Strike Out (23 page)

Zach pushed his plate aside and made eye contact with Rennie. It was time. They’d talked and laughed, told Tyler stories about their past, but it was time to tell him the truth. “So, you’ve got to be wondering how this all happened so fast. Am I right, Tyler?” Zach reached for his coffee mug. He was going for nonchalance, but he suspected he was failing miserably.

“I guess,” he said, shrugging. “Mom usually takes an hour just to make her grocery list.”

Rennie frowned at her son but said nothing. True, she wasn’t impulsive. Except when it came to Zach. With him, she couldn’t seem to help herself.

“Remember I told you I wanted to marry your mom when we were young?” Zach asked, leaning forward.

“Yeah.” Tyler leaned forward too as though he expected his hero to share a big secret with him. “What about it?”

“Your mom wanted to marry me too. In fact, we were engaged once.” Zach swallowed, hoping he could get through the conversation without Tyler guessing how nervous he was.

“Seriously?” He looked at his mom. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“I don’t know,” she said, stealing a glance at Zach. “I guess it didn’t seem important.”

Ouch.
That hurt, but Zach let it slide. He had more pressing issues than his wounded ego.

“Not important?” Tyler asked incredulously. “You were gonna marry a professional-freakin’-baseball player, and you act like it’s no big deal.” He hooked a thumb toward Zach. “He could have been my dad.” His eyes shifted down, and Zach sensed he felt guilty for betraying Nathan. “Not that I—”

“It’s okay, buddy,” Zach said, smiling. “We know what you meant.”

“So what happened?” Tyler looked from his mom to Zach. “Why didn’t you guys get married?”

Rennie stole a glance at Zach before she said, “I—”

“We realized we weren’t ready.” At least she thought he wasn’t, but she couldn’t have been more wrong. He would marry her today, tomorrow, or ten years ago.

“Huh,” Tyler said, obviously considering Zach’s explanation. “Is that when you met Dad?”

Zach clenched his fist, hoping it wasn’t obvious to anyone else.
Dad
. Even though he’d done nothing to earn the title, he wanted it more than he’d ever wanted a World Series ring.

“I met”—she looked at Zach—“Nathan a little while after I moved to Florida.” She looked her son in the eye and covered his hand with her own. “I was already expecting you at the time.”

“What?” he asked, withdrawing his hand.

Zach reached for Rennie’s hand across the table. “Your mom left town because she was pregnant with you, and she wasn’t sure I was ready to be a father.” Zach wanted to spare Tyler the gory details, but he refused to make Rennie out to be the villain.

“What’re you talking about?” Tyler slid his chair back, scraping it across the dining room’s hardwood floor. “Are you sayin’…”

“I’m your dad, Tyler,” Zach whispered, fearing his son’s reaction.

“No, you’re not!” He jumped up, tipping the oak chair over in the process. “My dad died in a fire! Tell him, Mom.”

Zach sucked in a breath, wishing he could say or do something to make it easier for all of them, especially Tyler. “I know it’s going to take you some time to—”

“Why didn’t you want me?” Tyler asked Zach, his big brown eyes filling with tears.

Zach had taken a few hits to the stomach, but none had felt that bad. His son’s question knocked the wind out of him, and he needed a minute to collect himself before he could respond. Tyler wasn’t about to wait around. He was already headed for the door. “Tyler, wait!” Zach shouted, jumping up. “I would’ve wanted you. I didn’t even know your mom was pregnant when she left town.” Zach realized his error as soon as the words slipped from his mouth. He hadn’t intended to say that since it would only hurt Rennie’s relationship with Tyler.

Tyler turned on his mother, his eyes blazing. “You didn’t tell him? He didn’t even know about me?”

Rennie rushed to Tyler’s side. “Honey, we both made mistakes. We were young and—”

“Just answer me, Mom,” Tyler said, obviously trying to be brave and hold back the tears. “Did
he
know about me or not?”

“No, he didn’t,” Rennie said, dropping her head. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell him, but you had Nathan. I thought—”

“But he wasn’t my real dad!” Tyler broke free from her grip. “Did he know that?”

“Yes, of course he knew.” Tears fell down her cheeks. “He knew everything.”

“Then you both lied to me?” Tears spilled from his eyes as well. “I hate you! I hate both of you. I’m glad that liar’s dead. I wish you were too!” Rennie gasped and fell back on her heels. Tyler took advantage of her shock to run out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

“We have to go after him,” Rennie cried, reaching for the door.

“It’s okay, baby,” Zach said, holding her back. “Just give him a little time. He’ll be back.”

“But what if he doesn’t come back?” she asked, sobbing. “What if…” Zach held her tight, wishing he could take away her pain. Rennie buried her face in Zach’s shirt. “He hates me. You heard him. He hates me. I was afraid of this. We shouldn’t have told him.”

“Yes, we should have,” Zach said, stroking her hair. He was stunned how much he already loved Tyler, how much he wanted to spare his feelings and protect him. “We did the right thing. The truth is out. We just have to be patient with him while he figures out how to deal with this.”

“How is a ten-year-old boy supposed to know how to deal with something like this?” She stepped out of his arms. “He’s too young. He’s been through too much. First Nathan’s death and now this. It’s not fair.”

“No, it’s not,” Zach said, looking out the window over her shoulder. “Tyler was the innocent victim in all this. I made the mistake. It’s not fair that he should have to pay for it.”

Rennie covered her mouth. “It’s not your fault; it’s mine. I never should have left. I should have told you the truth.”

“None of that matters now, Ren,” he said, kissing the top of her head. “There’s enough blame to go around. Let’s just focus on getting each other through this. Tyler’s going to need us, both of us, and we need to be there for him.”

She leaned against his chest. “You’re right. I just hope he’ll let me be there for him.”

***

Zach didn’t have to drive far to find his son. He knew exactly where to find him—at the nearest baseball diamond. That was where Zach always went to work through his problems as a kid. He pulled into the gravel parking lot, half-expecting Tyler to run when he spotted his car. The boy just hung his head and slumped his shoulders, obviously trying to ignore his unwelcome guest. Zach hated to see him in so much pain. He had to man up and be the father Tyler needed.

“Hey,” Zach said, slowly approaching him. He didn’t want to make Tyler bolt by coming on too strong. His bike was just a few feet away in case he wanted to make a quick getaway. “I thought I might find you here.” When Tyler didn’t respond, Zach eased down on the bench beside him. “I used to come here all the time as a kid. Sometimes I thought about sleeping on this bench just to get away from my parents.”

“Really? You hated your parents too?” Tyler scowled as he looked sideways at Zach.

Tyler obviously wasn’t ready to make nice, and Zach couldn’t say he blamed the kid. His life had just been turned upside down, and he’d need time to make peace with the parents who he believed betrayed him. Zach decided honesty was the best policy. He knew Tyler wouldn’t appreciate it if he tried to blow smoke. “Sometimes I did. I guess every kid hates their parents from time to time, right?”

“Yeah, but every kid doesn’t have an old man who didn’t want him and a mother who lied to him.”

Zach was hurt hearing Tyler say he felt unwanted, but he couldn’t blame the poor kid. He probably would have felt the same way. “Your mama loves you. She was just trying to do what she thought was best for you.”

Tyler rolled his eyes and pulled his worn baseball cap down. “She’s always preachin’ to me about bein’ honest, and it turns out she’s the biggest liar of all.”

“Sometimes we all make bad choices. She’s not perfect. Neither am I. Neither are you.” He hated to hear Tyler bad-mouthing Rennie, but he would rather Tyler unleash on him than his mother. He knew his son had to get the anger out of his system.

“At least I’m not a liar.”

“Really? You’ve never told even a little white lie?”

“This is a lot more than that.” His voice broke, and he turned his face away, obviously hoping to hide his tears. “She lied to me about who my dad was. I loved Nathan and—”

“From what I’ve heard, he loved you too. A lot.” It wasn’t easy for Zach to reassure Tyler about Nathan’s feelings, but he had to do it to help his son heal.  “Enough to want to raise you as his own son.”

“Which means he loved me a hell of a lot more than you did,” Tyler spit out.

Zach knew he should reprimand him for his choice of words, but that wasn’t the moment to act paternal. Zach needed to just be there for Tyler. They had their whole lives to sort out their relationship. “I would have loved you, had I known about you.” It was a vicious circle. He couldn’t accept all of the blame without reinforcing Tyler’s belief that Zach didn’t love or want him. Everything came back to the secret Rennie had kept from them, but Zach was as much to blame for that as she was.

“That’s easy to say now, isn’t it?”

Zach was struck by how Tyler looked like a ten-year-old boy with an old soul trapped inside of him. He saw it in his eyes. “I guess it is. Hindsight is twenty-twenty and all that B.S.” At least that earned him a half-smile. “I don’t wanna lie to you about the way things were. I was a selfish, stupid kid who didn’t know a good thing when he had it.” Zach sighed and leaned back against the bench behind them. “I thought my world began and ended with baseball. Turns out I was wrong.”

“Really?” Tyler asked. “What could be more important than baseball?”

“You. Your mom.” At the moment, they were the only things that mattered to Zach. If he was told he’d never throw another fastball, he’d survive. If Rennie and his son boarded a plane out of his life, he’d comb every city in the world until he found them.

“Why should I believe you? You said yourself you didn’t want me then. Why should I believe you want me now?”

He was a smart kid. The fact that he was astute enough to question Zach proved he was a fighter, and Zach respected that. “You don’t have to believe me. But I’d really appreciate a chance to prove it to you.”

Tyler remained silent a few minutes. “I have a poster of you hanging on my bedroom wall. My mom wasn’t too keen on me putting it up. I guess now I know why.”

It couldn’t have been easy for Rennie to have reminders of Zach everywhere, especially in the eyes of the child they shared. “I’m not a hero, Tyler. I’m just a man who plays baseball for a living. I make mistakes like everyone else, but the biggest mistake I ever made was letting your mama leave me.”

“Why’d you let her?”

“I looked for her for a while. When the detective I hired couldn’t find her, I realized she really didn’t want to be found, so I decided to let her go.”

Tyler rubbed his face before propping his elbows on his knees. “Would you have let her go if you knew about me?”

“No, never.” He took a risk and put a hand on Tyler’s back. “I hope you can believe that.”

“I don’t know what to believe.”

Zach appreciated his honesty and respected his strength of character. Having the rug ripped out from under him not once, but twice in the past year and a half wasn’t easy. His son was coping better than most adults would. Zach wanted to believe it was because, deep down, Tyler sensed how much Zach loved him and wanted to be a part of his life. Only time would allow him to prove himself to Rennie and Tyler. “I want to ask you to believe me, but I know you can’t. Yet. I hope a year from now you’ll feel differently.”

“What do you want?” Tyler asked, fisting his hands. “From me and my mom?”

“I want us to be a family.” Zach let that sink in. “Do you think you could see that happening?”

“I don’t know.”

“That’s fair. You can take all the time you need to get to know me, to figure out how you feel about me. There’s no hurry. I’m not going anywhere.”

Tyler refused to look at Zach when he said, “My dad was a good man. I loved him.”

Zach slowly drew in a breath, knowing he had to tread carefully. “Nathan sounds like a great guy. He was there for you and your mom when y’all needed someone, and I’ll be forever indebted to him for that. I’m glad you had someone to take care of you, to show you how to throw a baseball—”

“You should have been the one to do that!” Tyler shouted. “You were my dad! Nathan was just some guy who loved my mom.”

Zach leaned in and put his arm around Tyler. When Tyler struggled, Zach’s injured shoulder screamed. “You’re right, I should have been. I’m sorrier than hell that I wasn’t. I can promise you that’ll go down as my biggest regret in life.” When Tyler stopped struggling, Zach let his arm fall away. “But we can’t change what happened. We only have today and tomorrow and every day after that to make things right. Please, let me try to make things right.”

“Why should I?” Tyler asked, biting his trembling lip.

“Because I love you.”

“You don’t even know me.”

“I don’t have to.” Zach had never understood parents who said they fell in love with their infants the second they laid eyes on them. He understood now. “I know that I love you. I hope in time, you’ll learn to love me too.”

“I don’t know.” Tyler squeezed his eyes shut.

“That’s okay,” Zach said quietly. “You don’t have to decide anything right now. Let’s get you home.”

“I don’t want to go home. I don’t want to see
her
.”

Zach figured that pressuring him would be a mistake. “Do you want to come back to my place for a while?”

“No!”

“Okay, how ‘bout I take you to your grandparents? I could swing by your place and pick up an overnight bag, get your insulin, and let your mom know the plan. How does that sound?”