strongholdrising (63 page)

Valsgarth Estate, Zhal-Nylam, 1st day (September)
CARRIE and Kaid were waiting for him as he emerged from the shuttle. Shielding his eyes against the glare of the morning sun, he nevertheless saw them exchange glances. He felt Kaid's concern.
Holding up his hand, he backed off a little as they came to greet him. "No, don't touch me. Everything's too new, too raw," he said. "I can sense you faintly, Kaid, but nothing else for now." He laughed gently. "All the disadvantages, eh?"
"How do you feel?" asked Kaid.
"I feel all right. You're wondering if they told me what's gone wrong, aren't you? Yes, they did," he said, coming off the ramp onto the ground beside them. "That la'quo's been more far reaching than we thought." He reached out and touched Carrie's face tentatively, then sighed with a relief tinged with sadness as he cupped his hand briefly around her cheek. "I can't sense you because of the cub," he said. He'd wanted to feel her mind so much, yet part of him had been afraid of what he'd find.
"They shaved your hair again," said Carrie, distressed.
He put his hand to his neck, feeling the small patch of bare flesh for the first time. "It'll grow back soon," he said. "I'd like to go home, if you don't mind."
"Of course," said Carrie. "Your parents are waiting. They're very anxious about you. Everyone is."
"There's no reason to be," he said, reaching for her hand and beginning to walk toward the village main street.
"What did they do to you for five days?" asked Kaid, falling into step beside him.
"I don't remember anything about the treatment because I was sedated the whole time. After it, well, there were tests and one of the Cabbarrans, Naacha, he showed me how to use the torc."
Kaid frowned. "Use your torc for what? I thought you already knew how to use it."
"They had to remove the Touiban device to put in something else," he said. "Annuur described it as a highly sensitive psi damper. It's keeping nearly everything out right now. I have to be next to someone, or touching them, to pick up anything."
"What happens if you take it off?" asked Carrie.
"I collapse in pain," he said simply, glancing at her. "I'm swamped by the emotions of everyone around me."
"Do you regret having it done?" Kaid asked.
He stopped. "No, not at all. I have some of my Talent back, Kaid, and by Vartra, that's better than the nothing I had till now! Annuur says it will improve, once I've dealt with the memories."
"How do you do that? Just sit down and remember what happened to you? And for how far back?" asked Carrie.
"I wait until the memories come to me. A few weeks, Annuur said." He looked from one to the other of them. "I know it's not as much as you'd hoped for me, but without the torc on, I can't cope. I need to grow into my Talent again, just as I did when I was a kitling. I think it's worked out better this way," he said. He'd have time to gradually get used to being aware of her mentally while still being excluded from her Link to Kaid.
Training center, evening, the same day
Kaid excused himself from the group around the table and followed Banner into the training center mess.
"Can I have a word with you?" he asked him quietly as they stood at the bar.
"Of course," Banner said, collecting his change and drink before accompanying him over to one of the empty tables. "What is it?" he asked, sitting down. "Must be serious to want to speak to me in here. It's as hot as an oven."
It was, but there was less chance of being overheard than around the crowded tables outside in the cooler evening air. "I need someone to help me keep an eye on Kusac. I saw the fine job you and Jurrel did with Brynne."
"Not me," said Banner, taking a drink of his ale. "That was Brynne himself, with some help from Jurrel."
Kaid raised an eye ridge. "I was still at Stronghold when you and Jurrel got together. I remember how he used to be."
Banner grinned. "You rub the corners off each other's personalities over the years. But I thought you and Kusac had gotten close. Why do you need me?"
"He's changing again," said Kaid, looking at his glass. "I'd gotten him over the worst while we were working at the Nezule estate, but Kzizysus' cure wasn't all we hoped. Wanting to come down here tonight, this isn't like Kusac at all. He always preferred to stay in with Carrie, or with friends." He lifted his glass and took a drink. "He needs to have his freedom, obviously, and I can't follow him around like his keeper. So I need someone covering his back. I want you to do it, not least because he seems at ease in your company."
Banner looked at him thoughtfully. "Do you want an undercover bodyguard, or someone to befriend him?"
Kaid shrugged. "Up to you. Play it any way that works. I just don't want him getting in over his head. Pick another two for backup in case you need them, but keep it low key."
Banner nodded. "Anything else I should know?" he asked.
Kaid looked at him. "Like what?"
"There was talk a few weeks back," he said diffidently.
"Oh?"
"T'Chebbi getting hurt."
Kaid sighed, idly turning his glass round on the tabletop.
"Don't worry, it was dealt with," Banner reassured him.
He hesitated, wondering if it was necessary to say anything. "J'koshuk was a torturer priest, head of his Order of Enforcers on Keiss. They were dedicated to rooting out any heresy among their people, heresy being defined as anything their Emperor wouldn't have approved of. He was a specialist in pain, bred for the job, and as you know, he had Kusac for three weeks."
"Ouch," said Banner, with feeling. "At least Kusac got to kill the bastard."
"J'koshuk's overuse of the pain collar caused Kusac neural damage, which is apparently now cured. But it also caused psychological damage. T'Chebbi invited him to her room, and got hurt by accident as a result."
"You don't need to say any more," said Banner. "I can imagine."
"He should be over it," said Kaid, looking up at him. "There may not be a problem, but he might want to find out for himself. If he does pair up with someone, just make sure you're near enough to intervene if necessary. I could be wrong. He might just be coming here tonight because he was shut up in the shuttle for five days."
"I'll shadow him, Kaid, don't worry. Are you going back to Nezule?"
"No. It's getting close to Carrie's time, I don't want to be away from her, and Kusac needs time to recuperate. I don't want to leave him alone either. Hopefully we'll remain here for now."
"When do you want me to start?"
"Ideally, now. I know it's short notice, but it's late and I want to get back to Carrie. She gets easily worked up these days. I'm going to suggest Kusac comes back with me, but if he doesn't want to..."
"I can manage tonight. Do you want him watched overnight as well?"
"Again, use your judgment. We've an attendant on duty at the villa all night now. If he can contact you on your comm if Kusac leaves the premises, that should be enough."
"You go on home. If he doesn't go with you, I'll have him covered. Do you want regular updates?"
"Just tell me as and when. Thanks, Banner," said Kaid, getting up. "I appreciate it," he said, touching him on the shoulder before going outside to rejoin Kusac.

* * *

"It was good to get out for an hour or two," he said as they opened the front door. "I found I could cope easily. The torc's sensitivity is set so low that I could barely sense anything."
"I'm glad it's not proving a problem. Having a bar down there a couple of evenings a week was a good idea of Garras'."
"There's a small inn on my mother's estate. I saw no reason why we shouldn't have one when Garras suggested it. Kaid," he said, stopping at the foot of the stairs. "I'll be all right alone tonight. I managed when I was in the shuttle."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure. I've had my things put in the nursery where I slept before. It's not that I don't want to move back in with Carrie, but you're sharing this cub with her. You should be able to be together when you want."
"Carrie comes to me when she wants to, Kusac. We don't make a habit of using your rooms," he said quietly.
"I know," he said, looking away from him briefly. "Truth is, I'm afraid of hurting her if we get too close. I'd never forgive myself if anything happened to her or your cub."
"If you need me, call me on your wrist comm. Don't lie there having nightmares alone," Kaid said reaching out to touch his cheek. Then he remembered and pulled away. "Sorry. I forgot."
He caught hold of his friend's hand. "It's all right, Kaid, I don't mind your touch. I wasn't sure when I came back this morning, but I'm fine. That's one of the reasons I wanted to go down to the training center, to find out if I could handle being jostled and touched. It's difficult, but I can cope."
Kaid nodded and clasped his hand. "You know where I am if you need me," he said before letting him go.

* * *

The quiet of the night was shattered by Kusac yowling in fear. Kashini woke, shrieking her head off inconsolably. Carrie, in the suite next door, was first on the scene, closely followed by Kaid. He smelled the sweat and the fear the moment he arrived.
Kashini's high-pitched cries, and her mental distress, cut through his head like a knife, making it impossible for him to think clearly. When Yashui the nurse arrived, he pounced on her with relief.
"Get Kashini out of here," he said, propelling her toward Carrie, who was frantically trying to hush the struggling and screaming child. "Take Carrie with you, and for Vartra's sake, turn on the psi dampers! I can't think straight!"
"This room is designed to keep her mind contained, Leader Kaid," said the nurse frostily. "None of you should be in here. Her father's the one causing the problem."
"I'll see to him," he snapped, feeling his hair beginning to rise in aggravation. "Just do your job and silence the cub!"
Shooting him an angry look, she went over to help Carrie. As soon as they left, the decibel level dropped dramatically. Before he'd taken a step in Kusac's direction, the door behind him burst open again.
"What the hell is it now?" he demanded, spinning round, then he saw T'Chebbi.
"Only me," she said, holstering her gun.
"Nightmares," he said succinctly. "Go reassure the rest of the house, T'Chebbi."
"Aye," she said, closing the door quietly.
As his hair settled down around his shoulders again, he rubbed his aching temples then headed over to the bed where Kusac was cowering, still not fully awake despite the noise.
Sitting down, he wrapped his arms around him, holding him tight against his chest. He'd done this so many times over the last few weeks at Nezule that he knew now what worked. Resting his head on Kusac's, he began to rock him, waiting for the shaking to stop. His time, he kept a tight rein on his emotions, aware that Kusac was now capable of sensing them.
Gradually, Kusac grew still and as the tension began to drain from his body, he was able to lessen his hold.
"It's all right," said Kaid soothing him as he'd seen Carrie soothe Kashini. He lifted his head up so he could stroke his friend's. "It's not real, only a bad dream. I'm here." He relaxed his own mental control, hoping a light contact would help.
"I know," said Kusac, his voice muffled against Kaid's chest. "I can feel you."
"I thought these dreams were over," said Kaid gently.
"So did I."
"What was it this time? Memories of J'koshuk again?"
"Yes. I could see him, Kaid. It was as if he was here in this room."
Kaid could feel the memory of it forming a picture before his eyes. The green-skinned face, almost human, with its huge yellow eyes, and the mouth, smiling, showing dozens of tiny pointed teeth. He shuddered, shaking his head to dispel the image of that smile.
"Don't, Kusac," he said sharply. "You're projecting him. The more often you remember him, the longer it'll take for you to forget what happened."
"I'm not trying to remember," he said, voice breaking. "Do you think I want to go through that again?"
"No, I don't think that," he said, letting Kusac go and taking hold of his head, forcing it up till they were eye to eye. "You can't sleep here, Kusac. Kashini saw it too. You'll have to come in with me again."
"I can't," Kusac said, taking a shuddering breath. "What about you and Carrie?"
"We'll sort it out tomorrow, but you're not sleeping alone— for now at least. Now get up. Kashini needs her bedroom back."

* * *

T'Chebbi called him on his wrist comm as he left Kusac in his shower. "Get someone to freshen the room up for Kashini," he said, heading for the desk comm in his lounge. "Tell Carrie it was a nightmare. He's fine now, she can relax."
"He in with you?"
"Yes. You get back to bed, T'Chebbi, there's nothing else needing to be done tonight. And thank you. I'm going to call Annuur and find out what the hell this was about."
It took a few minutes before his call was answered, not by Annuur but by Sokarr.
"I get. You wait," Sokarr said when he heard why Kaid was calling.
Annuur looked as rumpled as he felt, Kaid thought with satisfaction. "What the hell have you done to him, Annuur?" he demanded, trying to keep his voice low. "He's just awakened the whole household with a nightmare."
Annuur blinked sleepily out from the screen at him, rubbing his hand over his eyes and ears. "Had nightmares before this, you told us. Nothing new. Why wake me for this?"
"He couldn't actually project his nightmares into an external form before," said Kaid. "You imagine going through what Kusac did then seeing J'koshuk with you in your cub's nursery, Annuur, then ask me again why I'm calling you!"
That woke the Cabbarran. "What?"
"You heard me. I saw it happening again when I was with him. His daughter saw it, and felt her father's terror! What's happening to him, Annuur?"
"Not our treatment, Kaid, assure you," said the Cabbarran with obvious sincerity. "Has he projected like this before? Must be existing skill."
"Something similar," admitted Kaid. "On Keiss, he and Carrie broke into a Valtegan base. He projected an image of himself as a Valtegan then. But what's that to do with this?" He wasn't going to let the Cabbarran off the hook that easily.
"Before dreams are in his head. With psi ability back, even reduced as is now, can externalize it. Maybe easier to deal with for him. Maybe in dream he think if J'koshuk not in head, he can kill dream-J'koshuk again. This time for good."
It made some kind of sense, he admitted grudgingly to himself.
"Warned you we did memories needed to be faced. Not so soon we thought, but not our fault."
"What do we do, dammit? He can't go around externalizing everything he went through!"
"He wear your design psi damper too when he sleeps until this over. Is only suggestion I can think. Is temporary. Will go."
"Can't you turn up the torc?"
"No! What point? Has to learn to live with Talent again. My apologies it being so difficult for him, but is fault of la'quo, not us. It alters brain chemistry. Fixed what we could, these memories are side effect of it. Rather we left it alone? Cause worse damage that way."
"Of course I'm glad you fixed it," he said, his anger beginning to dissipate now he understood some of the reasons.
"You need watch him more than we thought. Obvious he cannot cope with this alone. Has you, so no problem. We go back to beds now, Kaid. Your psi damper with our torc will work. Good night." The line went dead.
"Great," he muttered, sitting back in his chair.
"Maybe I should go to Stronghold," said Kusac. "They've got psi dampers there and Lijou and Noni can help me."
Kaid turned around to see him standing in the bathing room doorway, wrapped in a towel, still dripping. "Don't even consider it," he said forcefully, getting up and going over to him. "We're in this together, the three of us," he said, taking hold of him by the neck. "We're family, Kusac." He rubbed his thumbs gently along Kusac's jawline. "Family means a lot to me now I have one."
Kusac returned the gesture, resting his forehead on Kaid's shoulder for a moment. "Me too, Kaid."
"You're dripping onto the floor," observed Kaid, letting him go. "Let's get you dry and into bed."