STROKED LONG (36 page)

Her legs clamp around my waist, and she pushes forward. I can feel her arousal against my cock, which deepens my kiss. I’m frantic, trying to get as close as possible, and from the way her fingernails are scratching down my back, clawing at my shoulders, she feels the same way.

“This is going to be fast,” I mutter, kissing her jaw.

“I need it to be. I can’t take slow right now.”

“Good.”

My hands travel up her body and hastily squeeze her breasts, taking a moment to revel in their weight, their ample roundness. Fuck, is it possible to miss a pair of tits? Her nipples go instantly hard from my touch as goosebumps spread across her body.

Her reaction is priceless, the way her body moves against mine, her little moans, how aroused she becomes just from the slight trail of my fingers across her stomach. Fuck, it’s addicting. If I could, I would spend every hour of my day turning Ruby on, just to see the look of contentment on her face, the look of total satisfaction.

It’s the one thing that truly makes me feel like a man.

“Bodi, I want you inside me.” Her speech is breathless. I have her right where I want her, teetering on the edge.

Gripping my cock at the base, I pose it at her entrance and then straddle her body, the head of my cock kissing her entrance. “I’m going to be rough, Rubes.”

“I want nothing more.”

With her hair fanned out along the bed, her lust-filled eyes sparkling, and her hands wrapped around my neck as an anchor, I plunge into her to the hilt. She cries out with pleasure, her hold growing tighter. I pull out to the tip of my cock only to repeat the same thrust.

Like a jackhammer, I continue the relentless invasion, filling her to capacity. With each thrust she cries out, her eyes closing, her grip never loosening.

The friction building between us consumes me, my balls tighten, and my impending orgasm begins to take over.

“I’m going to come,” I say just as Ruby says the same thing.

In sync, we spiral out of control, our hips clashing together trying to ride our orgasms until we are completely sated. I pass out on top of her, unable to feel anything in my body besides my throbbing cock and beating heart.

Aftershocks of pleasure hit me. It’s never been like this for me. My connection with Ruby is so powerful it terrifies me.

Fuck, I will never get tired of this. Having her tight little body wrapped around me, hearing her call out my name and bite her lip in ecstasy. I will never get tired of coming inside of her, of feeling like I’m not alone in this world, that this woman is with me.

This feeling I have for her can change everything in my life. I can go from my normal routine, to sharing a life with another human, a life that won’t be normal to them. Will she be able to handle everything I throw at her? Will she be able to see me for who I am, or will she see the little boy who made the biggest mistake of his life?

Will she want to be dragged down with me? Can she take the demons that lurk below my surface?

Fuck.

“Hey, are you okay?” Ruby asks, sensing something wrong.

I run my hand over my face and pull out of her. “Yeah, let me get a washcloth.”

In the bathroom, I wet a washcloth and stare in the mirror. Despite being inside Ruby in the most intimate way possible, I look like crap. The pressure to be perfect for Ruby, to show her I can be a man she may want to be with has become tiring, and it shows in the dark circles under my eyes.

When I return, Ruby is sprawled across the bed in all her naked glory. She is so open and honest with me. Does she hate that I’m not as open with her?

As I hand her the washcloth the alarm on my phone goes off. Eight thirty. Time to call Eva.

My need to check on my sister is something I haven’t spoken to Ruby about, so I put on a pair of shorts, grab my phone and say, “I need to make a call. I’ll be right back.”

She sits up on her elbows, her face deeply concerned. “Did I do anything wrong?”

“No,” my brow creases, “why would you think that?”

“It just seems like you’re retreating. I know you, Bodi, and you normally spoon me right after.”

Hating the look on her face, I walk over to her and place a kiss on her lips. “I will be right back, give me a second, Rubes.”

“Okay.” She still seems uneasy, but I can’t reassure her now, I have to call Eva.

Stepping into the other room, I place my call and wait impatiently for Eva to pick up.

“Hello?”

After the fourth ring she answers, only for me to barely hear her. “Eva? Where are you?” My anxiety picks up as someone screams in the background.

“Out living up Rio,” she slurs.

“Are you drunk?” Anxiety turns into anger.

“I don’t know, are you drunk?”

I practically hiss into the phone. “You know damn well I’m not drunk. What the fuck are you doing, Eva? Where are you?”

“I’m out with Lauren, calm down. We’re fine.”

“You’re not fine. You’re in a fucking foreign city, drunk, and no idea how to get around.”

“Settle down,” she says in a condescending tone. “We are walking distance from our place and we know what we’re doing.”

“You’re supposed to be back at your place, locked up and sending me a picture,” I bite out.

“I have a life, unlike you, Bodi.” The way she says my name isn’t like her. The alcohol is controlling her inflection.
At least that’s what I tell myself.
“I’m in Rio; I’m not going to tuck myself in at eight thirty. Stop being my dad and worry about yourself.”

Pain ricochets through my chest.

Stop being my dad.

My palms turn clammy.

Stop being my dad.

I can’t help the nervous jitter that takes over my legs.

Stop being my dad.

“Eva,” I speak softly. “Please go home.”

It seems to be quieter.
Has she moved outside on her own?
She exhales and says, “Bodi, I’m not going home. I want to live my life. I don’t want to hold Lauren back, deprive her of experiences because of what happened in my past. We are having fun, we are living, something I wish you’d try.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“It really is,” she answers back.

It’s so fucking not.

“Can you just go back?”

“No,” she answers firmly. “But I will text you when we are back, safe and sound.”

“When will that be?” I ask, desperate for some kind of timeframe.

“When we decide we are done. Aren’t you with Ruby?”

“Yeah.”

“Then get off the phone with me and go enjoy your girl. Celebrate. Live, Bodi. I will text you later. Love you.”

She doesn’t let me answer, but hangs up and leaves me feeling ill.

I stare at my phone, feeling lost.

Stop being my dad.

I just want my sister to be safe.

I don’t want to hold Lauren back, deprive her of experiences because of what happened in my past.

Is that what I am doing for Lauren? For Eva? I just want them safe. I need them to be safe.

Am I doing that with Ruby?

Holding her back?

What am I doing? I’m standing in the other room of our shared hotel, talking to my sister rather than wrapped around my girl.
But I needed to call Eva.

Am
I letting my routines, my tendencies already affect her.

Fuck.

I pull on my hair, unsure of what to do. I’m so fucking nauseous from Eva’s refusal to lock up for the night that I’m afraid I won’t be able to be the man Ruby deserves now. But if I don’t go back in there, she will wonder where I’ve gone.

Deciding to run through a quick check of the hotel to calm my nerves, I lock and relock the chain three times on the hotel door, I check the windows three times, making sure they are set even though we are in a high-rise hotel, it eases some of the tension in my body.

Eva said she would text me when they get back to their hotel. Eva will tell me she’s safe. This is okay. I can do this.

Slightly calmer, I go to the bedroom and see Ruby curled up on the bed, under the covers, her back to the door, the light turned out. I wasn’t gone for that long, was I?

I was only on the phone with Eva for a short bit of time and then I checked the locks . . . three times. I wince, loathing myself for how long I took fulfilling my need for order in my life.

Because I’m fucking obsessed with all the wrong things, Ruby had to go to bed by herself.

Fuck.

FUCK!

My hand goes to my hair and starts yanking on it some more. I’m surprised I’m not fucking bald by now. What do I do now? Is she mad at me? Do I go to her, wrap my arms around her warm, soft body and act like nothing happened? Do I go sleep on the couch? What would she think of that?

For the life of me I can’t figure out what she might want. All I can consider is what I would like, what I need, and that’s the feel of Ruby’s skin against mine. Taking the selfish route, I plug my phone into my charger on the nightstand and crawl into bed. A clothed Ruby greets me.
Clothed?

Fuck, so not what I wanted. Is she mad? Last time she was upset, I brought her flowers. Is that something I should do now? I have no fucking clue. I’m at a total loss right now.

Testing the waters, I slide in behind her, my nerves completely shot, and move my hand around her stomach to pull her into my chest. She doesn’t protest, instead she makes a soft sound and allows me to hold on to her.

I bury my face in her hair and breathe in her sweet scent, the scent that has me waking up in the morning, feeling guilty as fuck for taking this woman into my fucked-up world.

If tonight isn’t an indication of that, I don’t know what is.

I feel so fucking unsteady right now. I hold on to her tight, willing the panic boiling in the pit of my stomach to simmer.

Eva is going to text. Eva is going to text. Eva is going to text.

I repeat myself over and over again in threes until I’m so fucking tired I pass out, holding on to the only lifeline I have right now, the one life line I don’t fucking deserve.

***

BANG.

“What the fuck?” I startle out of bed, confusion consuming me as I try to gain my whereabouts. The faint glimmer of the sunrise fills the hotel room, casting an eerie glow around the space.

BANG.

My chest seizes, my entire body instantly turns cold as slick sweat coats me. My heart is beating out of my chest, my breathing is almost non-existent, and flashes of that night start to pop into my head.

The blood-curdling screams from my mom.

Two gunshots ringing through the house.

The cold tile of the tub freezing my skin.

Eva’s voice ringing through my head.

We have to call 9-1-1.

Eva.

Fuck. Eva!

Where is she? The bar. She was drunk. The promise of a text message. Fuck, I passed out without seeing her response. I reach for my phone, so discombobulated I can’t figure out how to turn it on; I can’t find the button. My mind is warring back and forth between the past and the present, mixing sounds and smells, bringing that painful, life-changing moment to the forefront of my mind.

Focus, Bodi. Press the home button.

Steadying my hands, I find the button and watch my phone come to light. I type my password in feverously, messing up twice, and finally unlocking the screen.

Zero text messages from Eva.
Zero texts from Eva.

“Fuck!” I cry out, swinging my legs over the side of the bed.

“Is everything okay?” Ruby asks in a sleepy voice, scaring the shit out of me. I completely forgot she is here.

I don’t answer her, I can’t. I need to make sure Eva is okay. I call her cell phone but she doesn’t pick up, so I call Lauren’s. Straight to voicemail.

My throat tightens on me, as my legs start to go numb. This is not happening. This is so not fucking happening.

Tearing my phone off the charger, I walk into the other room and start pacing the floor as I repeatedly dial Eva’s number, over and over again.

“Bodi,” Ruby says with concern. “What’s going on?” She looks disheveled, her hair matted, her clothes askew, her hands twisting together. She’s not the same Ruby I’m used to, the happy-go-lucky Ruby, the joyful and contagious Ruby. No, she’s a nervous wreck, thanks to me.

Ignoring her, I pull on my hair and continue to pace while dialing Eva. As I hold the phone to my ear, look around the hotel, and stop in my tracks when I look at the door. The phone drops out of my hand, my stomach bottoms out and I have the instant urge to puke.

I locked it. I know I did. I fucking locked the door. I checked three times.

I had to make sure Ruby was safe. I locked the door. I didn’t forget to lock the door.

My head snaps to Ruby, my voice booms out of me before I can control it. “Did you fucking leave this hotel room?”

“What?” She’s so startled she backs up.

I point at the door. “Did you leave this room?”

“Um, yeah.” She twists her hands some more, her eyes wide with fear. “I was thirsty and was told not to drink the tap water here, so I got a water from a vending machine.”

“Why didn’t you lock the door when you came back?” My chest is rising and falling so rapidly. The panic attack is starting to take over.

“The doors lock automatically, Bodi.”

“People can still get in!” I yell. I need to get the hell out of here before she sees me in an even worse state.

Blowing by her, I grab my bag, stuff everything in it, throw a shirt on over my head, slip on my sandals, and head for the bathroom to grab my toothbrush.

“What are you doing?”

“I need to leave. I need to get the fuck out of here.”

“Bodi, I don’t understand what’s going on. Will you please talk to me?”

I rip my charger cord out of the wall, stuff it in my bag and pick my phone up from the floor. With one thought on my mind, I head for the door.

Leave. Leave. Leave.

“Bodi,” Ruby calls out, chasing after me. “Please, you’re scaring me. I’m sorry I didn’t lock the door. I didn’t know. Will you please just talk to me? Who were you calling? Maybe I can help you.”

“You can’t,” I say sternly.