Stork Naked (6 page)

Surprise found herself almost overwhelmed by his kind words. That, too, was an effect of the elixir. At the same time she was immensely relieved that the particular effect she had anticipated had not occurred. “Thank you.”

“Now that we have felt the impact and expressed ourselves, there is no need to address this subject further. We must proceed to accomplish our mission.”

“Agreed.” But she remained transported by the wonder of it. Love that was not possessive or guilty. That would not interfere with their other commitments.

They came to the inner verge of the lake and trotted along through the forest there. They were on Lion Mountain, and had not gotten snapped up. They moved on up the slope, their centaur bodies handling the effort well. Now was the time to see if she could work a spell to nullify the effect of the elixir, but maybe it wasn't necessary.

The ground was solid, but moved somewhat, as might the body of a monstrous animal as it breathed. Which aspect was dominant?

In due course they reached the summit. Now Surprise could see that it was in the shape of a huge lion's head. At its top, between two peaks in the shape of ears, stood a castle. She realized that the castle was rather like an elaborate hat, or a crown.

There was no forest surrounding the castle. Instead the area seemed to have been burned. That signaled the nature of its occupant.

“Something maybe you should know,” Woe Betide piped up. “Here there be monsters.”

Che halted at the edge of the scorched plain. “You are a child, but of course possess the knowledge of your adult form, excluding matters restricted by the Adult Conspiracy. Your two adult forms have gotten widely around, naturally, in the course of their mischievous quests. What do you know about Lion Mountain?”

“That there is a deal between Pyra, Mistress of the Mask, and a number of male and female brutes.” Woe spoke with solid vocabulary and syntax, another legacy of her wide background. “Whoever comes through the love lake will fall in love with the first creature of opposite gender seen. Pyra doesn't want that to be her, because for all she knows it could be a three-eyed troll, so she lets assorted monsters surround the castle, and any visitors will encounter one of them first, and fall in love. Then the monster gets to depart with its love-slave.”

“But doesn't that tend to isolate Pyra?” Surprise asked.

“Sure. D. Vore once passed her way on other business, and she almost kissed him to death with fiery passion. She was so mad to learn he was already married to Xanth's most beautiful naga princess that she scorched all the furniture.”

The other children tittered, and the peeve let out a loud caw-caw-caw. Startled, Surprise looked at them, and there were none. They had been left beyond the lake, and she had imagined their likely reaction. She would have to tame her half-guilty imagination.

“Warning taken, thank you,” Che said. “With respect to both monsters and mistress.” He glanced at Surprise. “Fortunately we shall be able to explain to both that we crossed the lake together, so our love is already taken despite the preemptive effect of the elixir.”

That did seem to be a viable story, Surprise thought. But she suffered a twinge. She had thought that her love for Che was largely intellectual, in the centaur manner, but now realized that it wasn't limited to that. She wanted to hug him and kiss him and—

She stifled that thought. It was not Centaurly. She would suppress it and not say anything to him.

Then Che did a double take. “Woe! Why aren't you with the children?”

Surprise realized with a shock that she had checked on the two real children, and overlooked the illicit presence of the fake child. The distraction of the love elixir was really getting to her. Of course the demon could pop across, neither flying nor wading.

The child frowned cutely. “What, when the interesting stuff is occurring here? Not that anything really naughty has happened, yet.”

Surprise pointed back the way they had come. “Back to the babysitter. Now.” She put the last word into bold italics, making it irrefutable.

Woe popped off, leaving behind only a disgusted fading “Awww.”

Che looked thoughtful. “Could she have been along, invisibly, during our lake dialogue?”

“It's possible. Fortunately we didn't say anything naughty, as she put it.”

“Surely a severe disappointment,” he agreed. “Now we must disappoint some monsters.”

They resumed motion, trotting across the plain. Before long the monsters manifested, fanning out from the castle to intercept them. Soon two detached themselves and came forward, while the others hung back. Evidently they had a system to determine whose turn it was for love.

The two were a motley four-footed female griffin and a grotesque warty male winged dragon. Winged monsters—that made sense, since technically two winged monsters were approaching the castle.

“Sorry, folk,” Che said. “We crossed together. We're not interested in any of you.”

“Not at all,” Surprise agreed.

The monsters sighed and gave way, as it was obviously true. Had the visitors been love-smitten, they would have immediately clasped their opposite numbers and proceeded to actions that would have freaked out Woe Betide, for all that her adult selves were thoroughly familiar with them. As it was, the only creature Surprise wanted to clasp was—

She damped that down to a smoldering remnant and made her way through the clustered monsters toward the crown-shaped castle. Che walked beside her.

A young woman appeared at the front gate. “Centaurs!” she exclaimed.

“I am Che, and my companion is Surprise,” Che said. “We are effectively immune to the love elixir for obvious reasons. We have come for the Mask.”

“I am Pyra, as you must know.” A patina of flames danced about the woman's skin, thicker across her bosom and hips. That seemed to be her only clothing. Her hair was auburn, turning red at the ends. “You can't have the Mask.”

“Perhaps we shall be able to persuade you that we have legitimate need of it,” Che said smoothly.

“You couldn't use it even if you stole it.”

“We wouldn't do that,” Surprise protested.

Pyra considered, frowning. She did not seem at all friendly. “Come in and talk.” She turned and walked into the castle, her body moving like flickering flame. It was a shapely effect, Surprise thought, for those who might like that type. Che did seem to be taking it in.

The center of the castle was a huge covered dome, with a pleasant garden growing inside. Nothing looked scorched. Evidently Pyra could control her temper when she had reason.

“This is very nice,” Surprise said, looking around.

The woman thawed, for all that she had hardly been frozen. “Are you hungry?”

Surprise exchanged a surprised glance with Che. “We are,” he said.

“The elixir does it. New love consumes energy. Wait here.” Pyra went to a side chamber.

“Love consuming energy,” Che remarked. “That is not something I anticipated, but there does seem to be a rationale.”

“I, neither,” Surprise agreed. But probably her energy was being expended trying to suppress the awkward feelings that were burgeoning. It wasn't that she didn't love her husband Umlaut, but that Che was here and fascinating. Knowing that the elixir was responsible helped only intellectually.

Che looked around. “This is a veritable garden of rarities. I recognize a number of obscure plants.”

“It must be her hobby. She has time to give it full attention.”

Pyra returned with a tray. “I do. Plants make excellent companions, demanding little, providing sweet flowers and tasty fruits.” She set the tray on a stone table. “Baked apples, toasted buns, baked potatoes, roasted chestnuts, burned beans, boiling beverage—I'm afraid I'm not good with cold refreshments.”

“These will certainly do,” Che said, as the two of them attacked the meal with ferocious appetites.

“One man passed by here some time ago with the talent of growing plants on animals. He offered to grow some on the monsters, but I declined. So we don't have any plants here that rare.”

“Surely just as well,” Surprise agreed, suppressing a shudder. She didn't care even to visualize such a plant.

“It is not that I am possessive of the Mask,” Pyra said as they ate. “Indeed, I wouldn't mind giving it up in exchange for a decent life with a worthwhile companion. It's that I am responsible for it, and until I find a successor, I must meet my responsibility. Someone who won't mind the isolation.”

“That is understandable and worthy,” Che said around a mouthful. “It is a potent device that could cause much mischief if wrongly used.”

“It certainly could. That is why it is here. The isolation is to protect it, not me. But apart from that, you would have difficulty using it without considerable training. Like other powerful tools, it seems simple but is not simple to control.”

Surprise noted that the woman was not at all as the demoness had described her, eagerly grabbing any available man. She was reasonable and lucid. That was an incidental warning: don't be too quick to trust what demons said. However, the news about the monsters surrounding the castle had been accurate. So it wasn't smart to be too quick to disbelieve, either.

They caught up on their meal enough to abate their sudden hunger and discuss the matter with better attention. “Thank you for the excellent repast,” Che said.

“That was very kind of you,” Surprise said.

Pyra thawed further. “You're welcome. Do you wish to see the Mask now?”

Che elevated on eyebrow in an appealing way he had. “You do not hide it?”

“There is no need. No one else could use it, as I said, and few reach the castle unscathed. Here is the Mask.” She lifted a square frame from the table beside the food tray.

“It was under our noses!” Surprise exclaimed.

Pyra shrugged, causing waves of fire to radiate from her shoulders. “As you see, this is a blank screen. That is deceptive. It is always active, but reverts to an everything state when not in use. What are you looking for?”

“My baby,” Surprise said. “My human baby. I'm not really a centaur.”

“I wondered. You did seem a bit emotional for that species, but of course centaurs vary, and the love elixir would stir up whatever passions you possess. But if you have a baby, how is it that you do not have it with you?”

“That is my frustration. The stork brought it, then concluded that I was not old enough, and took it away undelivered. Now I mean to find it and get it back, though I confess I don't see how some mask can help me.”

“It is a Reality Mask. It should be easier to understand once I demonstrate it.”

“Please do,” Che said.

Pyra held the frame up before her so that her face was hidden behind its pane. “When and where did this occur?”

“This morning, at my home,” Surprise said, bemused. “Where my parents Grundy Golem and Surprise Elf live.”

“Golem residence, morning,” Pyra murmured.

The panel glowed and became a picture of the Golem house. The peeve perched on a tree branch outside it, watching for passing strangers. “That's it!” Surprise cried.

“Fast forward,” Pyra said.

The picture quivered. The bird zipped into the house. A monk chip scurried by at blinding velocity. Then a big bird plummeted down to the ground. It was the stork, with a bundle suspended from its beak.

“Normal time,” Pyra said.

The stork slowed to regular motion, approaching the house. The door opened and Surprise stood there. There was a brief dialogue they couldn't hear, as the screen was soundless. Then the stork turned, spread its wings, and flew away, bearing its bundle.

“That was it,” Surprise said, tears in her eyes. It seemed like an age since she lost her baby, but had been only a few hours. “But how can this—this mask—make such accurate pictures?”

“This is only part of its functioning,” Pyra said. “It selects specified pictures, masking irrelevant ones. In this case I confined it to this reality.” The image of the stork returned, this time unmoving, like a painted picture.

“This reality,” Surprise echoed, remembering the discussion she had had with Che.

“Here is the same scene without masking.” The screen became blank again.

“But it shows nothing!”

“No, it shows everything. All the realities. Now I shall mask out a number.” Pyra paused, then spoke to the frame. “Mask all without storks.”

The screen flickered, but remained opaque.

“Mask all without balks.”

The screen became filled with tiny images of still storks. Surprise gazed at them, amazed anew.

“Mask all female storks.”

Now half the number of pictures appeared, each twice the prior size.

“We can reduce it to a single picture, in a single reality,” Pyra said. “But it will be the wrong picture, or the wrong reality, if the masking is not proper. Do you care to try it?”

Surprise knew better, but gambled. “Yes.”

Pyra put the frame in her hands. “Try zeroing in on the same scene,” she suggested.

The picture had reverted to blank. Now Surprise understood that this was actually a display of so many tiny pictures that each was the size of a dot. She had to reduce their number by masking out the irrelevant ones.

“Mask all storks,” she said.

Nothing happened.

“What you have now is all the scenes that don't contain storks,” Pyra explained. “An infinite number.”

Oh. “Mask all without storks,” Surprise said.

There seemed to be no change. There were too many with storks. “Mask all where the stork doesn't balk.”

Now she got the myriad tiny pictures. But it wasn't the same; the house was gone. “What happened?”

“You allowed the scene to drift. You have to keep it steady with your hands, as it is responsive to motion of the frame.”

Surprise realized that even copying what she had just seen, she was fouling up. How would she have done entirely on her own? “You're right; I'm not good at this,” she said, handing the Mask back.

“It requires years of practice,” Pyra said, laying it back down on the table. “I still don't have it perfectly.”

“I don't have years! I have to do this in hours!” Surprise realized she was verging on hysteria, a human failing.