Straight To You: A Novella (Taking Chances Series Book 1) (11 page)

“Ashlynn, please...” Jeremy found himself standing alone on the bottom step.

- - -

Jeremy stared at the clock on the bedside table and watched the numbers change. It was close to two in the morning and he still couldn’t sleep. His conversation with Ashlynn kept replaying in his mind. He knew it would take some time for her to come to terms with his past. If she ever could.

Lord, I could really use Your help
, he prayed.
How do I prove to her that I’ve changed?

What a loaded question. What proof did he have that he was no longer ruled by selfish and impulsive desires? How could he show Ashlynn his heart belonged to her and her alone?

He tossed and turned in bed as he thought. After a while, the answer came to him suddenly, causing him to sit up. In that very moment he also heard a wail coming from the next room, Ashlynn’s room. He jumped out of bed, ran down the hall and opened her door without hesitation. In the darkness of the room, he made out a figure on the bed in the corner. He rushed over to find Ashlynn curled up in a fetal position, her body wracked by deep sobs. He turned on the lamp sitting on the nightstand. “Ash!” When she didn’t respond, he gently shook her. “Ash, wake up. You’re dreaming. Wake up.”

Her eyes opened with a start. She shook her head, struggling to catch her breath. “What happened?”

“You were having a bad dream.” Jeremy couldn’t stand to see her face contorted in such pain. He sat down on the bed and took her in his arms. He felt her heart pounding against his chest. “I heard you crying and came over.”

She wiped away the tears on her face and hid in his chest, breathing in his clean, soapy scent. “Th-thanks for coming.”

“You’re safe now.”

Ashlynn nodded and took a deep breath, grateful to have Jeremy by her side even though she was still reeling from his disclosure that evening. His strong arms offered her the safe haven she desperately needed right then.

“Do you remember what you were dreaming about?”

Her body shivered as the horrible scenes flashed through her mind again. “It’s the same dream …”

“You’ve had it before?”

“Every night for two months after my parents died. And every year around their anniversary.”

“What happens in the dream?” he gently nudged.

“I really don’t want to talk about it.” As Ashlynn’s heart calmed down, her thoughts suddenly turned to the present. She noticed Jeremy’s warm breath skimming over her bare shoulders and began to feel very vulnerable and exposed in her nightgown. She quickly withdrew from his arms and pulled the covers up to her chin. “You should go back to bed.”

“Tell me about the dream, Ash. I want to know.”

She shook her head. “I’ve never told anyone about it, not even Ben.”

“It’s time you told someone. I’m listening.”

She squeezed her eyes shut and exhaled slowly. “I see my parents’ car on the highway … “

“Go on. What happens next?”

“Their car is on fire and there are flames everywhere. I can see them, my mom and dad, through the window, but I can’t get to them.”

“Oh, Ash...”

“I scream for them to get out, but they can’t. There’s nothing else I can do. It’s the most helpless, horrible feeling in the world.”

“I’m so sorry. I wish I had the power to erase that image from your mind so you would never have to see it again.”

Ashlynn looked up and frowned. “No, it’s okay. In a strange way, the dream gives me a chance to still remember my parents. I can see their faces and hear their voices so clearly. In the dream, they’re not scared. They just want me to know they love me and they’ll see me again. I wouldn’t want to erase that from my mind, no matter how painful it may be. Is that weird?”

He shook his head for he really did understand. “No, it makes perfect sense. Even the worst things in our life can have some traces of good in them.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah, I do. When my parents divorced and we moved to Boston, my mom was able to reconnect with a lot of her old friends. Some of them she hadn’t seen for years since they were in college, but it didn’t matter how long it had been. Those friends came and helped us find a place to live and invited us over for meals, made sure we were doing okay. The divorce, as bad as it was, gave her the chance to see how much people still cared for her.” He sighed. “It’s kind of ironic, but without the bad things in our lives, we might not have the chance to see some of the good. I like to think of it as God’s redeeming power at work.”

“Maybe. I guess so.”

He noticed some uneasiness in her hazel eyes as she spoke. He followed her gaze and realized what had caught her attention. The tank top he wore exposed his upper arms - and once again, his past - for her to see. But there was no need to hide anymore. “Yes, I did those to myself, too.”

Ashlynn grimaced. “There are so many.”

“I know. I used to wear long sleeves whenever I could, so I could hide these scars. But over time I learned to not care so much. Sure, they remind me of the darkest days of my life, but they also remind me of how much God has seen me through.”

She nodded. “I think I know what you mean.”

“I know you do,” Jeremy said with a small smile. He then noticed the weariness in her eyes. “Hey, it’s late. You should get some sleep. How about I stay here with you for a while.”

Ashlynn shook her head. The two of them in the same bed? “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” She pulled the blanket tighter around her body as if to protect herself.

“Nothing’s going to happen, I promise. I’ll go as soon as you fall asleep. Lie down.”

She saw the determination in his eyes and lay down, keeping a safe distance between them. “Okay.”

He sat beside her on the bed, leaning his head against the headboard. “I’m right here if you need anything.”

What Ashlynn needed was to reconcile the memories of the past with the facts of the present. The man who had come to her rescue tonight was the Jeremy she remembered from her childhood, the one she had fallen in love with. But there was the other Jeremy, the one with the indiscretions she couldn’t forget - where did he fit in? Could she accept both sides of him? These questions weighed on her mind as she drifted off to sleep, even as the last thing she saw before her eyes closed were the scars on his arm, permanent reminders of his colorful past.

TWELVE

“Jeremy Levi Adams!”

Jeremy turned around with a guilty look on his face. He closed the carton of juice in his hands and returned it to the refrigerator. “My lips didn’t touch it, Jill, I swear,” he declared with three fingers raised. “I’ll use a cup next time, scout’s honor.”

The stern expression on her face didn’t ease up. “That’s not what I’m concerned about.”

“What is it then?”

“Chris was up late working and he saw you sneak out of Ashlynn’s room. I know you’re a grown man, but you’re still staying in our home. We have rules! What would the girls have thought if they saw you two in the same bed?”

Jeremy grinned. “I would have told them we were having a sleepover.”

Jillian shook her head and groaned. “You know what I mean.” She crossed her arms as she sighed. “I know it’s none of my business what you do-”

“But you’re going to make it yours anyway,” he added with a smirk. “Go on, I’m listening, big sis.”

“I’m just kind of surprised that you two are, you know …” She raised her eyebrows suggestively. “Ashlynn seems like a really good girl. Really grounded and sweet and committed to God.”

“She is. She’s amazing. Unlike any girl I’ve ever dated.”

“I remember what it’s like to have raging hormones when you’re dating, but sleeping together isn’t the answer. Sure, it makes you feel close for a while, but your priorities get thrown out of whack. Instead of caring for each other, you just end up caring about getting your own needs met and-”

Jeremy held up his hand to interrupt her. “Hold up, Jill. It’s not what you think. I was in Ashlynn’s room last night because she had a nightmare. I stayed until she fell asleep, then I went back to my room. Nothing happened.”

Her eyes widened in surprise. “Oh, I sure jumped to conclusions, didn’t I? I’m sorry. I just assumed …”

“It’s okay. I know I don’t have the best track record when it comes to relationships. But this time is different. I really want this to work out. I’m praying it does.”

“Everything okay?” She saw the doubt in Jeremy’s eyes. “What makes you think it won’t work out? You guys are great together. I know how much you adore her, and she’s just so cute, the way she looks at you like she’s Rapunzel and you’re her Flynn.”

“That’s just it,” Jeremy scoffed. “I’m not a prince riding in on a horse to save her. All I have to offer is baggage and a lot of it at that. It’s not fair for Ashlynn to have to deal with my past. She deserves more.”

Jill placed her hand on his arm. “You forget that Flynn wasn’t your typical knight in shining armor. He was a thief looking to steal Rapunzel’s crown. But his love for her changed him for the better, and she eventually saw that about him. Love has a way of opening our eyes to see more than just what’s on the surface.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Am I the only one who finds it strange that you’re using a Disney movie to give me relationship advice?”

“Hey, love is love, animated or not. But seriously, have some faith, why don’t you. God wouldn’t bring you guys back into one another’s lives for nothing.”

Jeremy sincerely hoped the past six months were not for nothing. Jillian’s words from that morning had been playing over and over in his mind ever since he and Ashlynn had boarded their plane back to California.

He looked over at her now as she sat beside him with her arms wrapped around a pillow. She looked peaceful for the first time in over a day, her face relaxed as she slept. Earlier, she had attempted to hide her feelings from Jillian, Chris, and the girls for the couple of hours they had spent together before their flight. He was impressed with the tenacity with which she had set her emotions aside and put on a happy face. While she was able to fool his family into believing everything was okay, he saw right through her facade. Her hazel eyes had turned a dark green and her dimple rarely peeked out when she smiled.

Once they had gotten into the cab for their ride to the airport, she had shut down completely. Any question he asked her had been answered with a nod or shake of the head. She had finally pleaded with him to let her be and he begrudgingly agreed, sensing that his efforts were not helping the situation. She had spent the entire flight sleeping, or perhaps feigning sleep, to avoid talking to him.

Now, as the plane neared San Francisco, Jeremy felt time was slipping out of his hands. He needed to talk to Ashlynn, to make her understand how much he cared for her. He was not giving up on them, even if she had. If she wouldn’t talk or listen to him, then he would find another way to communicate. He pulled out his laptop bag from beneath the seat in front of him. He searched through the inner pockets, his hand bumping against a black velvet box in the process. Sighing, he pulled the box out for a moment, then returned it to the bag and found what he had been looking for. He unlatched the meal tray in front of him and placed the sheet of paper and pen on it. In a matter of minutes, he had composed a letter. He folded it and placed it in the outer pocket of Ashlynn’s purse.

Shortly after, the plane began its descent and landed. Jeremy gently tapped Ashlynn’s arm. “Ash, we’ve landed. It’s time to get off.”

She wiped the sleep from her eyes and nodded. She saw a swirl of emotions in his blue eyes as they studied her face.

Worry. Tenderness. Longing.

Her heart softened under his gaze. She wanted to forget everything that had happened last night and just hide herself in his arms. But his confession weighed heavily on her heart. Part of her didn’t know who he was anymore. How could he still be her knight when his armor was so tarnished?

He grabbed their suitcases from the overhead compartment. She reached for hers. “I’ve got it, thanks.” Her fingers brushed his as the luggage exchanged hands and she inhaled quickly. His touch brought back memories of that summer day when they had met at
Adorn
. She needed to get away so she could think. Being near him was too hard. “I think I’ll take a taxi home.”

“I can drive you,” he said with a frown. “There’s no need to take a cab.”

“I just want to be alone, Jeremy.”

“Please talk to me, Ash. We’re in this together.”

“I need time to figure things out on my own. I’m really tired and I just want to go home. Please.”

He nodded reluctantly. “Alright. At least let me get one for you.”

They made their way outside the airport to the taxi pick up area. A cab pulled up and the driver placed Ashlynn’s luggage in the trunk. Jeremy held the door open for her as she sat down. Before closing it, he leaned in and handed the driver some cash. “Keep the change.” Then he turned to Ashlynn with a gentle smile. “Please call me when you get home.”

She nodded briefly. “Thanks.”

As he watched her taxi drive away, he felt a part of his heart leave, too. The only consolation he had was the text message she sent an hour later letting him know she had made it home.

THIRTEEN

“Ash, can I come in?” Melanie furrowed her brows as she stood outside Ashlynn’s bedroom. When she had declined to join them for dinner again, she told Ben she would bring a plate of food up for her. Through the crack of the partly open door she saw her sister-in-law sitting on the bed, her arms wrapped tightly around her knees. “I brought you some bok choy and your favorite basil chicken.”

“Sure,” Ashlynn answered as she folded up a piece of paper and placed it under a textbook on the desk. “Thanks, Mel.”

Melanie walked in and set the plate on the desk. The peppery and slightly minty aroma of basil filled the room. She noticed Ashlynn duck her head in an effort to hide the teardrops staining her cheeks. “You okay, Ash? You’ve been so quiet since you got back from Boston. You just stay cooped up in your room as soon as you come home from work or school. I know something’s not right.”