Stricken Desire (6 page)

I am going to be stuck for three weeks of
touring. I will get a short break for a week and then I am back on
the road with them another eight weeks. Not that I have much to go
back to. Joe I am sure he fine with me being away. My dad still
drives truck so he’s rarely home and my mom now works full-time as
a nurse. Not sure where I’ll go or what I will do when I get our
break but maybe I’ll go with Stacy to visit his mom. I know she’s
sick and I know he’s probably going to need a hand to hold through
this terrible time in his life. With being divorced twice and no
kids. All he really has is me and the band. I can’t think of many
other friends he has. His work is his life and I’m the only other
person that fills the extra space in between. Most of which is
talking on the phone or Skyping.

God this hot water feels wonderful. I can’t
help but relish in it. I have so needed this since last night. I
close my eyes and tilt my head back relaxing it on the rim of the
tub. Oh this is the life. I am jamming to some Christiana Aguilera
the early stuff and I feel weird. Like I am being watched. My hair
on my body is standing up and I haven’t a clue why. I open my eyes
and my heart just about explodes in my chest.

“Oh my god! What the hell are you doing in
here? JOHNATHAN!” I screech. Sitting up like a slingshot I throw my
ear-buds off the side of the tub and cover my privates with my
hands.

“So… sorry.” He mutters his face is in pure
shock, and so is mine. He turns around, leaving his back to face
me.

“Hey Em, Your door was open I wasn’t sure…” I
hear Stacy say and he comes into the bathroom too. Now it’s a damn
threesome. His eyes widen and anger pierces his gaze once he sees
Johnathan standing there.

“What the fuck dude?” he says to
Johnathan.

“I…”

Stacy cuts him off. “Did he see you naked?”
he peers around big lead singer to me. I nod.

“God damnit!” he screams and both men run
their hands through their hair. Wow my life has seriously hit Soap
Opera standards.

“Hey can you both step outside and let me
finish washing up. Don’t want to turn you off or anything.” I shoot
an angry stare right at my best friend. “Then we can talk or figure
out why the fuck you both are doing here.”

They both leave in a rush and shut the
bathroom door for me. My heart is beating fast and if I wasn’t in
the tub I’d have stress sweat pouring down my face. I wash up quick
and get out. I wrap a towel around my mop and a hotel robe around
my body. I open the door and walk into the bedroom to find both
men. Stacy sitting on the bed peering out the window. I’ve got a
fairly decent view from the ninth floor and big Johnathan is
leaning against the wall.

“Ok so who would like to go first?” I ask,
nicely. Which is a big surprise to me. I have a craving to be a
snarky bitch. They like to bring that out in me. But I decide
against it for the greater good of the day. I need at least a few
hours without some kind of drama.

“Keith came to my room and said you were
upset with both of us. So I thought I’d come and talk to you.”
Stacy says, his body still facing away from me looking out my
window.

“So now you decide to be my best friend
again?” I add and here comes the sass.

“I’ve always been that way Em, I love you.
You know that. But I can’t allow you to keep thinking the way you
dress especially in the under garments department is acceptable.
I’m too honest to allow that.”

“Yes… But throwing away all of my clothes and
other belongings without discussing it with me is a bit harsh.
Don’t cha think? I would never do that to you. I am not a huge fan
of the ugly brown leather jacket you insist on wearing every time I
see you. But I handle it fine and accept you for who you are
because I wouldn’t change you. If you wanted to wear leopard print
bikini briefs. I’d still support you and love you. Even if I think
they’re ugly or a turn off for most women. It’s what you chose to
do and I would support you in all things because I am your best
friend. That’s what I am supposed to do. Just like holding your
hand through two very screwed up marriages. To two woman I never
liked. But I supported you because that’s what I do.“ I finish and
tears are pricking my eyes. If I blink they will escape. And they
do.

“I know I was harsh. I get that. But you have
to see it from my view.”

“And what’s that?” I put my hand on my hip.
My temperature is rising.

“You’re an extremely beautiful woman. And I
mean extremely. You always have been. I know you don’t see it when
you look in the mirror because I know you so well. But I know
that’s what men see when they look at you. I am harsh about the
clothes because you wear stuff to cover your beauty and not enhance
it. I hate that. I always have. I’ve went how many years dealing
with loose fitting dresses, granny panties that just keep getting
worse? They used to be at least colorful Em, now they are plain
white and they used to be from Macy’s now they come from a bag at
Walmart. It all keeps getting worse. Makeup used to make you feel
beautiful. Which you are without it. But now you never wear it
except maybe lip gloss and mascara. Your skirts hang down to your
knees or past and you’re tiny. I mean not super skinny because
that’s just gross but you’re a sexy size six with a rather plump
booty and breasts. Those are the beauty outside of you Em. You hide
it so nobody will try to meet and get to know you. You don’t want
to be loved or desired. But you don’t know that. You’ve only been
with one man in a relationship. There is so much more to be
discovered. You have to believe that.” He says and my heart is
breaking in two with every word. Crumbling inside of me. It hurts
to hear the truth. When people say the truth hurts. They mean it,
because it’s like a knife stabbing you over and over.

Stacy knows me so well. I knew for years he
has been my best friend but I never realized he saw everything that
I didn’t even speak. I don’t talk about men desiring me because I
don’t want it. I’m afraid, so afraid. Most twenty four-year-old
women have experienced a lot in the bedroom by now. I haven’t. Most
of them have been loved and cherished. Chris never did that for me.
He said he loved me and I like him a lot. But it wasn’t love not
even from him. If it was he wouldn’t have cheated. Which looking
back now I am sure he did the entire time we were together.

I gaze over and forget we are having this
conversation with asshole Johnathan in the room. But hey it’s not
like it matters. He’s already heard the panty story. So most of the
cats already out of the bag.

“You think I’m beautiful Stacy because you’re
biased. But I’m not your type. So my beautiful to you is like a
sisters. I think my mom’s beautiful because she’s my mom. But is
she gorgeous? No, but she is to me because she is my mom and I know
her inside and out. I understand the clothes because you know what
you’re right. I don’t feel sexy. I don’t want to. You think it’s
easy having one partner in my entire life and that same man cheats
on me? That is not going to open me up willingly to others. I’m not
a groupie whore who wears short skirts and low cut tops. Do I have
the assets? Yes, I know I have a big butt and huge boobs for my
size.”

He turns and watches me talk and I pivot so I
can see both men at the same time. Johnathan’s face is nearly
priceless. Yep, he knows my secrets. Might as well find them out
now. I’ll be dealing with him for a long time if Stacy keeps me
around.

“So now you know Johnathan. I guess that’ll
give you more shit to torment me about. Sorry I don’t want to get
fucked and used like the whores you grace your bed with. I’m fucked
up in other ways I suppose. So yeah I’ve been cheated on by the
only man I have ever slept with.” I express. Holding my head high.
I can’t be a weakling around him. I have to try and be strong. Even
though inside I just want to cry and have Stacy hold me and tell me
everything’s going to be alright. And he’d do that too.

He holds his hands up, surrendering defeat.
“I promise short stack… er…um…Emily. I won’t let anything you
discuss leave this room. I maybe an asshole but I’m not that big of
one. And I think whoever the dick is that cheated on you is
obviously an idiot.”

“Thanks Johnathan.” I smile at him. It looks
sad I’m sure, but it’s the best I can conjure up now.

“Eh…. Hem... Best friend over here not done
talking.” Stacy chimes in rather sarcastically pointing his fingers
animatedly at himself. I giggle and then Johnathan joins in and the
whole room breaks out into full on laughter. Man, it feels good to
laugh after such an emotional day and it’s just past
dinnertime.

The rest of the night before I spent with
Stacy eating a butt load of room service in my suite which turns
out is even nicer than his room. Yah me! Not sure how I lucked out
and he didn’t. Not that it matters anyhow. Johnathan left shortly
after the little in room convo and never did talk to me about what
he came to discuss. I think I scared him off with the whole ‘yep
I’ve only have one sex partner’ thing.

Shit, fifty years ago tons of people could
say by the time they die they’ve only had a few partners. Not
nowadays. In the group of people I personally know fifteen seems to
be the going number and most of my friends are less than forty
years old. So they have plenty of years left to rack up their bed
notches. My roommate Joe I know has slept with at least twelve
women and Stacy I couldn’t even guess and neither can he. I know
because I stupidly asked once. I know all the band members are male
whores or have been one time or another. Even sweet and sexy
Keith.

I woke up early thanks to the alarm clock
that Stacy set without my knowledge. Gotta love him. The band is
playing tonight at an indoor concert hall. Air-conditioning sounds
so wonderful especially being in Arizona in the middle of the
summer. And here I thought Vegas was bad. Silly me.

Now I am standing in a large Macy’s
department store that’s attached to a two-story mall with my best
friend and Johnathan the bands lead singer. Why in the world they
both deemed it necessary to tag along to find clothes and underwear
shop is beyond me. Men and shopping don’t usually mix and I know
Stacy hates to shop. At least for normal clothes. Lingerie on the
other hand I am sure he could do all-day long as long as his leggy
blondes were the ones modeling for him.

We were getting ready to leave with James the
bodyguard when Johnathan slipped into the back of the tinted
Mercedes with us incognito. Not that, that’s going to do much good.
Fans knowing he’s in town, has sleeves of tattoos visible and
stands as tall as a giant and almost as wide as one. He stands out
in a crowd. And that’s putting it mildly. But ever since the whole
I’m-not-a-whore reveal he’s been super cool. Maybe too cool. Or
maybe he’s coming down off of something like alcohol, drugs or
maybe sex. Or possibly a combo of them. Not that it matters one-way
or another to me. As long as he keeps his womanizing ways to
himself I’m great.

I slip into a dressing room my arms are piled
full of clothes. I’d probably never think to try on. But thanks to
Stacy and some from Johnathan I have been forced to try on a
plethora of colorful items. Including miniskirts, short booty
shorts and low cut tops. Not dropping low cut but too low for my
standards.

I try on the entire lot and only decide on
keeping six items. I refused to even show the men. I hate doing
that. When you go shopping who cares what others think? It’s about
how the clothes make you look and feel to yourself. And to me those
six items look decent. Plus they will keep Stacy happy because they
mesh with the whole rock star theme I’ve got going. Do I like it?
No. But will I do it? Yes. I want to keep my job and most of all I
want to keep my best friend from hating me or his job because I
look like an accountant. Guess it’s a good thing I have tattoos
that should help authenticate the style I’m going for. Stacy has no
tattoos. He’s a pretty boy who hates needles. Yet, it’s important
for me to look the part. I think I should seriously consider
pressing the need for him to get a visual tattoo. Gotta look the
part and all. And rocking alongside the number one band in the
world is a large pair of shoes to fill.

“Emily!” I hear Stacy yell into the woman’s
dressing room. “Emily!”

“What?!” I yell pulling off the last stitch
of clothes before wearing the only other dress I have left, the
tight black one that should be meant for cocktail hour instead of
midmorning shopping. At least Stacy was nice enough to buy me some
Welcome to Tucson
undies in souvenir shop close to our hotel
so I didn’t have to go commando today.

“I need to send Johnathan in there with you.”
He whispers outside my dressing room door. I guess he came in
without being invited. I’m alone, so it’s not a big deal.

“Why?”

“There’s like ten people who’ve noticed him.
I think. I need to get him out of the line of sight before they
confirm it and we have a massive mob to contain. Twitters a bitch.
I’ve already spoken to Macy’s before we got here to let them know
we were coming. But I don’t think two measly security guards can
handle a mob of horny women.”

I sigh loudly so Stacy knows I am so not on
board with this plan. He’s the manager so I leave it go. “Fine.” I
slump even though I know he can’t see me.

“Yo J come.” I hear him say. “Em you gotta
open up and let him in with you.”

I unlock the dressing room door and move to
the side to allow the giant to join me. Not quite sure how I can
fit into a space this small with him but I guess we have no choice
but to manage. I wish they had a handicap dressing room nearby but
there isn’t.

He slides in beside me and shuts the door and
locks it. God we were close, really close together. My breasts are
brushing against his stomach close.