Strings of the Heart (3 page)

Scrunching up his nose, AJ’s expression morphed into one of disgust and anger. “Jesus, dude, would you tone it down? You’re on the bus with my kids.”

Rolling my eyes, I snapped, “Like I have any control over that shit.”

While AJ opened his mouth to argue with me, Bella tugged his hand. Her lips had pulled down in a frown. “But why won’t you kiss his pee-pee, Daddy?”

“Because you just don’t kiss pee-pees!
Ever
!” He gave her a serious look. “You certainly shouldn’t now and especially not even when you’re older.”

I couldn’t help the snort that escaped my lips. “Yeah, right, like you would want Mia to adopt that mantra,” I muttered under my breath.

He shot me a death glare while Bella threw up her little hands dramatically, looking a lot like her mother when she was frustrated. “Fine. I’s only twying to help.” When she started to stomp away, AJ snatched her up and started tickling her, causing her to dissolve into giggles. “Stop, Daddy.”

“Not so fast, mija. What have Mommy and I said to you about respecting other people’s privacy when we’re on the road?”

Squirming in AJ’s arms, she replied, “That I’s sposed to call for them or knock and then wait for someone to come out. Not budge in thewe.”

“Barge in,” AJ corrected.

“Wight,” Bella replied solemnly.

“But did you wait for Uncle Rhys to come out of his roost?” Doing her best to avoid the question, Bella stared down at the floor like it was the most fascinating thing she had ever seen. That caused AJ to put on what I liked to joke was his stern “Daddy Face.” “Isabella Sofia, answer me.”

“No,” she replied softly. Her gaze went from the floor to mine. “I just wanted to see Unca Weese,” she replied, her bottom lip trembling.

Almost instantaneously that often dormant soft spot within me ached at her sad little face. Out of all the Runaway Train guys, I was probably the least kid friendly. But then there were times when my bandmates’ kids totally got to me. And this was one of those moments.

Dangling my legs over the side of the roost, I pulled myself into a sitting position. Once I was sure the sheet was still covering me adequately, I said, “It’s okay, Bella. Don’t cry.”

When she started the sniffling, I grimaced. Dammit, there was nothing I hated more than when chicks resorted to crying. Seeing Bella cry was pure agony. “I sowwy, Unca Weese. Don’t be mad at me,” Bella said, grinding the tears from her eyes.

Leaning forward, I patted her leg. “Aw, I’m not mad at you, sweetheart. Just don’t do it again, okay?”

“I pwomise.”

AJ glanced between me and his daughter, and then his expression softened. He kissed the top of Bella’s head. “All right, go on and get your breakfast.”

Bella placed a smacking kiss on AJ’s cheek before he let her down. As she went tearing down the hallway, she questioned at the top of her lungs, “Mommy, what’s mowning wood?”

At the sound of Mia’s shriek of horror, AJ groaned and rubbed his hand over his face. “Maybe having Mia and the girls out on tour wasn’t the best idea in the world.”

I laughed. “I think it was going fine until Bella achieved mastery in comprehension and talking.”

He nodded glumly. “And there’s no speaking over her head. She picks up everything that is said. I’m surprised she’s not asking Mia if she kisses my pee-pee.”

“Give her time.”

“Ugh.”

“AJ!” Mia called.

“Guess it’s time to face the music,” he muttered.

“I’ll be there in a few minutes to give Mia my apologies. I’m going to go ahead and grab a shower. We’re first up for rehearsal, right?”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

As AJ trudged down the hall to try to explain to Mia why their daughter needed clarification on morning wood, I ducked into the bathroom for a quick shower and shave. Once I finished, I threw on a pair of ratty jeans and a T-shirt. I escaped the confines of the steamy bathroom to find AJ seated at the table with Bella. Mia stood at the stove with Gaby on her hip. As I surveyed them, they looked every bit the picture-perfect family. It was hard to believe they were on a tour bus living a nomadic life for nine months out of the year. Mia hadn’t been convinced that she could do a tour with two children, but the other Runaway Train wives, Abby and Lily, had convinced her and promised that with Jake’s little sister, Allison, along, there would be plenty of help.

Just the thought of Allison sent a raging burn tearing through my chest like an out-of-control wildfire. Shaking my head, I tried to shake myself of the feelings I was experiencing. Masking my emotions with a smile, I called, “Morning.”

“Morning,” Mia echoed. After I eased into the kitchen for some much needed coffee, I leaned over and gave eleven-month-old, Gaby, a kiss on one of her chubby cheeks. She grinned and kicked her legs, looking more and more like Bella’s mini-me.

In a low voice, I said to Mia, “Sorry about Bella hearing me say morning wood.”

She rolled her eyes. “It’s okay. I’m becoming resigned to the fact that my daughters will have the foulest mouths in school.” Tilting her head, she added, “Maybe I should think about homeschooling, like Lily does.”

“There are worse things in life than foul-mouthed daughters, I suppose,” I mused.

“I guess so.” After I poured a steaming cup of coffee, Mia asked, “Want some pancakes?”

“Sure, I’d love some if you don’t mind.”

She smiled. “Of course I don’t.”

Leaning back against the counter, I returned her smile. “I just know that like me, you’re not a morning person.”

Mia laughed. “That’s so true. Trust me, if you had told me three years ago, I’d enjoy cooking breakfast, of all meals, in a cramped tour bus kitchen, I would’ve thought you were crazy as hell. But here I am.”

“Love makes you do crazy things, huh?” I asked.

A dreamy expression came over her face as she gazed past me to where Bella had climbed into AJ’s lap as they colored a picture together. “Yeah, it does.”

After I grunted disdainfully, I said, “That’s exactly why I plan on never being in love.”

Shifting Gaby to her other hip, Mia wagged a finger at me. “Oh Rhys, I can’t wait to see what happens to you when that special lady finally gets her hooks in you.”

A funny feeling rippled through my chest, causing me to rub my pec. It was almost the very same place where I’d had the chest burn earlier. “Whatever,” I mumbled, turning to head to the table.

“Wait, could you do me a huge favor?”

“Depends,” I replied, after taking a scalding swig of coffee.

She smacked me playfully on the arm before she picked up a bottle off the counter. “Can you run these eardrops over to Jake and Abby’s bus? Jules has had a nasty earache, and they ran out this morning.”

“Will you have me some extra crispy bacon to go with my pancakes when I get back?” I asked, giving her my best pleading expression.

Mia laughed. “Yes, I will.”

“See, there’s another reason why I never plan to fall in love. Between you, Abby, and Lily I get perfectly spoiled without any of the commitment hassles of a relationship.”

Waving her spatula at me, Mia said, “Watch it, mister, or you’ll come back to a bacon-less plate.”

I grinned at her before trotting down the aisle. As I pounded down the bus stairs, I couldn’t help thinking how much had changed in the last few years for my bandmates. Once upon a time, Jake would have needed more condoms or lube, not baby ear drops. But that had all changed once he and AJ had gotten married and had kids. Lately I felt more and more isolated around my brothers. They were all husbands and family men now, and that was the
last
thing I wanted.

While my bandmates had been very lucky in love, they were the only positive married relationships I’d ever seen. The cynical part of me thought that both Jake and AJ were still in the honeymoon phases, having only been married for a couple of years. Through my own parents and their friends, I’d grown up seeing the emotional wastelands left behind from unhappy marriages. I’d watched my own father shuffle a mistress or two while he and my mother stayed locked in a relationship without mutual respect or affection. In their world, divorce was still somewhat of a social stigma, not to mention a way to disperse with family fortunes.

In the end, I guess I felt like I wasn’t a candidate for love. Unlike my bandmates, I hadn’t grown up in a loving home with parents who hugged and kissed me. I’d been shuffled to boarding schools and raised by my nanny, Trudie. While I had been in a relationship or two and said the dreaded “L” word, I had never truly felt it. Just being around the relationships of my bandmates showed me I had no fucking clue what romantic love was or how to express it.

So here I was somewhat floundering in the new world I found myself in. Sure, Runaway Train still toured the country to sold-out arenas while playing kick-ass tunes, but it just wasn’t the same as it once had been. Unless I went back to Jacob’s Ladder’s bus after a show, I didn’t get to binge drink or potentially get some groupie action like I used to on the Runaway Train bus. We were blessed that our fame and celebrity had grown to where we could all afford our own buses now. Of course, I didn’t quite feel like flying solo. Instead, I left the solo buses to my bandmates and their families.

The worst was the fact that AJ, Brayden, and Jake were all on my ass to settle down. Like I couldn’t be the swinging bachelor the rest of my life? I guess at twenty-seven I should have been thinking of getting married, but it was really the last thing on my mind. Well, it had been up until a few months ago when my life got shot all to hell.

As I cut through the alleyway past Brayden’s bus, I saw one of our bodyguards leaned up against the door to Jake’s bus. “Morning, Dustin,” I said.

He eyed me with a drowsy expression. “You’re up awfully early this morning,” he mused.

“I have an alarm clock named Bella.”

He laughed as he unlocked Jake’s bus. “Those are the worst kind. They don’t have a snooze button.”

“You got that right.”

The musical sound of a cartoon greeted me as I shuffled up the bus steps. Angel, Jake and Abby’s Golden Retriever, came to greet me on the stairs with a lick on my hand and a wag of her tail. Baby jabber came from the kitchen table. As I reached the top, I could see five-month-olds, Jax and Jules, seated in their highchairs. “Hey, Abby, I have those eardrops you needed.”

But it wasn’t Abby who rose from a chair at the table. Instead, she was the living and breathing embodiment of the newest hell I found myself in. To put it mildly, she was the forbidden fruit I had dared to taste. Just her memory conjured the same raging wildfire in my chest as I had earlier.

“Oh, uh, hello, Allison.” I don’t know why I hadn’t anticipated this. When we had pulled out for the new tour, she had been on board Jake and Abby’s bus. Since Abby insisted on being a full-time mother, Allison was going to be a part-time nanny for the twins. She was also using the summer break from college to fulfill a prestigious internship at the design school she attended. I couldn’t imagine how awkward it was going to be once she started working with our head stylist to get us ready for shows.

Allison gave me a shy, yet guarded smile. “Hi, Rhys. Abby’s in the shower, and Jake’s still asleep. It’s just me and the twins this morning.”

I bobbed my head as the realization dawned on me that we were truly alone for the first time since everything had gone so horribly wrong. Since that day in Savannah when I had broken her heart, we’d always been surrounded by Jake and Abby or my other bandmates. For a moment, all I could do was take in every aspect of her appearance—her waist-length dark hair that was pulled back into a ponytail, her warm brown eyes that stared questioningly at me, her tall, lean figure that I happened to be very well acquainted with. Any man with eyes and a working dick would have found her beautiful and sexy as hell. But I wasn’t supposed to look or even touch, and because I had, everything was strained between us.

Finally, I came back to myself to dumbly wave the box in my hand. “Mia said Abby needed these.”

Allison took a tentative step forward. When she reached for the drops, our hands touched, and as cliché as it sounds, I felt a zing from my fingers straight to my chest. Quickly, I jerked away from her grasp. Allison’s expression saddened at my reaction. “Thank you. Jules really needs these.”

“You’re welcome,” I replied. I glanced over at the twins who were staring me down between gumming their fists. “Well, I better go, so you can get back to feeding them.” I forced a smile. “I wouldn’t want them to eat their hands or anything.”

A tiny giggle escaped Allison’s lips at my statement. It felt like music to my ears to hear her laughing at me again. During the three weeks we’d shared in Savannah, there had been a lot of laughter between us. I’d certainly missed it. If I was honest with myself, I’d missed her.

I pushed the thought from my mind as I turned and started back down the aisle. I didn’t get far before I skidded to a stop. Frozen, my mind whirled with thoughts. I had to do something or say something. It wasn’t going to be long before someone noticed us acting awkwardly around each other. Slowly, I turned around. Allison’s gaze was fixed on me as she nervously chewed her bottom lip.

I shook my head. “Listen, things can’t keep going on like this between us.”

“I know,” she murmured.

“The past is the past, and we can’t keep letting it cripple us in the present.” I literally grimaced after the words left my lips. Not only were they a horrible cliché, but my words made it all seem so simple—as if all that had been said and done between us could be swept easily under the proverbial rug. “I know things were left pretty bad between us when I left Savannah. I am sorry for that. I hope you know I would never intentionally hurt you.”

Allison appeared unable to speak. Her chest rose and fell in harsh pants, but she finally bobbed her head. After drawing in a ragged breath, I continued on. “I think the best thing would be for us to forget what happened and try to move on.”

“If you think that’s best,” Allison replied, her voice devoid of emotion.

“I do. Really, it’s the
only
thing we can do.” When Allison closed her eyes as if she were in pain, I took a few tentative steps toward her. When I got closer, her eyes snapped open, and she jerked away from me.