Stop Wasting Your Life & Do Something (2 page)

Now these two ladies both lived in the same town and whilst they may have indeed met different people, the way they looked at the world is what made them see the world in this way. One saw the world as positive and friendly, the other saw the world as negative and unfriendly. No matter where they lived, they would probably see the world in this way.

What paradigms are you carrying around with you? How do you see the world? What paradigms do you need to change? Which ones would you like to change? Do you need a paradigm shift with how you see your relationships? Your finances? Your job? Your children? Your boss?

Here’s a paradigm shifter!

Nothing in the world is negative. Everything just IS. What you see as positive, another could see as negative. What you see as negative, another could see as positive.

Here’s another story to illustrate the point (I like stories):

A farmer has a prize stallion. He’s a wonderful horse that all the other farmers in the area admire. One day the horse escapes. A neighbour, when hearing of the horses escape tells the farmer what bad luck it is. The farmer replies, “Maybe, maybe not. Who can say?”

A couple of days later, the horse returns with 3 wild mares. The neighbour this time exclaims what great luck this is. The farmer again replies “Maybe, maybe not. Who can say?”

The farmer’s son, who is trying to break one of the mares, is thrown from the horse, and breaks his leg. The neighbour mentions to him what rotten luck this is, and the farmer once again says “Maybe, maybe not. Who can say?”

Then the army comes through town, taking all of the able bodied males to war. The farmer’s son cannot go because of his injury.

You never know whether something is going to be positive or negative in the long run. Although this won’t actually shift your paradigm, this story in itself is a paradigm shift. If you’ve always thought in terms of incidents being positive or negative, this new way of thinking could change your paradigm so that at least you realise that there is no such thing as a negative situation.

How do you change your paradigms?

Go and find someone that has an opposing paradigm to you, and speak to him or her. Ask them what their paradigm is. Ask them what evidence they have that it’s true. You don’t necessarily have to physically speak to them to find out how they think; you may be able to read a book that has an opposite viewpoint to yours. You may be able to watch a program on DVD or the TV. You may be able to read their book, or go to a seminar. If you really HAD to find the different paradigm, you could. You just need to go out and find it!

Is it possible for two people to have the same experience and see it in a totally different way?

Yes.

Is it possible for two people to have a tragedy happen to them, and one use it (not deliberately) to shut off from the world and live a life of sadness and depression, and another to use it as a reason to open up to life and enjoy every minute?

Your paradigms literally control everything about your life. Your health, your relationships, your income, how you spend your time. If you want to change your life, you need to change your paradigms.

How do you describe yourself? If you were to close your eyes and imagine yourself, how would you look? This will tell you your paradigm about yourself.

How do you describe your partner? What WORDS do you habitually use to describe him or her? If you chose different words, would you see them differently?

How do you describe your job? How do you describe your boss? Is it possible for two people to have the same job and describe it in opposite ways? Yes absolutely. Some people are “Laying these damn bricks”, and some are “Building the greatest cathedral the world has ever seen!”

Chapter 3

Mentors

Mentors can come in all shapes and sizes (that was mentors, not minotaur’s).

A mentor can be described as someone that imparts knowledge or wisdom to, and shares knowledge with a colleague or friend.

Basically, it’s someone that gives you advice and helps you to develop yourself.

I have had many mentors. I can strongly suggest you get some good ones as they can totally change your life for the better. Now this doesn’t mean you actually have to go out and meet them, although if you can, this is a good idea! A mentor could be an author of a book, a movie character, a famous businessperson, a character from a book. It could be an archetypal figure from history that you admire.

It could be a work colleague or boss. A successful friend, or someone you want to emulate.

Mentors can help you in lots of different ways. They can inspire you, they can motivate you, they can show you an easier path to tread, they can give you courage when you feel like giving up, they can let you know when you’re making mistakes, they can give you a hard time when you’re slacking, they can pat you on the back when you’ve done well, they can teach you, they can educate you, they can make you a better person.

Who do you admire? How can you learn from them? Who is in the public eye that you can learn from? Who has made a lot of mistakes that you can learn from in order to know what NOT to do? Who do you know or admire that just seems to get it right all the time? What do they do?

There are so many excellent people in the world that you can learn from and sometimes we just need one little nudge to get us back on track.

If you could change one area of your life, what would it be? I bet you could find a mentor for that one area. I bet someone has had a similar experience to you, and written a book about how they overcame the challenge.

Could you learn something from that book?

One of my favourite mentors was the American business and personal development philosopher Jim Rohn. The things he said touched me and changed me forever. Fortunately for me, a lot of his seminars and programs were recorded onto cassette (I know some younger readers won’t know what this old word means), CD, and now sit on my IPod as MP3 files. This means that every time I’m in my car, I can listen to his words of wisdom.

As well as Jim, I have probably 150 other audio books that I listen to and I get more every month. I subscribe to an audio-book membership website, where every month I receive a new book of my choice. You can spend hundreds of hours a year in your car, so why not use that time for your self-education, rather than listen to the radio?

Chapter 4

Habits

As well as your paradigms, your life is also controlled by your habits. In some ways, your paradigms create your habits, and your habits create your paradigms.

You have habits for pretty much everything you do. From how you brush your teeth, to how you put your trousers on. From how you drive to work, to how you make a cup of tea or coffee.

The part of your brain that controls your behaviour kicks in as soon as it spots a habit approaching, and puts you on autopilot. Ever cleaned your teeth and afterwards had no recollection of it? Ever driven to work and when you arrived you can’t remember any part of your journey? That’s your habits running the show!

The good thing about habits is that they allow you to concentrate on other things whilst they do their work. The problem with this is that sometimes we have a negative or destructive habit and we’re not even aware that we have it. Habits such as smoking and drinking too much alcohol are the obvious ones, but there are many other subtle habits that lead us away from a life of happiness that we don’t even spot.

How many negative habits do you think you have? Here are a few that you can check against to see if you need to change some of your habitual routines:

Spending more than you earn each month because you just have to have a certain thing

Reacting aggressively or defensively to criticism

Going to bed too late

Eating the wrong foods

Not drinking enough water

Drinking too many fizzy drinks or coffee

Speaking negatively about yourself/your partner/your kids/your job

Watching too much TV

Spending too much time surfing the web

Spending too much time playing video games

Not spending enough time with loved ones such as your partner or children, and spending too much time on work

Slacking off at work because you can get away with it

Not saving or investing any of your money

Not exercising frequently

Making excuses for why you’re not doing as well as you’d like to be

Not taking care of your vehicles

You get the idea. There are a million bad habits we could pick up and not even notice. The question is; are you going to transform your negative habits into positive ones? If you do, your life will change dramatically. If you don’t, it will stay the same.

As well as eliminating negative habits, you can also start to cultivate new, positive habits. Once these positive behaviours actually become habits, your life will move forward on autopilot. Think of your habits as a cup of water. The negative habits would be brown, dirty water, and the positive habits would be clean, clear water. If you keep pouring clean, clear water into a cup of dirty brown water, what happens? The dirty brown water filters out, and you end up with clean, clear water. The same can happen for your life. If you keep pouring in positive, healthy habits, and erase your negative, unhealthy habits (and I mean unhealthy in all ways, not just in the domain of health), then your life becomes better, clearer, and cleaner!

Chapter 5

Self-Discipline

How do you set up new habits and erase the old? Self-discipline

How do you go out and change your paradigms? Self-discipline

Self-discipline (according to Jim Rohn) is the bridge between thought and accomplishment, and I think that’s probably the best definition I’ve ever heard. It’s great to have some new ideas, and get motivated, but then you have to have the self-discipline to actually take action and do it. This is the part that often, people don’t have. The reason most people’s new years resolutions don’t happen is a lack of self-discipline.

If someone said to you that they would give you ten thousand pounds/dollars at the end of the year, and all you had to do was two things. Eat an apple, and complete 20 push-ups every single day for the whole year; do you think you could do it? If you miss one single day you don’t get the money. Most people would say that yes, they would do it, but the reality is that most people wouldn’t be able to maintain the discipline. It’s easy to forget to do something small. You can’t eat two apples on the following day and complete 40 push-ups. You’ve missed it.

The other thing with habits and self-discipline is that you don’t have to start big to make a big difference. You could start one very small discipline, which in turn becomes a habit, and this could lead to much greater things.

If you started a new financial habit by just putting away £20/$20 per month, this would inspire you to see if you could put away even more money. You’d watch the numbers grow and get motivated. This could then lead to getting a better paid job, or starting a small business to make more money.

If for your health, you started walking round the block three times a week, this may motivate you to start jogging. This could then lead to a total change in your fitness and health. You may stop eating fatty and sugary foods, and as your body changes in line with your new disciplines, you get even more motivated and set more fitness goals.

You never know where your positive changes will take you. Unfortunately, neglecting to do your disciplines has the same compounding effect; only the outcomes will be negative. If you DON’T implement the positive changes, things can only get worse. Rarely do things stay static. One thing I always keep in mind is something I heard many years ago, but can’t remember where I heard it. Here it is:

You’re either climbing, or you’re sliding.

If you’re making the positive changes, and implementing the disciplines you will find your life is climbing. It’s getting better.

If you neglect to do them, you will find yourself sliding and things will get worse.

Rarely do people remain exactly the same weight for their whole life. Normally, you’ll fluctuate between gaining weight and losing weight. You’re either climbing or you’re sliding.

Rarely does a financial situation remain static. You’re either increasing your wealth, or getting further behind. You’re either climbing, or you’re sliding.

Rarely do people’s relationships stay static. You’re either improving it, or it’s deteriorating. You’re either climbing or you’re sliding.

Rarely does a person’s health stay the same forever, even if the changes are very subtle. You’re either getting healthier, or you’re getting sicker. You’re either climbing or you’re sliding.

The only difference between whether you’re climbing or sliding is what you DO. This comes down to your habits, but in order to form the habit and hard wire it into your brain, you need to have the self-discipline to start it and then carry it on until it’s a habit.

If you could just start one very small habit this week, what would it be? What one area would you like to improve just the smallest bit?