Storm (19 page)

Chapter Thirty-Three

Penelope

It’s right after sunrise when the relay disk buzzes again. My heart leaps because this means that Poncho got the herb, in time, too, since the Observance is tomorrow. I push the button and land on solid ground in the library, Poncho is only a few feet away from me, but it feels less like home than it used to.

“Miss Grey, you made it,” he says.

I nod. I don’t have time or energy for pleasantries. “Did you get the Dragooni?”

Poncho bows his head and holds out the plant to me.
It’s long and flowing, like a willow branch, but covered in bright tangerine flowers. As I take it from his hand, he pauses. “Are you certain this is your path?”

“My sister is dying. Statics are dying.”

“Answer one thing, Miss Grey. Is this really for them, or is it for yourself? The void is not your magic. It is not what you have been told. Once you do this, there is no going back.”

Part of me thinks he’s right. The other part, the part with a sister on the line and the void magic that’s already flowing through me, that part hates him. “There’s already no going back.”

He shakes his head. “It is only too late to turn around if you are lost.”

“I’m sure,” I say. Sage or not, that doesn’t mean anything to me. Seak, the cat who never liked me, rubs against my leg. Finally, some attention.

“I see,” he says, staring at the cat. Then Poncho turns around and leaves me.

…

When I connect with the void this time, it feels like my skin, bones, and muscle all separate from one another. It’s becoming so easy to let go, to not feel anything except the magic. There’s nothing to tie me together or hold me down and I’m weightless. But I’m whole. Like that part of me that I’ve been missing has finally appeared and woven the pieces of myself. I’m empty and I’m completely full.

“Great job, Penelope,” Lia says as the void fades away from me, leaving me feeling normal again. She moves toward me across the open space of the woods, her eyes wide.

Letting go of the void is a painful withdrawal. Or what withdrawal seems like it could be. My skin crawls, burns and longs for more of it. There’s this loss that’s immediate when I’m done using it, and the more I’m able to connect with it the more intense it gets. My whole body burns with the power, especially along my veins where the blackness flows. It’s nearly spread to all of me now—almost there.

A source with this much power will definitely save my sister. This is right, even though others will think it’s wrong.

“When I first heard the rumors about you being able to directly access the source, I didn’t think it was true. No demon has been able to do that,” Lia says. Her eyes pierce into mine for a moment.

“So you’ve said before,” I say.

“You really are remarkable.”

“I hear that a lot,” I say. She shakes her head, but she had to have thought it was a little funny. Carter would’ve thought it was funny.

“If only you could block out everything else, you’d be unstoppable.”

I don’t remark on that because my thoughts haven’t changed. One more day. One more.

“That’s enough Dragooni, right?” I ask, pointing to the little stack of yellow flowers.

She nods. “It’s perfect. I knew you could do it.”

“Glad I didn’t disappoint,” I say, chugging some water. The void may be amazing, but it’s also exhausting. “I’ll work some more tonight. I’ll be ready by tomorrow,” I say. Only my face is unmarked, but as soon as I master the void it will all clear up. When that happens, I’ll be ready, and it has to happen tomorrow.

“Before you go to the Observance, come find me. I have a present for you.”

“I love presents. What is it?”

“A surprise.”

I frown. “Surprises aren’t so much my thing.”

“This one will be worth it,” Lia says. “See you tomorrow.”

…

My nerves are shot already. I was so excited earlier. This is what I’ve been waiting for. This is what I’ve known was the best way to accomplish it. Maybe it was seeing Poncho, or my fight with Ric. I can’t pinpoint it, but now I feel sick. Not magic sick. Like I’m making a bad decision sick. I’m voluntarily becoming a demon, and no sane person would do that. What am I thinking? What Poncho said about turning around, I can still stop this.

But if I stop this then my sister dies.

That’s not an option.

I order a double scoop of coconut chocolate chip and scan the small ice cream parlor while I wait to pay. I freeze when I see some other Enforcers from my testing period in the far corner. I recognize James McEllory immediately with his bright red hair, and his partner, Jenna Lakes. Annah Jelowski whispers to the table, and then Jordan Stark waves at me, and points to an empty chair near them. I can’t sit there. I have to get out of here.

Annah rushes over to me as I pay. “Penelope. Long time no see. How’s your sister?”

I gulp back my fear.
No emotions
. “She’s hanging in there.”

She touches my arm softly, and then leads me toward her table. So much for not coming over. “We miss you and Carter at meetings. When the council told us what happened, we were all pretty shocked. It was nice of them to let you take some time off. After everything,” Anna says. Nice, sure. That’s how they’re spinning it.

“Very
nice
,” I spit. I hope they feel the venom of it.

“Ready for the Observance tomorrow?” Jordan asks.

“I have the best dress,” Jenna adds.

I judge her with my eyes. I hope she feels the judgment. A dress is the one thing that doesn’t matter right now. “Oh yeah. I enjoy celebrating while everyone around me dies.”

They all look at me like I’m insane for saying the unspeakable—that people are dying. It’s not like it’s a lie. Then all of their phones go off. They all look at once so I know it’s the WNN. I debate pulling out my phone and playing along, but there’s no point. They know I’m away, so maybe that’s a good enough reason not to look.

But then Jenna’s face goes white, and James looks up at me in his usual accusatory way. Anna whispers, “no way” under her breath—but not well if I can hear her. It’s Jordan Stark’s expression that gets me, though. The complete and utter disgust. I’ve seen that look before.

My phone vibrates in my pocket. I ignore it, even though there’s a chill through my body that they know.
They know
. Then Jenna asks, “Is this true?”

“What is it?” I ask. My heart is racing, but I try to push down the anxiety. I can’t feel it. I don’t want to feel it. My phone vibrates again so I pull it out of my pocket, all of their eyes on me. I can’t see the WNN, obviously, but I have a text from Pop and from Ric saying the same thing. But it’s the third one, the one that comes in from Carter while I’m holding my phone that resonates the most.

Someone told the WNN you’re a halfling.

I look up from my phone toward the four people sitting across from me. Jordan’s face is mimicked on everyone’s. The revulsion.

“I have to go,” I say.

I drop my ice cream on the table before I run, and I don’t look back.

Chapter Thirty-Four

Carter

Pen texts me back a few minutes later, asking me to meet her in our spot. I leave the library without even saying good-bye to Poncho. He’ll understand. The elevator takes forever, so I push the button again and again to make sure it’s on the way.

How did this happen?

That update is burnt into my eyes.

Penelope Grey Is A Halfling.

Who would tell the WNN? And why?

This stupid elevator is taking forever.

She can’t handle this right now. Whatever’s going on with her, this is going to make it worse.

I stare at the numbers. Three more floors. It jerks
to a stop, and starts going back up. Wait, what? I push the buttons, but they don’t change. I need to get out of here.

The doors ding open and my father is standing on the other side. Shit.

“My office. Now.”

His lips are in a tight line, and his shoulders back. He means business right now, and I’m positive it has to do with Penelope.

Dad slams the office door behind him, and before I even sit down he’s already talking. “Who submitted that information to the WNN?”

I cross my arms. “You?”

My dad shakes his head. “I wouldn’t do that.”

I scoff. “I didn’t do it.”

“And Miss Grey?”

Is he really asking me this? “Did she out herself? No. She’s not stupid, Dad.” Why am I even still here? I need to go to her, so I move toward the door.

“Someone sent that. A day before the Observance and now this mess to clean up.”

I turn around to him. He always makes it about him. “Undo the rumor. Send out a retraction to fix this.” He has the power, so he might as well use it for good.

Dad’s eyes narrow in on me. “You aren’t to see her anymore.”

“What? No way.”

Dad shakes his head, stepping toward me in the small space of his office. “You have to end it with that girl. It’s the only way to keep your secret.”

“No,” I say. Not even an option.

“You are my priority.”

That’s always his excuse. This isn’t about him or me. Penelope needs me. Now more than ever. I’m the only one who knows what’s really going on with the demons. He can’t keep her from me when I can help her out of this mess.

“My relationship with Penelope isn’t your business.” I turn the doorknob.

Dad slams his fist on his desk, and it makes me turn around. He doesn’t lose it very often. “It is when you share a secret. If people start to question her then how long until they question you? Everyone close to the girl is guilty by association. I can’t protect you, Carter, not if you’re with her. You want to lose all you’ve been building here?”

“You mean all the ideas I’ve had and you’ve barely let me try? Yeah, what a loss.”

“We’ll need you, son, to lead the Statics after the Observance.”

I can’t believe this. Only he’d stoop this low. “So, you’re bribing me. She isn’t a toy that you can threaten to take away.”

“She is exactly that,” Dad yells, his eyes wide. This makes his thoughts about her and me very clear. He doesn’t think I’m serious about her, about not following his path. “I don’t have to threaten it—I make the laws. One word from me and she’s gone anyway. Don’t risk yourself or this family.”

Why can’t he understand this? “I can’t do that. She needs me.”

Dad stands and puts his hand on my shoulder. “I’ve done a lot of fighting for you. To keep you safe and with me. Will you sacrifice that for a girl?”

“Yes,” I say without hesitation.

Dad sighs, lowering his hand. “Please don’t be with her publicly until this settles. I will find out who revealed this information. This is for your own good. It’s only until after the Observance, only one day. We need to make it through this event unscathed. This is an important sign of hope that our kind needs right now.”

I can tell he means it, even if I don’t want him to be sincere. “If I say no?”

“You can’t say no. It’s this or she’s gone completely.”

I step back from him. “Then I don’t have a choice, do I, other than to bow to the great Triad leader?” Then I bow, purposefully. I want him to know that I hate this decision as much him. He’s wasting my time when Penelope needs me. I’ll do whatever it takes to get out of this room.

Dad lowers his voice. “Don’t forget your place.”

I stand up and shoot him a look of disdain. “It’s hard to forget it when I haven’t even found it yet.”

“I can tell you where it isn’t—with Penelope Grey.”

“Got it,” I say, pushing past him to open the door.

Dad moves out of the way and straightens his blazer. “Be sure that it sinks in.”

“Consider it ingrained.” I say as I close the door.

Chapter Thirty-Five

Penelope

Standing on the
hilltop isn’t peaceful. It’s chaos. Everything below seems to want to swallow me whole. Every witch knows I’m a halfling. I wring my hands. What am I going to do?

“Pen,” Carter says.

Then, I’m in his arms. He holds me close, and I miss his familiar scent of nutmeg. He’s been busy, mostly protecting me, and I’ve done nothing to deserve it.

“Everyone knows,” I whisper in his ear. It’s ironic, because I’m not even sure who I am anymore. I’m so confused by all of this. The magic plunges around in my stomach, and the motion is enough to make me sick.

“I know,” is all he says.

“How long until they learn what I did? They’ll all really hate me then.”

“They won’t find out, and they won’t hate you. It’s all going to be okay.”

I pull away from him. “How can you say that? Stop saying that.”

There really is no worse expression. It’s not going to work out. It’s not.

“Penelope,” he whispers.

“Nothing is ‘okay.’ Nothing will work out. This is a mess. A mess. I’ve pulled you into all this,” I say.

Into the fire with me. Into the demons. Into the lies, the void, the Statics, my betrayal. Everything. The void feels like it’s crawling under my skin, and I pull my arms toward myself to stop the sensation.

“I don’t see how this can get any worse now,” I say, mostly to myself. Except, even as I say that, I don’t accept it as true. Poncho could get in trouble for communicating with me. Carter could be discovered. Connie could die. My family could be destroyed. Everything, really, can only get worse from here.

Then he exhales, and my eyes meet his. “I left my dad from here,” he starts. He scrubs a hand down his neck, and my stomach is a pit. “Because of all this, my dad has decided that I can’t be with you—in public.”

“What?”

“He says it’s too dangerous for me, for him.”

I pull away. I can’t hear this. No. He’s all I have right now. He can’t do this to me. He can’t leave me.

I knew he would leave me. I knew it.

Carter grabs my hand. “I told him I wouldn’t, and he threatened you. It’s until the Observance is over. One day. Dad’s desperate to keep his secret about my mom, and I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep you safe. It was the only way, Pen.”

“For you to not date me?” I scream it at him. All the words in my head are jumbled together with the magic brewing and the anger.

“To pretend,” he looks at me. “I wouldn’t give you up.”

But you just did.
“Then why are you even here right now? If Daddy forbade you.” Everything comes out louder than I mean it to.

Carter squeezes my hand and locks eyes with me. “Believe me when I say I’d do anything for you.” I shake my head and he rests each of his hands on my cheeks. “Say the word and I’ll walk you into the Observance myself. Screw him.”

Don’t feel. Calm down, Penelope.

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine,” he says, dropping his hands. “It sucks. He sucks. All of this.”

I close my eyes. Push down my emotions. I won’t feel anything. I won’t feel anything. I won’t feel anything.

If I say it enough then maybe it will be true.

“You said there was more.”

Carter sighs. I hate that sigh. I hate everything.

“There are some things I’ve learned, and I’ve been trying to tell you for weeks.”

His phone beeps and I roll my eyes. “Answer it.”

“No,” he says.

“It could be your dad,” I say. My chest feels like it is caving in. Carter reaches for me, this look of pity on his face. I shake my head. I don’t want his pity. That’s worse than anything else. I want him to leave me alone. “You said you can’t be with me. Answer it.”

He does and turns his back. I look over the city, and my eyes fill with tears. Wrong move. Answering it means Carter’s giving me up. Just like that. I don’t want him to leave me.

I hear him yell into the phone. The way he talks to me, looks at me, understands what I’m feeling without me saying it. No one else can do that. And I’m lying to him about everything. If I tell him that I really do know what’s going on with Connie, what’s really going on, then maybe he’ll be able to let me go. It’ll be easier now, then when I’m a demon. Maybe it will make it easier for both of us. He’s risking everything for me, and I’m about to be gone.

He hangs up the phone and I look toward him. This is my chance to finally set him free.

“Carter, I need to tell you now,” I say as he steps closer toward me. “I’m doing the Restitution.”

He steps away from me. “What?”

I might as well get out with it. “I’m almost ready. That’s what I’ve been planning and working on all this time with Lia.”

“You can’t,” he says. The strain in his forehead, the strain in his jaw, the blaze in his eyes all say more than his words. His whole body screams at me. I hate it, but now I’ve come too far. “You can’t do that. Not right now.”

My stomach is bouncing, swaying. I need him to understand this. “It’s the only way.”

“The only way to what?”

I stare at him. How is he not getting this? “To save my sister, and the Statics.”

“How is that exactly?”

I look away, so I don’t have to see his face. Seeing his reaction is worse than hearing it. “I’ll restore Lia, and then take her place long enough to get to Azsis. And when I do, everything will be back to normal. Undone.”

He’s staring at me when I look back. He thinks I’m crazy. Maybe this is crazy.

“You can’t do this,” he finally says. When he does, I notice the look in his eye is the same as the one Jordan Stark wore. Disgust. “I
am
a demon. So are you. This is for Connie, and everyone else.”

“This isn’t the way,” he says, shaking his head. “Not like this.”

I choose not to look at his eyes anymore. Not even to look at him. I don’t need his approval for this, or his support. I knew he wouldn’t understand what I’m doing. That’s why I didn’t tell him. He doesn’t have a sister to worry about. He’s never had anyone like that. I keep my gaze focused on everything else in front of me. On the city. On the cars. On the trees in the breeze. “It’s the only way to have everything fixed.”

He scoffs beside me, but I still don’t look. “I know what this is really about—the magic.”

I can’t believe he’s even suggesting that. Yes, I like the magic—but it’s my sister. “No, it’s about Connie. I’d do this even if I couldn’t get my magic back.” He tries to grab me but I sidestep from him. If I can barely look at him, then I definitely can’t touch him. “I thought you’d understand. Out of everyone, I thought you would get why I need to do this.”

“I don’t,” he says.

It’s proof that I was wrong before. I’m too much of a girl, controlled by desire and emotions. He doesn’t understand me, because if he did then he’d get how much I need this. For Connie, for the Statics, and yes, even for myself. I can’t live with all the things I’ve done when I have a chance to fix them.

“This won’t undo anything,” he practically whispers but it echoes through the darkness. “You don’t have all the details,” I say, finally looking back at him. Bad decision. Our eyes meeting makes it easy to want to be a simple girl. It makes me remember the cute, annoying boy who pursued me and kept my secret and loved me. The one I had before when I was the old me.

Carter sighs, but his eyes are still blazing with energy and emotion. With a nod, he reaches out for my hand. “Listen, tell me what’s happening. I need to understand. How can you do it?”

“I’ve been working with the Lia to learn the void.”

Carter squeezes my hand, and his eyes widen. “You can’t trust her.”

“Then who can I trust?” I shout. It echoes through the trees and disappears somewhere over the hill.

“Me,” he whispers.

I laugh, and it’s totally in a funny-ironic-hateful way. From the brokenness and anger on his face, he picks up on it. “You gave me up for your dad, Carter, so no. I can’t.”

“Penelope, don’t walk away. Don’t do this.”