STRANGE SCIENCE FICTION AND FANTASY OMNIBUS (9 page)

What should he do? If he switched from the AAA Meat Service back to his old supplier, he would have to drastically raise his prices. It would be only a matter of time, probably no more than a few months before he would have to close the shop. He would have to lay off not just Paul, but also the other two clerks. Michael would have to drop out of Georgetown Law School, and Patricia Ellen would have to drop out of Trinity College. How could he cause such an upheaval, unless he were absolutely sure the meat was from legitimate sources?

It was too big a decision for Jerry to make on his own, so he cast about for someone he could consult. Mary was out of the question. He had never discussed the shop with her, and now she seemed totally preoccupied with her activities at the church. Both Michael and Patricia Ellen had good heads on their shoulders, but both were in Washington, DC at school. And even if they were home, it wasn’t fair to discuss it with them at their age.

Next he thought of Father Mulhany, his priest. But the father, a saintly man, did not have the slightest bit of common sense. He would most likely tell Jerry to say the rosary, and ask God for guidance. Then the answer came to him. Monsignor Riley. His wife and the Riley children had all been childhood friends. They still remained close, playing golf occasionally at Jerry’s club, and the Monsignor calling on Jerry’s home most Christmas nights, to exchange Christmas greetings over a couple of drinks. He had excellent judgment and a wide range of experiences, having served for three years as a navy chaplain during the war. He was now in charge of a large, wealthy parish in the suburbs.

Obviously, he couldn’t invite the Monsignor to dinner at his home and then raise the subject of the meat they had just eaten. That morning when Jerry got to the store, he telephoned the Monsignor. He was immediately connected and asked if he could come over and discuss a personal problem. The Monsignor apologized that he was tied up that evening, and suggested that Jerry come over the following day at whatever time was convenient for him.

The following day after closing the shop, Jerry had driven out to the Monsignor’s church. He found the Monsignor in his office and, he greeted him warmly, suggesting that they might be more comfortable talking in his home. Leading Jerry next door into the living room of the rectory, the Monsignor poured him a generous drink, and took one for himself. When they had each seated themselves in a comfortable armchair, the Monsignor asked, “Is there a problem I can help you with, Jerry?

“Yes, there is,” came the reply, and Jerry proceeded to tell the Monsignor the full story of his association with Mr. Underwood, the AAA Meat Service, and his rising concern over the source of the meat.

The churchman sat quietly for a few minutes thinking. He then stood, helped himself to another drink, and made the same for Jerry. “That is a difficult one,” he said slowly.

There ensued a few more minutes of silence. Then the Monsignor spoke. “First of all,” he said, “I am speaking to you now not as a priest, but as your friend. We clearly do not have enough information to reach a firm conclusion. If you terminate the meat contract, you will have to close your shop, fire your employees, and see your children drop out of school. You have no solid reasons, other than your unsubstantiated doubts, not to continue on with the contract, and it is unlikely that any immediate evil will occur. Your customers have been eating and enjoying the meat for several years, with no unfavorable consequences. I would, therefore, do nothing unless you get some firm proof of your suspicions.

Jerry expressed his gratitude to the Monsignor and drove home, much happier than before. He followed the Monsignor’s advice, and all went well. However, he found he was enjoying the meat dinners at home far less than before, and asked Mary to serve fish at least four times a week in addition to the customary fish on Fridays. When she looked at him strangely, he explained that his cholesterol was creeping up, and he thought that the lesser consumption of meat would be better for him. He also noticed that when he invited the Monsignor for dinner at his home, his friend had either apologized pleading a prior engagement, or suggested that they eat at a restaurant instead.

Jerry kept the shop open until Patricia Ellen graduated from college. He offered to send her to law school, an interest she had expressed during her junior year, and had been surprised and slightly pleased when she told him she now wished to marry her old high school boy friend as soon as she graduated from college. Jerry promptly gave his employees a two month’s advance notice of his plan to close the shop. He was worried about Paul’s ability to get along, and was relieved when he made arrangements to live with his widowed sister, and share the costs.

Today Jerry and Mary are comfortably retired, living in a retirement community next to a golf course in Florida. Mary is amazed at his improved health, and the fact that he can now eat meat for dinner every day but Friday. The couple remain close to their children, who still reside in New Jersey, but visit them regularly several times a year. Jerry enjoys playing with his grandchildren and is teaching the oldest boy how to play golf. On the days when he isn’t playing golf, Jerry goes to the local library, where he has taught himself to use a computer.

One day at the library, he was tempted to use his new computer proficiency to look up the bona fides of the AAA Meat Service. However, he decided against it. He told himself, “What you don’t know can’t hurt you.”

Professor Throckmorton’s announcement of his discovery that rocks can reason and can communicate with each other was met with widespread skepticism and ridicule. The general consensus was that Throckmorton had regrettably suffered a nervous breakdown or as one late night TV humor show quipped, “Throckmorton has rocks in his head.”

Throckmorton tried to convince the scientific authorities of the validity of his claims, but this was hard to do. The problem was that rocks communicate in a frequency so low that it cannot be detected by most instruments, to say nothing of the human ear. Again, it turned out that rocks are by nature taciturn, and rarely speak and only when they have something of significance to say.

Although a brilliant researcher, the professor had come upon his discovery purely by chance. He had been conducting research into the phenomena that precede earthquakes in the hope of finding a more accurate method of predicting their timing and strength. To his surprise, his sensitive instruments had picked up what appeared to be verbal communication between rocks alerting each other to the approaching geological disturbance.

Throckmorton was fully cognizant of the immense potential of his discovery. If communication with rocks could be established, humans could obtain not only advance warning of earthquakes, but also of volcanic eruptions and tidal waves. The commercial opportunities were equally significant. Geological surveys to find petroleum and mineral deposits would be greatly facilitated. Even archeologists would benefit from learning the location of artifacts long buried under the soil.

After several years, Throckmorton’s limited financial resources were exhausted, and he sought funding from his university’s Physics Department. Strife and personal rivalries were high among his colleagues and his request was rejected unanimously by his colleagues. They went so far as to suggest that if he were not a tenured professor, he would have been immediately fired for making such a proposal. One even raised the possibility of declaring Throckmorton insane and discharging him on those grounds, his tenured status notwithstanding.

Professor Throckmorton was not a man to be easily rebuffed. He appealed over their heads to the university president. A well know politician who had lost his last race and considering his university post a stepping stone to higher political office. The president rudely interrupted the professor’s presentation and threw him out of the office. A proposal to the National Science Foundation fared no better. Throckmorton’s written proposal was answered by a one sentence form letter.

A lesser man would have been defeated, but not Throckmorton. He carefully a drafted a new proposal for funding and sent it off to the National Science Foundation. This time, the professor omitted any reference to rock’s being rational or to their ability to communicate. His proposal stated that the purpose of his proposed research was to study the agricultural potential of the soils of sub-Saharan Africa with a view to combating malnutrition among the indigenous populations. Acting quickly for a government office, the National Science Foundation approved the full sum Throckmorton had requested. So great was his glee, that the professor’s conscience troubled him not at all, since no one could reasonably argue that rocks are not part of the sib-Saharan soil.

When his grant ran out, Throckmorton easily secured from the National Science Foundation a continuation of the project. From time to time he had modest success. On one occasion he communicated a small piece of quartz, but found it flighty and unwilling or unable to discuss the matters Throckmorton brought up. On another occasion he learned from a rock on the New Jersey seacoast that there was a deposit of silver nearby, only to be disappointed after excavation at the specified point uncovered only a silver dollar buried in the sand.

As the years passed, Throckmorton spent increasingly less energy in pursuing the rock research. As memories faded about his sensational announcement, he was accorded greater respect. No criticism was raised when he was selected to head the Physics Department and there is talk he will be named the next dean of the College of Science.

The professor has shed most of his teaching duties and spends the bulk of his time presiding over the large new research laboratory that was created especially for him to investigate the problems of hunger in Africa. The funding has been most generous thanks to the influential member of Congress in whose district the laboratory was established. This Congressman cares not a whit for Africa or hunger but is pleased with the many jobs he expects it will create for his constituents.

Throckmorton very much enjoys his lunch each day prepared by the gourmet chef who runs the kitchen at the laboratory’s dining facility. This amenity is due to the general language contained in the legislation authorizing the financing of the laboratory, which provides that some of the funds may be utilized to provide appropriate eating facilities for the staff.

The professor’s conscience occasionally troubles him as when he heard of the latest large California earthquake. He is well aware that if he had convinced the scientific community about the validity of his findings, some lives and much property damage could have been avoided. He handles his regrets by reminding himself that scientific truth is not what it really is but about what a majority of scientists think it is and that he therefore bears no personal responsibility for what is occurring.

The Putin for President Movement seemed at first glance totally Quixotic. Not only was the Russian President widely regarded in the United States as opposed to everything this country stood for, but he had been born in Russia and was thus barred under the Constitution from serving as president. Nonetheless, as the time for the 2016 presidential election approached, it was obvious that the majority of the supporters of both major parties were so dissatisfied with all of the leading candidates that they would probably refuse to vote. Political pollsters admitted openly that their polls were useless in predicting the outcome of the race because so few potential voters would voice any opinion on the candidates other than to utter unrepeatable vulgarities.

The first public call for President Putin to be nominated as President of the United States appeared on the editorial page of the “New York Times” in the form of a letter to the editor. It was obviously not considered to be a series proposal; the paper’s editorial staff labeling it “A Touch of Political Humor.” One curious element of the story is that when an investigative reporter sometime later checked the purported name and address of the letter’s author, he determined it belonged to a fence-painter who had died two years before the date the letter was said to be written.

The letter would probably have passed unnoticed expect for the fact that it was seen by an editor of CBS News, who suggested it be used in a humorous signing off piece for the network’s nightly TV news show. When his proposal was accepted, and the letter aired, the cat was out of the bag. Because of the tendency of all of the prime time network news shows to use the next day any item carried by a rival network that they had omitted, follow-up stories were carried by the ABC, NBC and Fox Network news shows on the following day. As I usual, CNN then ventured the fray, putting on a three-hour evening special on the subject of Putin for President equipped with the leading political “talking heads” and two former American presidents

Once the possibility of Putin being elected President of the United States became a topic of public conversation, popular support for the idea mounted. From a tiny trickle, it grew into a brook, then a mighty river. Soon it became an unstoppable tidal wave.

The Russian President helped his own cause by his astute political behavior. When first asked about the possibility by journalists, he gave the standard answer demanded by politician’s tradition in such circumstances. He stated that he had no plans beyond carrying out his functions as Russian President for his elected term in office. Sometime later, as his political base in the United States grew, he admitted that he would be willing to serve as American President if drafted by a convention and elected by the voters.

Simultaneously Putin exploited the American media, freely making himself available to the Sunday morning TV network news shows. On “Face the Nation,” he was pressed hard by the host to explain his role in the Russian invasion of Ukraine. His response, “As President of a nation I would deem it my duty to protect and defend the interests of that national above all others,” was widely applauded by Americans of all political parties, eager to see the administration in Washington that would actually consider American interests first.