Stricken Unveiled (Stricken Rock #2) (16 page)

“So what are you going to do now?”

“I don’t have a clue. Move on with my life I
suppose.” I answer pouty.

“I wouldn’t be angry with her Em, I know it
seems like she’s the bad guy. But she isn’t. You’re two innocent
women in all of this. Except you’re the woman he wants and she’s
the backup. If anything I’d feel sorry for her.” She rationalizes.
But I don’t agree.

“Yes, but he planned a life with her. Not me.
She’s going to be the one who gets to be with him in the end. I
will have his children. If he still wants anything to do with them
we will see. But eventually they will have children too. I don’t
know
how
much they’ve planned together Claire but I know
it’s not a date, its way more. The look on his face when Deacon
opened the can of worms will forever be etched in my mind. It’s
like a secret that you feel guilty about but you let it eat and eat
and eat at you but then it comes out and that guilt is even worse
with the person knowing the truth, then living with the eternal
guilt. I don’t feel sorry for her. He chose
her
.” I
spout.

“Be angry with him that’s fine. He deserves
it babe. I am just trying to make you see the things you’re not.
Like the fact he slept with other women when they were together. He
wasn’t even dating you and he slept with only one woman. After one
night with you. I completely understand his choice. I feel the same
in a sense. I won’t have another girlfriend other than Sabrina
while you’re still in my life. And when you go, it will hurt like
hell and I will move on. But until then you will be my constant. He
feels the same for you, I know he does. There is something about
you that men and women want Em. Maybe it’s the beauty and innocence
but it’s also the sassiness and honesty and you as a whole. You’re
not easy to love someone it’s rather hard because you’re so
emotionally closed off. Physically you’re a hot wild fire but
emotionally you are a cellar with a hundred dead bolts. And the
person you want has to break those down without much help to get
inside of your heart long enough that you’ll stick around and fight
for a relationship.”

“But I do love people.” I add

“You love people yes, friends like Stacy and
James and me. You love all of us in your own friendship depths.
Which is amazing. You’re very loyal with that love. But the deep
down forever kind babe you’re not. You’re the opposite; you love
Johnathan I know you do. But it’s not the deep down forever kind
because you haven’t opened up that cellar. It might have a few
locks undone but you’ve got a long way to go. I know it’s because
he’s hurt you so much and so have other people. But when you truly,
I mean deep down love someone with everything in you. It makes you
needy, you feel lost without them, you couldn’t imagine your life
alone without them in it, you would do anything to make them feel
better and fix your problems. That’s how true love works babe.
Johnathan I honestly think might feel that for you. But you don’t
for him. That’s why he chose to be with Ashley. If you love someone
and they don’t return the affection it eats at a person’s soul like
a cancer. I’ve been there once in my life and that’s why I don’t
get close again. Being with you is the closest I’ll ever be with
another person again, Em. But Johnathan has given you his heart, I
honestly believe that.” She explains forward but angelically with
her lovely voice.

“So what you’re saying is it’s my fault that
I can’t love? And why Johnathan chose Ashley? That’s it isn’t it? I
did this.” A tear falls from my eye.

“No! That’s not what I meant or said. You are
confused and he’s been the creator of that confusion. You didn’t
drive him to Ashley; he chose to be with her. He, I think truly
felt like she was the other way he wouldn’t end up alone in the
whole scheme of things. It doesn’t make it right but being
heartbroken makes you do a lot of stupid things. I’m not defending
him. I’m being honest as to why he did the things he did. I don’t
think it’s right. You shouldn’t keep one door open hoping that the
person you want will walk through it, at the same time you open a
window and pull another one inside the house with you. It doesn’t
work that way. I hope that makes sense.”

“I talk girl. I get it.” I laugh and wipe
another tear from my eye. “From your point of view, he loves me and
wants to hold the proverbial door open hoping I’d walk in and love
him like you think he loves me. But because he’s fucked up in the
head he opened a window and pulled Ashley through as a backup? But
wouldn’t you think he’s also in love with her too? Why would you
plan to marry someone you don’t want to love for life? That sounds
retarded.”

“Retarded yes, but marriages have been based
on worse things than friendship. I think he loves her in his own
way. Kind of like you love Stacy but less strong.”

“But I don’t sleep with Stacy, he sleeps with
her.”

“Ok… Bad example. He loves her as a friend
and sex partner. I don’t think he loves her loves her. If he did he
would have married her before like she asked him to.”

We finish our conversation which lasts nearly
two hours. Claire is a super smart woman with a lot of love
insight. She helped me weave the fabric of understanding through my
veins. Although I don’t like what Johnathan has done I’ve begun to
understand it. If, but only if, it’s in the same context Claire
described it as. If he did it because he loves her like he loves me
but just wants me a little more then that’s different. Although
Claire is certain she’s right. And I have no reason to doubt her
until I get the full story. If that time ever comes. I quit and I’m
done with Johnathan. But maybe just maybe I can talk to him and
find out his reasoning’s. After I get over this anger and pain.

I spent the rest of the day in my room and I
ordered room service and took a long shower. Did a facial, put on
my expensive body butter in the afternoon instead of night to be
extra soft, and deep conditioned my hair because it needed it. I
decided like everything else I will go out with a bang if it’s the
last thing I do. So I curled my hair. It’s always wavy with a
slight curl but I decided to go with a bunch of big loose curls. I
spent nearly twenty minutes applying a smoky eye including a
perfect eye line and voluminous mascara. Peach lips for tonight
with a thick shiny gloss. When did I all of a sudden become such a
girl? No fucking clue. I sprayed on my strawberries and champagne
like always. And decided to go all-out sexy in the clothes
department. Almost trashy some may say. But that’s the name of the
game if you hang with the hottest rockers in the world. Which will
only be another few days for me.

My outfit isn’t so much of an outfit as it’s
lingerie that could be worn as a dress for a Halloween costume or
an orgy party. But I decided to wear it side stage to the concert.
It’s ten times sluttier than the corset and skirt I wore the night
I met Claire. Which brought me good luck in a sense. This outfit is
a red and black spaghetti strap dress with a lace up corset in the
back. It took forever to get it tight enough to wear without asking
Stacy to come help. It hits me about eight inches past my pussy. I
have on black bikini panties. It came with a G-string but those
will
never
be worn on this body. Picking floss out of my ass
is not on my life’s to-do list. It has an attached garter to it
that has black straps and sexy black thigh highs. Which are hot as
hell. If you ever want to feel sexy a garter and thigh highs are
the way to go. I put on the same red four inch heels I’ve worn a
hundred times before and a black fabric choker. I look like a
stripper. But I feel sexy. Embarrassed to be wearing this in public
because it’s something you’d wear to your husband’s work hidden
under a trench coat. But I’m in the city of San Fran where anything
goes. It’s like Vegas but with fewer lights and more homosexuals.
Totally awesome!

James just picked me up from my room. We are
in the rental Mercedes just him and I and we’re on our way to the
concert hall. He didn’t say a word to me on the way down to the car
and I’m fairly certain I saw him blush twice. Plus five or six
people stared at me the whole way to the car. I can’t wear an
outfit like this and expect to be ignored. It screams sex. Stacy
might actually murder me because of it. But I don’t care, like I
said I’m not going down without a show. This is my night to
shine.

The car stops and James gets out and opens my
door for me.

“You ready?” he asks with a gentle James
smile.

“Yep, do you think this is too much?” I stand
and swipe my hand down my short, very short dress.

He chuckles, scrubbing his short hair with
his big hand. “Emily, that outfit could never be considered too
much. Maybe too little because there’s almost no fabric but
defiantly not too much.” He grins and takes my hand.

I tag along with him and he adjusts his
strides to meet mine. I can’t walk fast with heels and short legs.
We reach the side of the brick building and a big man almost as big
as James opens the door once James shows him our passes. I tow into
the door behind him and we get shut in. The back stage is like
most. Packed with roadies, managers and a bunch of other staff
helping set up the stage and get the bands ready. Stacy runs the
show with the guys and tonight the rest of our crew is here too
because the band opening is Ice the Monkey another band Magic
Records has signed.

“I will take you to the side stage like
always and you wait there for Stacy. Do not go anywhere. This place
is packed and I don’t need to lose an overly hot pregnant lady in
the thick of it all.” He orders.

I nod. It’s loud back stage. I can hear Ice
the Monkey warming up for the show and nearly everyone we walk past
does a double take. Yep, I look like a slut.

I follow James to the side of the stage
that’s for managers and photographers. He lets go of my hand.

“I mean it, you stay here.” He points to the
floor under my feet with gusto.

“But what if I have to pee?”

“Hold it until Stacy comes back. There are a
hundred men back stage and dressing like that.” He motions to my
outfit. “Is like asking for them to try and sleep with you. And
some of them if they proposition you might not be very nice if you
say no. That last thing we need is me or Johnathan going to prison
for killing a man that’s trying to rape you.”

My mouth falls open. Holy shit I never
thought about it that way. In some ways I am such a dumbass. Why
didn’t I think of that? I guess I didn’t. Shit!

“You think they’d do that?” I cock my head to
the side and twirl my hair innocently. I’m nervous.

“Yes, hot petite red head in that.” He
motions to my dress again. “Is like waving a delectable chocolate
bar in front of a diabetic and expecting him not to eat the
sugar.”

I giggle and cover my mouth. “It’s not that
bad.”

“Oh, yes it is. It’s bad enough that your
bodyguard had to readjust himself twice. Which tells me it’s not
only bad, it’s very bad.”

“I’m sorry James you should have told me. I
would have changed.” Now I feel like total crap. I didn’t mean to
make him uncomfortable. I just wanted to go out with a bang, so
much for not thinking things through. Sometimes I can be such an
idiot. I could chalk it up to youth. But honestly it’s all about
the gaping wound in my chest that makes me think irrationally and
do things that I wouldn’t normally do. I guess that’s how I roll.
Now.

“You wear whatever you want Em. You’re not
the only woman here who looks like that. But you are the only one
with substance and a moral code. And doesn’t look like a slut. You
look like this sweet innocent girl who’s pushing her sexuality.
Which is like bait to sharks. And the sharks here are rockers.
Which is in the lineup of things is better than rapists but worse
than tax attorneys.” He explains rather forwardly.

“Oh.” I shrug. “I’m sorry James.” I
apologize, I can’t help myself.

“Stop. Just be safe and promise me you won’t
leave this stage without Stacy or one of the guys. It’s not safe
for you.”

“Ok. I promise.” I pout; my lip turned out
far enough someone could suck on it.

I pull my cell out of my black clutch and
it’s only ten minutes to show time. The hall is full to capacity.
It’s so loud. Then when you add speakers it’s crazy loud. I’m glad
my babies are in a sac filled of fluid or I’d be worried about them
being born deaf.

Ice the Monkey enters the stage they’re a
six-member band with two guitarists, a base player, a keyboardist
and a drummer. Then of course the main person is their front
singer. I think I heard Stacy say his name was Marcus but everyone
calls him Ice. Which sounds like Vanilla Ice and there is no one
who can touch him and his classic ‘Ice Ice Baby’. Yep, I used to
jam to that as a kid too. Who hasn’t? It’s seriously legendary. Ok,
it’s no Rolling Stones- Sympathy of the Devil or Guns N Roses-
Sweet Child O’ Mine. But it still kicks ass.

They kick off the set and the crowd loves
them. The lead singer has a deep husky voice almost metal in the
way his sings. It’s hot. By song two I’m dancing and Stacy still
hasn’t joined me on stage. To think of it I haven’t seen him since
yesterday after the plane. Song three their hit Jungle Bitch is
awesome! I can’t believe I’ve never stolen Stacy’s iPod to listen
to them before. It’s rough choppy music less smooth than Stricken
but they kick ass. We finally hit the end of the song and I am
soaking in sweat. Okay not soaking but I’m a little too warm. I
take a few steps backward and rest my back against a metal pole.
The coolness refreshes my body and drops my core temp back to
normal. I turn a little and see a cute brunette standing about six
feet from me. I don’t know when she entered the stage but she’s
dancing too. She’s a lot taller than me but she dances quite
well.