Stone Walls (21 page)

“Whoa!” Jon yells so loud, Ella hears him. But the shock that still registers on her face is not from my brother’s obnoxious scream. It’s from my words. “What’s her name?”

“Ella.”

“Is she hot?”

“She’s beautiful.”

“Can I talk to her?”

“Fuck off, so you can charm her? No way.”

“You know she’d pick me.” He laughs on his end while Ella fails to hide her smile. “Well, tell Ella I say hello and look forward to meeting her.”

“I will. You good?”

“Not as good as you, but yeah.”

“Okay, bro. I’ll call you in a few days.”

“Ciao,” he says. I can see his grinning face in my mind.

The minute I disconnect the call, she kisses me. “That was surprising.”

I tuck the same hair that keeps escaping from behind her ear. “Do you object?”

“No, I don’t.”

Her lips part when I skim my thumb across them. A bombardment of confused thoughts plagues me, but the one thought that excels above the others is how much I want her. It’s a desperation I’ve never felt before. It’s a must-or-else kind of feeling that I’m not familiar with. All I know is that I must have her now.

“I’ve tried to ignore how badly I want you.” I swear relief floods her features. “You too?”

“Ben, I wanted you last night.” She kisses me and adds, “Okay, I’ll be honest. I’ve wanted you since you kissed me on the balcony. When you tucked me in that night, I wanted so badly for you to come back.”

“Really? I thought you were pissed because I kissed you.”

“Well, I was.” She shakes her head slowly. “But mostly, I just wanted you.”

“Fuck, Ella. I wish I knew that.”

Her tongue swipes at her bottom lip, catching my attention.

“You do that when you’re nervous.”

“Do what?”

“Lick your bottom lip. You also twirl your hair when you’re concentrating.” I kiss her hard on her lips. “And you sigh right after I kiss you.” I kiss her again for a long while.

“Ben.” She stares at me intently. “You’re driving me crazy.”

“We haven’t started, yet.” I lift her and carry her to my room. “I hope you took a nap. Last night was just a preview.”

I gently put her down beside my bed. “All kidding aside, Ella are you ready for this?”

“Yes.”

“We can wait.”

“I don’t want to wait.” She stares into my eyes as she slowly unbuttons my jeans. “I did a lot of thinking today. I realized I can’t fight this anymore, nor do I want to.”

“I feel exactly the same.”

Piece by piece we remove each other’s clothes. By the time she drags my underwear off my legs, it feels like I can cut glass with my cock.

We stand at the foot of my bed, taking each other in. My primal instincts bubble to the surface as my inner prick tries to take control of this situation. I can’t blame it. It’s always taken the wheel when fucking a chick. It’s hard to change habits that are ingrained.

But this is Ella. She’s not a random chick who means nothing to me.

I take her hand to lead her to the bed. She follows and I can tell she’s nervous. The fucking kicker is, I am, too.

“You
are
so beautiful,” he says in awe. His eyes travel over every inch of me. His hands skim over my skin, worshipfully.

I’ve never considered myself beautiful. Cute, pretty, but beautiful is not something I feel that I am. I’m sure every woman he’s ever been with
was
beautiful. Look at him.

Sometimes when he looks at me, there is such an intense possessiveness in his eyes. That look affects me more than his words do. That raw need I see as he stares at me is foreplay of the most profound kind. It’s not frantic kissing, or hands desperately removing clothing, or getting to the actual act just to satisfy that physical need. This is so much more. This is slow, deliberate, and meaningful. If I had any doubts he just wanted sex, they are now nowhere to be found. This man above me wants so much more than sex. He wants me, in every way.

I can see it in his eyes.

The realization causes my eyes to tear with emotion. One escapes, and he watches it roll down my cheek before he gently wipes it away.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” he asks, concern now replacing the heat I saw a few moments ago. “We don’t have to do this if you aren’t ready.”

I nod my head confidently. “I’m ready.”

“Why are you crying?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I’m scared? But I think it’s because I want this moment to never end.”

He furrows his brow before responding, “Me, too.”

Is he also scared, or doesn’t want it to end? Either way, it doesn’t matter.

He separates from me to grab a condom from his end table. I watch mesmerized as he holds himself and stretches the latex over his length. It’s happening, and my anxiousness takes on a life of its own.

He aligns himself above me from head to toe. His hands frame my face, holding me hostage to the expression in his eyes that he obviously wants me to see. He wants me to witness the emotions he’s feeling. I don’t have a choice but to stare straight into his beautiful brown eyes.

He resumes kissing me slowly. The need to have him inside me causes me to shift closer. He follows my lead and moves his hips until we are completely aligned. Our eyes align, and I can see words he doesn’t speak call out to me. Our hearts align, and I can feel them beating simultaneously. Our sex aligns, and I ache for him to own me completely.

I watch as his throat works a swallow, just before he slowly slides himself in. He moves forward inch by inch, and it’s torturous and euphoric all at the same time. The strain he must be feeling is evident on his face. Once he fills me, he stops.

“Oh fuck, Ella. It’s so…” he drags in a deep breath. “You feel so good.” He closes his eyes. I do as well. I try to channel the sensations caused by having him fill me. He remains steady, unmoving. When I open my eyes, he stares intently. It’s only when our eyes connect, does he finally start to move.

He slowly drags himself in and out. It’s not a thrusting or a pounding. It’s more like he’s caressing me tenderly.

I love him. There isn’t a question what I’m feeling is love. I’ve never felt this way before. Even after being with Peter for a year, this emotion that’s controlling me at the moment has never surfaced prior to now.

The need to tell him I’ve fallen in love with him, that he now owns me in every way, is so strong that I bite my bottom lip to keep from uttering the words. He’s not ready to hear that. No man would be. But my heart tells me he’s in the same place. Every one of his actions tells me he’s in the same place. That realization hurts my heart, in a good way. Ben Stone affects me in every way possible. I meant it when I said that I never want it to end.

Our breaths mingle as he continues to make love to me. This isn’t fucking. This is more. I wrap my legs around him in an attempt to get even closer. His fingers tighten their grip on my head. That subtle change in pressure and the furrow of his brow hints that he’s close. I’ve been fighting how close I am.

“Ella.”

Without conscious thought, I hold my breath and clench around him. I can feel my release in every muscle. The intensity makes me forget to breathe. As the last ripple wracks my body mercilessly, I gasp, desperately trying to fill my lungs with air.

Ben grunts with one last push of his hips. I’m mesmerized by the way his expression changes from concentration to relief as he empties himself within me.

There’s a brief awkward moment that passes between us. I’m at a loss as to what is appropriate to say after such a passionate act. From the look in his eyes, I can only guess that he is at a loss, as well. Except for our breathing, neither of us moves in any way.

He’s the first to move by bringing his lips to mine. Over and over he kisses my lips, sometimes softly, at times with more intensity, only to slow down again. The kissing goes on, and he never disconnects our bodies. He doesn’t change his condom. It actually excites me that he can’t be bothered to pull out for any reason.

Our kiss deepens. His tongue ignites the fire that barely burned out from our first time. He finds my hands and laces our fingers together as he moves them above my head. Urgency forces his hips to thrust and mine to buck. Where our first time was filled with silence and unspoken words, this time is filled with moans and grunts that neither bother to muffle.

The first time his message was clear. It was more than sex. It was sweet, gentle, and emotional. This time it’s just as clear, he’s marking me. I feel as if he wants to leave me with no doubt that he does indeed have two sides…and both own me.

The first time he made love to me.

The second time he fucks me.

And as I come again, as he comes again, it occurs to me that I love both sides of Ben Stone equally.

“Ella, that was…” he stops and looks down at me.

“I know.”

My mind races with thoughts of what that was… That was incredible. That was the best sex I ever had. That was life altering. That has forever changed me as a woman. That last realization stays with me the most as we lay in bed recovering. Wherever this ends up, I know that Ben Stone has changed me.

After two back-to-back extreme encounters, it takes a while for us to calm down. When we finally do, we lay entwined, relaxed and content.

He plays with my hair as I tell him about my childhood. “We moved so much because mom was such a free spirit who loved to travel. Travel abroad wasn’t an option on our budget, so she substituted it by giving me as much experience as she could. Daytrips were a common occurrence. Weekends filled with long drives, cheap hotels, taking pictures of everything we saw as if we were tourists from another land. She had a bucket list of things she wanted to see. Financially, she couldn’t afford plane trips. So her list was limited to the northeast. She said there was plenty to see in our backyard.”

“I’d like to travel with you. I haven’t seen anything and would love to see it with you.”

“I’d like that, too. We should go to Niagara Falls. My favorite weekend was when she drove us to see them. I’ve never seen something so beautiful, so majestic. Most of the other trips involved small New England towns dotted along the shoreline. My mom loved the ocean. She couldn’t get enough of it. I guess that’s where I got it from,” I admit dreamily.

Ben listens, not saying much except to ask me questions. He wants to know all about me, and it touches me that he does. “Tomorrow it’s your turn,” I announce after a yawn.

He chuckles and says, “My life was very boring.”

“Mmm, I don’t care. I still want to know who Ben Stone really is.”

“I’m just a man who is crazy about you, Ella.”

I sigh at his words and snuggle closer. So much has happened in a few days. All the pent up frustrations and desires we were both holding back were unintentionally released. I honestly believe neither one of us had plans to succumb to our attraction. It’s been building and building for weeks now. But like a dam that’s breached, once those waters flood, there’s no stopping them.

I don’t remember falling asleep until I hear my own blood-curdling, shrill scream.

“Ella! Ella!” Ben shakes me over and over. “Wake up. I’m here. I’m right here.”

The pounding in my chest matches the one in my head. He gathers me into his arms. I can’t stop shaking. His hands running up and down my back do nothing to stop my body from trembling violently in his embrace.

My dream comes to the forefront of my mind. It’s the new version, the one that includes Ben. His lifeless body replaces my mother. The slit across his throat, the blood gushing from his wound, and the void in his eyes all mimic what I witnessed that night. My subconscious is adding him to my nightmares. I lost the only person I ever loved, and now it’s trying to tell me I may lose him?

Ben rocks me, shushes me, trying to calm me down.

“Tell me,” he says into my hair. “Tell me what happened.”

I shake my head, not ready to bring him into that nightmare. By voicing it out loud, I fear it may come true.

“Ella, please.”

“It’s of that night. I always dream of that night.”

He nods against my head, but otherwise says nothing. His silence is a confirmation there’s nothing he can say or do to eliminate those visions from appearing over and over. After I finally start to calm, he shifts me so we are face to face. “I also have nightmares of the night my father killed my mom. It happened, and it’s over. Just like that awful night for you. It can’t hurt you anymore. It’s over.” He caresses my cheek as I stare wide-eyed. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

I nod reluctantly. It’s not me I’m worried about. I’ve fallen in love with a stubborn, fearless cop who wants to save the world, including myself.

Who’s going to protect him?

I smile warmly. “I have to admit your breakfast was better than your dinner.” We just finished the pancakes he made, and in spite of their odd shapes and sizes, they were delicious.

“I warned you.”

I take his hand before saying, “Thank you.”

“It’s just pancakes, babe.”

I shrug with a sigh. “It’s more than that. Thank you for being so sweet. For making me feel special.”

He understands the hidden meaning in my words. “You are special. I can honestly say I’ve never made a woman dinner or breakfast.” He lifts our hands to his lips and places a kiss on mine, staring at them for a moment. When he looks up to my face, he adds, “I’ve also never made love to a woman before you.”

My heart flips from his admission. He smiles when he sees my flustered physical response. “What’s so funny? Am I blushing?”