Stricken Resolve (30 page)

I don’t want to show Johnathan my soldier.
Its sight in any form is strictly for Emily’s eyes.

Spreading a thick layer of PB over the bread,
I bite into it and pour myself a glass of OJ. I didn’t realize
pleasuring and being pleasured this much would take so much energy
out of a man.

“If you plan on fucking her a lot, you better
eat four or five of those, to keep your strength up,” Cammy states,
with a big smile on her face, coming into the kitchen and taking
the knife, bread and PB away from me to assemble more sandwiches
herself.

“Here.” She drops a stack of then in front of
me and tosses the knife in the sink and the PB in the cupboard.

“I need that for later.” I blush, I can’t
believe I’m admitting this to her.

“Ah...” She grins and winks at me, sliding
the jar back across the island at me. “I love the way you think.”
Teasingly, she winks again and exits the kitchen.

Downing the rest of the delicious sandwiches,
I’m full and I’m ready to spend some quality time with those
adorable twins of mine. Resting my glass in the sink I head into
the living room.

“Where’s Eric?” I ask, Johnathan who’s
surfing the TV, still cradling our shared daughter.

“He’s resting in his bouncer in the dining
room. For whatever reason he likes to watch the grass and bright
colors and he won’t let me hold him for more than two minutes
without freaking out. He only lets Emily hold him for any length of
time. No one else. He’s a seriously spoiled mommy's boy.”

I don’t respond, because I can already feel
the bubbling of anger tugging at my sides, thanks to his rude
comment about my son.

Ignoring him, I stalk to the dining room to
see my handsome Eric sucking loudly on his fist, wide eyed and
bushy tailed. I realize what Johnathan said might be true about
Eric and not letting anyone but Mama Bear hold him for lengths of
time. But I held him for two hours this morning and he was laughing
and smiling the whole time, up until he passed out in my arm.

“Hey, my tiny man.” I bend over and unlatch
him from the confines of his bouncer and pull him into my arms, his
head pressed against Emily’s favorite spot, my chest.

With a smile and a little happy noise, he
coos and squirms against me. Carrying him from the dining room,
into the living room, I need to get him a blanket and a hat so I
can take him outside without him catching a chill or sunburn.
California sun is not to be messed with — especially with a new
born.

“Cammy?” I yell, hoping she’s within hearing
distance.

“Yes?” She comes skipping bubbly down the
stairs, happy as a bug in a rug.

“I don’t want to wake Mama Bear, so could you
please direct me to where I could find a hat for my son and a
blanket? I want to bring him outside, it’s a lovely day out.”

“He’s fine like that,” Johnathan chimes in,
motioning to my son in his onesie and booties that I dressed him in
this morning.

“Uh, no he’s not, he could get cold or get
sun burned. I’m not exposing him to the elements at this age. Now
please,” I turn back to Cammy, begging with my eyes to just send me
in the right direction without having to punch this dumbass—excuse
my language, I don’t know what’s gotten into me.

“He’s right honey,” Cammy agrees, bending
over the couch to kiss Johnathan on the cheek. “Eric needs a hat
and blanket…this way.” She waves me to follow and her I do, trying
to ignore the tension building in me. I don’t have a single clue
what Emily ever saw in Johnathan; it’s blatantly clear he’s not
done any leg work in trying to educate himself in being a parent.
While I was away, I read eight parenting books and numerous
articles. I’m not an expert by any means, but I refused to walk
into this role lightly.

In the laundry room, Cammy gently covers
Eric’s head and tosses a blue crocheted blanket over my
shoulder.

“He likes you, I always knew he would. He’s
probably missed you and didn’t even know it until you held him this
morning,” Cammy sweetly confesses, rubbing my son's tiny hand.

“She’s missed you a lot too…Ya know? ...
Emily’s been lost. I’m glad you came home for her sake as well as
mine. This might help Johnathan finally get over his obsession. I
know he’s told her he’s done. But I’ve heard him fucking her in his
sleep. He dreams about making love to her and it kills me. Even
though there isn’t anything I can do about the dreams, neither can
he and he rarely remembers them. It doesn’t feel good to hear your
man moaning her name. And in the morning with a big smile, tells
you how much he loves you. It’s not easy, James. I know being with
her can’t be, not when you’re living here under the same roof as
him. But it’s good for her and all of us to be close. I hope you
can accept that and stay.”

Wow, she’s opening up to me. I hardly know
the woman. She’s never confided in me before. Maybe she hopes I’ll
be her ally in all of this. I can’t blame her for being upset about
his dreams. They make me angry that he would not only dream about
my lady, but hurt Cammy. It’s written in deep creases across her
china doll face. I feel sorry for the woman. Any female to put up
with Johnathan has to be a saint. There are no ifs ands or buts
about it.

“It’s okay Cammy.” I clasp her over the
shoulder, “I’m not leaving ever again, and if you need someone to
talk to about him, I’ll listen. I’m not a big fan of the guy
salivating over my lady. But I’m here and I’m here to stay.”

We talk a few more moments and I take off and
out the back door, with my son wrapped tightly in his blanket,
fully awake with big green eyes taking in the bright colors.

Dropping down onto a lounger, I rest, with
him sitting in my lap, his back laying against my stomach. Wobbly,
his body sways trying to keep his head from toppling over. My son
is beyond adorable. I feel whole when I know he’s within the same
vicinity as his mom and Jenna. They are all that matters.

***

“Dinner's ready, handsome,” my sexy woman
calls from the back door.

She’s been slaving over a hot stove for the
past three hours cooking up a grand ol’ feast for me, Stacy, Kyle,
Johnathan, Cammy and Deacon. I’m still soaking in the California
weather as dusk sets in and my kids are sleeping inside, in their
cribs, after I helped bathe them, feed them and clothe them. Emily
let me do it all and was more than surprised to see I was as
capable as I am. To be honest, I was extremely nervous the entire
time, but I tried to hold it in, in fear of scaring her. I don’t
want her to question my ability to care for our twins. I know she
doesn’t trust Johnathan, she told me that twice today, when I was
scrubbing the twins and handing their tiny naked bodies over for
her to dry them off and diaper them. I did the rest.

I plan on discussing the upcoming wedding
with the family tonight over dinner. I haven’t exactly ran that by
Emily but I’m not going to wait much longer. She has a month, tops,
to walk down whatever aisle she chooses. If she wants to elope in
Vegas, I’ll do it. If she seeks something fancy like a three
hundred thousand dollar rocker wedding, then so be it. I don’t
care. The only thing that matters in the end is her last name is
changed to James and I will be her husband. The rest is just
semantics.

Slugging myself out of the lounger and down
the deck steps, I slide open the door and pop into the house. It
smells amazing!

“What did you cook, sweetheart?” I ask,
walking into the kitchen, watching her supple body tossing a leafy
green salad, clad in a blue dress and a vintage lacey apron around
her waist. She looks like a hot pinup straight out the fifties. Her
hair in a messy bun resting on the top of her head. Sexy—is the
first word that comes to mind.

“I’m making you, Papa Bear, some dinner, now
shoo…. You can’t see it all.” She brushes me off and I chuckle,
leaving her to her duties. I attempted to help her about two hours
ago but I was quickly spanked on the behind and pushed from the
confines of the kitchen, to be sequestered with either my sleeping
twins or the back deck. I refused to stay inside with Johnathan.
Getting used to being around him daily, not as my employer, will
take some time.

Entering the dining room right off the living
room, I take a seat on one of the high back, pretentious wooden arm
chairs with stiff cream cushions. I know Emily didn’t pick this
twelve seated dining room set up. This has Johnathan written all
over it. It’s so heavily varnished, that it looks like water is
sitting on top of the finest wood. Not sure why he selected such an
uptight set for this house, but it is his house to decide what he
chooses to do with it. Including the furniture.

It doesn’t take but a few minutes for the
majority of the seats to be filled with Emily’s closest friends.
Stacy and his boyfriend Kyle sit across from me, Johnathan takes
the head of the table, Deacon pops down next to me with a ‘Hey man’
and Cammy, along with my beautiful woman come strolling into the
room arms full of delicious foods. Shrimp Alfredo, crab bisque, a
colorful salad, cheddar biscuits, steamed mussels in a garlic
infused white wine sauce and chicken Kiev are all served family
style in fancy chinaware. Mint green napkins are folded fancifully
around our dinner fork, salad fork and knife. We have one plate and
a bowl to serve ourselves and I can’t help but relish in the fact
that the two prettiest hands on the planet just made us this entire
feast—all on her own, I might add.

“Bon Appetite!” She kisses her fingers and
gestures spiritedly with a giant smile plastered on her face,
toward the vast array of delicious culinary creations.

“Here, sweetie.” I stand and slide out her
chair next to me.

“Why thank you, sir.” She bows slightly and
eloquently sits herself on the chair which I then scoot in for
her.

I watch her out of the corner of my eye as
she talks vivaciously with her friends, flashing nothing but
smiles, her hand forever planted on the top of my right thigh as
she eats. I don’t have much to say and I enjoy listening to her
talking about business, me coming home, the babies, basically
catching up with the important people. Every so often she squeezes
my knee or blows me a kiss with a wink. That’s all the assurance I
need, to know she loves me.

“Papa,” She turns to me.

“Yes?”

“Why aren’t you talking with us?”

What do I say? I’ve never been much for
words, except with her. I’ve probably spoken more in the past year
than my entire life. I’ve always been a man of few words, a man of
observation and reflection. Not of socializing. It’s not me.

“I’m just listening to you, that’s all I
need.” I shoot her a reassuring smile and she returns to her food
and being the sweet sassy socialite she is. She can’t have a PR
degree and not know how to use it.

Sitting here and reveling in my life, this
must be what a committed domesticated man feels like? I never saw
myself being one of those men. But in my forties I’ve been proven
wrong. I enjoy every minute of it. Sitting with Eric on the deck
today was beyond relaxing and serene. I got to watch and experience
my son. To touch his soft skin, see his green eyes searching the
world. There is nothing more beautiful or precious than being a
father. Talking to him and his sister as they lived inside of Mama
Bear, was spectacular. But to experience that same devotion with
him outside of the womb, knowing he knows your smell, your heart,
your voice, it’s enough to bring a man to his knees with divine
gratefulness.

“So James, what do you have planned?” Kyle
inquiries from across the table, sipping on a glass of red
wine.

“I don’t know. I was worried about coming
home and marrying Emily. I will probably pick up in my investments
and start trading more often in the market. Other than that, I
don’t know.” I shrug.

“Marrying?” Johnathan nearly chokes on his
shrimp.

“Yes, marrying her. She
is
my fiancé.”
I raise her hand off my knee to show him the big fat diamond on her
dainty hand.

“You broke that off. She isn’t your fiancé
any longer. You left.”

Stubborn Johnathan, little do you know. And
arguing with me isn’t going to change the fact that I am going to
marry the woman you want to be with. She’s not yours. She never
was. She’s
mine
.

Leaning back in the chair, I hold her hand in
mine and get comfortable. I can’t lash out even though that’s the
first thing that comes to mind when I think of how I want to deal
with him. I want to bash his face in. But I won’t, that’s his
moneymaker.

“You...”

Emily, cuts me off. “Johnathan we are getting
married. James is going to be my husband and the sooner I walk down
that aisle the better. I want to be with him. He didn’t leave me on
purpose and he fought to come home to me...”

“But he
did
leave, he doesn’t want
you. Or he wouldn’t have broken your heart and broken the
engagement.” He folds his arms across his chest and he too leans
back in his chair. Offering an air of defiance and anger to cloud
him.

I’ve had about enough of his lip already, no
one will talk to her that way.

“Listen,” I boom, my voice widening
everyone’s eyes in the room except his and Emily’s. “I will…”

“Honey, please,” she cuts me off again with a
sweet smile. “Let me deal with this.”

I nod, giving her the floor, before I lose my
cool. I might need to take a brisk run down the beach before this
is over.

“Johnathan, he might have called if off. But
it wasn’t malicious. It was out of love for me. Don’t you see we
are happy together?” She speaks so gentle and sweet to him, I can’t
believe that she’s being so comforting. I realize she is treading
lightly for his benefit. But, come on, the man needs to get this
fact though his thick skull.