with mine.

The car is just down the street. Drew unlocks it, slides into the passenger seat, and pats his lap as if to say
come here
.

That looks difficult. I slide into the seat next to him, pressing him against the center console. He laughs, grabs my hips, and pulls me into his lap.

Drew reaches over and pulls the door shut.

The rest of the world fades away. It's just the two of us in this little car, in this tiny seat.

I shift so I'm straddling him. He looks up at me, all that affection in his eyes, and brushes my hair behind my shoulders. Something passes between us. Neither one of us is ready to say those words, but, right now, I can feel them.

His eyes close. He plants a soft kiss on my shoulder. My neck. My cheek. My mouth. He sucks on my lower lip. It sends a pang straight to my core.

My hands go to his shoulders. I slide them around his neck, pulling him closer, bringing the kiss deeper.

His touch is tender. He runs his hands down my back and up again.

And again.

And again.

Every brush of his hands is magic. I kiss him harder. I shift my hips, so our crotches are aligned. All that fabric is in the way again, but I can still feel his erection through his jeans.

I break the kiss to pull my top over my head. Drew's eyes go wide.

He pulls his shirt over his head. My breath picks up. My heart races a little faster. He's so damn beautiful. I trace the lines of his body from his shoulders to his belly button. Then below his belly button.

I undo his jeans. He lifts his ass to help me get them down his hips. Then the boxers. Then it's just Drew on that seat.

He drags his fingertips up my thigh. It's slow enough to make me dizzy. My body is so desperate to be pressed against his. I press my eyes closed to contain the sensation. There's this ache between my legs and there's only one way to satisfy it.

He's the only thing that satisfies me.

It occurs to me that I have a problem. That I really am addicted to him. But the second our eyes meet I don't care. It's like I can see all the way to his soul. It's like I can see all the things he can't manage to say.

His palm presses against my panties. He tugs them to my knees. I shift so he can get them off my feet.

Drew grabs my hips and brings my body onto his. No teasing. He enters me. His grip around me tightens. He pulls me closer.

I hold onto his shoulders and use them for leverage.

I shift up and down, driving him as deep as he'll go. He holds my gaze, watching me with fascination. Then he pulls me into a deep kiss.

We stay like that, lips locked, him shifting deeper and deeper inside me. My body is pressed against his—my chest, my stomach, my hands, my thighs—and the skin-to-skin contact is enough to make me sizzle. It's all so sweet, so agonizingly slow.

I keep my eyes closed and my lips pressed against his. The pleasure in my core builds with every thrust. That's agonizingly slow too.

Just when I'm sure I can't take it anymore, Drew moves faster. He plants kisses down my neck and chest, stopping to suck on my nipples, then kissing his way back to my mouth.

I slide my hands around his neck. An orgasm rises up inside me. I do everything to keep my lips on his. I dig my nails into his back. I squeeze my thighs against his.

I'm so close to the edge. One more thrust and I'm straight into free fall. Pleasure radiates to every single finger and toe. I moan into Drew's mouth as I come. I squeeze him as hard as I can.

He feels so fucking good.

Drew breaks our kiss to press his lips against my neck. His movements get faster, harder, more desperate. He digs his hands into my ass, pulling me closer.

He's almost there and it's a beautiful thing to watch. His eyelids press together. His lips part. There's so much pleasure on his face, like he's here and somewhere else all at once.

I'm greedy. I want him here.

"Open your eyes," I say. "I want to watch."

He does. He holds my gaze as he thrusts into me. His digs his fingers into my hips like it's the only way he can contain himself.

I can see the orgasm building in his expression. He can't bring himself to keep his eyes open. He can't bring himself to do anything but groan. He pulls me closer. He sucks on my earlobe.

With one more heavy groan, he comes. His cock is pulsing inside me. His nails are sharp against my skin. It's such an amazing sensation, knowing I'm bringing him this bliss.

We stay in the passenger seat with our bodies pressed together for a long time. It's the closest I've ever been to him. I'm terrified to move away. What if everything changes and he goes back to being utterly unable to articulate his feelings?

Finally, his eyes open. He runs his hand through my hair, still soft and sweet.

"I want to take you somewhere," he says.

I nod. Wherever it is, I want to be there.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

The drive is dark and quiet. Somewhere around Malibu, Drew turns away from the main road. After ten minutes of twists and turns, we stop on a mountain top.