Stopping for a Spell (10 page)

“Bother!” said Erg.

As he put more blue water into the salt cellar, he began to feel that everything was getting out of hand. The machine would not work. The earthy front of his pajamas was blue and soaking, and so was most of the bathroom. And to crown it all, there was a new outcry from the grannies, from the kitchen this time. This was followed by feet on the stairs.

Next moment all four grannies were outside the bathroom door.

“Come out of there at once!” snapped Granny One.

“We're so worried, dear,” hushed Granny Two.

“It was very unkind of you, dear,” quavered Granny Four, “to fill the sugar bowl with salt.”

But it was Granny Three who really alarmed Erg. “You know,” she said, “that child has done something with Emily. I've not set eyes on her all the time I've been here.”

Erg's eyes went guiltily to the sad face of the teddy in the bath.

Outside the door, Granny Two said, “I shall phone the fire brigade to get him out.”

“And spank him when he is,” Granny One agreed.

Erg listened to no more. He rammed the salt cellar and the straw back in place and wound the eggbeater.
Pray pray pray praypraypray
. Blue water squirted. The works of the clock sploshed. Around and around went the chopstick, the mixer blades, the salt cellar, the skewer, the sardine opener, the mincer cutters, the straw, and the clip off the vacuum cleaner.

“Only one granny,” prayed Erg, winding desperately. “I can't manage more than one—please!”

7

Supergranny

There was a sudden silence outside the bathroom door. It's worked! Erg thought.

“Erg,” said a large, quavery voice outside. “Erg, open this door.”

“In a minute,” Erg called.

The words were hardly out of his mouth when the bathroom door leaped and crashed open against the wall. The one granny Erg had asked for came in. Only one. But Erg stared at her in horror. She was six feet tall and huge all over. Her hair was the baby pink of Granny Three's. Her face was the stern face of Granny One, except that it wore the worried look of Granny Two. Her voice was the quavery voice of Granny Four, but it was four times as loud. Erg knew at a glance that what he had here was all four grannies in one. They had blended into Supergranny. He jumped up to run.

Supergranny swept toward Erg. With one hand she caught Erg's arm in a grip of steel. At the same time she was keenly scanning the rest of the bathroom.

“What is this mess?” she quavered menacingly. “And where is Emily?”

Erg dared not tell the truth. He avoided the teddy's accusing stare. “Emily went to play in the park,” he said.

“Very well,” said Supergranny. “We shall go and get her. Come along, dear.”

“I can't go like this!” Erg protested, looking down at his earthy, blue, wet pajamas.

All the grannies were a little deaf when it suited them. Supergranny was superdeaf. “Come along, dear,” she said. She plucked the teddy out of the bath and planted it in Erg's arms. “Don't forget teddy-weddy the fairies brought you.” And she pulled Erg toward the door.

All Erg could think of was to spare one hand from the teddy and snatch up his invention from the washbasin as he was pulled away. Blue water from it trickled down his legs as Supergranny towed him downstairs, but Erg hung on to it grimly. As soon as he got a chance, he was going to wind the eggbeater again and get Supergranny sent to Mars—which was surely where she belonged.

But in the hall Supergranny's piercing eye fell on the prayer machine. “You can't take that nasty thing, dear,” she said. She dragged it away from Erg and dropped it on the floor. Miserably Erg tried dropping the teddy, too. But Supergranny picked it up again and once more planted it in Erg's arms. “Come along, dear.”

Erg found himself in the street outside the house, in wet blue pajamas, with one hand clutching a huge teddy and the other in the iron grip of Supergranny. Behind him the front door crashed shut. Erg could tell by the noise that it had locked itself. “Have you got a key?” he said hopelessly.

All the grannies were a little vague at times, when it suited them. Supergranny was supervague. “I don't know, dear. Come along.”

Erg knew he was locked out of the house and the prayer machine locked in. As a last hope, he tried lingering beside Granny Three's snake green car. “Can we drive to the park?”

But three of the grannies did not know how to drive, and that canceled out the one who did. “I don't know how to drive, dear,” said Supergranny.

So Erg was forced to trot along the pavement beside Supergranny. They kept passing people Erg knew. Not one of these people spared a glance for Supergranny. It was as if they saw pink-haired superwomen every day. But every single person stared at Erg, and Erg's pajamas, and the huge teddy bear. Erg tried to keep an expression on his face of a boy playing woad-stained Ancient British convicts who had just slain a fierce teddy bear. But either that was too hard an idea for one face to express, or Erg did not express it very well. Almost everybody laughed.

Erg was glad when they reached the park and found it nearly empty, except for some girls on the swings.

Here Supergranny seemed to forget they had come to look for Emily. But that did not help Erg. Supergranny led him over to the slide and the swings. “You play, dear. Slide down the slide, while I rest my poor feet.” She sat heavily on the nearest park bench.

Erg tried to defy her. “What if I don't slide down the slide?” he asked.

“Awful things happen to little boys who disobey,” Supergranny quavered placidly.

Erg looked her in the steely eye and believed it. He leaned the teddy against the steps of the slide and began bitterly to climb up. He knew that when he got to the top, the girls on the swings would see him and laugh, too.

But when he got to the top of the slide, everyone had left the swings except one big girl. She was such a big girl that she had to swing with her legs stuck straight out in front of her. Erg sat at the top of the slide and stared.

That big girl was Emily!

Unbelievingly, Erg craned to look over his shoulder. The big yellow teddy bear was still leaning against the steps of the slide. Had the invention perhaps not been a prayer machine after all? Erg looked hopefully over at the park bench. Supergranny still sat there. Her pink head was nodding in a superdoze.

Erg flung himself on the slide and shot down it. He shot off the bottom and raced across to the swings.

“Emily!” he panted. “What happened? Where did you go?”

Emily gave Erg an unfriendly look. “To have lunch with my friend Josephine,” she said. “Dear brother,” she added, and stood up against the swing ready to shoot forward on it and kick Erg in the stomach.

“Oh, be nice, please!” Erg begged her. “
Why
did you go?”

“Because you were so horrid to me,” said Emily. “And then when I opened the front door, Granny Three was outside heaving a teddy out of her car, and I couldn't face her. I hate Granny Three. So I hid behind the door while she went to give you the teddy, and then I ran around to Josephine's.”

So the teddy had come from Granny Three. It was all a terrible mistake. It was a natural mistake, perhaps, because Granny Three had never been known to give anyone anything before, but a mistake all the same. And to make matters worse, Supergranny had noticed Erg was not sliding. She sprang up and came scouring across to the swings, calling for Erg in a long, quavering hoot, like a magnified owl. It was such a noise, that people were running from the other end of the park to see what was the matter.

Erg watched her coming, feeling like a drowning man whose life is passing before him in a flash. The prayer machine had been working all along, he knew now. He had not asked it to turn Emily into a teddy bear, but he
had
asked it to send her away, and it did. It had not needed blue water. It had made the washing keep the grannies busy without. It did not even need to be a machine. It was the chopstick that did things. And, like all such things, Erg saw wretchedly, as Supergranny pounded toward him, it gave you three wishes, and he had used all three. He had no way of getting rid of Supergranny at all.

Emily stared at the vast, running Supergranny. “Whoever is that?”

“Supergranny,” said Erg. “She's all of them, and she's after me. Please help me. I'll never be horrible to you again.”

“Don't make promises you can't keep,” said Emily, but she let go of the swing and stood up.

Supergranny pounded up. “
There
you are, Emily!” she hooted. “I've been
so
worried!”

“I was only in the park,” Emily said. “I think we'll go home now.” She was, Erg was interested to see, nearly as large as Supergranny.

“Yes, dear,” Supergranny said, almost meekly. And when Emily picked up the teddy and gave it to her, Supergranny took it without complaining.

They set off home. “How are we going to get in?” Erg whispered to Emily. “She's locked us out.”

“No problem. I took the key,” Emily said.

Halfway home, Supergranny's feet began superkilling her. She came over superfaint and had to lean on Erg and Emily. Erg had to stand staggering under her huge weight on his own while Emily fetched out her key and opened the front door.

“Good Lord!” said Emily.

The hall was full of dirty clothes. Dry dirty clothes were now galloping and billowing downstairs. Wet dirty clothes were crawling soggily through from the kitchen. Emily shot a horrified look at Supergranny and went charging indoors to catch the nearest pair of dirty jeans. She tripped over the invention in the middle of the floor. She fell flat on her face.
Crunch. Crack
. The eggbeater rolled out from one side in two pieces. The chopstick rolled the other way,
snapped in half
.

“Ow!”
said Emily.

The clothes flopped down and lay where they fell. Supergranny's mighty arm seemed to disentangle itself between Erg's hands. It was suddenly four arms. Erg let go, and found himself surrounded by the four grannies, all staring into the hall, too.

“Get up, Emily!” snapped Granny One.

“Oh, Erg!” said Granny Two. “Out of doors in pajamas! You
are
growing up peculiar!”

“I shall take your teddy away again,” said Granny Three. “Look at this mess! You don't deserve nice toys!”

“Let's have a nice cup of tea,” quavered Granny Four. A thought struck her. She turned pale. “We can do without sugar,” she said faintly. “It's better for us.”

Erg looked from one to the other. He was very relieved and very grateful to Emily. But he knew he was not going to enjoy the next three days.

Who Got Rid
of Angus Flint?